ASK FLUFFIESAREFOOD
Volume 1 Number 2
Good day fluffherders! It’s time for another edition of Ask FluffiesAreFood, the advice column that seeks to answer questions of fluffherders and fluffy eaters everywhere! If you have a question, just PM me!
RandomMexican asked:
did u eat tacos? tacos are not a toasted tortilla
I have had tacos, both using authentic street-style small soft tortillas and American-style hard shells. My favorite tacos are made from carne asada — and, because fluffy tastes like gamey beef, you can make “carne asada” out of fluffy meat! Here’s how:
FLUFFY ASADA
INGREDIENTS
2 limes, juiced
4 cloves garlic, crushed
½ cup orange juice
1 cup chopped fresh cilantro
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
¼ cup olive oil
1 jalapeno, minced
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 pounds of fluffy steak
Note: “fluffy steak” is different from beef flank steak in that it is the entire side of a fluffy from the bottom of the ribs back. This gives us a variety of textures of meat, all of which is still tasty if you trim off the fat and marinade properly. Two pounds usually consists of four steaks, or the steaks from two adult fluffies.
DIRECTIONS
In a gallon size resealable bag, combine lime juice, crushed garlic, orange juice, cilantro, salt, pepper, olive oil, jalapeno, and vinegar. Squeeze it around to mix it up.
Put the entire fluffy steak into the resealable bag. Seal it up tight. Make sure all the meat is exposed to the marinade, squishing the bag around to coat. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or overnight.
Heat an outdoor grill to high heat.
Remove the fluffy steak from the marinade, and discard excess marinade. Cook on the grill for 7 to 10 minutes per side.
Once done, remove from heat and let rest 10 minutes. Slice against the grain, and serve.
You can then make a “fluffy asada” taco from this meat, using a small soft tortilla, picante sauce, cheese, and a little extra cilantro — or whatever else you like!
Our next question comes to us from an anonymous writer:
In regard to cleaning the internal organs of the fluffy i was told it’s best to do this while the fluffy is still alive, as the thing will start decomposing and spoil the meat almost immediately after death and this will buy you valuable time when gutting them. Is this true or is this just an urban legend?
This is a great question, Anonymous! The short answer is that you do not need to worry about the meat decomposing too quickly after harvesting the fluffy. Fluffy meat is like any other meat and will keep well refrigerated for a few days, or indefinitely if properly frozen. In fact, the Fluffherders’ Association of America recommends that beginners slaughter the fluffy first, then remove the skin, then gut, in order to lessen the trauma for both the fluffy and the fluffherder. While some may prefer to skin and gut the fluffy while it is still alive, in order to make the meat more savory, this is not strictly necessary.
The myth that fluffy meat decomposes rapidly goes back to the times when eating fluffies first began in earnest. In the 2030s, Americans living in the Occupied Zone — what was until a few years ago the Eastern United States — knew hard times for the first time in almost a hundred years. EMP had annihilated the power grid from Virginia to Maine and all the way west to Pittsburgh. The Russian Army had cut off contact between the Occupied Zone, the Confederacy, and the Western United States. Americans living in the Occupied Zone were starving, and so they turned to the most commonly available source of protein, our friend the fluffy. However, back then, most Americans had no memory of how to properly harvest and preserve meat. Lots of mistakes were made, including not chilling or salting the meat after harvest, and so the meat would spoil in a few days.
Of course, those hearty Eastern Americans eventually learned, and perfected the art of butchering fluffies and preserving their meat and fur. And thus we have the practice of fluffherding as we know it today!
Thanks for the questions folks, and keep them coming! I’ll have more advice on fluffy cooking on Monday!
Ask FluffiesAreFood is a service of the Fluffherders’ Association of America. If you have a question about raising, slaughtering, or eating of fluffies, you may comment here or send FluffiesAreFood a PM.