This was originally posted to news websites in timeline #00347-FAF on Monday September 16, 2080, during the 50th Anniversary remembrances of The Fracturing. It was reposted to Fluffybooru on September 16, 2018, by timeline terrorists, and is reposted here to preserve the historical record.
ASK FLUFFIESAREFOOD
Volume 1 Number 24
Happy Monday fluffherders! It’s September 16th, 2080, 44 days to the 50th anniversary of the Fracturing. On this day, fifty years ago, the protests against the administration of President Ivanka Trump had reached critical mass. Neither Donald nor his daughter and Vice-President were popular, but maintained power through a cult of personality against which his rivals had no match. But Ivanka never had the following that her father did, nor were the Trumps as well versed in the art of dynastic politics as the Kims. What started out as protest marches - the first seen in the United States in over a decade - swelled into mass rallies with millions of people. Entire cities were shut down as workers, students, parents, grandparents, religious figures, and practially everyone else, jammed downtowns from Boston to Los Angeles in peaceful protests. People called it the American Spring, a name that would be unfortunately prophetic as the same thing eventually happened to the American Spring as happened to the Prague Spring in 1968 and the Arab Spring in 2011.
Of course, as we all know, the fluffy would play a critical role in those events, which would change the course of North American history forever, and would also establish the fluffy as the staple meat of the American diet. We will explore this further between now and Thanksgiving.
And now for today’s question! Anders_Brevik asks:
Dear FluffiesareFood, I used to raise rabbits, and I discovered that the optimal rabbits for stews are those with lots of fat, while the best roasted rabbits are those with lots of muscle mass. What about fluffies? what’s the best muscle/fat ratio for fluffy meat? Should the fluffies be kept enclosed and fed an high fat diet, or left free to roam and fed an high protein diet? Thanks!
The answer of course is: it depends! A healthy adult fluffy will have a combination of meats: rib meats for stew or “pulled fluffy,” lean leg meat for roasting, and steaks that range from lean towards the middle to fatty towards the top and bottom. But you can vary the yields by how you raise the fluffy. For more fat, feed the fluffy more refined carbohydrates and fats. Spaghetti twice a week instead of once is perfect for this! For more lean, feed the fluffy more protein - such as peanuts and pumpkin seeds - and let the fluffy play more!
Now, be careful about buying fatty fluffies. Some fluffherds produce fattier stewing fluffies using a cruel practice called pillowing, that is, removing the fluffy’s legs and denying it the ability to exercise. Believe it or not, this used to be a trend among fluffy owners! People used to think that removing a fluffy’s legs made it happier and easier to manage as a pet. There is no doubt that removing legs makes a fluffy easier to manage - this is a common practice in managing milk fluffies and some breeders - but removing the legs makes the fluffy miserable, and the proof of this is in the meat, which is often inedibly sour. Only buy fatty fluffies from FAA-certified fluffherds and butchers who know how to raise fatty meat in a humane and natural way.
Bon appetit!
Ask FluffiesAreFood is a service of the Fluffherders’ Association of America. If you have a question about raising, slaughtering, or eating of fluffies, you may comment here.