ASK FLUFFIESAREFOOD
Volume 1 Number 4
Good day fluffherders! It’s time for another edition of Ask FluffiesAreFood, the advice column that seeks to answer questions of fluffherders and fluffy eaters everywhere! If you have a question, just comment here!
Anonymous asks:
I’ve been feeding my fluffies a steady diet of cherries in order to give their meat a sweeter flavour. However, the high fruit content of their diet also gives them the shits, making them filthy and disgusting to have around. What should I do?
So, the first thing I would ask is, what else are you feeding your fluffies? Adding cherries to their diet will make their meat sweeter (I’ve done this myself when preparing a fluffy for an early summer feast!), and shouldn’t cause digestive issues if they’re part of a balanced diet. However, if their diet is unbalanced, then not only will their stools be runny, but (as is the case with urban ferals) they will eat more in order to get the nutrition they need, resulting not only in runny stools, but high volumes of runny stools (what we refer to in the business as “liquishit” or “rocket rectum”). So, if your fluffies have runny stools, I would rebalance their diets. Cut back on the cherries and add more bland foods to their diet: bland kibble, bananas, chopped apples. They might complain, but just explain to them that this is to help make them feel better and not make so many bad poopies. Once their stools are firmer, you can add cherries back in slowly.
Also, consider using dried cherries instead of fresh! Dried cherries give your fluffy the same flavor profile without the mess caused by excessive fresh cherries. For what it’s worth, I find that giving each fluffy just a quarter cup of dried cherries a day, for three weeks before harvesting, is enough to make their meat sweet enough for a winter holiday roast or another special treat!
A Park Ranger from the Confederacy asks:
Dear FluffiesAreFood,
I’m a ranger at a national park, and we have a problem with the feral population here. Now, the park’s policy has traditionally been to dispose of (incinerate) all feral fluffy ponies in order to protect the native flora, and to prevent an explosion in the population of indigenous carnivores.
While this has proven to be a successful policy, I’m considering the implementation of a pilot program that would allow fluffy hunting in the park, and perhaps offering tourists a fluffy cooking class at the lodge. I think it would be a real hit!
My question is twofold: (1) is it advisable to consume wild fluffies whose diet consists of native plants, and (2) if so, are there any recipes in particular you recommend (especially for camping in the backcountry)?
Respectfully,
A Park Ranger in North Carolina
Well, APRiNC, fluffy eating is a relatively new phenomenon, less than fifty years old, and we have learned a lot in those first fifty years. One of the things we’ve learned is that it’s actually not that safe to eat feral fluffies, because of the risk of all sorts of parasites. This is why the Fluffherders Association of America (and our sister organization, the Fluffherders Association of the Confederacy) strongly recommends that fluffherders rehabilitate feral herds by isolating them from the domesticated herd, monitoring the health of each fluffy carefully, feeding them a good diet of kibble and clean water, and treating the entire herd with AAA nanites, for a minimum of two weeks. After those two weeks, the entire herd, including pregnant mares and their unborn offspring, are safe to introduce to the domestic population, and of course to harvest.
That said, one of the chief goals of fluffherding is to reduce or eliminate the feral population through domestication. If this is something that the Ranger Service is interested in, then I would encourage you to contact the North Carolina Chapter of the Fluffherders Association of the Confederacy. They can work with the Park Service to develop a program that helps to tame, or maybe even eliminate, the feral population in your lands. Their web page is:
fluffiesarefood.csa/northcarolina
Best of luck!
Ask FluffiesAreFood is a service of the Fluffherders’ Association of America. If you have a question about raising, slaughtering, or eating of fluffies, you may comment here.