This post includes content that was written by Fluffybooru user TheFoalFryer and posted in the form of a FluffiesAreFood column at their request. Apparently TFF was having technical difficulties at the time. TFF content is as a quotation.
ASK FLUFFIESAREFOOD
Volume 2 Number 5
Happy Friday, Fluffherders! It’s May 18th, 2085, and time for another edition of Ask FluffiesAreFood, the advice column that seeks to answer questions of fluffherders and fluffy eaters everywhere! If you have a question, just ask here!
Today is the 50th anniversary of the Fluffy nursery rhyme classic Fluffy Rhymes by TheFoalFryer. Although better known for his book The Fried Foal, TheFoalFryer was first known for this surprisingly controversial tome. In 2035 when Fluffy Rhymes was first published, fluffherding was a young art, still not quite perfected, and the idea of saying nursery rhymes to adult fluffies, to encourage them to behave and take care of their children, was a novel and hotly disputed one. Today, of course, every fluffy from newborn chirpies to seven-year-old Methuselahs gathers around their humans to hear these valuable lessons in a form pleasing to the infantile intellects of fluffies.
Here are some of my favorites, reprinted with permission from TheFoalFryer’s estate.
Little chirpies
Ten little chirpies crawling on the floor
Mumma crushed one
Oh well, there’s nine moreNine little chirpies crawling on the floor
One couldn’t find milk
Oh well, there’s eight moreEight little chirpies crawling on the floor
A cat came by
Oh well, there’s seven moreSeven little chirpies crawling on the floor
One tried to eat adult food
Oh well, there’s six moreSix little chirpies crawling on the floor
Daddy had blue balls
Oh well, there’s five moreFive little chirpies crawling on the floor
One found the stairs
Oh well, there’s four moreFour little chirpies crawling on the floor
One fell in the water dish
Oh well, there’s three moreThree little chirpies crawling on the floor
One licked the outlet
Oh well, there’s two moreTwo little chirpies crawling on the floor
One fell in shit
Oh well, there’s one moreOne little chirpy crawling on the floor
I buried it alive
Now’s there’s no moreCarrie Had A Little foal
Carrie had a little foal, it’s fluff as white as snow
Everywhere that Carrie went, with her this foal would go
She took it with her to school one day
And in her locker it went
When school was over however
She found it’s life was spentLittle Mare Brass
Little mare brass, sat in the grass
Eating all that she could find
Along came a smarty, who was looking to party
And soon he ravaged her behindFluffy Wuffy
Fluffy Wuffy shat on the floor
Fluffy Wuffy was thrown out the door
No matter the begging, no matter his cries
He’d walk the streets till the day he diedLittle Mare Gold
Little mare Gold had lost her foals
While sneaking across a lawn
They wandered close by, a man named Fry
And soon the little foals were gone
Aren’t these great? The 50th Anniversary edition of Fluffy Rhymes is available now, both in digital and fine print. The digital copies are available through the usual ebook vendors for $19.99 USA. If you can afford it, however, I do recommend the fine print edition.
I bought a copy of the fine print edition for myself, and I can attest to its quality. The rhymes are letterpress printed on cotton rag paper; the binding is fluffy leather, with fluffy vellum end pages, and each book’s cover and end pages come from the same fluffy. The glue used to bind the book is specially made from the hooves and other remains of the exact same fluffy, and the pages are sewn with that same fluffy’s guts. The fine print edition is limited to 1000 copies, each one numbered and inscribed with the name of the fluffy whose hide, glue and guts make up the book. As an additional nice touch, the last page of each copy has a QR code, which, when scanned, links to a holovideo recording of the fluffy whose skin binds your copy of the book, happily reciting one of these rhymes just moments before the knifey game took them to Skettiland. To me, this is a perfect tribute to the unique animal to which these rhymes are dedicated, and to the man who wrote them. The fine edition goes for $350 a copy and is well worth it.
Again, I want to thank TheFoalFryer’s estate for the opportunity to share this work with my readers. Hopefully we can remember him for his works, and not for the fact that his heart exploded violently while he was coked up and fucking an underage hooker in Chiangmai.
Ask FluffiesAreFood is a service of the Fluffherders’ Association of America. If you have a question about raising, slaughtering, or eating of fluffies, you may comment here.
