ASK FLUFFIESAREFOOD
Volume 3 Number 5
Happy Friday, Fluffherders! It’s November 2, 2083, and time for another edition of Ask FluffiesAreFood, the advice column that seeks to answer questions of fluffherders and fluffy eaters everywhere! If you have a question, just ask here!
Today’s question comes from BrownNoteBetty, who asks:
Dear FluffiesAreFood,
My mom and I both love to listen “Dare You to Ring It” by Brown Note Bell. She doesn’t believe me that the fourth track, “Fluffnuts,” uses a drum beat generated from a fluffy’s electrocuted nutsack. Can you clear this up for us?
Glad to, BNB!
Brown Note Bell was a musical partnership from the 2040s between two experimental musicians from California, who went by the pseudonyms Augustus Brown and Gaius Bell. Their schtick was producing music that either involved, or was designed to stimulate, body parts. As an example, title track of their album Dare You To Ring It involved an enormous bell that purportedly vibrated at the so-called “brown note.” It should be noted that the bell resonated at very low frequency, F#0/Gb0 or about 22.7 Hz, just within human hearing range, and loud enough that you would feel it in your body; but there are no credible reports that it caused spontaneous defecation, and so in that sense did not resonate at a true “brown note.”
The fourth track on Dare You To Ring It is Fluffnuts, and I am happy to report that you are mostly correct, BNB. As Brown and Bell put it, they were experimenting with electrocuting a food stallion to both use the sounds he made for their new album and to prepare him for that night’s dinner, when Brown noticed that the stallion’s scrotum had exactly the right resistance, inductance and capacitance to work as part of a circuit to produce a drum beat. Strapping the poor fluffy’s nuts to a 9V battery produced a beat of about 110 BPM, slowing to 90 BPM and speeding up to 120 BPM as the nutsack became engorged with blood and then settled down. This variation in the drum beat inspired the rest of the track. The screams, childish noises of protest, and other samples for that track, are taken directly from the poor, nameless stallion who was brutally tortured before slaughter. As it turned out, Fluffnuts was a hit that has had decades of staying power, having been remixed and sampled and remixed again right up to the present day.
You will note that I said that you are mostly correct, and this is a matter of how one defines electrocuted. The dictionary definition of electrocution is “death or injury due to electric shock,” and while the nutsack was conducting electricity, the current, while hilariously painful for the fluffy, was not sufficient to cause injury. I will leave it to you and to your mother to settle what this means in terms of your disagreement.
Ask FluffiesAreFood is a service of the Fluffherders’ Association of America. If you have a question about raising, slaughtering, or eating of fluffies, you may comment here or send FluffiesAreFood a PM.