You are Dr. Harriet Roseman, and you found a poster for a fluffy pageant. You mean, who thought of that horrible idea?
“FV-0446, come over here and look at this! It’s a poster.” You call out, motioning towards yourself and the brightly-colored poster you’re holding up.
“Am housie-fwiend pa- pag- Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks not know how say it.” It says, pointing at the happy fluffies on the poster and trying to read the words.
“That’s right. Hey, let’s see if you can sign up!” You exclaim, picking it up in your cupped hands and driving to the location on the poster.
“Hello, are you here to sign up for the Lil’ Fluffs pageant?” Someone asks, handing you a clipboard and a pen.
“Yes, I am! I’m just signing up one… contestant.” You nod, taking the clipboard and pen with a smile plastered onto your face.
“Okay, and who would that be?” They question, checking a ‘1’ box on the paper.
“Oh, right here!” You say, showing them your cupped hands.
“Ma’am, I don’t think that’s a fluffy. Sorry, but this pageant’s for fluffies only.” They sigh, looking at FV-0446 sitting in your hands.
“I know, but that paper doesn’t say anything about oversized, sentient viruses. If it did, I wouldn’t be here asking you to sign it up.” You show them the poster, tapping it repeatedly.
“Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks nu git be in housie-fwiend thingie? Am so saddies… Huu-huu…” It fake-cries, covering its eyes with its “arms”.
“Fine, I’ll sign it up. But, it has to stay away from the fluffies at all times.” They groan, writing something down on the paper.
“Thank you! And, I’ll sign this.” You smile, taking another paper off the table.
“Okay, what’s its name again?” They ask, looking visibly annoyed.
“Namesie am Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks.” It responds slowly, making sure to repeat the sentence again.
“Okay, FV-0446. We’ll see you both on Tuesday, at 11 am. Got it?” They fake-smile, shooing you both away.
“FV-0446, it’s the day! Wake up!” You shout from downstairs.
“Hu- Huh? Am wakies! Pwease nu make woud wordies!” It shouts back, slowly making its way downstairs.
After hours of stitching, you even made FV-0446 little clothes. You just might make it wear these daily, since it’s so small and the clothes are noticeable.
“Nu wike! Am itch-ee!” It complains, shuffling around in its small car seat.
“I know, but we have to make you look pretty. You want to help mommy, right?” You say in a soft tone, patting the top of it gently.
“Welcome, you two. Backstage’s over there, in the back.” The person from earlier sighs, motioning to a large door.
You are FV-0446, and you have the worstest scardies! What if they don’t like you? What if they hate you so much, they spray you with the sorry-spray?
“Bewwa am pwettiest fwuffy, unwike 'ou! 'Ou am nu-pwetty!” You hear someone claim, stomping on the ground and making you fall over.
“Nu, Pinkie am pwettiest fwuffy! Am the beste- Wha am dat!? Am nu-pwetty! Wha am doin’ hewe?” Another voice gasps, staring straight at you.
“Nu am nu-pwetty, am a viwus. Be housie-fwiend?” You ask, coming slightly closer to the two fluffies before a big stick pushed you away.
“Hey, what did I say about getting too close to the fluffies? Go over there or something!” Someone yells, hitting you with the stick again and pointing to a small corner.
“Hewwo. Namesie am Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks.” You say, waving to a fluffy sitting at a mirror.
“Wha!? Am munsta! Git sowwy-poopies! Wai nu poopies come out? Mummah nu gib nummies too-dai?” The fluffy shouts, facing its rear towards you.
“Nu am munsta, am a viwus. Pwease be housie-fwiend?” You whisper, trying to get the fluffy to be quiet before someone saw you.
“Rose-see nu wan be fwends! Am nu-pwetty munsta! Gu tak’ foweba-sweepies!” Rosie continues shouting, as you run up and gently hit her.
“Rose-see facie hab huwties! 'Ou weawwy munsta!” Rosie cried, running away from the mirror.
“Okay, get on stage, everyone. FV-0446, stay on the left side of the stage, okay? We have disinfectant on hand, just so you know.” Someone fake-smiled, showing you a large spray bottle.
“Welcome to the Lil’ Fluffs pageant, everyone! Here’s our contestants. We have Rosie, Bella, Pinkie, Princess, Marie, Flower, and FV-0446. Give them all a round of applause, everyone!” Someone said into a microphone, clapping first for everyone.
“First, we have the painting competition. Who’s fluffy can paint the best picture of a… Hmmm… A house?” They continued, setting a paper down in front of you and everyone else.
“Hewwo, Bewwa. Wan hewp?” You giggle to yourself, finding a bottle of glue and pouring it into Bella’s small cans of paint.
“Nu wan hewp from nu-pwetty thingie! Weave awone!” Bella shooed you away, as you sat down and started to paint.
“Wai Bewwa hoofies nu movesie off papew? Nu wike!” Bella struggled, soon faling over with the paper and paint getting all over her.
“That’s one down! Can someone go check if she’s okay, though?” Someone picked up Bella and put her backstage.
“Next is the mirror competition! Who’s fluffy acts the cutest around their own reflection?” They continued, giving everyone a small hand-held mirror.
“Oooh! Am odda fwuffy! Buh, wook wike Fwowew?” Flower questioned, as you accidently shined the light into her eyes with your mirror.
“Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks wike nyew fwend! Gon’ gib namesie, buh wha…?” You ask the mirror, spinning around as you look in the mirror.
“Fwowew see-pwaces hab wowstest huwties! Hewp!” Flower complained, stumbling off the stage.
“That’s another one down! Now, we have the dancing competition! Who can dance the best?” Someone said, turning on music and stepping to the side.
“Pinkie dancesie betta dan aww of 'ou! Espeshewwy nu-pwetty munsta.” Pinkie danced, staring at you and trying to push you down.
“Don’t 'ou aww wisten!? Am nu munsta, am a viwus. Nu pushies! If 'ou fink that funnie, Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks gib 'ou faww-downsies!” You shout, tripping Pinkie over and making her fall to the ground.
“Hab huwties! Weggie hab wowstest huwties eba! Hewp Pinkie, Daddeh!” Pinkie sobbed, sucking her hoof as your mommy smiled at you in the crowd.
“That’s yet another one out! Now, we have the singing competition!” Someone exclaimed, giving you all a small microphone.
“Mummah wub babbehs, babbehs wub mummah, dwink wots of miwkies, gwow up big and stwong! See, Rose-see sing su pwetty! Pwettiew den dummeh nu-pwetty thingie.” Rosie laughs, getting a response of “awwh” when she was done singing. You had a plan, but you weren’t sure if it would work.
“Rose-see sing odda songsie, tuu! Can nu stop wubing 'ou, mummah! Can nu stop wubin- Kaff! Kaff! Kaff! Blegh!” Rosie vomited on the floor, spitting you out with it as you ran to the left side of the stage before anyone noticed. At least mommy made your little clothes waterproof.
“That’s one out! Our last competition, the open-ended questions competition!” Someone shouted, putting down a small microphone and calling the first fluffy up.
“Namesie am Pwincess.” Princess introduced herself, waving her hoof at the crowd.
“Princess, what do you think about sketties?” Someone asked, scooting the microphone towards Princess.
“Pwincess fink aww the sketties awe fo’ Pwincess onwy! Pwincess am bestest fwuffy am nee’ sketties fo’ bestest tummie-babbehs- Wait, Daddeh, pwease nu come up hewe. Pwincess sowwy! Pwincess sowwy! Jus wan babbehs!” Princess cried, getting dragged off the stage by her very angry daddeh.
“Now, Marie. What are your thoughts on safe-rooms?” Someone asked the purple fluffy, motioning towards the microphone as she stepped up nervously.
“M-Mawie wub safe-woon. It-it su fun tu pway and mak’ runnies!” Marie shook, clapping her hands once she finished speaking, just to shit herself in fear as everyone clapped too loudly.
“Alright, FV-0446. What do you think about… Hmmm… Fluffies? FV-0446, what do you think about Fluffies?” Someone said, gently picking you up and setting you down by the microphone.
“Housie-fwiends? Wub housie-fwiends! Buh, nu can fit in housie-fwiend’s moufie aneemowe. Am su saddies…” You look at the crowd, most of them looking sympathetic and even giving you a sad “awwwwh”.
“Alright, time to vote with our Applause-O-Meter! Clap for Marie, everyone!” Someone shouted, getting a response of clapping and a ‘Didn’t she shit everywhere? Why would we clap for that?’.
“Okay, that was a 7 on the Applause-O-Meter! Now, everyone clap for- Oh, yeah. Everyone, clap for FV-0446!” You hear the person say, then hearing loud clapping and a ‘Well, at least it didn’t shit itself. We kinda have to vote for it now.’.
“Looks like FV-0446 won! FV-0446, what do you have to say for yourself?” They quietly clap for you as well, bringing you up to the microphone.
“Am su happies! ‘Ank ‘ou fo’ pwetty hat, an’ housie-fwiends! Wait, was Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks nu supposed make them housie-fwiends?” You mumble, running off the stage towards your mommy, holding the small crown.
“Oh, that’s literally the only reason I put FV-0446 in the pageant. Check your fluffies in the next 5 days, everyone!” Your mommy shouts, getting things thrown at her and small gasps as a response.
“Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks win! Wike winnin’!” You clap for yourself, strapped into your small car seat.
“That’s right! In fact, that pageant’s gonna be on TV very, very soon. Aren’t you excited?” Your mommy exclaims, also clapping for you.
“Because Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks make housie-fwiends, ow because they wecowd those thingies?” You ask, visibly confused.
“Both. I mean, you are becoming a fan favorite among mommy’s group of followers, and you’re becoming quite popular as a fluffy health hazard, too.” Your mommy answers, patting the top of you.
“Now, let’s go play the ‘housie-friend’ game. Mommy got a new fluffy for you to play with, and he can’t run away this time!”