Better Babies Ch. 3 (by fluffysomething)

You are Princess, and your tummy hurts. You don’t know why, but you feel like you have to make poopies even though you just woke up. These are going to be big poopies. In fact, these might just be the…

“BIGGESH POOPIES!” You shout, as you hear footsteps and your daddeh walks into the room.

“Princess, those aren’t poopies. Those are your babies. Here, hold still.” Your daddeh sighs, rubbing his eyes before going into another room, and putting on gloves.

“HEWP! HAB WOWSTESH HUWTIES!” You yell, as you feel something push its way out of you and you try to wiggle around to get it out.

“That’s the first one! Go ahead, Princess!” Your daddeh cheers, as you squeeze and try to push.

“Mummah wub babbehs, babbehs wub mummah! Be bestesh babbehs…” You start to sing, visibly tired as you forget to notice that your daddeh is taking notes.

“Alright, Princess. I think FV-0446 and F.A.07 have woken up. Stay here and feed your babies, okay?” Your daddeh says, walking into the other room to check on the two sickie-friends you live with, as you can hear your daddeh and them talk and they come back in the room.

“Nu wan teww hew… She twy giv inside-baybees owwies…” One of them shudders, as you tap your hoof on the floor and your daddeh kneels down and pats its not-head.

“Oh-tay, fine. Eff-vee-zewo-fouw-fouw-siks feew wike gon’ hav bay-bees soon. That meen bay-bees be fwiends, wight?” They ask nervously, as you laugh and giggle at the thought of your bestest babies being friends with their babies. If you looked closer, you could have notices that something’s up.

“Nu! Eff-vee-sumfing babbehs gon’ be dummehs and nu pwetty wike Pwincess babbehs!” You gloat, as your daddeh hits you on the nose and brings you back to the sorry-box, picking up your babies along with you.

“You’re staying in here for five minutes, alright. Once you’re out, I want you to apologize to FV-0446 for what you said about their tummy-babies.” Your daddeh states, as you puff your cheeks angrily and he walks away.

You are FV-0446, and you are so… what’s the word for it? You’re scared your babies might not turn out right because Princess tried to hurt them. It’s all you can think about!

“Su nawt-happees… Wan bay-bees tu be hap-pees…” You quietly go on about your babies being hurt, repeating the same sentence over and over again.

“Bay-bees hav owwies… Bay-bees hav owwies… Nee’ git bay-bees out tu fix owwies…” You mutter, as your special-friend walks over and reaches out for you.

What if they try to hurt your babies!? You can’t trust anyone but yourself around them!

“NU! GU 'WAY! GON GIV INSIDE-BAYBEES OWWIES!” You yell, as your special-friend backs away slowly and you keep mumbling the phrase.

You are F.A.07, and your special-friend is acting… weird. You want to see what’s wrong, but they just keep saying the same stuff over and over again! They even yelled at you! Do they have thinkie-place sickies? Did their inside-babies cause their thinkie-place to be sick? But, they’re good babies! They couldn’t ever do that to your special-friend!


Josef takes a large gulp of brandy as he watches the events unfold from the gates of skettiland.

“How is it that they’ve managed to personify the actual virus that turned Fluffies into something out of the fucking Crossed Comics… and they’re the one keeping their fucking heads about this?”

Crimson shrugged. “Nu knyo, maybe Viwaw Fwuffies am batshit cwazy bout babbehs wike weguwa Fwuffies bu cos dis am Eff-Vee Whaeba-Da-Fuk fiwst time act-tuu-ah-wy bein soon-viwus, dey nu knyo how tu weact tu da che-mee-caw inbawance.”

Josef looked over at his companion, then at his empty brandy glass, then back at Crimson. “That was… surprisingly intelligent.”

“Cwimson get bowed pwaying Hawo su stawt weading. Awso Cwimson weawn how tu wead.”


It was inevitable given the number of books he’s raped.

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Josef clearly hasn’t checked to see what’s happened to his first edition Timothy Zahn Star Wars books.

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