You are Angela.
Today is your birthday!
Daddy paid a lot of money to set up a super fun tea party at a luxury Fluffy store.
You just got done doing makeovers with a super pretty mare named Sea-Breeze.
She used to have pale blue fluff with a rare white belly and gold mane.
Now she is bald, scarred and bedazzled.
You think she looks much better this way, and will probably be a little less obsessed with her looks and having so many special friends. She didn’t blame you though, it was that meanie magic that did it, and all because she was a bad fluffy.
All that playtime has made you peckish. It’s time for a bit of tea. After all, it is a tea party.
“Alright, now that pretty time is over, who wants a yummy drink and snackies?”
“Babbeh wuv snackies and yummy dwinkies!”
“Snif See-Bweeze wan snackie, maek feew betta fowe be bad fwuffy an fowe nu be pwetty nu mowe huuuu”
“Joffwey wan du most dwinkies an snackies. Desewve fowe be bestest babbeh eva!”
“Huuuu Chanew tummeh nu feew gud. Tummeh babbehs am moovin su funny.”
“That’s just because they want some yummy drinkies silly momma!”
“Weawy? Tummeh babbehs wan mummuh haf speciew hoomin dwinkies?”
“That’s right. This special magic drink will make any good babies big and strong, but will give bad babies the worstest hurties.”
That caught everyones attention. Obviously none of them thought that they could possibly be bad fluffies, but they had thought sea-breeze was a good fluffy, and look what magic had done to her.
“Huuuu mummuh nu knu, nu wan babbeh an tummeh babbeh’s tu get huwties.”
“Why are you scared of that, sweetheart? Isn’t your baby the best baby? Aren’t your new babies you are replacing him with the best?”
“Of cowse! Chanew hab da pwettiest, bestest babbehs eva!”
“This baby you brought must be pretty special for you to have picked it over your other ones. Was it hard deciding you love one of your babies more than the others, and just leaving them behind while you spoil the one who just does whatever makes you happy?”
“Yus yus! Babbeh am su speciew. Have da pwettiest fuff eva, an wuv mummuh’s mummuh songsies, an wuv mummuh’s miwkies du most, an even du dancies fowe mummuh!”
To punctuate this, the filly beside her began to wave her legs from side to side while shaking her little head arrhythmically.
“Wow, so all a baby has to do to be your favorite, is just do eeeverything you ask, and not do any silly things or have any silly thoughts that you don’t like. That sounds so nice! I bet your old babies will just love your new babies, even if they do take up a lot of your love and huggies.”
“Tiffny wuv soon bwudas an sissys!!! Gon gib huggies an pway gamsies an shawe awww du miwkies an toysies wif dem!”
“Aren’t you precious! I am so happy you think you will be such a good sister. Some sisters are just so happy getting mommas attention that they learn not to love their sissies very much. And when they are so used to being the bestest, they can get awfully grumpy at the idea of new babies. Sometimes that even makes them do meanie things to the not bestest babies to remind momma that they are special.”
“Nu! Tiffny wud neva du meanie tings tu bwuddas an sissies!”
“I know you won’t honey, now lets have some tea.”
“Yaaaaay wuv tea. Can haf cookies wif tea?”
“Haha I think that can be arranged sweetheart. First I have to pour the magic good baby tea. First some for Godiva” You pour from the already brewed electric kettle in the center of the table. Godiva takes a sip from her tiny baby tea cup, already supplied with a (fluffy size) spoonful of sugar and cream, and declares it to be “Bestest sweety dwinkies!”
“And look, she’s perfectly safe, that must mean the magic tea knew she was a good baby!”
This confirmed to the rest of them that not only was the tea yummy, but that they must all be safe, because the magic really could tell the difference between good and bad fluffies, and apparently sea-breeze had simply been a bad fluffy and deserved her ugly hurties. Hence why she shook her head furiously when you tried to pour her some as well.
“Duchess, here’s some for you and little Joffrey.” You pour two more cups for the aristocratic alicorn and her little princeling.
“Dank yu widdwe wady, Duchess wuv speciew hoomin dwinkies. Duchess knu da magic nu hewt bestest Joffwey babbeh.”
“Joffwey bestest gud babbeh eva, magic dwinkies nu hewt babbeh joffwey!” He confidently declared before slurping down half the cup in one go.
“Looks like another one passes the test. We have a lot of good babies in this group. That just leaves Tiffany and the tummy babies!”
“Tiffny wan bestest dwinkies pwease widdwe wady! Wan be big an stwong an pwetty su be mummuh’s bestest babbeh foweva!”
“I don’t think momma will ever have a better baby than you little one.” You pour a generous cup of tea for tiffany and her mother. Tiffany slurps it down eagerly, savoring the rich black tea and the sweet sweet honeyed milk.
Chanel was somewhat more cautious, giving it a good sniff before lapping it up with her tongue before deciding it was in fact, a delightful treat. She picked up the cup in her soft little hooves and tipped it back for a generous sip, setting it back down empty and licking her lips clean.
“Dese am bestest dwinkies. Can feew babbehs gwowin big an stwong aweady!”
“I bet you feel all kinds of stuff from your tummy babies.”
“Yus, mummuh wives feewin babbehs gib wiggwes an kickies an…an…huuuuu wai tummeh stiw huwties? Dwink awe da gud babbeh dwinkies. Tummeh babbeh haf saddies?”
She suddenly doubled forward, holding her hooves over her stomach and grimacing in pain. Huuuuu tummeh haf wowstest owies, an…an…an nu feew babbehs nu mowe!!! BABBEHS PWEASE MOVE FOWE MUMMUH, NEE KNU YU SAAAAFE HUUUUUU HUUUUU”
“What’s wrong Chanel? Oh no! Do….do you think that your tummy babies were….bad?”
“Nuuuuuuu huuuu huuuuu tummeh babbehs nu bad, am onwy widdwe tummeh babbehs, nu du nuffin bad huuuu gon be pwetty bestest babbeeeehs huu huuu”
“I believe you honey, but if you are having so many tummy hurties, and your babies aren’t moving, that must mean the magic thought there was something wrong.”
“Huuuuu babbehs nu mean tu du nuffin bad magic dwinkies huuuuuuu onwy soon babbehs, pwease nu be meanie huuu huuu-SCREEEEE BIGGES POOPIES HUUUU HUUUUU TU SOOOON TU SOOOON NU CUM NAO BABBEHS, NEE STAY IN MUMMUUUUUU HUUU HUUUU”
Her cries did nothing to stop the gush of amniotic fluid leaking from her highchair.
“Nu nu nu nuuuuu babbeh stay in mummuuuuuuuaaaaaah!!!” She winced hard and you heard a little plop in the floor puddle. It was a half formed unicorn with no back legs, and just the beginning of a few patches of pink fluff.
“Huuuuu babbeh cum tu eawyyyyy huuu huuuu am babbeh awive?”
“I’m sorry honey, but it looks like the little angel is forever sleepies. It would have been so pretty too. Pink just like you. I can’t imagine what it could have done to make the magic so angry.
“Huuuuu was gud babbeh wike mummuuuuuh nu bad huuu pweeeeaase magic, nu take mummuh’s babbehs huuu huuuuuu” But no amount of begging could stop the landslide that had begun when she had munched down that cilantro cookie and sealed her foals fate.
One after another, they slid and spasmed out of her as she sat stuck in her chair unable to do anything but cry and beg the universe to spare her spawn. When all was said and done, there were five potentially beautiful unfinished foals in a greasy heap under the table.
“Huuuuuu am soon mummuh nu mowe, meanie magic take aww mummuhs babbehs huuu huuuuuuuu”
“I’m sorry Chanel darling. But at least that means your babies were bad, so you don’t need to worry about missing them. They would have given you the biggest saddies and heart hurties if they had been born. You only love good babies right?”
This was a puzzle for her. There was no fault in Angela’s logic, but on the other hand, she had never had, or even seen a bad baby, so she had no frame of reference.
“Huuuu Chanew guess su, bu…how babbehs be bad? Babbehs am bestest fings eva! Aw babbehs awe gud babbehs!?
“But some babies are better than others eh?”
“Wha angewa say?”
“Nothing sweetheart. At least you have your good bestest baby left-OH MY GOODNESS!!!” You cover your mouth and point to tiffany, who has started spasming and foaming at the mouth.
“NUUUUUU BESTET BABBEH NU GU FOWEVA SWEEPIES!!! MAGIC WONG, NU BAD NU BAD NU BAD BABBEH!!!” She tried to reach out to hug and save her baby, but her seat left her imobile, so she just waved her arms in it’s directions while it shook violently and contorted in hideous ways, the panic in her eyes indicating she was conscious and felt everything happening to her.
“Oh no!!! Tiffany was a bad baby too! Why do you have so many bad babies Chanel? Nobody elses babies got forever sleepies from the tea!!! Oh no no no.”
“HUUUUUU WAI DIS HAPPEN, NU UNASTAN, PWEASE BABBEH WET MUMMUH SABE YUUUU HUU HUUUUU” She reached out again, and finally tiffany tried as well to gain some last minute comfort from her sobbing mother. Unfortunately, they were placed to far apart for their desperation to do any good.
A few more seconds of gurgling and sobbing later, and tiffany expired with a gush of bloody vomit all over her seat.
“HUUUUUU HUUU HUUUUU AM MUMMUH NU MOWE HUUUUUUU HUUUUU WAI MUMMUH NU HAF BABBEHS, WAI MAGIC TAKE BABBEHS WAY FWOM MUMMUUUUUHHHH”
“Already forgot about your other babies huh? Maybe the magic was right.” You mumble to yourself. “Lucky timing on those treats.”
“Huuuu wu angewa mean?”
“Nothing sweetheart, you need to calm down. I know what will make you feel better. How about I boil up some hot chocolate.?