You stepped back from the small hole, setting your shovel aside. At your feet, wrapped in an old sheet, was the remains of Sunshine. You didn’t want the herd to see him like this, you didn’t even like seeing him like this. Better he be remembered as the ball of yellow fluff he was in life than the mushy pile of gore he ended up. You gathered up all the feathers you could find, you didn’t want any of him getting lost on the next windy day.
At the side of the barn a few fluffies had gathered around you as you dug, Bluebell sitting right on the edge of the grave. “Mistah Sam dun?”
“Yeah, that should be deep enough.” There were plenty of scavengers around, you dug deep for their graves to avoid them getting dug back up for some creature’s easy meal. After everything you couldn’t forgive yourself if he got eaten by a passing coyote.
Bluebell grunted, you turned to see her wriggling under the cloth bundle that contained what was left of Sunshine. You leaned down to help her but she shook her head. With shaking hooves she lifted him and carried him to the edge of the grave.
“Yu am guud fwuffy, Sunshine. Tank’oo fo’ sabe hewd.” She said softly, letting the bundle slide off her shoulder into the grave.
“Tank’oo.” Breezy sniffled. Leah pressed her face into the fluff of her shoulder, sobs shaking her tiny body.
“I knew there was a good fluffy in you, Sunshine.” You said, your voice catching in your throat. “I just wish we didn’t have to find out like this.”
“Weah am sowwy!!” You jumped at her cry. “Nu wan gu foebah sweepies, jus’ wan’… jus’ wan’…” She trailed off, wiping the snot from her nose. “Jus’ wan’ Sunshine nu be meanie.”
“It’s not your fault honey. He understood.” You said.
She shoved her face back into Breezy’s fluff, her sobs muffled.
“You saved the herd, buddy. Rest easy.” You turned the first shovel full of soil over the top of the bundle, heaving a sigh. The fluffies beside you sobbed and whimpered quietly as Sunshine was put to rest.
You had hoped to see him returned to the herd properly. Yeah, maybe your methods were a little… barbaric but as far as anyone knew smarty syndrome had no cure. Maybe no one has ever really tried to help them, or maybe Sunshine didn’t have the syndrome. You’d never know now. You were so grateful for him saving your fluffies but… you wished it didn’t cost so much.
“Am Mistah Sam otay?” You felt Bluebell’s hoof on your leg and a tear drip off your cheek.
“No, but we will be.” You wiped it away, giving her a small smile. She nodded as you patted down the last of the soil.
You stood with the fluffies around the grave until they left, not wanting them to be alone with their grief. It was hard enough for you to lose him, their tiny fluffy hearts must be in agony. As Bluebell turned to join the rest of the barn herd you joined her.
The few fluffies outside the barn wandered aimlessly, never more than a few feet from the barn door. Heading inside you saw Dust Bunny curled up in one of the nests with her foals.
“How you doing, girl?”
She sighed, giving one of her sleeping foals a soft kiss on the head. “Am otay, Mistah Sam.”
You sat down on the linoleum floor next to her. “You sure? I’m sure it was very scary for you. You’re welcome to come back inside if you want, or I can even find somewhere else for you to stay if you need.”
The mare shook her head. “It am scawdy, buh Bwuebeww am guud fwuffy, keep hewd safe. Nu wan’ weab, wan’ fwuffies hewp watch babbehs.”
“Alright, if that changes, you’ll let me know, right? No shame in it.”
She nodded, settling down around her foals with her head resting on the edge of the nest. You stood to check on the other fluffies not at the funeral.
“Come sit with us, Clover.” Cash said, sitting in the couch next to Lilac.
You shook your head. “Nu, wan keep watch.”
“Nothing bad’s gonna happen, Sam’s out there taking care of everything.”
You didn’t reply to him, instead returning to watching your Daddeh shovel dirt into the small grave on the side of the barn.
Dangerous things were out there. Normally you would focus on being ready, like you always did. Being prepared to take Lilac and run, but she got fatter and less mobile with each passing day. You’d need extra warning if you wanted to keep her and your foals safe. The only reason you saw the barn burn was because you happened to be watching the clouds, and Daddeh said that saved the barn fluffies.
And then you weren’t watching, you were thinking about what cartoons to watch with Lilac.
And then Sunshine died.
So clearly you needed to keep watch.
“Hey,” A hand landed on your back and you jumped, turning to see Mister Cash standing behind you. “Everything is okay, buddy.”
You gave him a small shake of your head. Sure it all seemed fine now, but it all seemed fine just before the barn burned too.
“Lilac, why don’t I get you set up on your Daddeh’s bed so Clover and I can have a little talk?”
“…Otay.” You listened to them slowly make their way down the hall behind you. After a moment, Cash returned.
The two of you stood in silence for a moment, watching the fluffies mill around the barn nervously.
“I know how hard it can be to relax.”
How could he? He was big and powerful, you were small and weak. You looked into your reflection, at your blunt horn, your stunted wings. What could you do to protect them? To protect Lilac? Your foals?
“Do you want to see how I feel safe?”
You turned slowly, to see him holding out something. It took a moment of squinting at it to recognize it, you’d seen things like it in your cartoons.
“…a gun?”
Mister Cash chuckled. “Yep. M1911, won two world wars.” You tilted your head in confusion. “It’s a very good gun that lots of people have used to end bad things.”
“Hm… an yu gun make yu safe?”
“No.” He slid the handgun into the holster at his side. “Statistically it makes me less safe. But I feel safe with it, so it helps.”
“Den Mistah Cash nu safe.” You said, turning back to the window.
“Maybe, maybe not. It’s impossible to know if you’re safe until something happens to show that you’re not. All that matters is that I feel safe, and if it turns out I was wrong I have something I can use to deal with it.”
“Buh Cwobah nu can hab gun. Nu can use wif’ hoof.”
“Then we need to find a thing that would make you feel safe. Something you can do. Can you think of anything?”
You chewed your lip, thinking. You felt so small all the time. It was so hard to feel like you had any power when you didn’t come up to a human’s knee. One solid kick, as you’d experienced in your days as a feral, was all it took to put you out of commission. You knew that even other fluffies could be dangerous, maybe you could fend them off while the others got away but…
You’d end up like Sunshine.
“Mistah Cash maek Cwobah biggew?”
“Nope, can’t do that one.” Mister Cash chuckled.
“Den nu, nu gun feew safe.” You spat.
“Hey, let’s not give up that easy, hm?” He leaned forward onto the window sill, resting his chin on his fist. “Feeling small?”
You nodded.
“Then… maybe you need some big friends.”
“… Wike… wha’?”
“Well, you have Sam, yeah, but clearly he’s not enough. You need to meet some other humans willing to help you.”
“Dewe am nun.” You grumbled. “Hoomans nu wike fwuffies.”
“Oh, don’t say that! Tons of humans like fluffies!” Cash put his arm around you. “What about the friends I brought to help with the barn?”
“Wha’ about Mistah Dabe?” you countered. “Da meanies dat buwned bawn, da poh-weese who nu wisten, da meanies dat gib Cwobah kickies when jus’ wan’ nummies??”
“Hey, that’s only a handful.” He sighed heavily. “You’ve had it rough, some real bad luck. That sucks. There’s good people out there, though. Lots that want good things for you. Why don’t I ask Sam if he’ll take you to the hugboxer’s meeting, hm?”
You shrugged his arm off, shaking your head. “Nu can weab Wiwac.” The idea of something happening to her while you were gone chilled you to the core. It was your job, as her special friend, to keep her and your foals safe. You hadn’t been a good special friend, and you needed to show you were committed to changing that.
“She can come too then! There will be lots of fluffies there. I usually bring Ranger!”
You didn’t look at him, staring at your reflection again.
“How about this. If you come, and they don’t help you feel safe…” he pulled the gun out of his holster once again. “I’ll find one of these your hoof fits in.”
You looked to the gun, then to him. He seemed sincere, smiling at you. “…Otay. Nu tink it hewp, tho.”
“I promise, you’ll feel better one way or another. If it doesn’t help, you and I will have a lovely day at a fluffy-friendly shooting range.”
