The rest of the night with your new pets was wonderful. After explaining the litter box, you set them up on the couch watching some old cartoons while you made a large salad. Clover would yell at the “dummeh kitty munstah” every time he tried to catch the mouse. It was more endearing than annoying, to your surprise. They laughed uproariously at every gag, and gave you a detailed description of what you missed when you came in with the salad bowl. The three of you watched tv into the night, once the pair had eaten their fill and passed out on your legs you switched the channel to something more entertaining to you.
Next thing you knew you were waking up to a knock at the door. You carefully shuffled the pair of curled fluffies off your lap and stretched. You had some mild aches, the couch was a free one you found on the side of the road so it wasn’t exactly high end. Stretching, you opened the door to see Dave.
“Morning Sam!”
“Hey Dave, what’s up? Why you here so early?” You rubbed your eyes, gesturing him inside.
“Sorry bud, didn’t mean to wake ya! You’re usually an early bird and-” he spotted the fluffies sleeping on the couch. “…what’s this?”
“Uhhhh… Yeah soooo…”
Lilac stirred, lifting her sleepy head. “…Mistah Dave?”
He crouched down next to her and scratched her chin. “Hi there sweetie, what a pretty collar you have!”
“Tankoo mistah Dave” she cooed, leaning into his hand. “Daddeh gabe it to Wiwac.”
Dave chuckled. “Of course he did, he’s a pushover isn’t he?”
“What am pushober?”
“It means he’s nice and gives you whatever you want.”
Lilac jumped to her feet. “Oh! Daddeh am pushober! Daddeh am biggest pushober!!”
You put your head in your hands, Dave cackled loudly.
“Very funny man. Can I get you anything? I have some instant coffee if you’d like.”
“I’m good, I just wanted to check in on your setup, see if you needed any help with anything.”
“I think I’ve got it all set up honestly, your brother was really helpful.” You said, heading towards the kitchen to start on breakfast.
Dave sat down at the table. “He can be a stick in the mud, but he’s good at what he does.”
You poured some water over two bowls of oats and tossed them in the microwave, then dug in your fridge again for the last of the apple butter. Turning back to the microwave, you noticed the look Dave was giving you.
“…what?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Tell me you aren’t making them oatmeal.”
“Are they not supposed to have it or something?”
“No, they’re supposed to eat kibble or scraps or literal garbage because they’re vermin.”
You set the apple butter down on the counter a little more firmly than intended. “Listen man, they’re my pets. I don’t have kibble, you know I live off the stuff I grow. Also, I don’t remember asking for your input on how I feed my animals.” You glanced over at the couch to make sure Lilac didn’t hear him.
He rolled his eyes. “They’re not animals. They’re biotoys. But whatever, you can treat them however you want. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted, but you watch your mouth around them.” You pulled the steaming oatmeal out, mixed in the last of the apple butter, and set the bowls on the floor by the couch. “Lilac honey, wait until Clover wakes up to eat okay? It’s very hot and needs time to cool.”
“Otay daddeh!” She snuggled up to Clover, resting her head on his flank.
“C’mon,” you waved for Dave to join you. "I’ll show you the rest of the herd. “They’ve been settling into the barn pretty well.”
As you opened your back door, Bluebell came flying through it, slamming into your legs. “Bluebell??”
“Mistah Sam!! Mewgency!! Sowwy fow leabe fencie but need hewp!!”
You crouched down. “What’s going on??”
“Babbehs missin!!” She panted. “Wook aww obah but nu find!!”
“We’ll find them sweetheart. Don’t worry.” You scooped her up into your arms and quickly headed for the barn.
“When did you last see them?” Dave asked her.
“Befowe sweepytime. Mummahs get aww babbehs in beddie, but when wake up sum babbehs missin!”
The barn was in chaos. Fluffies were running around everywhere, yelling for the babies. One mare was wailing, her foals crying at her feet, while the other mothers held their brood closely to them. A yellow stallion noticed Sam first. “Mistah Sam hewe! Mistah Sam pwease find babbehs!!”
You set Bluebell down. “Try to calm the herd down, okay? Dave and I will look for the babies.” She nodded, and started rounding up all the fluffies running around aimlessly. You kneeled down next to the wailing mother. “Are they your babies that are missing?” She nodded between sobs. “How many are missing? What did they look like??”
“Huu huu… Missin pinkie babbeh, and yewwow bebbeh, and gweenie babbeh! Huu…” She sobbed, her remaining foals tucked under her tail.
“I’ll find them. You stay here with the rest of your babies, okay?” You gave her a reassuring pat on the head. “Where do we even start?” You asked, turning to Dave.
He shrugged. “No idea, honestly. Probably start by searching the barn itself and spiral out, maybe-”
“MUNSTAH! MUNSTAH NUM BABBEHS!” A cry rang out. The mother was pointing an accusing hoof at Clover, who stood in the doorway. His ears flattened to his head at the cry. The other fluffies joined in, yelling about the “munstah” and moving towards the door.
“He’s not a monster!” You yelled over the rabble, stepping between Clover and the mob. “Calm down we can-” they just kept advancing. “We’ll find the babies!” They didn’t seem to care, all their fear turned to rage and focused on poor Clover, who was flattened to the ground in terror.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP SHITRATS!” Dave’s yell had the herd frozen in their tracks. He stepped up next to you to further block Clover from harm. “That ‘monster’ is our best chance at finding your fucking babies. If you don’t like that, you can come with me and join your smarty friend at the sorry farm!”
Silence.
“That’s what I fucking thought.” Dave walked over to Clover. “I know you’re scared buddy, but some babies are missing, do you think you can sniff them out for us?” The alicorn glanced nervously at the angry herd, then at you.
“I won’t let them hurt you buddy. I promise.” You knew alicorns were better than the average fluffy in basically every sense, but fluffies didn’t have the best noses to begin with… Hopefully Dave was right.
He stood slowly. “Otay… Cwovew hewp.” He very carefully approached the mother with her foals.
You patted her on the head. “He’s not gonna hurt you. He just needs to sniff your babies.” She held her breath as Clover touched his nose to one of her foals, inhaling deeply. Putting his nose to the ground, he started tracking. Fluffies moved out of his way as he went, giving him a wide berth.
After a convoluted trail across the barn, he stepped up to the wall. “Babbehs gu dis way.” He pointed with his hoof at the small hole made by a broken board. Looking closer you could se a tiny bit of lime green fluff stuck to the rotting wood.
“Good job buddy! Let’s go around and keep tracking!” You led him around to the other side of the hole in the barn, and he went back to tracking. The trail led him under the fence and to your woodpile, which was a few yards away. As you got closer you could hear soft, high pitched voices. “That must be them!” Clover shoved his head into a gap in the wood, and the foals all screamed. Jackpot.
You pulled Clover aside and stuck your arm in the hole, feeling a warm, plush body with your fingertips. The foal screamed again as you grabbed it’s leg and pulled it out of the woodpile. “Nu num babbeh!” It squealed.
“Here,” Dave took the wriggling yellow foal from you. Shoving your arm back in you felt around for a second one. A tiny set of teeth bit down on your finger, so you grabbed the jaw and pulled out another, the pink one this time.
“That’s two,” you handed the second foal to Dave, and the pair hugged and cried. You felt around, “I’m not feeling a third one…”
“What were you doing in the wood pile??” Dave asked the shaking foals.
“Babbehs am spwowin babbehs…” The yellow one mumbled.
“See this is what I mean, they’re always looking for the fastest way to die.”
“Not now Dave.” You snapped. “We godda find the last one.”
“Sissy am stuckies!” The green foal spoke up. “In meanie nummie box!”
“Nummie box…” Suddenly it dawned on you. You set some mousetraps up when you built the woodpile, anticipating the barn having a rodent infestation. The openings in them were probably just big enough for a foal to squeeze through…
You started pulling wood off the pile frantically. Dave tossed the foals to Clover and joined you. At the bottom of the pile there was a black plastic box with an opening in the side. “It’s a mousetrap, one of the ones that encloses them in there so you don’t have to deal with the body, I didn’t think it would hurt foals! I’m going to have to find something to open it with-” Dave snatched the trap from you and ripped the top off with his bare hands, shattering the plastic.
Inside was a green foal with a mangled leg pinned under the arm of the trap. It looked up at the two of you with wide eyes, hyperventilating. “Is it okay?” You asked.
“No, it’s leg is fucked.”
“Shit. What do we do?”
“Do you have a first aid kit?”
“No, but there’s some medical stuff in my bathroom cabinet.”
Dave gently pulled the foal from the remains of the trap, keeping it’s leg in place as best he could. “I’m going to try to splint it, you get the foals back to the herd.”
You nodded and gathered the baby fluffies from Clover. You hoped Dave knew what he was doing. Your alicorn followed you back to the barn, where the fluffies were milling around anxiously. Bluebell was hugging the wailing mare. When the mother spotted her foals in your hands, she screamed with joy and ran up to you, tapping her little hooves on your leg. “Nice mistah find babbehs!! Tankoo tankoo tankoo!!” You handed her the foals and she hugged them tight. “Where greenie babbeh?”
“Your greenie babbeh got hurt…”
“Greenie babbeh… Fowevah sweepies?!”
“No, no, it’s alive! Mister Dave is taking care of it, but it’s hurt very badly.”
The mare gasped. “Babbeh go to sowwy fawm?! Nu! Pwease mistah Sam! Babbeh nu kno weavin bawn bad!”
You ruffled her mane. “He’s not going to the sorry farm. They were naughty, yes, but I think they’ve been punished enough. He’ll be back in just a bit.”
She smiled. “Tankoo for findin babbehs mistah Sam!!”
“Oh, that’s alright. I didn’t find them, Clover did.” You gestured towards the anxious alicorn standing in the barn doorway. He slowly stepped in, glancing around at all the fluffies watching him. His tail stayed firmly tucked between his legs.
There was a long silence as he stood next to you. None of the fluffies quite knew what to do. You had hoped that getting rid of the smarty would break them of their alicorn hatred, but clearly it was something deeper ingrained in them.
Finally, Bluebell spoke. “Tankoo fow findin babbehs, Cwovew.” It was soft, and she still sounded scared, but it was a step in the right direction. The mare mumbled her thanks, not looking directly at him. Clover just hid behind your leg. Baby steps.
It was just then that Dave came in with the injured foal. “Here’s your other baby.”
“Gweenie babbeh!!” The mare cheered.
Dave showed her the splint, a chopstick wrapped in medical tape on it’s front leg. “This needs to stay on, okay? It’ll make his leg all better. In the meantime he needs to rest and get all the huggies he can okay?” The mare nodded, carefully taking the foal from him and holding it tight to her chest.
“Is it gonna be okay?” You asked him as you left the barn.
“Dunno. It was pretty bad. It looks like he was reaching for the bait when the trap went off. When’s John coming by?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Good, he’ll be able to tell you if it’s okay or if it needs to come off.” You really hoped it didn’t. “Why don’t you go get yourself some breakfast while I patch that hole.”
You were very hungry. “You sure man?”
“Yeah, I know you haven’t eaten and it’ll only take me a second.”
“Thanks.” You led Clover back inside.
Lilac was sitting next to the now cold oatmeal, anxiously waiting. “Babbeh gunna be otay?”
“I don’t know, it was hurt pretty bad…” You sat down on the couch, Clover walked over for a much needed hug from Lilac. “Eat your breakfast, I godda make something for myself.”
These things were so fragile. You were going to have to rethink your “throw them in the old barn and hope for the best” plan. You decided on a bowl of oatmeal for yourself, it was simple and quick. No tea today. You sat down at the table and started in on your breakfast, glancing over at your fluffies. Lilac was happily eating her oats but Clover was just staring at them. “What’s up buddy?”
“Oh.” He looked up, startled. “Nuffin. Sowwy daddeh.” He took a mouthful and chewed slowly. You made a mental note to talk to him about the barn incident later.
After breakfast you set the pair out in your yard, instructing them to stay within sight of the house, but they could go see if the berries were ripe on the bushes yet. Clover smiled at the thought of berries, and followed Lilac off.
Dave was just leaving the barn. “Got it patched, along with another hole I found.”
“You’re a lifesaver man, can’t thank you enough.”
He held up his hand. “Save it, we aren’t done. You’ve got some work to do to get this place.”
You sighed. “Yeah I know, I’m gonna get to it today.”
Dave clapped his hand on your shoulder. “We’re gonna get to it today.”
After a long days work, you and Dave were sitting in the grass, drinking beer and watching the herd play in the pasture. You had patched up the fence as best you could with scrap wood, making it fluffy proof. The only gap you left was in the gate, you wanted Bluebell to be able to squeeze through again in a pinch. The barn was carefully checked for more mousetraps and other hazards, and better and more secure nest boxes were built.
“You thought about what you’re going to do with them?” Dave asked, taking the last sip of his beer.
You had given it a little thought. “Well, I taught Clover to weed, and he did spectacular with it so I figure some of the others might be able to do an okay job. Maybe I could rent them out? Or use them to grow more crops? Dunno yet.” Lilac wandered over to sit down next to you.
“Hey Lilac, how many fingers am I holding up?” Dave asked her, holding up five fingers.
“Hmmm…” Lilac furrowed her brow with concentration. “Dat am two and two and wun fingews!”
“Very good!” Dave patted her head. “That’s my usual intelligence test. The dumber ones will get it wrong, the especially stupid won’t answer at all.” Clover walked up to sit next to Lilac, giving her a lick on the check. “Hey Clover, how many fingers am I holding up?”
“Fibe.” He answered right away, shocking both of you.
“That’s… Right. Good job buddy. You’re very smart, aren’t you?” Dave gave him a pat as well.
“Nu am smawty.”
“Oh, not smarty, just smart bud. That’s a good thing!”
Clover didn’t seem convinced, but went back to grooming Lilac.
“Alicorns really are smarter… Huh.” You sipped your beer. You adopted this herd knowing nothing about fluffies, you learned something new every day.
“I would sort them, teach the smarter ones the more complex tasks and use the dumber for simpler ones.” Dave crushed his beer can and set it aside.
“You think we could make some money off them?” You looked out at the herd. Roughly thirty fluffies, you hadn’t done a headcount.
“Maybe. I know a guy with a small hobby farm, maybe he would let you test them out. I’ll give him all call.”
You smiled. “You always know a guy. In every situation.”
Dave stood to leave. “It helps to know someone. Its even more helpful to know a guy who knows a guy!”
