“Good morning guys.” You greeted the fluffies curled up on your living room floor. They had been quieter than you anticipated, the only thing to remind you of the events of the day before was soft voices from down the hall.
Lilac yawned. “Good bwite time nice mistah. Have good sleepies?”
“Sure did.” You started on your morning tea. A good English breakfast, just a touch of sugar. One of the few things you still bought from the outside world. Tea, sugar, and booze. You often traded extra produce from your garden for a jar of bootlegged corn whiskey from that weird old man that lived down the road. “Do you guys want some breakfast?”
Clover tentatively turned the corner into the kitchen. “Bweakfast?”
“Like… Morning food. I have toast, or I can make some oatmeal…” He just tilted his head in confusion. Right, feral. Probably doesn’t know what foods are called. “Here, I’ll just make you something. Don’t worry about it.” You pulled out two small bowls and prepared some oatmeal with the leftover hot water from your tea. You also found some apple butter that was going bad in the back of the fridge so you added a small spoonful and stirred it through.
Lilac was still in the blanket nest when you came around with their food. “Here, this is called oatmeal. It might be a little hot, eat it slowly.”
She leaned over to sniff it, then looked to Clover. He took a very small mouthful, chewed thoughtfully, and declared them “wondewfuw wawm nummies” the pair dug in loudly. You watched, sipping your tea. They had behaved during the night, there was a small puddle on the newspaper you set down. Didn’t seem like they even left the blankets other than that.
Bowls licked clean, the pair sat back. “Tankoo fow nice nummies!” Clover said, Lilac nodding in agreement.
“You’re welcome! Let me do the dishes and we can go check on the rest of your herd.” You finished your tea, gathered the bowls and started rinsing them out.
“Mistah being so nice to poopeh fwuffies… Why?” You could just make out Lilac whispering to Clover. You felt something break in your chest, they really didn’t think much of themselves.
“Cwovew nu kno. Maybe mistah just… Nice? Dem good nummies.” You heard Lilac make a noise of agreement.
Poor things. They’ve never experienced kindness in their little lives. You would change that, you silently promised. They were such good fluffies. Better than you ever expected. Fluffies were known for being demanding, obnoxious, cruel creatures but these two had shown you nothing but politeness. Perhaps you could find space in your little house for a safe room.
“C’mon you two, let’s go check on your herd.” You gathered the soiled newspaper to throw in your compost, then led them through the gate to the barn.
Opening the door, you saw the scattered Herd laying in the hay in small piles. “Good morning fluffies!” There was a chorus of “hewwo!” In return. “Bluebell! Need to talk to you.” The blue mare rose from a larger pile in the middle and trotted over to you.
“Hewwo Mistah Sam!”
You ruffled her dirty mane. It was hard to make out the color due to her filth, but it seemed to be pale, maybe white, going off the roots. “Any problems in the night?”
She sighed. “Sum fwuffies want to make bad poopies, had to give sowwy hoofsies.”
“Good job taking care of it!” She beamed up at you, tail wagging from the praise. “I need to run some errands today. Can you hold the fort for me?”
She tilted her head in confusion. “Ewwands? Fowt???”
You sighed. Godda get used to how stupid these things are. “I need to do some things so I will be away for a bit. Will you make sure all the fluffies are good and stay inside the fence?”
“Bwubeww can do dat mistah!” You smiled, gave her one last pat, and shooed her off to the rest of her herd.
You passed by Clover and Lilac on your way out of the pasture. “I’ll be back in a little while, let me know if any of the fluffies are mean to you two, okay?” Clover nodded, and the pair waved as you went back inside.
You hopped in your truck and started down your long driveway. The drive to the nearest town wasn’t too long, but it was long enough to have time to make a mental list of the things you needed. Some sort of fluffy soap was a top priority. The herd was in various stages of filth, the only fluffies you could even begin to call clean went with Dave to his garage. God knew what he was doing to them there. You didn’t like to think about it, even if they deserved it. You should pick up some sort of feed as well, the tractor supply place would have some cheap livestock feed that would do you just fine. Might be a good idea to stop by the fluff mart too. Just for the essentials you couldn’t get anywhere else. Oh, and you needed to call Dave’s brother. Might be a good use of your time to do that on the drive.
Dave’s brother was a very serious man named John, who was very helpful. Gave you the basic rundown on caring for fluffies in this capacity, a list of supplies you should pick up, and an appointment in a few days to give them all a physical. Whatever favor Dave did for him, it must have been major. He also said he was qualified to do the inspections and certifications for the fluffkeepers license, so all you had to do was pay the fees.
The rest of your shopping went well, you had a large bag of horse feed, some basic toys (a few large plastic balls, some light wooden blocks, and a few stuffies from the thrift store), two cases of the cheapest canned spaghetti the restaurant supply store had, and your fluff mart bag. Fluff mart had been a trip, you were amazed at all the products just for fluffies. Everything from clothes to furniture to the punishment section, which featured a range from basic “sorry sticks” and time out boxes to straight up torture devices. You browsed the adoption section, which was a mistake because every fluffy there was begging for you to be their “nyu daddeh”. Aparently that was more important to them than you thought it was, made Bluebell’s reaction make much more sense. You were about 200 bucks lighter, but you had everything you needed for them, for the time being at least. If you were planning on keeping these little critters long term, you were going to have to figure out a way of getting them to pay for themselves.
Before greeting your herd, you unloaded the supplies into your shed, which still smelled quite a bit like “sorry poopies”. The idea that it was the “sorry shed” plus the smell should keep even the most curious of fluffies from getting into the treats and feed. Turning to the pasture, the fluffies had spread out across the grass in the midday sun, munching away at it or chasing each other around. You grabbed your bag of Super Sketty™ treats and headed over.
“Fluffies! Come over here!” You called, and one by one they shuffled over.
“Yes, nice mistah?” Bluebell stepped to the front. She had clearly taken to leadership like a duck to water.
“I got some toys and treats for you!” The crowd of fluffies started chattering to themselves excitedly. “But, before I can give them to you we all need to get clean, so I’m going to wash you all.”
Bluebell looked worried. “But… Wawa bad for fwuffies mistah! Fwuffies dat get wet get fowevah sweepies!!”
You crouched down to her level. “I promise you it will be safe, and when you’re done I will get you each a can of Sketty!”
The herd was clearly torn. Sketty was the stuff of the gods, their only goal in life was to get a taste. Their instinctual programming, however, told them to avoid getting waterlogged at all costs. Fluffies don’t swim well, John explained, and can drown in as little as three inches of water. You set up an old kiddie pool that you found in the barn, it had some holes in the bottom but the slow draining water would make sure that they wouldn’t be standing in the accumulated filth of the fluffies that came before them. “Okay, do we have a brave fluffy that wants to go first? I’ll give you a Sketty treat!”
Silence from the herd. Bluebell shuffled from hoof to hoof, not looking at you. After a moment of hesitation, Clover spoke up. “Cwovew go fiwst.” He stepped into the kiddie pool all on his own, shocking you.
“Good job buddy! You’re so brave!” You handed him the soft treat, which he gobbled down. “Here comes the hose, okay buddy? It’s not gonna hurt you, watch.” You ran your hand under the stream, then slowly moved it toward his hooves. He stood stock still, barely breathing as you soaked him down. “Now this is shampoo, it smells very pretty!” You opened the bottle so he could sniff it, and he gave you a tense nod in return. It was lavender scented, which the bottle promised had a calming affect on fluffies. You couldn’t tell if it was working, Clover didn’t move the entire wash. Once you had him rinsed, you announced “All clean!” And gestured for him to step out of the tub.
“Nu, Cwovew stay fow Wiwac.” He glanced over at her, and she stepped up, shaking. How noble.
“Alright Lilac, you’re next.” You gently lifted her into the tub. Poor girl was practically vibrating with fear, mumbling to herself about “bad wawa”. You wet her down as quick as you could, and she started to relax once you began to rub the shampoo into her fluff. Mats of brown fur freed themselves from her, and she began to coo softly. You combed your fingers through her frizzy mane, gently untangling it. After she was rinsed, you set her into the warm grass to dry. “See? That wasn’t so bad!”
“Wiwac smeww suuuuu pwetty!” She beamed up at you. Clover stepped out and stood next to her, relieved that the ordeal was over.
You reached behind you and cracked open two of the cans of spaghetti. Almost immediately you could see the herds mouths begin to water. You dumped them out on a paper plate and set it aside for the pair. You knew their faces would get covered in the red sauce but this was less about getting them clean and more about freeing them from a lifetimes worth of accumulated filth. “Eat up, you earned it!”
The rest of the baths went along with very little issues. After seeing that the “poopeh” fluffies were just fine, others started to step forward for their baths. You had a yellow stallion freak out at the first touch of the water and sprint off, but he calmed himself down eventually and came back for another try. The mares with their foals were an issue, but you had them hand off their foals temporarily to another mare, and decided that the foals were clean enough from their mothers grooming that it wasn’t worth the risk. Bluebell kept the fluffies in line and from stealing the hard earned spaghetti from the clean fluffies. The washing gave you a chance to look for anything to mention to John, old injuries or special markings. Overall, as far as you could tell, they were a healthy herd.
The last few fluffies needed to be threatened by Bluebell to get in the bath, but eventually it was her turn. You gave her an extra treat for her hard work and washed the grime out of her mane, which turned out to be shockingly white. She giggled at the bubbles you made while soaping her up. Once every fluffy was cleaned and fed their spaghetti, you dumped the pool and instructed the herd to go lay in the sun to dry off.
Clover and Lilac were already dried, and laying in the shade of a tree. “How you two doing?” You asked, sitting down next to them.
“Fwuffies smeww su pwetty!! Tankoo mistah!” She beamed at you. Her fluff had dried super curly, almost like a little sheep. Even her mane was soft ringlets of purple hair. Clover gave you a tired smile, but went back to his nap.
“I’m so glad! You two were so brave!” You tussled her mane, which was incredibly soft, even for a fluffy.
You spent a lazy afternoon chatting with Lilac and watching the other fluffies play. She told you all about her mother, who was yellow with a purple mane and was sisters with Bluebell’s mother. You told Lilac about your sister who went to college and now worked for NASA, which she was amazed that humans could teach other humans to fly. When the majority of the fluffies were dry you tossed a few of the toys out into the pasture and watched them chase the ball around. Eventually you couldn’t justify avoiding your chores any longer.
“Sorry guys, but I godda go take care of my garden.”
“Mistah need help?” Clover stood and stretched.
“Uh… Yeah, sure. I would love some help.” John had explained that alicorns are slightly smarter than the average fluffy, and it gave you the idea that he might be capable of stuff like weeding and harvesting. You didn’t expect him to volunteer, however.
He gave Lilac an affectionate lick on the cheek before following you to the garden. “These are the weeds here, see the little ones? The big plants need to stay, but these little ones we need gone.” You pulled one up. “Make sure you get the root too, or they’ll come back.”
He sniffed the one you pulled, then found another and gently grabbed it with his teeth and pulled. It came out cleanly, root intact. “Wike dat?”
What a quick study! “Yes! Exactly like that bud! You got this!” The two of you pulled weeds for a while. It took a bit to get him to chat with you like Lilac did, and when he did he didn’t want to talk about his past or his family. Just casual things, his favorite food (berries), Lilac, and how he felt about the herd (didn’t trust them, but didn’t dislike them either). You showed him the plants you grew, explaining how the tomatoes, garlic, and onions could one day become spaghetti. He seemed fascinated, and asked you about each and every plant in the garden and what they would become.
In the evening, with the weeding done, the two of you sat in silence on your back porch, watching the sun set and the fluffies slowly filter into the barn. Lilac eventually came over to join you, snuggling up to her mate. You didn’t realize how lonely you were until the fluffies arrived. You used to go weeks, maybe even months without hearing the sound of your own voice. And your chores definitely went faster with another set of hands- er, teeth to help. Even just sitting in silence felt nicer together. The bag of things you bought at fluffmart was sitting on the porch next to you. You felt silly getting some of it, sure that you would change your mind but… Now you were sure.
“Hey, I have a proposition for you two.”
“Pwopo… wat?” Lilac asked, confused.
You needed to cut back on the big words. “An idea. Actually a question.” You pulled the back over and pulled out two fluff safe collars. “I don’t have space for a safe room, or much stuff I can give you but…” You held out the collars to them, one purple, one gold.
The pair stared at them. “Be… Nyu daddeh…?” Lilac whispered.
“Yeah. If you want. Your choice.”
Your answer came in the form of Lilac taking a flying leap into your arms, wings buzzing. “DADDEH!! WUV YU DADDEH!!”
You dropped the collars and nearly her as well. “Yes sweetheart! I’m your daddy!” You hugged her close to your chest as she wrapped her arms around your neck. She was so warm and soft.
A small sniffle interupted your celebrations. Clover was staring up at you, tears in his big dark eyes. “What’s wrong buddy?”
“Sniff Nice mistah… Wuv munstah?”
You crouched down, shifting Lilac to one arm. “Of course I love you. You’re not a monster bud. You’re a very kind, very smart fluffy and I would be honored to be your daddy.”
He looked down at the collar, then up at Lilac, and finally at you, lip quivering. “…daddeh…” You nodded, feeling tears prick your own eyes. “DADDEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!” He ran into your arms, sobbing. You hugged the pair tight, all three of you sobbing at this point. You hugged for a long time, till you had all cried yourselves out.
Setting the fluffies down, you showed them their collars. “See right there, it says Lilac. And this one says Clover! So other humans will always know your names. And this bit here is my phone number, so if you get lost you can have a human call me and I’ll come get you.”
Lilac sat with her chest puffed while you snapped the purple collar around her neck, wings buzzing. “Tankoo for prettiest cowwar! Wiwac wuv cowwar!!”
“Is pwetty cowwar” Clover agreed, touching his hoof to his own gold collar.
“Now do you want to watch some TV while I make dinner?”
“Wat teebee??” Lilac asked, following you inside.
“Only the American pastime dear! I’ll show you, you’ll love it.”
