[Well, looks like I’m back. Been pretty busy recently, and with the website being down for so long I didn’t really pay much attention to this stuff for a while.]
Part Seven
Buddy carefully nudged the mare, but she didn’t resume moving. Unlike Snowball, who hadn’t realized what had happened yet, he was painfully familiar with what death looked like. True, Snowball could understand death on a conceptual level, at least as well as well-treated domestic fluffy can, but she’d never encountered it face-to-face, and so had no idea what death looked like.
Buddy struggled to hide his reaction, since Snowball was preoccupied with the foals and hadn’t realized yet. Although he found her sheltered behavior annoying at times, he didn’t want her to have to see this, to have the grim reality of fluffy mortality fully realized in her mind. He considered what to do, how to keep Snowball from noticing. Ultimately, however, he didn’t have to do anything.
“Here, let’s get you cleaned up,” mummah said to the clearly deceased mare. Buddy almost sighed in relief when he realized that it was a ploy to get the mare out of the saferoom. Mummah lifted the mare gently, and carried her away, while Snowball remained fixated on the foals, who were peeping and cheeping in hunger
A few minutes later, mummah returned, this time with a pair of bottles with formula for the foals. Although they were walking and had their eyes open, it was likely going to be a few more days before they began to talk, and a while longer still before they could eat solid food. Even so, they were quite large, and the deceased mare had apparently been a very good mummah, since none of them seemed malnourished, a rarity among feral foals.
Setting a bottle aside, mummah picked up the foals one by one, allowing each to have a few mouthfuls of milk before moving on and giving another a chance, to ensure that none of the foals had to wait too long. After a while, both bottles were empty, and mummah set down the last foal with a quiet sigh. The foals, although no longer hungry, were still cheeping, looking around for their mummah, scared of the unfamiliar place.
Buddy knew that the foals would need a new parent, as he was all-to-familiar with what happened to foals without a mummah. But his mind was in turmoil. While he wanted to help them, he knew he wasn’t ready to be a daddeh again. That the scars left by what had happened to his own babbehs were still too fresh. Even now, he felt the gnawing dread, the constant fear that every feral parent felt in a world that was especially cruel to foals.
But, the foals needed help. Without parents, they really didn’t have a chance. In his mind, painful memories battled with a desire to help the foals. He had to help them, but it hurt so much! Tears began to blur his vision, and he turned away so Snowball wouldn’t see.
A gentle hand settled on his shoulders. “It’s okay,” mummah whispered to him, but as much as he wished the words comforted him, they didn’t help at all. If anything, they made it worse. In an instant, his desire to protect Snowball was washed away in a tide of anger and disgust.
“Otay?! NU! NU AM OTAY!”
Snowball started at the loud voice, and looked over in confusion. Her expression slowly turned to horror as Buddy continued.
“Babbehs’ mummah am gu fowebah-sweepies! Hao am dat otay?! Hao am babbeh gon’ wibe nao?”
“Fwuffy gu fowebah-sweepies?” Snowball asked, shock in her voice.
“YUS! AM FOWEBAH-SWEEPIES! NUFFIN AM OTAY!”
Mummah looked stunned, but mustered herself enough to clamp a hand over Buddy’s mouth, reducing his rant to muffled noises.
“Shhhh!” he shushed him. “The foals don’t need to now that!”
Buddy wriggled free enough to speak again. “Babbehs nee’ tu nyo!” he spat. “Nee’ undastan’ wut wowd am!”
“Fuck,” mummah muttered. “Look, Buddy, I’m sorry. That was the wrong thing to say, I know it’s not okay.”
Buddy calmed a little, and began to feel bad about lashing out. He understood that it wasn’t her fault, that she’d just wanted to make him feel better, but keeping all the pain inside was just too hard! He walked into a corner of the room and curled up.
“Buddy nu wan tawk.”
“Mummah…” Snowball finally made herself heard over Buddy’s shouting. “Am babbehs’ mummah gu foweba-sweepies?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Bu…babbehs nee’ mummah.”
“I know. I’ll take care of them for now.”
“Snowbaww wan hewp babbehs. Can Snowbaww be nyu mummah fow babbehs?”
Her question was ignored. Buddy turned around, a bit sheepishly, the flash of anger gone, replaced with shame and self-loathing. He knew this hurt for mummah too, but he hadn’t cared. He’d just made things worse. Buddy awways maek things wowse, he thought.
Even so, he was torn. Of course he wanted the foals to have parents, and he understood Snowball’s desire to help. But he couldn’t do it, not yet. He couldn’t be around babbehs again, couldn’t live with the scars being reopened over and over, seeing them grow like he never could for his own babbehs. “Buddy…wiww be nyu daddeh fow babbehs…” he finally managed.
“Snowbaww an’ Buddy wiww hab babbehs?” Snowball asked, a little excitement in creeping into the sadness in her voice.
“No.”
“Wut?” Buddy asked, shocked. Mummah hadn’t been opposed to the idea of them having foals before, but now she wouldn’t let them take in these foals? What had changed?
“Neither of you are ready. Snowball, I think I’ve sheltered you way too much. Did you even notice what happened with the foals’ mummah?”
“Nu…” Snowball admitted, looking both ashamed and hurt.
“And you, Buddy. I can tell how much making that choice is hurting you, so I’m making it for you. You two aren’t going to adopt these foals.”
“Bu’ babbehs nee’ famiwy!”
“I’ll take care of them until I find someone to take them in. But it’s not either of your responsibilities.”
“Mummah…”
“That’s final. It wouldn’t be fair to you two or the foals.”
Buddy wanted to argue more, but deep down he only felt relief. He wouldn’t have to make that choice, wouldn’t have to reject the foals, hurt Snowball, or have to move on from his old family so fast. Although he couldn’t bring himself to say it, in his mind he murmured Tank 'ou, mummah.
Part Nine
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Interesting curveball, but narratively makes sense. Neither of them are ready but at least they’re aware of it now.
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