Part Eight
Buddy couldn’t sleep. Lately he and Snowball hadn’t been allowed out of the saferoom, to prevent them from interacting with the foals, so he had nowhere to go to avoid hearing Snowball’s quiet sobbing. The poor mare had so desperately wanted babbehs, and having them so close and yet so far was hard on her.
Secretly, however, Buddy was nothing but relieved at mummah’s decision. He understood what she’d said, and although he still felt a little guilt over the whole affair, having the decision taken away had been a huge relief to him. Still, it hurt hearing Snowball so sad. If only he’d been stronger, had been more able to move on, maybe she wouldn’t be hurting so much.
He stared into the darkness, remembering the distant past when he and his special-friend had been raising their babbehs. Tears clung to the fluff on his face as he silently cried. Although he’d moved on, the pain was still as sharp as ever, he’d only let go of the guilt. Guilt he now realized he never should have felt.
With a sigh, he stood and slowly moved over to Snowball, embracing the crying mare. “It am otay. Mummah wiww be gud mummah to babbehs,” he murmured, partly to comfort himself.
…
“Pwease, mummah! Babbehs nee’ mummah! Nee’ huggies an’ wub!”
“Snowball, I’ve already said no. You don’t have any say in this.”
“Bu’ Snowbaww pwomise wiww be gud mummah!”
“It’s not about you wanting to be a good mummah, I just don’t think either of you are ready yet. Especially not Buddy. I’m not going to force him into a situation that’ll only hurt him.”
“If Buddy am weady can babbehs come baek?”
“They’ll be grown and have new families by then, Snowball. I’m not rushing this.”
“Bu’ Buddy am gud fwuffy! Wiww be gud daddeh! Nu nee’ wong!”
Buddy felt a little resentment at the last statement. Not at being called good, at being treated as if he was only an impediment to Snowball getting to take care of the foals. He didn’t want to not be ready, but he knew he wasn’t, and that was that. It wasn’t as if trying to be ready would make any difference. Scars took time to heal.
“Buddy, do you think you’re almost ready to be a daddeh for the foals?”
That hurt. Was mummah rushing him now too? Did they think he was trying to not be ready? Was Snowball getting the foals more important? Did they not care about how much he hurt?
Nevertheless, guilt…no, shame compelled him to answer. “Fwuffy am awmost weady.”
Snowball cried out in delight, but Buddy flinched away as mummah stepped towards him and quickly reached down. “Bad upsies!” he cried as she yanked him into the air.
“Did you just lie to me, Buddy?”
“Nu…fwuffy nu wie…”
Without a word he was carried into the kitchen, and set down on a tall stool. He shook, unable to move out of fear of falling.
“Buddy, why did you lie to me?”
“Buddy nu wan babbehs tu nu hab mummah an’ daddeh…nu wan Snowbaww tu hab saddies.”
Mummah sighed. "Listen, Buddy. I understand that you’re trying to be good and do what’s best, and I love you for that, but I deal with that bullshit enough from two people who both think it’s somehow their responsibility to fix every problem in the world before they even think about fixing their own problems.
“Sometimes we need to be selfish, Buddy, and I think that’s something you need to learn. God, I wish they’d learn that too, but unlike you I can’t just force them to listen. Right now, all you need to do is focus on you, focus on what you need. Nobody else is your responsibility. Do you understand?”
“Buddy undastan’.”
“Good. Now, are you ready to take care of those foals?”
“Nu!”
“Even if Snowball wants to very, very much?”
“Eben den…”
“See? That wasn’t so hard. I wish I knew why grown adults can’t get that idea through their head, but that doesn’t have anything to do with you. Buddy, sometimes you need to think about what you need, instead of what you can give. Now, I need to talk to Snowball for a minute. Stay here.”
She walked back into the saferoom, and for a while there was silence, punctuated only be the occasional word Buddy could barely make out. Soon she returned, and brought him back to the saferoom, where a sobbing Snowball lay on the floor.
As soon as he was set on the floor she ran over to him, still sobbing. “Snowbaww am sowwy! Nu mean tu huwt Buddy! Onwy wan babbehs!”
“It am otay.”
“NU! Nu am otay! Snowbaww gib wowstest heawt-owwies!”
“Snowbaww nu mean tu.”
“Bu’ Snowbaww du it. Snowbaww nu tink ‘bout huwtin’ Buddy, onwy tink 'bout babbehs. Buddy nu desewbe saddies fow babbehs.”
“Listen, both of you. I want you two to be honest about what you need, with each other and with me. I’m not going to punish you for lying to me, or for being inconsiderate; I think you two hurt yourselves more than enough. But in the future, I want you two to treat yourselves and each other better. Do you understand?”
“Snowbaww undastan’.”
“Buddy undastan’.”
“Good.”
Part Ten
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This might be the first instance of someone having to actively teach Fluffies to be selfish for their own benefit.
Honestly I’m impressed, Buddy and Snowball are good for each other but Snowball needs to learn that things are as easy as ‘wan babbeh, get babbeh’ and Buddy needs to learn that he has to put himself first sometimes.
It’s gonna hurt like hell, but I’'ve got hope.
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I’ve had conversations like this with PEOPLE. Hell, one time I actually admitted to not wanting kids and the shocked response I got from other people was quite surprising to me.
“How could you not? I think you’re denying someone a great dad!”
Uhm…
Yes, this is so relateable its not even funny. I wonder if @MuffinMantis has heard the human version of this conversation a few times.
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Oh dear.