Christmas Fluffies: Accidental Purchase [by Maple]

You are… well you’re someone, you’re pretty sure. Or you were. Who knows anymore. Not you, for sure. With a mixture of various street drugs and research chemicals, you’ve unlocked secrets unknown to the lesser man. You can see how everything connects, how it all links together like gears in a clock to make the universe tick along. Everything made sense in this state, and would be lost to you upon sobriety. Even your notes made no sense to your sober self, so you tried to stay in this state as much as possible. How could you possibly go back to the world of the ignorant after you’d seen the truth?

A knock on the door startled you, and you stared up at it from your living room floor. Your best thoughts came when you were as grounded as possible, which was also why you weren’t wearing pants.

Who could be accosting you tonight? Had they finally found you? So many profited from hiding the truth, people like you were a threat to their machinations. You knew that they would come for you eventually, and so you kept yourself armed.

Grabbing the pistol you kept stashed in the couch cushions, you slowly approached the door. The knocking came again, and you nearly shot through it blindly. Calming yourself, you pressed yourself against the wall next to the door. “Who’s there?”

“Delivery!” A woman’s voice called back.

She didn’t sound like one of them, but maybe they sent someone less intimidating to keep you from getting suspicious. You could see the connections though, the sharp wires pulling everything into its place, you wouldnt be fooled so easily.

“Just set it on the mat.” You replied.

“Are you sure? It’s pretty cold and-”

“JUST SET IT ON THE MAT!” You pointed the pistol through the wall at the voice, ready to fire at a moments noice.

“Alright, jeeze. Merry Christmas to you too.” You heard the sound of a package drop, then her walk away. A truck engine started up, and you watched through the peephole of the door till it was out of sight.

What could they be planning? Was this some sort of bait? A bomb?? If they were planning on ambushing you when you opened the door you should ignore the package, but if it was some sort of device meant to kill you you’d need to get to it before it went off. You deliberated for a moment, weighing your options. You were smarter than them. They could see it all, but they couldn’t understand it like you.

Putting together your plan, you carefully crept across your house to the kitchen. Vaulting over the filthy sink, you tumbled silently out the window and into the dead back yard. You quickly recovered and got to your feet, pressing your back against the house. There was no sign of them, so you cautiously made your way to the front yard.

On your mat, exactly as you requested, was a small brown box. You could see holes in the sides of it. Cameras? Some sort of bioweapon? You did a quick scan of the area, seeing no one, you approached the package carefully. It was a little larger than a shoebox, with a separate lid. There was no label or anything on it, and in the dull glow of the neighbors christmas lights you could just see something moving inside. You trained your pistol on it, unsure as to what it could be. You didn’t know what they were capable of, nevermind what they would want with you.

With a sudden movement the lid flew off the box and an orange and red fluffy with its hooves outstretched popped out. “MEWWY CWISMUS NYU DADD-”


The creature collapsed in a pile of gore and fluff back into the box as your shaking hands pulled the trigger of your now empty pistol over and over again. Why would they send you a fluffy? Did it have some sort of disease? A listening device?? You slowly approached the bloody, twitching corpse, keeping the barrel of your gun trained on it.

It was a nice color, you had to admit that. If you were going to spend money on one of these creatures you’d pick one like it. Your money was carefully allocated, though. Rent, drugs, research, food, and then what scraps were left could be spent on frivolous purchases like this one.

You blinked as a memory surfaced, a manic day weeks ago when the mixture of chemicals wasn’t as perfect as you liked it to be. Shopping wildly, you were purchasing anything that caught your eye. It was a hassle to get it all canceled and you couldn’t get it all returned so you had to live with all the stupid gadgets and knick knacks you thought were essential in the moment. You remembered the purchase from Biogrift on your credit card, wondering what it was.

You felt very silly as you put the lid back on the gorey package. They had nothing to do with this. As you dropped it into your outdoor trash can, you did feel prepared for when they did come for you. They wouldn’t catch you unaware.


If you want a request of your own or to see the others I’ve finished, the post is here!



(With all appreciation for MarcusMaximus)


… god dam