Warning: minor spoilers for the Hatred Saga.
It’s another peaceful afternoon in Blueberry’s Forest, and at the Fonda cabin, Tommy, Woodstock, Blueberry, Calvin and Marley sample the latest crop from Pierre’s greenhouses, the fluffies casually lounging around on the veranda.
Maria’s in town with Moonflower, running some errands again.
Calvin has a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, and the tub has a picture of him in his battle suit on it, with the words “Death by Choc-Cal-Late”.
He’s eating it using a hard light construct of a spoon, and MIKA, his Endo-Klyn Suit, is currently in street clothes mode.
There’s a few more tubs in a cooler, also sporting the Ben & Jerry’s logo, and Calvin summoned up a little cloud, courtesy of Mallow, which is snowing on the cooler, keeping the contents nice and cold on this balmy afternoon.
Calvin’s found all sorts of handy little tricks to use his powers for.
Tommy looks at the tub of ice cream in Cal’s hands.
“Man, no one told me the new ChaotiX flavors came out.”
“Actually, they’re coming out on Calvin Korkea Day, but Ben & Jerry’s sent me this cooler to taste-test it before it hits store shelves. Want one?”
“Sure, what other flavors are there?”
Calvin puts his tub of ice cream on a nearby table, and rummages in the cooler.
“Let’s see… we’ve got Rocky Rhoades’ Rocky Road… A Splash of Sea Salt… Howl at the Full Moon Pie, that one’s Rex’s flavor… looks like Konba and Eira’s suggestions for meat-flavored ice cream were rejected…”
Marley nods.
“Mebbeh dey wud wike it awn Vah-jaw-see ow Pwi-maw Uwf, but dat nu wud be a big seww-ew hewe.”
Blueberry looks at the cooler.
“Am dewe a fway-vow fow Bwuebewwy in dewe, Caw?”
“Not yet, Big Blue, but that’s a no-brainer. So which one you want, Tom?”
“Gimme one of that Splash of Sea Salt.”
Calvin tosses a tub to Tommy, and Tommy just barely catches it.
“Thanks, man. I’m gonna go grab a spoon.”
As Tommy gets up and heads inside, Woodstock watches him.
“Woodstock neba huwd of puttin sawties in ice cweem bee-fowe. Ice cweem am sup-post tu be sweet, wite?”
Calvin takes another bite of his ice cream.
“I think most people only know that sea salt ice cream is a thing because of Kingdom Hearts. But Japan’s got all kindsa weird ice cream flavors. Like wasabi, and even horse meat.”
“…Dey nu haf fwuffy meaties fway-vow ice cweem, du dey?”
“Pretty sure they don’t, Woodstock. Not sure if fluffy abuse is banned there yet, but give it time.”
Tommy exits the cabin, a spoon in hand, already digging in.
“This stuff is tasty. Woodstock, you wanna try it?”
“Suwe.”
After Tommy sits back down, he gives Woodstock a spoonful.
“Huh. Dis nu am as bad as Woodstock ess-peck-ted.”
“See, whaddid I tell ya?”
Calvin creates two more hard light spoons, directing them with flicks of his finger to give Marley and Blueberry spoonfuls of ice cream.
“Don’t want you to feel left out, guys.”
“Fanks, daddeh. Su wen am Mawwey gunna git a fway-vow?”
“They’re still working on that, Mar. Experimenting with flavor combinations and whatnot. Obviously, they wanna go for something with red and yellow swirls.”
Calvin strokes Marley’s mane.
“I dunno if there’s gonna be a flavor for every team member, but we can always branch out. Suzy’s been talking about doing breakfast cereals next.”
“It’s gonna be a bowl fulla little Xs in octagons, huh.”
“Probably. I said it should be chocolate flavor.”
“Man, you like chocolate almost as much as you like bacon, dont’cha?”
Calvin smirks.
“There’s two kinds of people in this world, Tommy: people who like chocolate, and people who don’t have souls.”
Meanwhile, over at Pierre’s cabin, in the dodo pen, Pierre and Dot are watching another dodo egg hatch with identical looks of childish glee on their faces, like little kids unwrapping their Christmas presents.
“It’s always so exciting, isn’t it?”
“Yus, mistah Piewwe. Dawt am wookin fowwawd tu gibin da babbeh siwwy biwdie huggies.”
“I’d wait a bit for that.”
One of the adult dodos waddles over to Dot, and snuggles with her.
When that dodo hatched, it wound up imprinting on Dot, and to this day, the dodo believes that she is its mother.
Dodos are rather stupid birds, naturally. That is possibly one of the reasons they get along with fluffies so well. The average fluffy isn’t really much smarter than a dodo, but the Cabal’s still working on that.
Fortunately, Dot’s had at least one litter by now, so she’s got some experience with babies, and Pierre’s had dodo chicks imprint on him. So it wasn’t a big problem. He’s dealt with that before.
The first generation of dodos that Pierre cloned all imprinted on him, because, of course, they didn’t have parents to imprint on, and they would follow him everywhere he went, if he didn’t keep the pen’s gate firmly locked.
Incidentally, there’s a force field around the pen now. Like the one blocking off that boulder with the portal to Primal Earth, there’s a whitelist.
Pierre’s learned to not mess around with half measures.
Meanwhile, a short distance away, one of the reasons for that force field watches Pierre and Dot watching the egg hatch through a pair of binoculars.
A man in a ghillie suit.
"Kut. Nu kunnen we echt niet die dodos bereiken."
A second man in a ghillie suit, right next to the first one, chimes in with a disguised voice.
“Tja, dan denk ik dat jullie net zo goed naar huis kunnen gaan.”
“Misschien heb je een-- JEZUS CHRISTUS, HOE LANG WAS JE DAAR?!?”
The other man laughs as he pulls his ghillie suit’s mask off, revealing a second mask underneath, a silver skull mask.
“Buddy, I was here before you got here. Sorry, but you can’t play that game better than I can. Let’s go have a chat, shall we?”
He claps a hand on the first man’s shoulder before the idiot can get up and run away.
blip
Back at the Fonda cabin, Calvin glances in the direction of the men in the ghillie suits.
“Looks like Victor made his move.”
He shrugs.
“Eh. You guys wanna see a new trick Olaf taught me?”
The others nod, so Calvin looks around, his eyes lingering on a random flower.
He points at it.
PEWSSH
And fires a ray of icy blue energy at the flower, that freezes it solid.
“Pretty neat, huh? Olaf just calls it cryo-energy. Him and Zamorozit developed that during the whole Cunning Man thing.”
“Far out, man. Man, kinda wish that I’d get a new power.”
Blueberry grins at Tommy.
“Yu gut it bettah den Bwuebewwy. Bwuebewwy am smawt, but am stiww fih-sik-wee a now-maw fwuffy.”
“Yeah, but you’ve got the Blaukörper! I can heal people and see what’s really there, that’s it! If I wasn’t here that night, I woulda been in major trouble!”
Calvin puffs on his atomica with a shrewd smile.
“Tommy, dude, aren’t you supposed to be a pacifist?”
“Well, yeah, but there’s plenty of non-violent ways us X-Positives can use our powers.”
Tommy gestures at the tiny cloud snowing on the cooler, and the hard light spoons.
“You see my point, man?”
Calvin laughs, because he does.
“Okay, fair enough. Welp, maybe you’ll get lucky.”
Woodstock nods.
“Keep in mine, daddeh, dat Woodstock nu gut anee powahs.”
He gets up and stretches.
“Woodstock am gunna gu see wut Wakko am duin, otay?”
“Yeah, sure, tell 'im we said hi.”
As Woodstock waddles over to the Brownie Palace, Blueberry gets up too.
“An Bwuebewwy gutta gu see how da west of da hewd am duin. Bwuebewwy am da smawty, af-tew aww.”
As Blueberry waddles after Woodstock, Tommy gets up next.
“And I’ve gotta go check the oven. Got another couple of batches of white chocolate brownies cookin’.”
Which is why Maria took Moonflower into town.
Calvin raises an eyebrow.
“Tommy, you didn’t really leave the oven unattended, did you?”
“Relax, man! I got someone keepin’ an eye on it.”
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, a small spherical drone bobs around the room, humming to itself in a feminine electronic voice.
“Hmm-hmm-hmm…”
As Tommy walks in and puts his ice cream in the freezer, he nods at the drone.
“Sup, Athena. How’re they coming along?”
The drone hovers over to the oven.
“I estimate that the brownies will be fully baked in five minutes and thirty seconds, Tommy.”
“Right on time. Say, have you ever thought about asking Pierre to build you a body?”
“Well, he’s offered it, but I’m still on the fence. Clara doesn’t need one, her body is a car.”
Clara is the AI in Pierre’s flying car, which is currently parked outside his cabin.
Athena, the AI steering that drone, is the resident AI in Pierre’s cabin, but she’s got excellent range and is happy to help the neighbors too.
Faucheuse AIs tend to be good at multitasking.
Tommy rummages in the cupboards, taking out everything he needs to make frosting.
Then he opens the fridge, pulling out the monster jar of cannabis butter.
“Man, it’s gonna be hard as a rock.”
He calls through the open screen door.
“Hey, Cal! Ya mind softening up this butter for me?”
Calvin enters, and as Tommy places the jar on the counter, Calvin places his hand on the jar.
Calvin concentrates for a few seconds, his palm glowing a burning red.
Then he takes his hand off the jar, and as he shakes his hand like something smelly is stuck to it, his palm cools down.
“That oughta do it. Soft enough to spread on toast, but not melted. Took me a while to master that trick.”
Tommy opens the jar and tests it, sliding a knife in and out of the greasy, cannabis-infused contents.
“Perfect, man. Thanks again.”
“No problem.”
“Ya wanna help make the frosting? I’ll let ya lick the whisk.”
“Sure, why not?”
Meanwhile, on the veranda, Marley has found himself alone, humming Eric Carmen’s All by Myself.
He looks at the tub of ice cream Calvin left on the table, another little snow cloud keeping it cold, the atomicas Calvin and Tommy were smoking in an ashtray next to it.
Calvin had to dispel the spoons before he helped Tommy.
“Heh. Dewe am nu spoon.”
The Korkea family binged the entire The Matrix quadrilogy last night.
After the first one, they weren’t really sure why they bothered watching the rest.
Marley shrugs, heading into the cabin.
Outside the Brownie Palace, the home of the Fluffy Cartel, Blueberry talks with Yin-Yang, his best friend and the Cartel’s head toughie, the Captain of the Guard.
“Aneefing tu wee-powt, Yin-Yang?”
Yin-Yang shakes his head.
“Nu, Bwuebewwy. Am anudda pees-fuw bwite time.”
Blueberry grins at his trusty second in command.
“Hey, nu nyus am gud nyus, wite?”
ZOOM
Zip, the herd’s chief messenger, arrives in the blink of an eye, wearing fluffy-sized saddlebags and his new hat.
“Gowdenwod sends him wee-gawds.”
The hat is red, with a black brim, a little white emblem that looks like a fluffy’s head, and white wings on the sides.
Zip insisted on that last one.
He’s essentially the Cartel’s Postmaster General. He possesses the power of superspeed, which makes him a pretty damn good messenger.
Blueberry nods.
“Gud, gud. We gut anudda biz-niz meetin wif Gowdenwod hewd nex bwite time.”
One of the younger toughies looks at Zip. He happened to be listening to his boss chatting with his boss.
“How am Zip su fasties, aneeway?”
Zip turns to him.
“Cuz Zip am Ess-Paw-sih-tif.”
Then he points a hoof at a tree several feet away.
“Yu wanna see Zip wun tu dat twee an back?”
The young toughie nods, and Zip grins at him.
“Yu wanna see Zip du it again?”
Meanwhile, in the nearby town, in one of the rooms of the motel, several men in Dutch naval uniforms sit around the table, the captain idly drumming his fingers on it.
blip
Suddenly, a hooded mystery man with a skull mask is standing on the table, holding an unconscious man in a ghillie suit with one hand, and the sailors jump in fright.
WHUMP
The mystery man tosses the man onto one of the beds and speaks up, his voice disguised and his tone weary.
“I know where your ship is. If it’s not sailing back across the Atlantic by this time tomorrow, I’m gonna sink it. Won’t be the first time I sink a ship, jongens.”
The captain glares indignantly at the mystery man.
“Wij zijn niet bang voor jou, makker! Wij zijn Nederlandse zeemannen, en wij hebben engere dingen gezien in het KIM! Jij bent een vriend van de kut-wetenschapper, toch? Ben jij ook een ChaotiX-lid?”
One of the other sailors groans.
“Zeg niet dat jij die klootzak Victor bent!”
The mystery man laughs.
“Even if I am Victor, you can’t prove it. For all you know, I could be Cal. Or Chaos. Or maybe I’m actually Pierre, using a Remote Body. You’ll never know for sure. So are you guys gonna give up and go home, or do I seriously have to go to war against the Dutch Navy? C’mon! There’s no way for you to get those damn dodos now! For fuck’s sake, just fold, already!”
The captain sneers at him.
“Dodos jagen is wat Nederlandse zeemannen doen.”
“Dude! This shit got old years ago!”
The mystery man takes a moment to calm down, and shrugs.
“Y’know what, fuck it. Since you really wanna die on this hill, I give up. There’s a couple more portals to Primal Earth in the vicinity of the city, neither of which have a force field blocking them off. If you can find 'em, you can go ahead and hunt all the dodos you want. But I think I should warn you that there’s plenty of creatures on Primal Earth that’ll want to hunt you. You wanna flip that coin, not my problem if it comes up tails. So do what you want, just don’t come crying to me when a T-Rex eats you. One group of you morons already died that way. Honestly, I won’t even complain if the dinotites get ya.”
The captain raises an eyebrow.
“En waar precies zijn die portalen?”
“Woah, I’m not gonna make it that easy for you. I’ll say that there is a way to find those portals, but I’m not going into specifics. If you’re too dumb to figure it out, that’s still a win for me. But if you’re smart, you’ll heed my warning and go back to the Netherlands. Sinking your ship is still an option, guys.”
blip
Like that, the mystery man vanishes without another word.
The sailors look at each other.
“Kapitein?”
“Ja, jongen?”
“Wat in godsnaam is een dinotite?”
“Ik heb echt geen flauw idee.”
A determined look appears on the captain’s face.
“Maar ik denk dat wij zullen zien wat een dinotite is. Jullie hebben die klootzak gehoord! Er zijn meer van de portalen!”
He stands up, inadvertently knocking his chair over backwards.
“Wie weet, misschien is er ook zo’n portaal in onze thuisland! Of ergens anders in Europa! Ze kunnen niet allemaal in Amerika zijn, toch?”
He points dramatically at the door.
"Dus, laten we terug naar het schip gaan! Wij zullen die klootzak laten denken dat wij opgeven! Zodra we thuis zijn, gaan we op zoek naar die portalen! En zodra wij op die Primal Earth zijn…"
He rubs his hands in anticipation.
“…oh, dan gaat het smullen worden!”
Then he notices his comrade in the ghillie suit, still unconscious.
"Oh ja. Eerst moeten we Doornroosje daar wakker maken…"
At Pierre’s cabin, Pierre and Dot marvel at the sight of the newly hatched dodo chick, which fortunately imprinted on its actual mother this time.
As they watch the chick follow its mother around the pen, Victor arrives in street clothes, leaning on the fence.
“Pierre. Got a little development in the you-know-what situation.”
As Victor looks meaningfully at the dodos, Pierre sighs.
“I suppose we should discuss it in private. Athena, would you mind?”
Another drone hovers above the pen, Athena speaking through it.
“Of course not, Doctor. I’ll keep an eye on our feathery little friends.”
It was said that Faucheuse AIs are good at multitasking.
Dot beams up at Pierre.
“Yu can cownt awn Dawt tuu, mistah Piewwe.”
“Merci! Alright then…”
Pierre exits the pen, leading Victor into the cabin.
Once they’re inside, Dot looks back at the newborn dodo chick and its mother, smiling at the teeny-tiny bird-brained baby bird.
“Wew-come tu da wowwd, babbeh biwdie.”
“wark!”