“Do you really need to chew me out like that in front of my girlfriend?” Derrick scuffed his shoe on the snow as he and his roommate walked along, crossing a bridge on their way back to their shared apartment.
“I’m sorry dude, but like. You need to start paying rent. I can’t keep supporting your broke ass while you wait for your ‘streaming career’ to take off,” Lucas said. “Let me help you out. I’ll ask my boss-”
“Naw, it’s alright. I can handle it mysel-”
“HEWP! HEWP! PWEASE HEWP! HUUUHUU!” The two guys stopped and looked down. A little purple shape clung to a stick in the water- a fluffy pony.
“Haha, oh shit!” Lucas took out his phone and opened the camera, “My brother loves seeing these stupid things die. I gotta show him this!”
Derrick watched, looking over the railing of the bridge. The fluffy’s head dipped and bobbed under the water as it struggled to hold onto the branch.
“Hewwwp!” it turned its big blue eyes up towards the pair of humans, “Pwease, mistews! Pwease!”
Derrick felt a lump in his throat as the drowning creature made eye contact, breaking it when its head went under. The cries for help were becoming replaced with coughing and gurgling as the creature’s head spent less and less time between dips.
He couldn’t take it anymore. Derrick jogged down to the side of the river, even as Lucas shouted in confusion. Derrick reached for the branch, but it was too far. He grabbed a stick to try to pull it over, but couldn’t get a good hold on the branch. “Goddamn it.”
Derrick took his backpack and hoodie off, setting them on the bank. He stepped into the river, feeling the mud suck against his shoes with every wet step. He was knee deep now, and the slow murky water was lined with slick stones. He slipped and landed on his hands, filthy water splashing all over his clothes. “Motherfucker…”
He looked up and met the eyes of the pony. At least he had fallen in the right direction. Derrick leaned against a part of the bridge for balance and grabbed the pathetic lump of wet fur. He held it close as he walked onto the bank. He wrapped the little animal in his hoodie and grabbed his backpack.
Looking up he was surprised to see Lucas still filming, joined by a few other spectators. Derrick’s face flushed red. “Haha, known you my whole life and I never knew you were a hugboxer!” Lucas giggled shoving the phone in Derrick’s face.
“Shut up. Let’s go home,” Derrick grunted.
The shivering wad of fur looked up at him. “N-n-nyu daddededeh?”
“Ugh…”
◇◇◇
Derrick and the fluffy sat on the floor pushing a ball back and forth when Lucas came running into the room.
“Dude! I think your rent problem is solved! For this month at least.”
“Yeah? And how’s that?”
Lucas turned his laptop around to give Derrick a view of the screen. It was Derrick saving the fluffy, edited dramatically and set to heartwarming music. Under it a view counter was going up and up, already in the tens of thousands. “Hugboxers are eating this shit UP!”
Derrick stood up angrily and slammed the ball into the floor. “You fucking posted that?”
Lucas pulled the laptop back. “Hey! Be glad I have a monetized channel! You’re making money from this! Besides, other people had their phones out, it was going online whether you wanted it to or not.”
Derrick groaned and slumped against the wall. The purple fluffy climbed into his lap and snuggled against his chest. “It otay daddeh!”
Lucas’s phone started pinging with notifications. “DUDE! Fluffalo News wants to license it! And Fluff TV! This is awesome!”
“Yippee! Good news fow daddeh!”
◇◇◇
Lucas and Derrick strolled through downtown, both in new shoes. As much as it pained him to admit it, the revenue from the rescue video had been a boon. But, it was starting to run thin. And cute videos of Bunbun, Derrick, and his girlfriend just weren’t netting the same views.
So Lucas had an idea- they’d do it again.
Well, not exactly. But finding a fluffy in need of help in downtown shouldn’t be a problem. Plus, Lucas had noted that fluffy grooming videos had been trending, and a filthy alley feral would be the perfect excuse to hop on the bandwagon.
It didn’t take long. “Hewp! Fwuffy no wike dawk no-smeww pwetty sowwy can!”
The boys walked over to a rattling aluminum trash can and Lucas pulled out his phone.
“Hey, it’s alright!” Derrick said to the trash can as he lifted the lid. “Oh. Are you in here?”
“YESSS CWEAMY HEWE!” a scream came from a black, tied off trash bag. Of course this wasn’t going to be clean and easy.
Derrick ripped open the bag and gagged as the stench of garbage and shit burned his eyes and nose. He reminded himself of the money and started to sift through the trash. Finally he pulled out a greasy green-brown creature.
“Nyu daddeh fow Cweamy?”
◇◇◇
Creamy shrieked and squealed as the pressure hose blasted into his fur. The boys were borrowing some tools from Lucas’s sister who detailed cars.
Derrick used a drill brush to scrub shampoo into the creature’s fur. Rivers of muck ran off the fluffy and fountains of shit burst out of it. After the scrub, it was time for another blast with the hose. He used a squeegee to pull water from the creature’s fur. Derrick had to admit- the force of the hose and the squeals while grinding the squeegee across the little rat’s fur was oddly satisfying.
This process was repeated again and again, until the off-white fluff was revealed and the water ran clear.
Lucas threw Derrick a blow-dryer and comb for the final touch. At last, Creamy was dry, warm, and plush. There was just one problem.
Creamy was also dead.
“FUCK,” Derrick shouted as the fluffy limply flopped on the counter. “I dug through the trash and got covered in shit for NOTHING.”
Lucas shut off the phone. “Dude, chill out. It’s fine. Just pose it like it’s sitting, I can just put a filter on it and do before-and-after photos.”
Derrick mumbled. This felt gross. “And if someone asks about him? We can’t use him for more videos.”
Lucas shrugged. “We’ll just say he got adopted. Nobody will ever know. Let’s just be more careful next time, yeah?”
Derrick groaned. “Next time?”
◇◇◇
I fucking fat-fingered the publish button. I plan on doing more and seeing how grim I can go.