Day 1: Monday
9:45 PM. So the professor told us we can get extra credit for taking care of a fluffy for 30 days. I figure an A+ in this class can make up for a C- in accounting. Challenge accepted.
The FluffMart is just off campus so it was easy to swing by and pick up a fluffy and a starter kit. It smelled like not enough air freshener was used to cover up the litter boxes. Plexiglas sided pens were full of all ages of fluffies, from tiny foals that couldn’t talk to multiple generations of fluffy families being sold together. I picked up a full grown light blue pegasus fluffy named Elf. The babies were cute an all but the clerk said this fluffy was already fully potty trained and fixed. I gotta admit, he was kinda cute the way he talked about “Be Ewf’s nu daddeh?” and then prancing for joy when I said yes.
The fluffy, a basic litter box and food bowl set plus a simple bag of toys and blocks and a few cans of Sketti rang up to just over $100. Thank god the professor is covering the startup costs otherwise it would be ramen and hotdogs till exam time.
Elf settled in quickly, chased some balls and squealed with joy when I opened up the can of Sketti. He’s asleep on my lap right now as I type this. It’s nice to have a little creature loving you unconditionally.
Day 2: Tuesday
So I left the window open to cool the apartment while I was at school. Apparently my neighbor’s cat took this as an invitation to come in via the fire escape and “play” with my fluffy. I found the Elf in the corner, hooves over his eyes, in a puddle of urine and faeces. The cat was just sitting there, occasionally batting at Elf when he tried to move. I have no idea how long the cat tortured Elf but I know my mom’s cat would spend hours on a mouse before killing it.
I chased the cat out the window and ran over to Elf. I couldn’t find any claw marks or broken bones but he was in obvious distress, just sitting there, chanting “Wan Die, Wan Die” over and over again. I washed him up as best as I could but it made no difference. It was late enough that all I could do is put him in his fluffy bed and hope he feels better in the morning. I left a plate of Sketti next to him, hoping it would help him cope.
Day 3: Wednesday
8:00 AM: No change. The sketti hasn’t been touched and he didn’t use the litter box. Cleaning up shit is not a good way to start the morning.
3:35 PM: Between classes I did some research. It sounds like the “Wan-Die” loop isn’t something they just snap out of no matter how much care they get and most recommend euthanasia. One poster, “Zyklon88” claimed to successfully broken fluffy ponies out of the loop with direct application of high voltage. He then proceeded to describe in nauseating detail how he drove a fluffy to and cured a fluffy from wan die 48 times before it finally perished. Brain bleach needed.
On the plus side, I have a neon sign generator from an old art project that looks like it might do the trick. I’ll have to try it tonight.
6:57 PM: Elf’s still just whimpering and mumbling. I figured electroshock was my only option. The instructions said to hook up one electrode just behind the ears and the other just below the eyes and hit them for 5 shocks of 5 seconds each. Lets see how this works.
7:15 PM: The room smells of burnt hair and cooked meat. I had to yank the batteries out of the fire alarm to get it to stop beeping and I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a letter from my landlord due to the screaming.
The first shock stopped Elf from crying, so progress, but he was still catatonic. The second shock caused spark that caught his fluff on fire. I tried to pat it out but the transformer was still active so the fluffy was hooked up to 5000 volts, giving me a nasty shock. In the time it took me to recover from the shock, unplug the transformer and grab a pitcher of water to put out the fire it had completely engulfed the poor fluffy. It was still screaming, covered in burns and burnt fur from head to tail. I ended up clubbing it to death with the transformer to put it out of it’s misery.
I’m going to get drunk. My paper will be late. Just letting you know why.