Uni the Unicorn aka Two Lesbians in a Fluffy Pony Suit:
Part 1: At least it pays the bills.
Please note that this story is set 10 weeks from the posting date.
Also, due to complaints about the length of my stories and people being unable to ‘follow’ who is speaking, I have added different fonts as an experiment. Please tell me if it helps out any.
Humans speak in Trechbucket MS
Fluffy Ponies speak in Ar Cena
>Be a animatronics designer by the name of Natasha Googaluv, ‘Tasha’ to your friends, but instead of your dream job, you ended up flipping burgers. Seemed the market for animatronics had dropped off the map with the advent of CGI.
>Fuck CGI, fuck it in it’s pixelated ass. looks like shit, everyone can spot it a mile away.
>George Lucas, we’re talking to you.
>Have a Gal-Pal called Samantha ‘Sammy’ Connors, who got her doctorate in animal studies, specifically Fluffy Pony Psychology…or more specifically, HOW TO MARKET SHIT TO FLUFFY PONIES AND THEIR OWNERS.
>Together you came up with the idea of a quick television show expressely for Fluffy Ponies.
>You developed the ‘Fluffy Suit’, while ‘Sammy’ used a host of Fluffy Ponies, tame and feral, Earth Fluffy, Pegasus and Unicorn, to test various colours of fluff and mane and tail until she found the ‘ultimate’ combination.
>Basically Princess Molestia colouration. Go figure.
>‘Ultimate’ meaning incredibly attractive to Fluffy Ponies. Mares want to be ‘just like’ Uni, which caused a trend of Fluffy Pony Mares wandering around with bleached fluff and pale dusky-pink manes., Stallions would give you every spaghetti in the world just to kiss Uni’s hooves, let alone the whole ‘Special Hugs’ bull-crap.
>Called it the ‘Uni the Unicorn Show’ and the basic premise was it followed the titular character as she led a Herd of Fluffies in an oversized garden.
>How to be good Fluffies and not get the shit knocked out of them by the increasingly short-tempered population.
>Thought it might be worth a bit on money.
>Turned out to be a lot of money, enough to pay off your university loan fees on the spot and enough money so you could actually buy a house together. Kept your intellectual rights to the character, but sold the show rights to an educational filming house.
>Close to six million Fluffy Ponies tune in every morning to watch you. No shit, Six Million Fluffy Ponies. You get more viewers than most Kid Cartoons.
>Sell hundreds of thousands of Uni Dolls every month. There are thousands more ‘dolls’ of the other characters in the show, but the Uni Dolls are always in demand.
>Minor accident with the chinese production line resulted in them making a Uni-coloured ‘Lyra Doll’.
>IE has a silk-lined ‘vagoo’ at the back. The whole thing is filled with foam, so the dolls are easily washed and hung out to air dry, but given the rate at which the Fluffy Ponies go through their dolls, it seems every three months a new Uni the Unicorn doll is ‘required’.
>This ‘Error’ makes the dolls all the more desireable to the sick fucks out there. Apparently every Fluffy Stallion. Ever. So the ‘mix up’ line ended up being your primary product.
>Preparing for today’s show with Sammy, getting into the costume, which is a two-piece set, with the controls for Uni’s ‘Head’ and ‘Face’ at your end, and the rear end and tail under Sarah’s control.
>Hollow aluminium ‘ribs’ prevent the latex ‘skin’ of the suit from falling down on you both, but the suit gets so damn hot … haven’t figured out how to install air-conditioning in the suit, so can only ‘pilot’ it for about 10-15 minutes outdoors, maybe 20 minutes indoors in the AC.
>“So … why is it you feel compelled to grab my bum like that?” You ask your ‘co-star’, Sammy, grinning around your cigarette.
>“Well, you’ve got to hold onto the best things in life, 'Tasha.” Sarah grins back.
>Both of you are wearing day-glo pink bicycle shorts and tank-tops, only clothing small enough and airy enough to wear for long under the Latex Suit without you both passing out from heat-stroke.
>The other ‘Actors’ are all men, so they can just wear boxer shorts. Lucky bastards.
>“Oi, oi, enough of that crap, we’re filming in ten!” The director shouts. God, the breaks never seem to last long enough on this cheap-ass show.
>Back into the suit…yep, Sarah’s fondling your ass again. God dammit, not in the suit!
>Today’s script is … Uni and Friends play with the Ball.
>Oh God.
>Trundle out onto the set, peering out through the small visor under ‘Uni’s’ head.
> “Uni” is a Pure Snow-White Fluffy and a dusky-pink mane that comes down to her ‘knees’. No Wings, for Copyright Reasons, of course.
>Original version had to be scrapped after the ‘Trained’ Fluffy Ponies got into it. It was salvageable, but the smell just could not be gotten out of the Latex …
>Mares and Foals wriggling through the fluff, telling ‘Uni’ how much they loved her. That wasn’t the bad part … in fact it was adorable, up until the Stallions turned up.
>The Stallions just could not contain their lust. Their Goddess, ‘Uni’, was just lying there, ‘asleep’ and their baser instincts took hold.
>Scores of Fluffy Stallions humping Uni’s backside, her belly, her face, every part that they could get to, sending the Mares and Foals shrieking away from their ‘Idol’ in a panic as the lust-driven Males covered every square inch they could find with their own bodies.
>Created so much static electricity between their own fluff and ‘Uni’s’ synthetic silk Fluff that they almost reset themselves. Was hilarious to hear the Cleaner describe Fluffies humping furiously then squeaking in alarm as little arcs of static electricity jumped out and ‘zapped’ between Fluffy Ponies.
>Their lustful rendition of “EEEENF EEEENF squeak EEEEENF!” was enough to make the show filming next door complain to the producers.
>Kinda hard to do a somber moment when your actors cannot stop bursting into laughter at two dozen little voices giving vent to their lust and desire a few meters away.
>Had to use Humans in Furry Suits after that. Mares and Foals were alright, but the damn Stallions had figured out that ‘Uni’s’ Fluff was the softest of them all, and even if they couldn’t find the ‘Naughty Place’, it still felt good.
>Next ‘Show’ you were trying to shoot, live no less, eight of the damn things climbed up your legs and clung to Uni’s backside, thrusting away wildly and proclaiming ‘Softest Pwot Evah!’
>Ad-libbed that they were naughty Fluffies, and made you upset, and should not jump Mares just because the Stallions felt Naughty.
>Minor hiccup, censors let it slide as a ‘educational’ video. Damn episode ended up on the internet, passed back and forth by the sick fucks who get their rocks off fucking the Uni the Unicorn dolls.
>Stallions were booted out of the set, left to wander the alleyways as strays after that. The Mares and the Foals were rehomed as quickly as possible. You still hear them sobbing in your dreams, that they loved ‘Uni’, why did they have to leave, they were Good Fluffies!
>Ended up that Fluffies in Hollywood were quite eager to share their homes with such ‘celebrities’, however, so that ended well. You think.
>Poor Sammy was horrified, however. Damn things were hard up against the Latex ‘body’ of the suit and pounding furiously against Sammy’s back and thighs, she still has nightmares of being molested by giant cotton-wool balls some nights.
>“Hewwo fwiends, Uni wuv yuu!” You say loudly, manipulating the levers in Uni’s ‘chest’ to make her mouth move in time to your voice. “How awe yuu?”
>Lift a leg and ‘wave’ it at the Camera.
>Wait ten seconds for the ‘audience’ to wave back.
>“Uni happy to see yuu aww again. Today, Uni an’ Fwiends gun be pwayin’ wit Baww! Yuu aww haf yuu Bawws?” You ask as the other actors, on all fours in their ‘Fluffy Suits’, shuffle in, pushing the ‘Baww’ with them.
>Actually, it’s a guy in a suit rigged with lights inside a giant inflatable ball with a foot-wide ‘clear strip’ for him to see out of. ‘Baww’ is the friend of the show’s Fluffies.
>Another tragedy there. Poor guy could barely see out in the first version of the ‘Baww’, ran over two batches of Foals by accident once. Thankfully You and Sammy had goofed your positioning for the shot and gotten between him and the camera, so that the gory stains weren’t visible.
>Man goes through a bottle of Jim after every show after that…apparently there was a Foal whose ribs had penetrated the plastic, and when he tried to roll off stage, the thing kept talking to him, saying “Why Baww nu fun? Why gif owies? Baybeh wuv yuu!”
>As some sort of weird self-inflicted penance, the guy has thirty ex-strays living with him in his apartment.
>How he manages to not kill himself after listening to all those squeaky voices every evening, you will never know.
>“Hewwo Uni, we wuv yuu!” The actors in the smaller Fluffy Suits all say loudly, and the guy in the ball jumps up and down to make the ball ‘bounce’ excitedly.
>“An’ Uni wuv aww her fwiends!” You respond, trying to not squeak as Sammy’s hands tease you. “Is Baww weady to pway too?”
>The ‘Baww’ bounces up and down vigorously.
>Survey says that ‘Baww’ is the second favourite character on your show.
>“Den aww Fwuffies pway!” You ‘shout’ happily.
>Both you and Sammy lift your legs quickly, clumsily immitating ‘trotting on the spot’.
>Makes your suit’s fluff shake about wildly, but apparently it looks good to the Fluffy Ponies, according to Sammy’s tests.
>“Awighty den! Fwuffies, push Baww about! Be guud to each otha!” You say as the other Actors start to ‘push’ the giant Ball around the set.
>“You being a good boy, Frank?” Your owner asks from the White-Tiled-Nummies-Place.
>“Yes, Mumma, Fwank bein’ guud!” You shout back. Don’t want her coming over here…Naughty Place is so hot right now. Mumma doesn’t like that. Says you are a ‘Dirty Fluffy’ when you have a hot naughty place.
>You are a Boy Fluffy with pale brown fluff and black mane and tail.
>And you’re watching your favourite show in the world.
>Uni the Unicorn. Uni the Magical. Uni the most Beautiful Fluffy in the World!
>You went and got your Ball when she asked.
>Wave at her when she waves at you.
>You’re Uni’s friend, she always says hello to you. She said she loves you again today…
>Oh … Uni. She makes you feel so warm and fuzzy inside.
>“…Den aww fwuffies pway!” Uni says, in her beautiful voice, and then does the Dance.
>“Oooooooooh…” You groan, watching her Fluff shake around like that, shining under the light, swaying back and forth …
>No Mare can compare to Uni …
>All the other Stallions at the Play-Ground agree.
>When you go over to Dangle’s place, Dangle’s Daddy lets you all watch a moving picture of Uni getting Special Hugged by many Stallions…
>Makes you all angry … Uni is your (special) Friend! How dare they give her Special Hugs!
>Then Uni says she’s sad, she didn’t want to have Special Hugs with Naughty Stallions.
>Maybe … she wanted to have Special Hugs with Stallions she loved?
>Stallions like … you? She says she loves you, every day!
>“Mmmph.” You grunt, laying down flat on the couch and watching as Uni and her Friends push the Baww around in their Garden.
>The way her legs move …
>Your naughty place has been hot for some time now.
>The way her Fluff shines …
>Start to give Special Hugs to the couch. Mumma doesn’t like that, but you just …
>The soft, gentle eyes …
>… can’t stop yourself!
>“Uni … UNI! Fwank wuv yuu … wan gif Special Huggies.” You whimper softly, eyes glued to the television, and then it happens!
>“Uni wuv to pway wit her fwieeeeeeeeeeeeegh!” Uni squeals as her legs get tangled, and she falls onto her face … and her hind-quarters lift into the air.
>There’s a tearing noise … and then … NAUGHTY PLACE!
>Uni’s Naughty Place is right there! You can see it, a strip of hot pink colour suddenly showing between her thick, soft white Fluff.
>You stop humping the couch. Your whole body tenses.
>Uni … you … you…
>“FWANK HAF SPECSHAW HUGGIES!” You squeal in delight, propelling yourself off the couch with a burst of lust-powered strength, landing with a grunt on the coffee table then launching yourself forwards again, slapping onto the Television and clutching desperately with your legs.
>Uni must want it too! Fluff is all tingly, sticking to the screen.
>“EENF EEENF EEEENF!” You groan loudly, thrusting for all you’re worth, but you can’t seem to find her Naughty Place!
>“Frank, what in the … FRANK! No! Bad Fluffy! Don’t do that to the Television!” Your Owner shrieks, coming running from the kitchen.
>“Nuuu, Uni, Fwank hewe, Fwank hewe to gif Specshaw Huggies!” You protest loudly as your owner tries to pull you off the screen.
>“Frank, you’re being bad, stop it!” Your Owner shrieks, her fingers digging deep into your fluff, scratching your skin.
>“Nuuuu, Uni wuv Fwank, Fwank wuv Uni, nu take Fwank away fwom Fwank’s Wuv!” You sob as you are finally prised off the television … and placed into your naughty room.
>“Bad Fluffy, Frank, You are a Bad Fluffy!” Your Owner shouts, slamming the door.
>You sob and cry.
>So close … you were sure, just a few moments more, you would have found Uni’s Special Place and been one with her.
>Made her the happiest Fluffy Mare in the world.
>Sob and sniffle and drag yourself over to your Uni the Unicorn Doll, and mount it, finding the silky hole that your Owner found so hilarious when she bought it for you.
>‘Lyra Doll’ she called it.
>Silly Owner, Uni isn’t called Lyra!
>Have the Good Feels, but it’s not enough.
>It’s not the real Uni …
>Hug the Uni Doll to your chest and cry.
>Why? Why can’t your Owner understand?
>You love Uni…
>Be a Feral Fluffy.
>Your Herd is watching the Magic Picture Boxes.
>Well, the Stallions and Colts are, at least.
>Mares like to watch Uni the Unicorn too, but they have to watch the Magic Picture Boxes at the other window.
>Can’t risk them getting too close right now.
>Could give them Special Hugs!
>Mares, Fluffy Mummas, Fillies, Old Mares … none of them would be safe here.
>All the Stallions sit just out of hoof-reach, humping the empty air franticly, watching the Magic Picture Boxes.
>“Auunnnnnngh! Naugthy Pwace so huwty!” Your Smarty Friend growls in a mixture of pain, lust and frustration. “Why nu can haf Uni? Smawty Fwiend is Best Fwuffy! Haf guud Hewd, biggest pokey thing!”
>Lying asshole! Yours is bigger!
>Every Stallion thinks that, sometimes out loud.
>“Den aww Fwuffies pway!” Uni says, smiling so softly at the Fluffies.
>At you, most of all, you’re sure.
>“Auuuuungh!” The Stallions groan, thrusting and thrusting without any relief or way of release.
>“Fw-fwiends?” a voice asks, meekly.
>It’s another Stallion…and his face is wet with tears.
>“Fwiends, haf favo … OH! Uni! Duce miss yuu!” He says, running forwards and tapping on the window with his hooves franticly, sobbing and crying. “Uni! UNI! Fowgive Duce! Duce sowwy!”
>You growl unhappily. Nobody is allowed to be that close to the Window! Smarty Friend gets the front row, then Toughie Friends like you, then the other Stallions.
>Also hurts Fluffy Pony Necks to look up that high like that.
>Smarty Friend looks at this ‘Duce’ with a curious expression, however.
>“Why yuu wan Uni fowgive yuu?” Smarty Friend asks, still dry-humping the air. “Uni is Best Fwuffy, awways wuv Fwuffies.”
>“Duce was Bad Fwuffie!” Duce sobs, still tapping on the window, his eyes fixed on Uni’s shaking fluff. “Duce an’ Fwiends twy to gif Special Hugs to Uni, but she haffin’ sleepy-times.”
>Stallions gasp and whisper. Smarty Friend looks stunned.
>This Fluffy touched Uni! HAD SPECIAL HUGS WITH YOUR UNI?
>“Den we twy haf moar Special Hugs when she pwayin’, but she say we baaaaaad Fwuffies.” Duce whimpers, shuffling back to sit next to your Smarty Friend, big fat tears in his eyes. “Uni’s Hoomin’s throw us out, teww Fwuffies we nevah come back. Duce nevah get chance to teww Uni he sowwy fo’ being a Naughty Fwuffy.”
>“Yuu … haf Special Hugs wit’ Uni?” Your Smarty Friend gasps, his hips pumping and thrusting wildly.
>Everyone is at once excited, angry and hopeful.
>If a weak little Fluffy like this could have Special Hugs with Uni, you could have them too!
>Have Special Hugs with Uni! Nnnnn! NNNN! NNNNNNNNNNNNN!
>Ooops. Sticky belly fluff…at least you don’t have huwties anymore…
>“Nuu, nu could find her Naughty Pwace.” Duce sighs, closing his eyes and whimpering, but a slow smile spreads across his face. “Buh Uni’s Fwuff … so soft. Softah den anyting…”
>“Softah den Mare Fwuff?” Your Smarty Friend asks hoarsely, inching towards the New Friend.
>Everybody is, eager to hear his story. It’s dangerous … if Fluffies get too close to each other in this state, everyone could start having Special Hugs with Stallions, get stuck together till the sky makes Wa-Was again or their Fluff pulls out!
>Nobody is watching Uni anymore. Everyone wants to hear about how this Fluffy Special Hugged her! To have actually touched the Great Uni, and had Special Hugs even…he is such a Lucky Fluffy!
>“How Duce say … gwound hawd and cowd, and fwuff soft and wamm?” He says, looking at the Herd’s Stallions with that same slow smile. “Weww, Uni’s fwuff makes Mare fwuff feww wike hawd cowd gwound.”
>“Feww soooo guud on Naughty Pwace, Duce nu mind nu finding Uni’s Naughty Pwace.” Duce sighs happily.
>“Auuunnngh! AUUUUUNNNNNGH! Smawty Fwiend wan haf wots of SPECIAL HUGS WIGHT NOW!” Your Smarty Friend groans loudly.
>You want them now too. Just imagining Uni squealing and grunting as you give her Special Hugs and make her Your Mare makes your head spin.
>You can’t even grasp the concept of Fluff that could be softer than Mare Fluff. It must be like … like …
>“Uni wuv to pway wit her fwieeeeeeeeeeeeegh!” Uni squeals as her legs get tangled, and she falls onto her face … and her hind-quarters lift into the air.
>There’s a tearing noise … and then … NAUGHTY PLACE! A strip of hot, vibrant pink appears between her so-soft White Fluff!
>Everyone turned to watch as they heard their precious Idol squeal, babbling “Wha huwt Uni!” … and then everyone’s eyes grew so very, very wide.
>For a brief second, the whole world goes silent and still for the Stallions…
>“UNI!” The Stallions cried out as one, slipping and scrambling to slap agains the window, thrusting wildly against the glass, and in the case of those in the back rows, against the rapidly pumping and bumping backsides of the Smarty Friend and Toughie Friends.
>“Eeeenf! EEEEENF! Whu pokin’ Smawty Fwiend? Eeeenf! Nu do daa-AAAAAAGH! Bad Huggi-EEEEENF, BAD HUGGIES-EEEEEEENF!” Your Smarty Friend howls, but he doesn’t stop trying to give Special Hugs through the window.
>You don’t either.
>Nobody does. Nobody can stop themselves.
>Uni is lying there, her back legs wiggling, but her front legs and head lying down on the ground.
>She’s exposed, waiting for you!
>Waiting for YOU specifically, you’re sure!
>Her Friends are all gathering around, crying out her name, asking if she’s alright.
>Magic Picture Boxes flash, and the Angry Man is in the window, shouting at you.
>Shouting about getting his windows dirty.
>Fluffies squeal and stumble away.
>Dirty Sticky Water and Fluff all over the window now.
>Mares and Fillies and Foals all squeal and run away to the Safe Place, like they were told if the Angry Man shows his face.
>Stallions stagger after them, exhausted and heart-broken.
>Just a little more … surely you would have found a way to get to Uni …
>Wait, Duce is with your Herd, talking to Smarty Friend as everyone waddles towards the broken-down van a few blocks away.
>Smarty Friend calls all of the Herd together to say something.
>“Fwiends, dis Fwuffy says he know Uni, the Magical Bestest Fwuffy.” Smarty Friend says, waiting for the excited whispering to die off before continuing. “New Fwiend Duce say, he know way into Uni’s Safe Place. Show Hewd the way, buh he need owr hewp to get dere.”
>“Fwuffies gu, an’ hewp Duce say Sowwy to Uni.” Smarty Friend shouts loudly, and the whole Herd cheers. “Mares gif Hugs to Duce, make him pwetty. Den make Stallions pwetty, den yuu, den Foals. Nu wan Uni tink we Diwty Fwuffies!”
>“Aww Stallions fowwow Smarty Fwiend, haf tawk outside Safe Box.”
>All the Stallions shuffle out as the Mares and Fillies pounce on Duce, eagerly grooming him, perhaps a little too well judging by all his yelping, mumbling about why they should help a Stupid New Fluffy apologise, when they could be the ones making Uni love them instead.
>“Dat why I Smawty Fwiend, an’ Yuu nuu Smawty Fwiend.” The Smarty Friend scoffs. “We get Duce show Hewd how to Uni’s Safe Pwace, teww her we be Guud Fwuffies, live wit’ Uni…”
>Everyone is humping the air again. Leering at each other, giggling excitedly.
>You think you will be a Smarty Friend too, and wait till Herd finds Uni, then you race ahead and give her Special Hugs, make her your Mare first, make her love your Pokey Thing most of all.
>All the Stallions think that.
>None of them even concieve the notion that any other Fluffy could possibly come up with such a brilliant plan.
>Be ‘Tasha’ Googaluv, Animatronics Expert and Pilot of the Uni the Fluffy Unicorn Suit. Having a panadol to try and get rid of your throbbing headache and the pain of a busted nose.
>Everyone is having coffee after a ‘successful’ show, although you’ve decided to pass on the coffee yourself.
>Busting your nose on the control panel of the Uni Suit was decidedly painful, and now, everything tastes like blood…
>Just bruised, the First Aid Technician said, but fuck him, you feel like you just got king-hit by King Kong.
>Sammy keeps apologising. Wasn’t her fault, the set is old and needs repairs, that pannel of astro-turf has been loose for weeks now.
>Director is talking animatedly on the phone, looks excited.
>Don’t know why. Studio was overwhelmed with complaints from viewers about Uni ‘flashing’ their beloved Pets, and then having to clean all the spooge off their Televisions.
>Apparently, today, you, Sammy and a loose section of astro-turf are responsible for two hundred and eighty three Fluffy Pony Stallion deaths.
>Breaking their necks slamming into television cabinets or against the screens themselves, being crushed under televisions as they desperately clung to the screens, apparently several dozen differnet households had their Fluffy Stallions fighting each other to the death for the right to have ‘Special Hugs’ with Uni.
>Apparently the Ferals were worse. Every Electronics store in the nation that had TVs playing your show in their front windows are apparently scraping Fluffy Ponies off the windows.
>In some cases, litterally, because the little bastards had their fun, and then wouldn’t stop trying to ‘hug’ Uni, and were then cemented to the glass windows.
>It would be hilarious if it had happened to somebody else.
>That said, sales of ‘Uni Dolls’, especially the Chinese ‘Special Edition’, have reached a new height today.
>Five hundred thousand units have been ordered…
>Jesus Eeeenfing Christ.
>Oh hell, here comes the Director, probably with another story of another Fluffy Pony owner trying to sue your ass for showing off Sarah’s ass today.
>“Ladies and Gents … Uni the Unicorn just got bought for Eleven. Million. Dollars.” He bursts into laughter, clutching his note-book like it’s the Holy Grail.
>For a blessed handful of seconds, stunned silence, and then everyone starts talking all at once.
>“Holy shit! How much is our cut?”
>“Who the fuck can throw that kind of money around in this economy?”
>“Wait, does that mean we just sold out to Fox News?”
>“Wooo-Hoooooooooooo!”
>“Wait wait wait … what do you mean, ‘sold’?” You shout over the hubub, glaring at the Director. “Our contracts state there’s no sale of proprietary rights without consultation of Sammy and myself first!” Your shouting echoes down the corridors of the filming studio as everyone goes quiet. “Do you Fucktards realise this means we are all now UNEMPLOYED? We were hired by Edu-Max Studios! If the Show has been bought out by another Studio, we’ve just lost our jobs!”
>“Calling our Lawyer now.” Sammy snaps, tapping furiously at her IPhone. “If the Board thinks they can fuck us over and walk away shit-free, they’re in for the legal sodomizing of their lifetime!”
>“No, no, you two don’t understand!” The Director shouts back, his good humor gone. “That’s Eleven Million dollars for you two!”
>“And, what, we’re chopping fucking liver?” One of the other ‘Fluffy’ Actors shouts angrily.
>“We were supposed to be fucking consulted about this first!” You swear angrily as your partner finally gets through to the lawyer. “What was the Board thinking? There’s no way in hell this can go through without our permission! It’s a legally binding contract! Uni makes enough money to keep Edu-Max in the black, and they think they can buy us off with a few million shoved in our faces?”
>“LISTEN TO ME!” The Director bellows, white-faced. “The Board has sold Uni the Unicorn, no ifs and buts about it. Sammy and Natasha get Elven Million Dollars, as an incentive to push them to agree to the sale, and everyone else gets their full severance pay and a guaranteed position on the new Uni the Unicorn Show! Same contracts as before, with the new company.”
>Everyone mutters and whispers, and Sammy is angrily whispering to your Lawyer on her IPhone.
>“It’s not widely known to the public, but Edu-Max has been facing a mounting series of legal challenges from a collection of small Asian Movie Studios about the Seven Fluffy Samurai spoof-series being filmed here, and we’re still fighting a hostile take-over by the Fuwafuwa Pon?fechigur?pu Consortium. The Board is likely going to succeed in over-turning the challenges and keep the Consortium off their backs, but the cost to hire a decent legal defence has eaten up the Studio’s cash reserves because the litigation just won’t die off. It’s like these bastards have a bottomless pit of money to throw at us, and the shareholders are getting antsy about the Fuwafuwa Pon?fechigur?pu’s continuous attempts to buy the studio outright.” The Director continues, manages to get most of the crew’s, if not everyone’s, attention focused on him. “Do you understand, Natasha? The Board has no other choice but to sell off their biggest cash-cow, or the entire Studio has to close. I get you’re pissed, but it’s sell Uni’s copyrights or everyone loses their jobs.”
>…
>Silence but for Sammy’s angry whispering. Everyone has turned to stare at you, tight-lipped and pale-faced.
>You rub at your bruised nose and groan. Of course. Of fucking course.
>“And this ties in to the hostile take-over bid by that Japanese Consortium, the Fuwafuwa Pon?fechigur?pu? The legal challenge against that Fluffy-themed comedy as a Slander against Asian Film History?” You grunt, snorting a half-clotted blockage out of your nose. “Bleed us dry through legal action by a group of their teritary businesses, then snap us up when we’re on the rocks for a song?”
>“As best as the Board can understand, yes, but you have to Understand, this buyout does not come from overseas. We’ve been bought by a private individual up north, near the Canadian Border, to feature Uni the Unicorn as a mascot for a Theme park.” The Director replies, looking markedly less panicked now. Probably thought you were going to storm the Office and punch out the Board.
>You might just do that, but first, you’ll hear the terms of the buy-out.
>“As per your contracts, you are not permitted to use Social Networking or any other form of mass-media information dissemination devices to forward this information, but the show is such a hit with the Fluffy Ponies and their owners that some group has decided to build a theme-park to cash in on the craze, and Uni is apparently going to be the big draw-card while their Theme Park is in the teething phase.” The Director hands over his notepad to the nearest Actor, who begins reading the pad eagerly, his neighbours leaning over his shoulder. “The Park itself won’t be ready for another three months, and they’re keeping the actual name and ‘theme’ very close to their chest, but the Show is being re-written as Uni and Friends walking north to this ‘Theme Park’ … and every week, Fluffy Ponies and their Owners can write in and ask Uni questions and the chance to win free tickets to the opening day of the theme park.”
>“Nice …” The Actor grunts, handing the pad over to the next worker. “But seriously, a Multi-Species Theme Park?”
>“Hey, Uni the Unicorn makes a annual turn over of close to three million a year just in advertising.” Somebody else points out.
>“Our role as such will be to film Uni the Unicorn as she visits various places on her trip up North. We are not allowed to give away any information except what’s on the script we are to be emailed every day. Hell, I don’t even know where the damn thing is being built.” The Director replies with a shaky laugh.
>“MOTHER FUCKING ASS SHIT BALLS! You completely useless turd-packer!!” Sammy explodes, almost throwing her IPhone at the wall. “Dammit! Nat, our Lawyer says he can’t help. He’s been brought in under contract by our Mystery Buyer. Says he can’t help us due to a ‘conflict of interest’, and he’s legally bound to be unable to provide the Buyer’s details… except for a phone number we can ring.”
>Everyone stares at Sammy, then you.
>Rub at your busted nose and swear.
>Today is not going to be a good day.
>It’s so easy when you’re Eeeeevil …
>Dammit, there goes the phone.
>Brand new this day, no way to trace it to you.
>Hit the button on your desk that will ‘modulate’ your voice and make it sound like the standard creepy ‘Mysterious Caller’ Hollywood loves to use.
>“Hello?” You say, grinning as you hear the deep, heavy ‘Hello’ echo back at you.
>“Alright, who are you, and what the fuck do you want with us?” A woman angrily demands.
>Heh. Right to the point, eh?
>“Well, Miss Natasha Googaluv is it? I represent a certain … group, that wishes to utilize the appeal of your character to bring wealth and prosperity to my city.” You sigh, leaning back in your chair and indulging yourself with an audible chuckle. “Uni the Unicorn is the biggest hit in live-action Television since Monkey Magic … oh, forgive me, you’re too young to have seen that. Well, needless to say, she has quite the pull for our … ahem … ‘Target Audience’?”
>“Fine, whatever. But the contracts remain as what we had with Edu-Max media, word for word? Nobody is getting fired?” The firey woman snaps. You can hear her angrer in every word. “And what’s the deal with all of this Cloak-and-Dagger bullshit?”
>Good, good, let the Hatred flow through you …
>“Of course not. We’d hardly be so foolish as to meddle with what seems to be a fantastic television forumla. However … I must ask, when will you be bringing the other two Fluffies into the show? We feel they would be an excellent addition to Uni, and appeal to an even broader Market-Share.”
>…
>Silence on the phone.
>Yes, choke on that, you bitch. I know all about your little backup plans…
>“Also, given the current … financial straights our fair state is in, announcing our Goal now would prove … problematic. In short, we have no intention to let the Fluffy out of the Bag, not until we are certain that our Theme Park will truly be the first, and greatest, Multi-Species Theme Park on Earth.”
>“How did you … no, nevermind. Alright, fine. You want the other two Suits up and running, fine, but it’ll take at least two days to get them to a workable state, let alone repair the damage done to the Uni costume after today’s fubar.” Resignation in her voice. Excellent. She gave up far faster than you had anticipated.
>Good. That means you can keep the other dirty little secrets you dug up about her ready for any future ‘rebellions’.
>“Oh, don’t be concerned. We have already taken the liberty of forwarding the specifications to a professional animatronics studio…” Twist that Knife, just for the fun of it. “…and we are informed that all three suits will have been built by tomorrow morning to our exact specifications.”
>… is that the sound of teeth grinding against each other you hear?
>“Please, Miss Googaluv, feel free to contact us at any time you need any further assistance. This is a partnership, after all…”
>Hang up before she can respond.
>…and no-one loves you when you’re Eeeeeeeevil … I’m lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need!
>It’s a fantastic day to be an Abuser.
>Be Natasha Googaluv.
>Be Pissed Off to the point you could choke somebody to death, right here, right now, if you get pushed one inch further.
>The three Fluffy Pony suits are ready, as the asshole promised. They’re perfect … makes you so pissed off. If you’d had the money to get your home-based animatronics work-shop geared up to modern standards, you could have built these … FUCK!
>Fucking perfect designs … how in the hell did he get hold of the schematics? They were on a hard-drive in a safety deposit box, completely unconnected to the outside world…
>All the other Actors are pissing themselves laughing, well, except Sammy, who is having hysterics in the corner.
>Exact Specifications? Fucking asshole! The suits are ‘anatomically correct’.
>Uni the Unicorn now has two teats located just under her back legs, and a fully ‘working’ vagoo. The other two have the sheath-like ‘equipment’ of a Stallion, plus two large fluffy nuts each. All three suits are visibly ‘Gendered’ now.
>Every time the ‘Uni’ suit moves, her tail will ‘swish’ from side to side and give a tantilizing glimpse of her ‘equipment’, and the mechanisms that have hooked up her back legs to her tail will ensure that there’s no way to disable this ‘feature’ in the time you have until the Show starts.
>Latex Horse Vagoo. A God-Damned working latex horse vagoo. The Hell? Do these bastards shop at BadDragon.com?
>Checks on ‘Eddy’ and ‘Pip’ also confirm their ‘additional extra’s’ also work. Two-Foot Long horse-cock dildos in the under-slung ‘sheaths’ on the bellies of their suits…
>FUCKING JESUS EEEENFING CHRIST! What kind of sick fucks hold your baby’s future in their hands? The Media is going to have a goddamn field-day with this!
>The two other suits, the ones you were sitting on in case the Uni the Unicorn show started to ‘slow down’ in the ratings are Eddy the Earth Fluffy and Pip the Pegasus.
>Eddy is a massive suit, easily twice as ‘thick’ in the body as Uni, and possessing dark green fluff with lighter green mane and tail.
>Pip is slightly smaller than Uni, with a piebald brown-and-white pattern and darker brown mane and tail.
>Controls are roughly the same as your original suit, but digital now, rather than your old level and pulley system.
>Also, whoever made the suits also seems to have come up with a ‘counter’ to the Heat Issue, by running small tubes of water over and around the pilots, it keeps the suits’ internal temperatures at ‘uncomfortably hot’ rather than ‘cooking you alive’.
>Sammy is still in the corner, having hysterics. She’s the one at the ‘business’ end, after all, and given how Fluffy Pony Stallions reacted to yesterday’s fubar, she’s imagining the horrors that will be inflicted on her when they see the ‘new additions’.
>Knows enough about Fluffy Pony ‘Psychology’ to understand that large, firm teats are a massive turn-on to Stallions. The whole point of the Uni suit was to make her attractive, but you both underestimated the sex-drive of the Fluffy Pony Stallions…
>Add Uni’s normal sex appeal, plus her newly installed and working ‘equipment’, you’ll need a fire-truck on permanent stand-by to keep the Stallions from attacking now. That or fucking marines with belt-fed M-60s firing a continous stream of rubber bullets!
>“Well … fuck. It could have been worse. At least we all still have jobs.” One of the other Actors grumbles as he’s hooking into the back half of ‘Eddy’. “Oh jesus, there’s a button in here labeled ‘swag’. What’s happening on the outside?”
>“You just grew a Fluffy Pony boner, that’s what. PUSH IT AGAIN!” You holler back, facepalming.
>Dear Eeeeenfing Christ, they even made the ‘equipment’ self lubricating …
>Finally, everyone is suited up. Nervous tittering from everyone. Show is in two hours, and you’ve only just recieved the script … and it’s from a ‘Ghost’ Address, meaning no way to back-track who your Mystery Boss is …
>Fuck!
>Act 1 of the script is having to ‘break the news’ to the Fans that Uni is going on a Road Trip. In front of a Live Audience outside the front of Edu-Max’s studio…
>Then you have a ‘dance’ to do. Something to show off the new suits.
>‘Pip’ and ‘Eddy’ will be hold giant ‘kazoos’ in their mouths, while ‘Uni’ will be singing.
>It’s all pre-recorded, you just have to dance in time to the music. Songs will ‘play’ out of your suit’s ‘mouth’, and the music out of Pip and Eddy’s ‘Kazoos’.
>Quick coreography lesson, takes about an hour and a half to get everyone performing at acceptable levels. It’s easy enough for you and Sarah, but the other two suits and pilots haven’t had months of practice working together.
>It’s clumsy and awkward ‘dancing’ at it’s kindest description, but it’s for Fluffy Ponies, they’ll eat it up like spaghetti.
>Swallow your rage and frustration, and channel ‘The Uni’.
>Half an Hour to practice your lines with each other before the show starts.
>Sammy is clinging to your backside, giggling hysterically.
>“My ass, my ass, Fluffy Ponies are going to poke me in the ass!” She titters nervously. “Oh God, I’m never going to be able to get married!”
>Not in this State, at least. You think bitterly before starting practice off.
>Be a Fluffy Mare.
>Daddy has brought you to Uni’s Magical Show, to meet Uni herself!
>You can’t stop hugging him or making ‘squeeeeeee’ noises, you’re that excited.
>Uni is so Magical, so Beautiful, so Kind, you want to be just like her.
>Even put up with baths and Daddy’s Noisy Hot Air Toy so that Nice Ladies can make your Fluff that pristine, perfect white like Unis, and so they can dye your mane the same dusky-pink.
>Your Special Friend liked that a lot.
>You liked it too … but your name is Caramel, not Uni.
>Why can’t he ever remember that? Why does he have to shout “UNI!” during Special Hugs like that?
>Lots of Fluffies are coming to the show, Uni has something important to say, the News-Hoomin said.
>Maybe she’s going to say something to you?
>Oh! Maybe she’s going to say you’re a Good Friend?
>You’d be so, so very happy! You love Uni, she’s everything you ever want to be! Smart! Pretty! Brave! Funny!
>Fluffies in the arms of their Hoomins, like you, cheer and wave, all but bouncing in the safety of those big, strong arms.
>Hundreds more Fluffies are crammed into the car-park, babbling and hugging and cheering. Some have Collars, but most are Bad Fluffies who don’t live with Hoomins.
>Some are trying to be nice, but Daddy says Bad Fluffies have Nasty Biting Bugs and will steal your toys.
>Want to give them Hugs, teach them to be Good Fluffies, be like Uni, but Daddy says no.
>Fluffies ask if you are Uni. Some are crying, saying they want to meet her.
>Tell them you are not, you just made pretty like her. Promise them that Uni will be here soon, she said so.
>Be good until then.
>Daddy says you’re just like Uni.
>Makes you squeeeeeeee again. YAY! Be like Uni!
>Stupid Special Friend is in the crowd of Fluffies, up near the front, fighting with the other Stallions.
>Mares and Foals, mostly, filling up three quarters of the car-park.
>The Stallions … are all up at the front, pushing, squabbling, wrestling for position. Shouting at each other, bawling that they have Owies, why is Uni not here, that they love her more than anything …
>There’s a padded wall just in front of the stage, high enough that a Fluffy Pony can see over it, but not climb. Too heavy for Fluffies to push over, too smooth for them to climb up.
>Daddy says it’s to stop Bad Fluffies from trying to give Uni hugs without her permission.
>At first you found that strange, but then, Uni is just one Fluffy, and there are so many Stallions down there, and they’re all acting soooooo mean.
>“Fwuffie heww since bright ball stop sweepin’! I gif Huggies fiwst!” One shouts indignantly as those behind him try to drag him back from the Padded Wall.
>“Yuu aww Bad Fwuffies! Uni wuvs me, ME!” A big purple Fluffy shouts angrily, flailing at the other Fluffies crushing around him with his hooves. “Yuu nu wuthy of Uni’s wuv! Onwy Smawty Fwiend wuthy!”
>“UNI! Where Uni? Duce wan tawk to Uni!” A little Silver Fluffy whines, jumping up and down at the back of the Stallion-Pack. “Why Fwiends nu hewp Duce wike dey pwomise?”
>There’s a good three meter distance between the Mares and Foals and the Stallions.
>The Mares keep apart enough that they can all dance and play, keep their Foals close by, but still talk.
>Stallions scrunch up so tight they are all standing on their hind legs, pushing forwards, fighting and pushing and nibbling each other’s ears.
>Finally … THEME MUSIC!
>There’s Uni, and she looks … different. Even more beautiful than before!
>“Fwiends! Uni so gwad yuu come to see Her!” Uni says loudly, waving a leg at the assembled Fluffies.
>“HEWWO UNI!” The Mares and Foals cheer.
>“AUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNGH!” The Stallions groan, making a weird little bouncing-thrusting dance.
>“Nuuu, Fwuffies be guud, nu fite!” Uni says loudly again, shaking her head and making tut-tut-tut noises. “Uni hewe to teww Fwuffies Big News! Pwease nu fite, or Uni haf to go back inside Safe Pwace…”
>Mares and Foals boo, shout that Stallions are going to ruin it for everyone.
>Stallions sob and shuffle back…oh. Everyone has Naughty Places. Stallions are so ashamed, Uni only just showed up, and now she’s telling them to be good already.
>“We wuv yuu, Uni! Pwease, nu weave us!” A Stallion whimpers, sobbing big fat tears.
>“Uni nu guu 'way, if Fwuffies pwomise to be guud.” She promises, her eye-lashes fluttering at the Stallions.
>All the Stallions bleat excitedly, then crouch down.
>Can hear the Mares giggling. The ‘Uni Look’ maked them behave like Colts having their first Hot-Need-Feels time.
>See your Special Friend at the back of the Stallion-Pack, crouched down low, looking back at you with an apologetic expression.
>Good. See how he feels now. Uni told him to behave. Stupid Special Friend!
>“Uni haf news fo’ Fwiends! Uni going to New Safe Pwace … haf to weave, miss aww fwiends hewe, but Uni nu gun weave yuu behind!” She says loudly, as the Fluffies turn and chatter to each other, worried and confused.
>Uni is leaving? But she says she’s not leaving you behind?
>“Uni is going ‘NOWTH’, to New safe Pwace! Uni gon’ send wots o’ Moving Pictures to her Fwiends on the Magic Picture Boxes their Mummies and Daddies have, so Fwiends knuu where Uni is goin’!” Uni giggles and trotts on the spot, and the Stallions groan and sigh.
>“Buh Uni not goin’ awone! Say hewwo to Uni’s Big Brudda and Lil Brudda!” The Magical Goddess says brightly, happily.
>Stallions look pale.
>Mares and Foals gasp excitedly.
>Uni has Brothers? Oh, oh, this is fantastic!
>You’re squeeeee-ing so hard that Daddy can barely keep hold of you.
>Out comes the perkiest, and biggest, Pegasus you’ve ever seen, all gangly legs and awkward, bobbing head. Must be a Colt!
>He’s sooooooo cute!
>“Dis Lil Brudda, Pip!” Uni cheers, waving a leg at Pip, who flutters his wings and bows to the Fluffies.
>“Hewwo, fwiends! Uni teww Pip 'bout yuu, Pip wan be yuu Fwiend too!” He even sounds like an adorable colt too!
>Everyone cheers and waves back, but the Stallions seem a little forced.
>They can see something that’s making them sad …
>“…an’ dis Big Brudda, Eddy!” Uni cheers again, and you go still as a stone.
>Every Mare and Fillie goes still.
>Stallions start to swear. See one stand up, leaning on the Fluffies in front of him and shout “Dat nu faiw! How Fwuffies suppose to beat dat?!”.
>Biggest, muscliest, sexiest Earth Fluffy you’ve ever seen stomps out onto the stage and stands next to Uni, nearly dwarfing his Sister and Brother.
>“Hewwo, fwiends.” He rumbles in the deepest, sexiest voice ever. “Eddy wuv wittle Fwuffies, do wittle Fwuffies wuv him?”
>“WE WUV YUU!” The Mares and Fillies all shriek at the top of their lungs, startling the Foals and Colts still scattered amongst them. Stallions cower on the ground and cry and whine about ‘Unfaiw!’ and ‘Cheatin’ Fwuffies!’
>You have stopped squeeeee-ing now and are desperately shouting to Eddy that you love him! Uni is wonderful, Pip is cute, but Eddy! Oh! Eddy, Eddy, EDDY, EDDY!
>Your little legs move franticly, desperate to get purchase.
>You want to go up and nuzzle his sexy chest right now.
>Oh, Celestia, what a Flank!
>“D-dammit! Caramel, calm down!” Your Daddy complains as he struggles to hold you.
>“EDDY! Wuv yuu! CARAMEL WUV YUU!” You squeal at the top of your little fluffy lungs.
>“Caramel!” Daddy complains as the other Hoomins stare at you both.
>Well, this is the crap-storm of the century.
>Thankfully, the cameras aren’t pitched low enough to see all the additional ‘equipment’ everyone is packing.
>The Stallion-pile at the front, however …
>Saw Uni’s full, round teats and went into screaming over-drive until you chided them.
>Then Pip came out, and they saw the package he had, and went quiet.
>Then Eddy came out, and their sullen silence turned into simmering rage and jealousy.
>The Mares, on the other hand, are cheering and whistling. You can barely hear yourself talk over the Mares squealing for Eddy to come over and give them Hugs.
>Jesus Eeeeenfing Christ.
>“Fwuffies! FWUFFIES! Uni haf moar to say!” You shout, and the Mares and Fillies slowly calm down.
>Ladies, contain your orgasms, please!
>“Before Uni and Bruddas gu on Wong Twip, Uni wan’ do someting speshaw fo’ aww hew Fwiends!” You say to the ‘Crowd’, who are now all fixated on you once more. “Uni haf pwacticed wong an’ hawd fo’ dis, so pwease, nu noisy-tawk tiww Uni finish, pwease?”
>That’s the cue. Slightly modified ‘Pinkie Keen’ instumental music, with the Eddy and Pip playing the Kazoos in ‘tune’ to where the additional voices in the song’s chorus would normally be.
>As Fluffy Ponies shout they will be quiet, then start turning around to shush each other, the Stage Hands rush out to clamp the giant ‘kazoos’ into Eddy and Pip’s mouths, and a headset and microphone to ‘Uni’s’ head.
>All of which are just props, the acutal speakers are located inside the suits’ mouths.
>“Uni sing! Fwuffies can’ dance, jus’ no make Noisy-Tawk, oh-kay!” You say one last time as the music starts, and all three ‘Super Fluffies’ start to dance from side to side in time to the music.
>“Ooooooh … Uni wuv her Fwiends, an’ Uni wan to pway…” You ‘sing’ as ‘Eddy’ and ‘Pip’ sway back and forth, pretending to play their Kazoos in tune to your singing. “An’ Uni wan to smile an’ wun but sowwy, not toooo-day!”
>Fluffies bobbing and dancing on the spot, being relatively silent, totally fixated on your Suits, big, brilliant smiles plastered across their faces.
>Okay, so far so good, but the song calls for you to start turning around and around…
>Crap, here goes!
>“Cause Uni on a Jour-ney…” You ‘sing’ as you do a full 360 degree spin … slowly.
>“Fwuffie see teats!” A Stallion gasps excitedly as you, Eddy and Pip turn side-on to the Fluffy Crowd.
>“An’ Uni haf go far…” you are almost 180 degrees now… “Buh Uni nu gon’ weave you, Fwiends, nu Uni far too smawt!”
>“PWOT!” Another shouts excitedly as your rear comes into view, but thankfully the music is loud enough that none of the cameras hopefully picked it up.
>"An’ Uni send you pic-tuwes, an Uni wead yuu mail! An’ Uni an’ her Bruuuuuud-das wiww see yuu aww some day!" You keep singing as you turn around to face the crowd … and barely stop from tripping over your own feet.
>Stallions have forgotten your request. They’re all scrunched up against the padded barrier, grunting, groaning, pounding desperately on the smooth plastic padding with their hooves, foam and tongues hanging out of their mouths.
>Can barely hear them over the ‘music’ and the ‘Kazoos’ being played by ‘Eddy’ and ‘Pip’, but you understand the gist of it.
>Fluffy Orgy Pile not two meters from you.
>Thank All the Gods that Sammy can’t see this.
>“When Uni finds hew pwace, and Bruddas safe an’ sound, den Uni send dah Word to Fwuf-fies, aww across dah towns!” shimmy, shimmy … oh God, there’s at least a dozen Stallions either dead or unconscious from being squashed in the mob, rag-dolling around as the bodies around them trash and hump and push.
>“An’ fwiend can fowwow Uni, to dah Shiny New-Bright Town! So Fwuffies nu be sad, an’ Fwuffies stay wite dere! Cause Uni an’ her Bruddas gonna show yuu how to get rite dere!”
>The Mares and Foals are cheering, dancing all over the place, hugging each other.
>The Stallions can’t hold it in anymore. Streamers of … oh God no … shooting up into the air.
>Thankfully the Stage Hands are there to help, and start the ‘fire works’ early.
>Fire works being hundreds and hundreds of Party-Poppers set on the other side of the barrier.
>Streamers and bright sparks fill the air, causing the Stallions to squeal, some in fear, most in delight, their lust overtaken for the moment by their normally child-like natures.
>Hopefully the Cameras from the News Networks won’t catch all the streams of fluffy semen amongst the paper streamers…
>“YAAAAAAAY! Fwuffies aww guud dancahs!” You cheer, shuffling from leg to leg, and ‘Eddy’ and ‘Pip’ throw their heads around and prance around on stage. “Yuu aww Guud Fwiends! Uni so wucky to haf such Guud Fwiends!”
>“We wuv yuu!” The Fluffies cheer back … oh crap!
>Seems that some of the Stallions figured out that if they can climb on the backs of the front-row stallions, they can climb over the barrier!
>Stage Hands try to grab the Fluffies, but there’s close to a hundred, all scrambling over the barrier and charging towards you.
>“Uuuuuuuunnnnnnneeeeeeeehhhhhhhh!” They squeal happily, doing a strange butt-dragging dance … oh god. It’s a forest of wiggling pink two-inch fluffy weiners charging at you!
>Looks like the ‘additions’ to Uni’s backside had the worst possible effect.
>“Nuuu, Bad Fwuffies!” You ‘squeal’ as Eddy and Pip rush forwards, ‘blowing’ their Kazoos at the charging Stallions, most of whom squeal and pee themselves in fright as the sheer volume up-close rattles them.
>Several Smarty Friends squabble , pushing and shoving and arguing over who you ‘wuv’, but there’s a Silver Fluffy Stallion shuffling forwards, bawling at the top of his lungs.
>“Nuu, Bad Fwuffies, nu wan haf Hugs now, haf Hugs afta Show.” You say loudly.
>“Nuuuu, Uni, Duce wan’ say sowwy!” The Silver Stallion cries loudly, big fat tears dropping out of his eyes to splash down on the stage.
>Can’t kick him off stage, that would ruin Uni’s image, and the Stage Hands are having enough issues trying to get the Ferals off the stage without getting in the way of the cameras.
>Wait … Duce? Duce, name seems familiar…
>“Wat Fwiend sowwy for?” You ask, ‘dropping’ Uni’s head down closer to the ground to be at ‘eye level’ with the Feral.
>“Duce wuv yuu, Uni! Is why Duce gif Special Huggies! Buh nu wan yuu be Saddies!” ‘Duce’ whimpers, plopping down on his belly just a foot from your ‘head’. “Duce wait fo’ days to say sowwy, but Meanie Hoomins say Duce nu awwowed back inside nu moar! Duce wait an’ wait, wan say Sowwy to Uni!”
>“Oooooooooh.” You say loudly. “Uni wemembah Duce. Duce was Naughty Fwuffie who make Uni cwy, wuin show…”
>Look up and blink as you hear Fluffy Ponies all shouting “Dat Bad Fwuffie! He make Uni cwy!”.
>Crap. Duce is so close the microphones in ‘Uni’s’ head are picking up his comments.
>Have to ad-lib the fuck outta this.
>“Uni fowgiff Duce … but Duce nu gif Special Huggies if nu towd it okay.” You say in your best ‘sorry boy’ voice, shuffling forwards to plant Uni’s ‘lips’ on Duce’s head as his head hangs down low, the little silver Stallion sobbing his heart out. “Uni wuv yuu, Duce, but Uni wuv yuu as Fwiend, nu as Special Fwiend. Uni is waitin’ fo’ One Twue Special Fwiend.”
>“I … I … w-waaaaaaaaaaah!” Duce shudders, then starts crying, and you and Sarah ‘kneel down’ in front of him, using Uni’s ‘Head’ to pull Duce up against Uni’s chest and give him cuddles. Can feel his little legs grab Uni as the little Silver Stallion burys his face in your fluff and cries over his broken heart.
>Stallions are all staring at you, wide-eyes, mouths open, tails lifted, absolute joy shining in their eyes.
>Mares are squeaking and squealing, hugging each other and so very, very excited.
>“Oh, Gods, 'Tasha, what have you done?” Sarah whispers from the back end, nails digging into your skin.
>Crap.
>You just accidentally gave every desperate Stallion in America an opening to apply for the position of Uni’s Special Friend.
>Somewhere else.
>You are a Fluffy Pony Stallion, on the couch with your Lyra Doll watching the end of Uni’s Concert, and your mind is just a blurr of half-finished thoughts and plans.
>So many things, to say, to do, to plan …
>But first…push the Lyra doll off the couch, and crawl up to the top of the couch to peer into the kitchen, where Mummy is making breakfast for her Foals.
>“MUMMY!” You cry out loud. “Whewe Fwank’s Cwayons and Papahs be! Fwank haf wetta to wite! Need Wittle Stamp Papers tuuuuuuuu!”
>“To who, Frank?” Mummy asks with surprise.
>“To Uni! She say Fwank is her One Twue Speshaw Fwiend!” You say eagerly, grinning maniacally, tail wiggling franticly.
>You can’t wait for Uni to read your letter, she’s going to love you for sure!