Fall of Cleveland: It’s a Kind of Magic
(Mid-Morning of the First Day)
>Be a nameless employee of Spaghetti Land, the World’s first multi-species theme park.
>Finally, all those years working at the arcade have paid off! You’re the guy in charge of the Bumper Cars!
>Well … you tell two other guys what to do. That’s about it. The pay is lousy, but the ride is hilarity.
>Tiny, Fluffy-sized Bumper Cars, completely self-propelled, with over-sized pads around the ‘car’ and a x-harness seat in the actual ‘car’.
>Fluffy Ponies can be thrown all over the place otherwise. Apparently the guy who built the originals ended up causing two of his test subjects to get thrown together so violently they became siamese twins.
>Yeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!
>Still, this shit is hilarious. Due to some sort of error, the Mayor let in ten thousand Feral Fluffy Ponies into the Park.
>They’re everywhere. Word from the top is to let them do what they want, so long as nothing gets broken, until they can get the Ferals out the back door and into secure shelters.
>Halfway to the back gate, about five hundred Feral Fluffy Pony Stallions couldn’t contain themselves anymore and rushed the Uni mascot.
>Fluffy Ponies with raging boners, all bleating lustily as they gave chase in painfully slow fashion to the equally slow Uni mascot … so glad the Media was waiting outside and didn’t get a close up of that. The Eddy and Pip mascots, and the rest of the Ferals, took off in close pursuit, telling the Stallions they were “Bad Fwuffies!” “Uni waitin’ fo’ One Twue Speshaw Fwiend, wemembah?” and to “Nu gif Speshaw Huggies! Uni nu wan!”
>Second funniest thing you’ve seen, ever, that giant white fluffy with the dusky pink mane shuffling past, both pilots screaming profanities, almost entirely covered by twenty or so desperately thrusting Stallions, all shouting “Guud Fewws!” and “Uni wiww wuv Fwuffie, Fwuffie haf best pokey ting!” and the classic “Eeeenf eeeenf eeeenf!”
>Then the pilots tripped over a Feral that had gotten ahead of them, and went down onto their knees, throwing most of the Stallions off them in the process and shouting “Where the hell is Security?”
>And then the remaining five hundred or so Stallions caught up to them.
>Oh God …
>Stallions thrusting at whatever fluffy backside was closest, streams of spooge flying through the air, and in the middle, a giant, wriggling, “Eeenf!”-ing pile of Fluffy Ponies, the actual Uni suit practically buried under all those desperate, obsessive Fluffies.
>The remaining Ferals stood a good distance back, shouting their own insults at these ‘Bad Fwuffies!’ as Security turned up with the fire-hose and blasted the obsessive fans off their Idol.
>Squealing, “Nuuuuuuuuu!”-ing Fluffy Ponies flying through the air or being pushed along the ground by the water pressure and momentum of their fellows like some sort of tsunami of wet fluff, shattered dreams and denied weiners.
>Uni got blasted a bit more, to clean off the ‘mess’, and then the Ferals turned up and beat the ever loving shit out of the Stallions.
>Mother of God, that was brutal. Bad Stallions were herded away by Eddy and Security to the exit and forcefully ejected.
>Can see them hunkered down at the fence, staring into Spaghetti Land with tears running down their faces. They didn’t get to have the ‘Speshaw Huggies’ they wanted with their Goddess, and now they will never get the ‘Magic Sketti’ that they were promised. Lots of guilt and blame-games out there at the fence, you’re sure.
>Uni, Eddy and Pip are back at the front gate, greeting the actual paying guests.
>Uni is telling people ‘Had baff. Fewal Fwiends nu smeww pwetty."
>Heh. Can’t exactly say ‘Got a bukkae shower’.
>Well, the Bumper Cars … Ferals get to go first, helps shut them up, and shows the Paying Customers what’s in store for their little Darlings.
>Ferals are squeezed over a big old grate at one end of the Bumper Car Arena, told to make Poopies and Pee as they are so that the Ride smells pretty.
>For Ferals, they’re pretty nice about it.
>“Oh-tay! Fwuffies be vewy guud! Uni mad at Fewals, so we be vewy guud so Uni nu be mad at us!” A Male Unicorn with dull red Fluff shouts eagerly, grunting as you squeeze his middle to make sure all the crap comes out, both of you gagging at the smell.
>At least the spaghetti they had earlier hasn’t turned into shit yet.
>That was hilarious, seeing them offer prayers in front of the Spaghetti, then all but dive into the giant Pile of Super Speedy Spaghetti Squeezy garbarge, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
>Fluffies are strapped into the Bumper Cars, but you made sure of something before you ‘picked’ who could go on. No Foals, no Fluffy Mummas for a start.
>Every Fluffy in the Bumper Cars is a Smarty Friend. You’ve done this for one reason, that reason being that Smarty Friends are the most ambitious and combative of their kind.
>And you’re setting them up in Bumper Cars. Oh, this is going to be Epic!
>Finally, everyone is strapped in, their respective Herds clustered around the edges of the ride, peering through the safety-fence that surrounds the Bumper Car Arena, babbling to each other and hugging the legs of the Paying Customers who have come over to see what all the hubub is about.
>“Alright, Fluffies … start your engines!” You say into the microphone. Inside the Bumper Cars, the steering wheels push up from their recessed positions, expanding to be close enough to the ‘Drivers’ that their stubby legs can reach the specially designed wheels. “Push the Glowy Button to drive!” You prompt as the ‘arena’ fills with the sound of “Pwetty!” and “Waaah! Glowy Munsta!”
>Sure enough, half the cars take off, with the Smarty Friends squealing in delight, panic or terror.
>Thank God you squeezed them out before this started…
>Fluffies jerk the steering wheels about, confused at this strange contraption they are strapped into, and then ram into each other at a whopping 6 miles per hour.
>Barely a tap, but the Ferals get flung about inside the heavily padded ‘seats’, squealing and cheering.
>"H’waaaaaaay! Fwuffie dwivin’ Caw!"
>“Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Dis nu funnehs, nu wan owies fwom Fwiends!”
>“Who hit Smawty Fwiend? Smawty Fwiend gif Bumpy Caw Owies!”
>There we go. That’s the ticket.
>Smarty Friends who didn’t immediately take off finally get the hint and push the button…
>Zoom! Smack dab into the back of the ‘First Wave’.
>Smarty Friends howling abuse, shaking with laughter, taking their hooves off the steering wheels and shaking them in the air, shouting “Fwuffie is Best Dwiver!” as their little cars careen without control into their friends’ cars, and make the situation even worse.
>More shouting, and less laughter, as the Angry Smarty Friends start ramming everything they can get a bead on, and the Happy Smarty Friends get rocked all over the place.
>Now it’s just fifty angry Fluffies shouting insults at each other or howling in shock as they get ‘bumped’ and thrown around inside their seats.
>The Paying Customers find this mildly amusing, judging from their chuckling and laughter, and the number of cameras trained on this is staggering.
>The Ferals are just going absolutely ape-shit, jumping up and down, cheering for their Smarty Friend or boo-ing when their Smarty Friend gets ‘bumped’ by somebody else.
>Fucking Gold, man. People are already lining up for a ticket for their little darlings at $10 a pop.
>“Fwank wan be dwiver tuuuuuuuuuuuu!” You hear one Fluffy Pony, a fat, Brown Unicorn Stallion, shout urgently from his owner’s arms, reaching for the bumper Cars and the angry, shouting Smarty Friends promising swift vengeance for every bump they get.
>Awwwww yeah, his Owner is a MILF. Today just got infinitely better…
>Be Dirt … and you’re so happy, you don’t mind your sore leg at all.
>Nuzzle Brandy the Second as Uni comes past to check on you again. Seems she’s very worried about all the Fluffies who have Owies.
>Nice Hoomins follow her, Hoomins with white coats who are called ‘Vets’. Have Magic Things called ‘Nee-del-z’ that Uni says makes Owies go away for a little while.
>Some Cee-Tee Fluffies think they are very bad, but their little stinging thing only hurt a little while, and now your leg is numb.
>Tummeh is so full …
>Just thinking about it makes you cry tears of joy. Enough Spaghetti to swim in. The entire Herd ate till they couldn’t eat anymore, and there was still a giant mound of Spaghetti left…
>And behind that, the Spaghetti Mountain that led you to this wonderful place.
>Bad Fluffies who give the Worst Bad Special Hugs to Uni were exiled, can see them staring at you through the fence, drooling as they look at the Spaghetti Mound and cry bitter tears.
>Bad, bad Fluffies. You had a Naughty Moment too, but you didn’t want to have Speshaw Huggies anymore with Uni …
>Although if she wanted to … Brandy the First would understand, right?
>Brandy the Second is so full she’s lying on the ground, her belly sticking out like she has Foals of her own, burping and giggling.
>“Daddy! Dat was -urp- Skettis! SKETTIS! Soooooo wunnaful!” She cheers, waving her legs tiredly in the air, the delivious spaghetti sauce still staining her face, neck and chest. "Daddy say Skettis so gu-urp-ud, buh Bwandy nu tink dey be so … so … guud!
>“Daddy happeh dat Bwandy haf Skettis.” You sigh and stare out over the Herd … over your friends who survived the Longest Journey. “Daddy wish Mumma an’ Sissy an’ Brudda could see dis now. Fwuffies safe at wast … nu haf wowwy 'bout Meanie Hoomin’s or Munstas or Tummeh Owies nu moar.”
>“Fwuffie?” A voice says, and you turn to look … oh! OH! It’s Uni! The Goddess herself! “Fwuffie’s weggie stiww huwt?”
>“Nu, Uni, weggie nu huwt nu moar.” You reply, blushing and looking down at the ground. “Diwt haf nu moar owies. Uni’s Hoomins are weawy nice! Gif Sketti! Take Owies away! Uni so wucky…”
>Brandy is staring at Uni, her eyes wide, her nose twitching. Slowly ever so slowly, she rolls over and shuffles, her fat belly dragging on the ground, to sniff Uni’s nose. “Is Uni … Mumma tawk ‘bout yuu, say aww Fwuffie Mares wan’ be jus’ wike yuu. Is oh-tay if Bwandy nu wite an’ pink wike Uni?”
>Uni giggles and sniffs back, then says “So pwetty! Bwandy is pwetty Fwuffie! Bwandy jus’ as Pwetty as Uni, jus’ wike her Mumma.”
>You sigh, but smile again. Uni is right. Brandy the First wasn’t beautiful like Uni, but Brandy the First was ‘pretty’ to you. Just being around her lifted your heart. You wanted her to smile, to laugh, to be happy at all times, not like Uni, whom you only wanted to give Special Hugs to and be her one and only.
>“Uni need to speak wit’ Bwandy’s Daddy fo’ wittle bit, oh-tay? Uni haf tawk about weggie-owies.” Uni says suddenly, swinging her big, beautiful head to look directly at you. “Is oh-tay? Diwt can walk?”
>“Diwt walk fo’ many Bright Times an’ Dark Times. Wittle bit moar is oh-tay.” You say and limp after Uni, as Brandy sits back down and is immediately mobbed by other Fluffies who want to know what Uni was saying to her.
>It’s not far, where Uni takes you, but the eager shouting and happy cheering of your Herd is muted at this distance.
>“Uni … haf bad news. Diwt’s weggie … is vewy Owies.” Uni starts to say, sounding very upset. “Uni’s ‘Vet’ Hoomins say weggie wiww go yikky soon, make Fwuffie vewy sick, make Fwuffie haf owies aww da time.”
>You stare down at the leg in surprise. The vets made the owies go away, surely the leg will be good now?
>But … it’s still all pink and swollen, bits of green yikky stuff where the skin broke and boo-boo juice used to be. If not for Brandy being such a Good Fluffy, helping you to shuffle onwards, you would never have made it to Spaghetti Land! Without Brandy … no, what about Brandy!
>“Wat do? Uni, how Diwt make weggie nu go yikky?” You ask, panicked. “Diwt can no weave Bwandy awone! Onwy famiwy she haf weft!”
>“Uni nu haf magic stwong enuff to make Weggie nu go yikky, Weggie bwoken fo’ too wong fo’ magic to wowk.” Uni sighs … and then sobs! Uni is crying, but without any tears! “Uni nu can hewp Diwt, Uni is so sowwy, Uni is so vewy sowwy, buh Uni pwomise dis…”
>Uni whispers in your ear.“Aww today, yuu an’ Bwandy will wide on Uni’s bawk, Bwandy wiww haf suuu much funnehs, and den Uni find Bwandy Hoomin Mummies so she haf famiwy. An when Bwight time goes, and Dawk time comes … Uni hewp Diwt onwy way she can. Uni hewp Diwt haf Wong Sleepies wit’ nu pain Uni is s-so sowwy Diwt, wish Uni could do more…”
>Be very quiet for a few seconds, then sob and slump over, feeling so, so tired …
>Was this how Brandy the First felt, when your Foals started to die? When she went and had the Long Sleep?
>“Is … oh-tay. Diwt see Sketti Wand. An’ Uni is Best Fwuffie evah, say Bwandy haf Guud Hoomin Mommas, dat guud ‘nuff fo’ Diwt.” You whisper, feeling the hot, burning feeling of Sad Wa-Wa’s in your eyes as Uni kneels down and pulls you against her chest for Hugs.
>Her Fluff is so soft, it’s heavenly, but all you can focus on is the dull void where you leg once throbbed continously with pain, and the ache in your heart at the thought of not seeing Brandy anymore.
>“We nu teww Bwandy. Nu wan her haf Saddies. Wan Bwandy haf Happehs and Funnehs.” You whisper, and hear Uni’s ‘Oh-tay’ dimly though her fluff. “Teww Bwandy before Diwt haf Wong Sweepies, dat Diwt gon’ go show otha Fwuffies how to find Sketti Pawk, is guud pwan?”
>“Is vewy Guud Pwan.” Uni whispers to you as the rest of the Herd shuffles over, asking for Hugs of their own. “Yuu is vewy Bwave Fwuffie, Diwt. Uni not fuhget yuu, evah, make sure Bwandy nu fuhget tuu.”
>Dry your eyes on Uni’s fluff, and take a few breaths to calm yourself.
>Don’t want Brandy the Second to be worried. Today, you will spend every moment making her the happiest Daughter you possibly can.
>And then you will have the Long Sleep, and see her Mother and siblings again, and tell them you kept your promise.