Cupid is a Whoreson
>Be Caramel, a Fluffy Unicorn Mare who has gotten very, very fat. Daddy took you for longest ‘Woad Twip!’ in his Moving Box Toy, and finally, you’re in the Magical Spaghetti Land, where Uni, Pip and Eddy are waiting for you.
>Specifically Eddy, you hope. You have something important to tell him …
>You had Special Hugs with Eddy, and now, you have his Babies inside you.
>They sure did take a long time to get there … lots of time went by before you started to get big … but they must be Eddy’s Foals! You’ve only had Good Feels with Eddy, ever since that wonderful day Uni, Pip and the Incredible Eddy went on their Journey.
>Well, Fudge, your Special Friend, has tried to give you Special Hugs, but you barely felt them. Was he even trying or was he just poking at your fluff and pretending?
>Also, Naughty Place is … different after Special Eddy Huggies. Bigger. Floppy now. Daddy laughed, said it was your own fault, but at least you won’t have problems with the Babies now.
>What … problems? The Babies are so nice, they sleep in your belly, eat nummies and are quiet. They are wonderful Babies that just make your tummy big, that’s all.
>Good Fluffies, like their Daddy, Eddy. You hope they decide to come out before they get as big as their Daddy. That would hurt a lot if they didn’t!
>Your former Special Friend, Fudge, trails at your heels, sobbing. Good. Stupid Former Special Friend. After Eddy, no amount of his Special Hugs feels good anymore. You’re not even sure if he’s actually putting his Naughty Place in the right spot anymore, can barely even feel him.
>“Teww Cawamel when Fudge dun pwetendin to haf Speshaw Huggies, Cawamel wan’ get up an’ pway wit’ baww soon.” You muttered last week, at your home just outside of ‘Howwy-Wuud’, before your belly started to get big with Eddy’s babies, as he had the Good Feels watching the Uni show on Daddy’s Magic Picture Box.
>He was shouting “Uni! Uni! Uni!” up until you said that, and then he started to cry and try to give you Sorry Hugs from the back. Bah, stupid Fudge!
>Uni so lucky to go on Journey with brave, handsome Fluffies like Eddy and Pip. Unlucky that they are her brothers but … that’s good news for you!
>Back then, you had been ‘dyed’ to look like Uni, your fluff made to look pure white and your mane and tail a deep, dusky pink, but now, you’re Caramel, not ‘Uni’, and you’re a Grey Fluffy with Yellow Mane and Tail. You can have Babies together and they won’t be stupid and runty and ugly!
>Maybe the babies waited until you didn’t look like Eddy’s sissy so they wouldn’t come out small and runty and ugly! Yes! That makes sense! They had to wait till all the ‘Dye’ came out in your weekly ‘Baffs’.
>Fudge cried so much after that, ignored the rest of the Uni Show as he said he loved you, why not enjoy the Special Huggies? Said that he was sorry for being Bad at the Uni concert, that he wanted to be your Special Friend only now.
>Yawned and told him your name was Cawamel, not Uni, for the last poopin’ time, and you couldn’t even feel him anymore, was he even trying to give you Special Huggies?
>Then you told Fudge that Eddy gave the Best Special Hugs, and that Fudge was just not good enough anymore. that you didn’t want to be his Special Friend, you were leaving him for Eddy, who was a Real Stallion.
>Fudge got angry after that, tried to have Special Hugs again and shouted he would make you have “Extwa Speshaw Guud Fewws!”, but you started to get sleepy. “Onwy feww yuu when yuu do ciw-cules.” you muttered to him as he shoved your bum back and forth, still making Pretend Special Huggies with you.
>Daddy just laughed and laughed and laughed …
>“Huu huu huuuu.” You hear him sob as he trails behind you, and roll your eyes in disgust. Tried to give him hugs to cheer him up, tell him you would still be a Friend, just not his Special Friend, then Dumb Little-Pokey-Thing Fudge asked if you loved him again, want to be ‘with’ him still…
>Nnnnnngh. Stupid Fluffie. Why can’t he understand, you only want Special Huggies from Eddy now.
>Because Eddy gave you Foals, made your belly big, so you must find Eddy and tell him he is now your Special Friend, and he must take care of you now.
>Drool a little at the thought of having those Extra-Special Best-Ever Special Hugs every day.
>You’d never been so full. Not even after Daddy let you eat all the spaghetti in the cupboard after it went ‘Ouwt of Day-teh’.
>And the Good Feels … well! Fudge can’t possibly compare! Eddy didn’t call you ‘Uni’ while having Good Feels, didn’t flop on you after you were done, didn’t make your tail and bottom all sticky!
>“…Buh Fudge wuv yuu, pwease, tawk to Fwuffie! Cawamel! Fudge wan tawk tu yuu!” You hear your Former Special Friend shouting at you through the haze of Naughty Feels you were having.
>“Wat dumb Fudge wan now? Cawamel wookin’ fo’ Eddy!” You snap, sighing and wishing your belly wasn’t so big now. It’s hard to walk normally with your back legs splayed out to the sides like this, and your teats are so full they drag on the ground and tickle you.
>Can’t run like this … so you’re stuck with your crying Former Special Friend and Daddy, who won’t stop laughing.
>“Caramel, dear, you know that Foals only take a week to come, right?” Daddy says, still laughing. “They are Fudge’s babies, not ‘Eddy’s’. You had your, ahem, accident with Eddy 10 weeks ago…”
>“Dat not twue!” You shout back, feeling very upet! How could Daddy be so mean to you! “Eddy gif Best Speshaw Huggies! So mus’ be Eddy’s Baybehs in mah tummeh! Nu can feww it when Fudge twy gif Speshaw Huggies, Fudge is Dumb Fwuffie who not can gif Speshaw Huggies nu moar!”
>Fudge’s eyes start to make the sad Wa-Wa’s again, and you groan in disgust and strain against your leash, wishing for the hundredth time that Daddy would let you run around on your own again.
>Said you were too ‘vul-neh-rah-bell’ now, with your Babies. But being stuck with the whining Fudge is driving you mad with frustration!
>Want your Extra-Special Best-Ever Eddy’s Special Huggies right the hell now.
>Fudge is shouting he’ll give you the Best Speshaw Huggies a Stallion can give, every day, as often as you want, just forget Eddy, and love Fudge only.
>Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh! Stupid Fluffie! It’s over, go away, stop touching Caramel! You are Eddy’s Mare, Eddy’s Special Friend now!
>“Whew is Eddy! Cawamel haf someting im-poh-tant to teww him!” You shout loudly, kicking at Fudge with a back leg as he tries to give you Special Huggies and hit him in the No-No’s place.
>Fudge howls in pain and tumbles away, curled up around his No-No’s and crying a lot more now.
>“Oh God, if this doesn’t win me at least second place on Funniest Home Video’s, there’s no justice in this world.” Daddy snorts, training his camera on you again.
>Dumb Daddy! Find Eddy, take Silly Pictures later!
>Be ‘Tasha Googaluv, with your gal-pal Sammy, in the Uni Suit.
>Have the crippled, dying Feral, ‘Dirt’ riding on your back, with his cute little daughter, ‘Brandy’ hanging on in front of him, her little head whipping back and forth as you ‘lead’ this small group of very cute Feral Colts and Fillies through Spaghetti Land.
>Stall Handlers mark down your, or rather, ‘Uni’s’ Purchases for you to pay after you get out of the Suit, and help spread the spoils out to the Feral Fluffies following at your heels.
>Tear up five or so ‘batches’ of Cotton Candy into smaller, Fluffy-Sized pieces. Watching the Feral chew on the sweet treat, babbling around sticky mouthfuls how ‘Wunnafuw’ it tastes, is this a Special Fluff?
>Ah. They think Cotton Candy is somebody else’s Fluff?
>“Nuuu, dat nu Fwuff. Evwy Fwuffy wook at dat big wound ting.” You say, pointing your horn at the ‘Collector’ of the Cotton Candy maker.
>Sure enough, the machine hums to life, spitting strands of brightly coloured sugar and water into the air, and the collector gathers the strands via centrifugal force around a plastic ‘stick’.
>Twenty seconds later, bang, Cotton Candy on a stick and the machine powers down until the Stall Operator removes the treat, puts a new plastic ‘Stick’ in and turns the machine on again.
>“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!” The Ferals whisper, awed as they watch another ‘Sweet-Nummies Fwuff Tweat’ come into being, still smacking their lips and trying to lick the last of the Cotton Candy off each other’s faces, the candy melting with their saliva and sticking to their fluff.
>Camera on the ‘back’ of Uni’s head picks up the sight of Brandy leaning back against her father, chewing exageratedly as she tries to get the last of the Cotton Candy to comply and “Get in bewwy! Stickeh nummies!”
>Yep, she’s definitely a keeper. Very smart, very inquisitive, quite attractive colours on her.
>Dirt is hugging her against his chest with his one good leg, laughing and licking her face clean. “Bwandy siwwy, nummehs go in mouf, nu fwuff!” He chuckles, licking the final sticky strands off her.
>Can’t help but look at the mangled leg that’s sticking out to the side … Jesus. He walked for two weeks with a leg completely wrenched out of the socket and a fracture in both thigh- and shin-bones.
>Poor little Fluffy is doomed, even with amputation. Vets took one look at the green pus in the open cuts on his leg and shoulder and said ‘Blood Poisoning’.
>There’s a lot of terminally sick Fluffies in the Herd that managed to dodge the Exterminators, now that you think about it.
>Old injuries filled with pus, or in the some cases, maggots eating at the necrotic flesh.
>Scores are half-blind from infections from their migrations through the badlands when their Mega-Herd ran into a colony of Wasps that had built their hive in an abandoned paper mill the Fluffy Ponies had taken shelter in, and need to be guided around by other Fluffies who tell them what ‘That big bluwwy ting’ is.
>More have lost most of their teeth from malnutrition and Fluffy Pony Abuser assaults, and gum determinedly at their ‘sketti’, grunting around the pain and hugging each other and crying in relief at ‘Soft Sketti Nummies’ that ‘nu huwt mouf nu moar!’
>Fluffies who have been bitten by spiders or centipedes or scorpions, just barely hanging on with terrible organ failures from the venom or allergic reactions that are causing them terrible pain.
>And still they followed ‘Uni’ to Cleveland…
>Jesus.
>“Ah, crapola!” Sammy whispers from the back of the Suit. “We’ve got our second Performance of the day to get to! We need to cut this short, get the Ferals into custody of a Warden till the Show is over.”
>"Fwuffies! Uni haf gu Dance fo’ Fwuffies wit’ Hoomins, now, but Fwuffies can haf sweepy-time wit’ Nice Hoomin tiww Uni can come back, Oh-tay?" You ‘say’ to the Ferals, who cheer, delighted.
>The ‘Wardens’ are ‘Fluffy Minders’ who look after Fluffy Ponies while their owners go and use the bathroom or stuff like that, for a short time.
>Fluffy Ponies are only held onto for an hour, however, at which point they are sent to the Day-care/Lost Fluffy center to be picked up at the Owner’s expense.
>Glad that everything went alright with the first show, that could have been extremely bad if the Ferals and the Customer’s hadn’t been such good sports about it all.
>Most of the Customers were happy to ‘share’ their seating with the Ferals, who were extremely well behaved and polite with only a little bit of grumbling about ‘Cee-Tee Fwuffies’ hogging all the front rows, but then their good behaviour was probably due to watching several hundred of their friends getting ‘exiled’ from the Park for burying you and Sammy under a humping, grunting, “Eeenfing” pile of randy Stallions.
>Got blasted with a fire hose, but you swear you can still smell Fluffy Pony junk …
>Trot throught the crowds, the Ferals trailing happily in your wake. Got a good twenty minutes till the show starts, but you want to make sure Dirt and Brandy are safe before you start.
>You made a promise to the dying Stallion that you’d see his Daughter adopted, and he would have the best day of his life in Spaghetti Land before being put to sleep.
>Brandy will be showered with affection between you and Sammy, and Dirt … well the Vets have a rather humane solution for the Ferals too badly injured to be sent to the shelters…
>So focused on getting to the ‘Stage’, you don’t take any notice of one more Fluffy Voice screaming you name as you pass.
>“Mumma! Mumma! Dat Uni! MUMMA!” You are Frank, a fat, Brown Fluffy Unicorn, and you tug franticly on your Hoomin Mumma’s leg to get her attention.
>Bumper Cars were a lot of fun, ran into a lot of Fluffies, got bumps as well, so much fun!
>Some of the Stinky Ferals didn’t like bumps, they shouted Bad Words at you, ganged up and pushed your car into the corner and kept on ramming you.
>Mumma and the Long-Haired Hoomin who ran the Ride were too busy talking to each other, making Goo-Goo eyes at each other.
>Even now, they are still talking! You’ve been at Sketti Wand all day, and only seen Uni once, at a distance! FWANK WANTS TO BE UNI’S ONE TWUE SPESHAW FWIEND WITE NOW!
>But Mumma said if Frank doesn’t behave, she’ll leave you at the Adoption Center and go home with the Long-Haired Hoomin.
>Maybe she’s had enough and will … Poopies!
>She’s still paying attention to the Long-Haired Boy Hoomin, making big soft smiles at him.
>“Uni, wait fo’ Fwank! Fwank wuv yuu, wan be yuu One Twue Speshaw Fwiend!” You shout at Uni, but she’s too busy talking to the Stinky Ferals to hear you! NUUUUUUUUUUU! This can’t be happening! Uni is right there and you’re tied to the table while Mumma flirts with this other Hoomin!
>Nnnnnnngh! Dumb Mumma! Your chance to show Uni you are her One Twue Speshaw Fwiend is slipping by while she makes Goo-Goo eyes!
>Tug on the clumsy knot that keeps you tied to the leg of the plastic table with your teeth until one of the loops comes out, the knot slips open, and you’re free!
>Can see Uni’s tail waving back and forth above the small Herd of Stinky, Unworthy Ferals, so far ahead of you now, a shimmering, flowing wave of soft, dusky-pink hair that makes your blood burn with lust!
>Grab your leash in your mouth, so Meanie Hoomin’s won’t step on it and make you have Sudden-Stop-Neck-Owies, and rush off after Uni, shouting around the nasty-tasting leather “Uni, wait fo’ Fwank! Fwank wan’ gif you Speshaw Huggies, Uni wuv Fwank? UNI? UNI!”
>Stupid Fudge is still complaining about his No-Nos! Only one little kick!
>Not like there is much to damage. Giggle at that, then tell the other Mares near you, and they all giggle too.
>Fudge stops crying and looks at you with a horrified expression.
>“IS NOT SWAWW NO-NO’S! WOOK! DIS WOOK SWAWW?” He shouts, turning around to face the Mares in the second row with an angry expression on his face, standing on his hind legs and thrusting his No-No out angrily at you all.
>One of his Fluffy Nuts looks decidedly bigger than the other one … and purple under his short No-No’s fluff.
>Hoomin who makes sure the Fluffies behave before Uni, Pip and Eddy comes out sprays Fudge with water from behind, knocking him down onto his belly and making him all wet and miserable.
>All the Mares are giggling now, uncontrollably. Stallions snicker, or complain if they were too close to Fudge that they are ‘Guud Fwuffies, why Guud Fwuffies get Wa-Wa’s wit Bad Fwuffy?’
>Fudge curls up into a ball and shakes, whimpering so softly you can barely hear him. Don’t care, can hear the Theme Music starting!
>“HEWWO FWUFFIES!” Uni shouts happily, trotting onto the stage, waving her Horn about. “Uni soooooo happy to see Fwiends! Yuu aww bein’ Guud fo’ yuu Hoomins?”
>“Yes, Uni!” Everyone says, waving their legs at her.“Fwuffies be guud fo’ Hoomins!”
>Want to give her Hugs, feel that wonderfully soft, silky Fluff on your faces again, but Scary Hoomin with the Hose said no Hugs until after the show.
>Scary Hoomin glared at the Stallions and threatened Very Bad Wa-Wa Time if Stallions gave Speshaw Huggies.
>“Uni happeh to hear dat! Hoomins is Guud Fwiends of Fwuffies, nu wan Hoomins be saddies!” Uni cheers, dancing on the spot.
>Some Fluffies whimper and lay their ears back, whispering “Nu wike Bad Scawy Wide! Fwuffies be guud, nu make Hoomins mad at Fwuffies nu moar!”
>Almost all the Stallions in the front row are having a Naughty Moment … everyone but Fudge, who is still curled up into a ball, shaking and crying.
>Stupid Fudge, his beloved Uni is right there! Go be with Uni, stop being annoying for once!
>Then maybe you can focus on getting Eddy to understand he’s now your Special Friend, and will have to help you take care of your Foals when they come out.
>Then Pip trots out, and you giggle as you watch the lanky Colt prance around, his wings fluttering rapidly.
>“HEWWO! Pip happy to see Fwuffies tuu!” Pip cheers excitedly, dancing in circles around his Big Sister. “Pip hope yuu aww hafin’ Guud Funnehs at Sketti Wand?”
>“Much Funnehs!” and “So many games fo’ fwuffies to pway wit’!” Some Fluffies shout, while others squeal and reach out to Pip, making big happy eyes at him. “Pip so cuuuuuuuute! Pip be fwiend?”
>Finally, He comes out.
>Stomp, stomp, stomp…
>“Hew-wo! Eddy su happeh to see Fwuffies!” Eddy rumbles happily, stomping over to stand next to Uni and smiles at the Fluffies who have come to watch the show.
>His eyes lock onto yours, and he stops for a few seconds before continuing on.
>He DOES remember you … but why didn’t he …
>“Eddy! FWUFFIE WUV YUU!” You hear another Mare squeal with delight.
>Turn around to yell at her, tell her Eddy is your Special Friend, and feel your blood run cold in your veins.
>She’s so fat … almost as fat as you! Can see her pink teats sticking out of her fluff, on top of big, fat, milk-heavy breasts under her belly-fluff!
>…There’s a lot of Fat Mares in the second row …
>Turn to look back at Eddy with horror filling your being. SO MANY MARES! You were apart from Eddy for too long, he’s strayed from you! So many Bad Mares who have tried to steal him away!
>You can’t blame them, Eddy’s No-No’s are huge, but you do feel bad, your heart making achy-pains. You had hoped he would only want to have Special Hugs with you …
>But what if the other Mares try to make him their Special Friend before you do? You’d … have to share Eddy!
>NO! No, that can’t happen! He’s yours! Eddy’s Foals in your belly! He has to take care of you, play with the babies and give you Extra-Special Best-Ever Super-Good For-Caramel-Only Eddy Special Hugs!
>Try to inch forwards on your bottom to the Front Row, and hope that the Meanie Hoomin with the Hose doesn’t notice …
>Be Frank, a chubby Brown Fluffy Unicorn, holding your leash in your mouth, charging pell-mell through a forest of Hoomin Weggies, plastic bags filled with toys, and other Fluffies who are being very loud or trying to give you hugs.
>Uni went this way, you’re sure of it! Can hear Fluffies cheering this way!
>Well, Fluffies are cheering everywhere, but you’re sure the cheering is loudest this way.
>And what could be the happiest thing a Fluffy Pony could cheer about? Uni, obviously!
>Charge around the corner and … Poopies!
>So Many Fluffies! All of them seated in rows, watching Uni and her Bruddas with joy and adoration on their faces.
>Many Hoomins too … Squeeze past their legs, saying “Sowwy!” and “Wookin’ fo’ One Twue Speshaw Fwiend.”
>Hoomins are nice and let you through, but Fluffies aren’t so nice.
>Don’t like you pushing past them, they grumble about “Wan’ heaw Uni, nu wan heaw Dumb Fwuffie!”
>A pair of Meanie Fluffy Stallions grab your leash as you shove between them and yank on it, making you gasp for breath as you have Neck Owies before being pulled onto your back, and the Stallions blow raspberries at you before turning back to watch Uni.
>“Auuuuuuuuuuu…” You whimper, lying on your back and watching with sad Wa-Wa’s in your eyes as Uni dances for the Stallions in the front row.
>Get on your hooves, shuffle off to the sides … and charge, your leash flopping about behind you, slapping against Hoomin weggies and other Fluffies!
>“Fwank wan teww Uni he Wu-uuuuurk!” You start to yell, but your leash catches on a Hoomin’s bag of Toys, and you have Worse Neck Owies, and the bag splits open.
>Toys everywhere … Fluffies shriek in delight, grabbing the toys even as the Hoomin shouts that they ‘cost a lot of money, dammit!’ and shakes her fist at you.
>Lie on the ground and choke, gasping for breath, stunned by the pain and a growing sense of frustration at the injustice of it all.
>Why is this happening! UNI IS RIGHT THERE! You’ve waited so long, come so far, you have to tell her that Frank is her One True Love, so she can stop waiting and be happy with you!
>See Uni turn around and shake about, her tail swishing back and forth, a shimmering wave of that wonderful dusky pink that hides and then exposes her naughty place.
>“Uneeeeeeeh…” You gasp, trying to get up, but the Angry Hoomin has your leash and won’t let go, saying she’s going to find your owner and give him a piece of her mind!
>Wave your legs in the air and wail pitifully as you are dragged away on your back, crying tears as Uni disappears behind shuffling Hoomin Weggies.
>Why is this happening to you? You’re a Good Fluffy! You LOVE Uni! You’re her One Twue Speshaw Fwiend! Why …
>“FRANK!” Mumma shouts angrily, glaring at the Angry Hoomin and you, her hair all mussed up, her lipstick smudged.
>“Poopies.” You whisper as Mumma and the Angry Hoomin start shouting at each other.
>This won’t end well. Mumma said if you made her upset, she’d take you to the Adoption Center! You have to get Uni to understand she is waiting for you, or Mumma will abandon you, and you’ll just be another Stinky Feral!
>Roll over and chew on the leash as hard as you can, feel the leather start to slowly part as your blunt teeth grind back and forth on it, making it tear minutely with each movement.
>Uni is just a few meters away, you can’t miss your chance!
>“Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Fwuffies wike song?” Uni asks loudly as Helper Hoomins come out and take the Giant Kazoos and Headset away from Uni and her Bruddas, and the other Fluffies all cheer and cry out ‘Wuv song! Uni bestest Fwuffie!’
>Soon, it be time for Hugs with Uni … You are Caramel, a Grey Fluffy Mare with a yellow mane and tail.
>You’ve managed to sneak into the front row of Fluffies, all of them Stallions. They’re very nice, say that they don’t mind sharing their space with a Fluffy Mumma.
>Give you hugs, say you smell nice, ask when having Babies.
>“Soon.” You whispered back, glancing at Eddy. “Haf teww Eddy he is Daddy now. Fwuffies hewp? Cawamel nu wan otha Fwuffies twy to take Speshaw Fwiend away fwom Cawamel’s and owr baybehs.”
>Stallions gaped in surprise, looked at you,then Eddy, then grinned.
>“Fwuffies hewp! If Eddy haf Speshaw Fwiend, Mawes nu chase him, our Mawes wuf us 'gain!” They grinned and gave each other hoof-bumps.
>Whatever. So long as you get to Eddy first, nothing else matters.
>Fudge has stopped being a sook and is clopping his hooves together for Uni and Pip and Eddy, smiling even though he’s sopping wet still.
>Bleh. Stupid Fudge. At least he won’t spoil your plan…
>“Time fo’ Huggies!” Pip cheers loudly, his wings flapping eagerly. “Fwuffies go to stewps an’ wait fo’ Good Hoomin to wet yuu up …”
>“Gu! We haf gu now!” You hissed as you heard the Mares behind you squeal with delight and start to argue over who should be the first to give Eddy ‘huggies’, and the Stallions who had agreed to help you shoved and pushed their way to the front of the step, shouting “Fwuffy Mumma haf tawk to Eddy! Muv! Muv!”
>Fluffies shout and complain, but others shush them, shouting louder that “Fwuffy Mumma nu wike squishing! Wet Fwuffy Mummas gu fiwst!”
>Poopies. Wanted to be the only Fluffy Mumma up there.
>“Fasta! If otha Fwuffy Mummas get to Eddy, Cawamel nu can make Eddy her Speshaw Fwiend!” You whispered nervously.
>The Stallions helping you began to ‘help’ Fluffy Mummas by rolling them … everywhere.
>Special Friends of the Fluffy Mummas shouting “Nu, nu dat way, ovah hewe!”
>Saw two groups of Stallions trying to push one Fluffy Mumma from each side, making her squeal about “Nu can bweave! BAD HUGGIES!”
>Absolute chaos … and yes, there goes Fudge, the big sook, to try and help the other Fluffy Mummas, shouting about “Fwuffie Mummas! Hewp da Fwuffie Mummas, be Guud Fwuffies fo’ Uni an’ Fwuffie Mummas!”.
>But he didn’t come to help you … Stuuuupid! You were right, Eddy is your Special Friend!
>That you are completely hidden from sight by the crowd of Stallions at the steps doesn’t even occur to you.
>Climb up the steps as best you can, but it’s awkward and difficult, your belly is so fat it’s almost impossible to get it up and over the first step…
>Ah, Hoomin came and picked you up, put you on the stage … Scary looking, has Big Black Glasses instead of eyes and a bit of Spaghetti hanging out his ear …
>There’s no time! You can see the other Fluffy Mummas finally waddling or being rolled in the right direction.
>“Ed-deeeeeeeeeeeey!” You squeal happily, waddling as fast as you can towards that giant, green hunk of a Fluffy. “Cawamel haf someting to teww Eddy, Eddy gun wuv it!”
>“Hewwo, Fwuffy Mumma! Eddy haf happehs to see Wittle Fwiend!” He rumbles at you, smiling as he drops to his knees so you can waddle up and bury your face in his thick, soft chest-fluff.
>Aaaaaaaaaah. It’s been too long. So big, so fluffy, so strong, so much Stallion!
>“Waaaah! Eddy!” A Mare squeals behind you, eager.
>Poopies! Dumb Stallions didn’t give you much time at all!
>“E-E-Eddy! Cawamel haf Baybehs!” You stammer, looking over your shoulder to where the Nice Stallions are being pulled away by the Scary Dark Glasses Hoomin, and several Fluffy Mummas are waiting to be picked up and put on stage!
>“Eddy knu, yuu is Big Fwuffy, yuu is Fwuffy Mumma.” Eddy smiles again, nuzzling the top of your head.
>Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee he’s so dreamy!
>“C-Cawamel haf happehs dat Eddy is haf happehs, 'cause dey yuu baybehs tuu, Eddy!” You say loudly, panic in your voice. He has to say you are his Special Friend, or else the other Mares …
>You know some Stallions have many Speshaw Fwiends, but you want Eddy to only give you the Extra-Special Best-Ever Super-Good For-Caramel-Only Eddy’s Wonderful Good-Feels Special Hugs!
>Fudge would have Good Feels and flop on you or go to sleep most times.
>Want to have the Good Feels all the time, so you must have Eddy to yourself!
>And why is your voice coming out of the Loud Boxes?
>Why is Eddy making choking noises from his back end?
>Why are the Hoomins roaring with laughter?
>At least you understand the screams of outrage from the Fluffies. Mares are enraged that you stole a march on them and are trying to make Eddy your Speshaw Fwiend before they even get on stage.
>Scary Black Glasses Hoomin that lifted you, Caramel, onto the stage is now being mobbed by the other Fluffy Mummas who demand they go up next, and then start squabbling with each other, trying to kick each other, but their bellies are so big that they lose their balance and start to roll around, bumping into each other and yelling loudly.
>“Nuuuu! Eddy suppose to wuv me, wan be Daddy to mah Baybehs!”
>“BAD FWUFFIES! Gin-gah is Eddy’s Speshaw Fwiend!”
>“Mumma wollin’! MUMMA WOLLIN’! Mumma need be catch’d!”
>“Why dat Fwuffie get to haf Huggies, and I don? Hoomin put Fwuffie on Taww Gwound wite now!”
>But you were here first! You will make Eddy the Sexiest Fluffy Stallion understand! He is now your Special Friend, because you are carrying his babies!
>Even though the last time you had Special Hugs with him was 10 long weeks ago.
>Even though Fudge, your Former Special Friend, gave you Special Hugs last week. Because Eddy is so big, his No-No’s stretched out your No-No’s, so you couldn’t feel Fudge at all.
>You are convinced that Fudge was having “Pwetend Speshaw Huggies”, and that the babies inside you really are Eddy’s!
>But Eddy is being difficult …
>“Uh … Eddy nu unnerstan’, Eddy nu can haf Foals…Eddy is Boy Fwuffie.” Eddy rumbles, sounding very unsure, trying to stand up. Grab him by his chest fluff and hold on, and he stops, getting back down on his knees. “Fwuffie Mumma, pwease wet gu, Eddy need find yu Hoomin …”
>“Nuuuu, Eddy need take ‘reh-spon-see-beel-ate-ez’!” You reply, hugging his fluff and burying your face in it happily, giggling. “Cawamel wuv Eddy, wiww be Best Speshaw Fwiend Eddy evah find! Baybehs wiww wuv der Daddy!”
>Hoomins are laughing, but you think you hear Daddy shouting about ‘Hem-baw-ass-hing’ and ‘Gawd Dah’meet’.
>“Uh, Cawamel? Pip haf say, Big Brudda Eddy an’ Wittal Brudda Pip nu can haf o’ gif Baybehs.” Pip says loudly, poking you with his nose. “We been ‘fixed’ by Hoomins, nu can gif Baybehs. Yuu is wuv-wy Fwuffie, buh is wong, baybehs nu Eddy’s.”
>“Nu! Is Eddy’s baybehs! Pip is siwwy!” You shout back, feeling hurt. How could Pip say that, he was there when it happened! “Eddy gif Extwa-Speshaw Bestest-Evah Supa-Guud Fo’-Cawamel-Onwy Eddy’s Wunnaful Guud-Feews Speshaw Huggies at Speshaw Sing-Song Show in Howwy-Wuud! Cawamel haf Big Owies afta, but Cawamel wan moar! Cawamel weave Speshaw Fwiend, wan be Speshaw Fwiend of Eddy, wan be wit’ Eddy fo’evah!!”
>Stallions are shouting that they can give “Long Wurdy Speshaw Huggies guud tuu!” and that Eddy is “Jus’ big Fwuffy! Nu be twicked!”
>Mares are squealing that they want to try the “Extwa-Speshaw Bestest-Evah Supa-Guud-Guud-Feews Speshaw Huggies” too.
>Daddy has turned as pink as Uni’s mane, trying to hide behind the Other Hoomins.
>Fudge is standing in the mostly-abandoned area in front of the stage, staring at you with a horrified expression, hunched over and still dripping wet, a discarded toy dropping onto the ground from his open mouth.
>“Buh … nu, Eddy is nu Daddy. Eddy is Fixed, nu can be Daddy!” Eddy yells suddenly, shaking furiously, and you fall off!
>Eddy stands up and shuffles back, and Uni and Pip are trying to herd you off the stage!
>NO! He’s your Special Friend! These are HIS BABIES! You are not going to be pushed away when your chance for a life of happiness and babies and extra-special-fun Special Hugs is right there! Duck and Dodge between Uni and Pip’s legs as the other Fluffies come rushing onto the stage, babbling and squabbling about who will hug whom and who is Eddy’s Special Friend!
>“Quick, Drop down and form a baricade with the suits! We’ve got to blockade the Stage until the Warden gets here to grab that mare!” You hear Uni’s rear say.
>What? That’s …not right? How is that …
>Wait, no, there’s no time! Eddy has to see! Eddy has to be made to understand, he’s the Daddy!
>Eddy and Pip drop down onto their knees, blocking off the steps from the stage, as the other Fluffies squeal in delight or frustration and give Uni and Pip hugs or try to climb over them.
>Hoomins are all still laughing, except the Scary Black Glasses Hoomin, who has turned an angry red and is pulling Fluffy Ponies off the steps, but they just keep running up and pushing at the back of the scrum, pushing the other Fluffies up the steps and onto Pip and Uni.
>“Eddy, Cawamel wuv yu, wan yuu … aaaaaaagh!” You begin to say, then squeak in pain.
>What … is … this … naaaaaaaagh! You are having Tummy-Owies? Now? But you only had Spaghetti!
>“Wha Fwuffie doin’ now!” Eddy whines loudly, trying to hide behind the stage, but there’s no way off but the steps!
>Collapse onto your belly as the pain gets worse and then … something is in your Naughty Place! A big Something!
>Almost as big as Eddy’s Naughty Pokey Thing!
>Pain stopped when you felt something in your naughty … oh! Something just grabbed your tail!
>Roll over to have a look … oh! OH!
>“WOOK! Eddy! Is yuu fiwst Baybeh!” You cheer loudly, then wince as the Loud Boxes repeat your words. Why do they do that. Awkwardly pass the newborn from your tail to your back legs, then to your front legs and hold out the squirming, slimy foal to Eddy. “Is Baybeh nu boo-tee-ful? Is owr Baybeh!”
>“NUUUUUUUU EDDY IS NU DADDY! EDDY IS FIXED! WHY FWUFFIE NU UNNERSTAN’?” Eddy whines, trying to hide behind one of the stage-curtains. “Eddy nu can be Daddy, Eddy haf Sing, haf Dance, haf Pway wit’ so many Fwuffies! Where yuu Hoomin! CAWAMEL’S HOOMIN COME HEWE PWEASE!”
>“Is Yuu baybeh!” You say again, feeling very angry. You are having his babies, and Eddy keeps saying they are not his! Doesn’t he love you? He gave you Special Hugs! HE MUST LOVE YOU! “Wook! Eddy! Wook!”
>The baby cries out, a loud, plaintive “N’aaaaaaw!” Noise, and immediately every Fluffy Mare goes into a panic.
>“Baybeh! Whewe baybeh? Is mah baybeh?”
>“BAYBEH! Fwuffie wuv baybehs!”
>“Who haf Baybeh? Uni, is yuu baybeh?”
>“BAD MUMMA! Cwean baybeh fiwst, den show Eddy-Daddy!”
>You try to bring the baby over for Eddy to look at so he can see how beautiful it is, but he keeps shuffling away!
>Why? WHY IS HE BEING BAD? The baby loves him, wants to be hugged! Can’t he hear it crying for him?
>“Nuuuu. Nu Daddy, nu can be Daddy!” Eddy ‘cries’ out loudly, and you snap, glaring at Eddy with the first true sparks of anger in your heart.
>So fat with your babies it exhausts you to run around so much, so tired from having to get up all the time to pee and then try to find new comfortable position to sleep in with your belly so big, so irritated with Fudge being a wuss and a sook and a clingy Ex-Special Friend, and now Eddy is acting like a Colt! A Wussy Colt!
>“Eddy WIWW haf Huggies wit’ his baybeh!” You shout angrily, then whip your head around and throw the Baby at Eddy.
>Baby hit’s Eddy’s fluffy chest and sticks there, immediately clutching at Eddy’s fluff and squalling loudly.
>“Nuuuuu, Baybehs nu fwy!” You hear Uni shriek from behind you.
>“Auuuuuugh, get it off!” Eddy shrieks, waving back and worth.
>“Why yuu be Bad Fwuffie, Eddie!” You scream in rage, then squeal yourself as you feel another baby slide into your naughty place. Not painful there, but in your belly … much owies!
>Turn around and snatch the baby off the ground and run up to Eddy, your belly much smaller, and throw it at him again.
>Hoomins are shrieking, saying bad words, shouting this is ‘tewwible’, somebody ‘stawp dat wittle fwuffie’.
>“Wuv yuu Daddy, baybeh!” You shriek as you let the second Baby fly, hitting Eddy on the face this time, the sticky baby clinging desperately to Eddy’s nose, back legs kicking precariously in the air. “Show Eddy dat he yuu Daddy! Baybehs hewp Cawamel show Eddy he be Speshaw Fweind!”
>“Yuu is Bad Mumma! Nu gif huwties tu Baybehs! Baybehs nu fwy!” Eddy shrieks, dropping to his knees and lowering his muzzle to the ground so the baby on his face can rest it’s back legs on the ground, and the foal on his chest drops off with a squeal of fear, falling all of a half-inch onto the floor and wriggling on it’s back, between Eddy’s thick legs. “Bad Fwuffy Mumma! Eddy is Fixed! Baybehs fo’ Wuv, nu fo’ Fwyin’! Yuu Is Bad Fwuffy Mumma!”
>…
>What? WHAT?
>“Nuuuu, Yuu is Bad! Yuu is nu wuv Cawamel wike yuu shuud!” You scream back, sitting on your rear and waving your legs furiously at Eddy, even as you feel the Huwties of Baby-Coming-Time ripple through you.
>Babies can wait in your tummy until you are finished with their Daddy!
>He WILL be a Good Fluffy and accept his “reh-spon-see-beel-ate-ez!”.
>NNNNNNNNNNNNGH! Pain! So bad!
>Can feel yourself getting … bigger!
>“EDDY WIWW BE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH GUUD FWUFFIE FO-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH CAWAMEL AN’ SAY HE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEGH SPESHAW FWIEND!” You shriek, trying to wave your legs at him, but you feel so bloated, yet so light at the same time!
>Can’t … control your breathing … can barely make the words come … Chest h-hurts, belly hurts, head hurts … why?
>Babies only are supposed to come from your Naughty Place …
>“Wuv HEEEEEEEEEEEEGH Yu-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH!” You wheeze, your limbs sticking out, out out … your whole body is swelling now, your skin hurts, like it’s being stretched by hunderds of tiny hands grabbing you and pulling on you, all at once.
>Love you, Eddy! Why won’t you love Caramel?
>“NUUUU! Fwuffy Mumma nu do dat!” Uni shrieks at you.
>“HEEEEEEEEEEEGH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH!” You whine a high-pitched, pain-filled noise, unable to stop yourself!SO MUCH OWIES! Why is this happening! Eddy, your babies, your life as Eddy’s Special Friend, it’s so close!
>Don’t you love our babies? They love you! They love you just as much as I do!
>“Caramel!” You hear Daddy and Fudge scream together.
>“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH!” You squeal one last time, and feel something snap inside you…
>Love me! Eddy, please love Caram-
>Foooooomph!
>“Thanks for … well, doing all this, after everything that has happened.” Your Daddy says to the Nice Hoomins as they save your babies.
>Be Fudge, a Pale Brown Earth Fluffy with a White mane and tail.
>Can’t cry anymore. There’s no more tears left inside you.
>Caramel had a ‘Scaredy Fit’. It’s what the Feral Fluffies said.
>Well, not quite. Nobody has ever seen an ‘Angwy Fit’ before.
>Two babies on Eddy, squalling, cold, covered in yikk.
>Three more babies where Caramel used to be.
>Hugged them, and the pile of fluff Caramel had left behind, and wailing loudly, shouting for Caramel to come back, you loved her, don’t leave you behind.
>Eddy came over with your Babies and cried too. He wasn’t the Daddy, why did your Special Friend go ‘Foooomph!’ like that?
>Uni came over and gave you Hugs, Pip asked Fluffies to come back in a little bit, Sad Fluffy had just lost his Special Friend.
>Felt so broken inside as Daddy came over, scooped up you and the babies and the Fluff Caramel had left behind, and left the stage.
>Daddy was upset too, said he was so ‘hem’baw’assed’.
>But Nice Hoomins came, said they could help.
>Built little Warm Bright Box for the Babies, made of light white plastic walls with a big bright ball on top and the bottom lined with paper.
>One clear wall so you and Daddy can watch the Babies and make sure they are okay.
>Five white pointy things hang off a long tube that hangs off a large pouch.
>Nice Hoomins say Daddy has to fill the pouch every hour with hot water and white dust so Babies have nummies.
>Only for few days, but then babies big enough to be hand-fed.
>You tried to go into the Warm Bright Box to stop the babies crying, but Nice Hoomins said you wouldn’t fit, would squash the babies.
>Backed right out and said “Sowwy, pwease hewp Baybehs! F-Fudge wuv dem! Pwease, Fudge gif aww huggies he haf, aww toys, pwease hewp Fudge’s Baybehs!”
>Warm Bright Box must be plugged into a ‘Waww’ or ‘Witer Socket’ to make it Warm and Bright.
>Don’t understand why it must be Bright, but understand it must be Wamm.
>Babies so cold … so afraid they would go Foooomph like Caramel did, and leave you all alone.
>But the Warm Bright Box is done now, and you lie on the table in front of the Clear Wall, watching your Babies have nummies from the five White Pointy Things.
>It’s not a Mumma … not their Mumma, but Daddy and Nice Hoomins say that it is giving the babies ‘Miwk’ so they don’t have Tummy Owies.
>“Guud.” You whispered, pushing a hoof against the Clear Wall and sighing. You are a Stallion, not a Mare. You can’t give your babies the precious ‘Miwk’, and it eats at you that you’re so helpless right now.
>Hoomins are talking with Daddy now. Don’t care. Daddy can handle them.
>You will watch over your Babies. You don’t want to lose them like you lost Caramel.
>Thinking about her makes you feel all brittle inside. Like you could cry, but there’s no more tears left in you to try.
>So you feel like breaking instead.
>Uni came, Pip came, even Eddy, nuzzled you, told you how very sorry they were. They brought Feral Mare who they said was Nice, would be able to help you with your Babies.
>Said her name was Muffin. Big Speckled White-And-Red Fluffy Mare with a Black mane and tail. She was a Young Feral Mare who was the Foal Fluffy of her Herd before a Big Hoomin Munta Box squished them on the Long Journey to Spaghetti Land.
>Muffin hugged you, said she would be a Good Fluffy, listen to your Daddy and help you teach the Babies to be Good Fluffies too. So proud to have a Hoomin Daddy, so happy to help you be a Good Daddy for your babies.
>Sighed and thanked her, but didn’t hug back. Just stared at your babies and watched them. Daddy gave Muffin hugs, told her that you were so very sad, you lost your Special Friend a little while ago, that you still had the Biggest Heart Owies right now.
>Muffin said she understood, she had the same when her Family went Flat-Squishy-Deads.
>Eddy gave you a big hug, said he was so sorry he could not stop Caramel from ‘Fwuff’pwodin’. How sorry he was you were lonely.
>How sorry he was about the Foal.
>When the Foal fell off his chest, it landed on it’s head.
>The Baby is … not right.
>Baby had to be ‘made’ to drink from the White Pointy Thing, while the other Babies just wrapped their heads around them and started to suck. Tries to say words when it is sucking, and chokes and coughs on the not-Fluffy Milk, then does it again.
>Tap your hoof against the Clear Wall again, and the baby opens it’s eyes and giggles at you.
>Baby is … wrong. But you love it. It has the same grey Fluff and the beginning of a yellow mane and tail like Caramel.
>It has two tiny little stubby wings too.
>But one eye is looking up and to the left, the other eye is looking down and to the right.
>“I jus’ don’ know wha’ went wong…” You whisper to yourself as your Special Baby giggles to itself again and tries to suck on it’s own tail.
>Daddy comes over and says you are leaving Spaghetti Land now.
>“Dat’s guud. Fwuffie nu wike Sketti Wand no moar.” You whimper, hugging Daddy’s neck as he picks up the Warm Bright Box and Muffin, thanks the other Hoomins and walks out to the Car.
>Sit in front of the Warm Bright Box, promising Daddy you will tell him if any of the Babies start to have ‘pwob-wems’, as Daddy puts the cord into the Cigarette Lighter slot of the car and drives away slowly.
>Lots of Ferals on the road, shouting about ‘Sketti Wand’. Muffin yells at them from the half-open window in the back that ‘Sketti Wand’ is real.
>Sigh and tap on the Clear Wall of the Fluffy Pony Foal Incubator again.
>Babies are in a hug-pile, hugging each other and babbling half-words at you.
>You wish you could give them Huggies, make them feel warm and loved and safe, but Daddy says not for a few days yet. Then you can hug them all day long if that is what will make you happy.
>Special Baby has shoved a hoof into her mouth and is sucking on it, waving at you with one of her back feet.
>Wave back and try to smile, but you can’t.
>“Fudge … I’m so sorry, little man.” Daddy whispers, reaching over to pat your back softly. “I know how much Caramel meant to you. I’m sorry I didn’t try to make her understand.”
>“Nu yuu, Daddy. Fudge was Bad Speshaw Fwiend. Twy so hawd, buh Cawamel nu feew Speshaw.” You reply, turning to look at Daddy and try to smile, but again, you can’t muster the Happeh Feews to do it. “F-fudge jus’ wan teww Cawamel she so Speshaw tu Fudge … mah-be if Fudge couwd haf towd Cawamel dat, mah-be she nu haf Angwy Fit an’ go 'way.”
>Daddy is silent for a few minutes, with only the noise of the Car and Muffin yelling directions to the Feral Herds as you drive past.
>“No, Fudge, I think you did everything you could.” Daddy says quietly, then turns the radio on.
>“… All the little kids growin’ up on the skids, going ‘Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks!’ …” The Radio sings happily, and Daddy smiles.
>“Ah, love that show.” He smiles and starts to sing along.
>You look at your babies and remember how Caramel used to sing along with Uni on the Magic Picture Box in Daddy’s Lounge-room.
>“…Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks! OHI-OH-OH-OH-OH!” The Radio, Daddy and Muffin finish the song together, both of them smiling again.
>Your babies giggle and flail their legs in the air, even Special baby, laughing, happy at the song.
>You’re glad.
>But you’ll never love this song like Daddy or your Babies do.
>Cleveland is where your Happiness left you.
