>Be Bowser, the Giant Smarty Friend of the Bowser Herd, an Earth Fluffy with a deep green coat of thick, coarse Fluff, a mane and tail an angry red shade, and you have eyes that your Herd tells you are ‘aw’ways scawy’.
>Every Fluffy in your Herd is big for a Fluffy, some are almost as big as you, the foals of the foals of your Daddy’s Daddy’s Bruddas and Sistahs.
>But none were ever as big as you. On one hoof, that’s good, it makes you the undisputed Leader of the Herd, which has always valued strength and toughness, but it also means you never had a choice. You were going to be the Smarty Friend from the moment you were old enough to understand what the term meant.
>You never questioned it until three months ago, when Peach came into your life, and made you question everything you thought you knew about being Bowser, and about being a Smarty Friend.
>Your Herd is shuffling back to their Safe Place, following the Fast Deep Wa-Wa’s and being as quiet and stealthy as a Fluffy Pony can, holding onto each other’s tails so that the Herd doesn’t get separated.
>Which is not very quiet or stealthy, but at least, holding each other’s tails in their mouths, they can’t speak without letting go. And to let go is to be left behind … as Bowser, you don’t stop the trip back to the Safe Place for anything or anyone.
>Munstas are everywhere. Cat Munstas, Dog Munstas, Hoomin Munstas, Bug Munstas. The Herd must get back to the Safe Place as fast as they can, with as little noise as they can, so the Safe Place remains Safe.
>But the worst of all the dangers in the Forest are the Bad Fluffy Herds who keep on fighting each other even when there’s plenty of nummies for everyone, driving out the Smaller Herds and destroying the Safe Places with their endless fighting. Smarty Friends who are so Mean they’ll make their Herds fight just to try and beat the other Smarty Friend.
>You’ve had to crush a Angry Fluffy Herd once. Their Smarty Friend had to have his head jumped on many times, and then the next Stalions proclaimed himself to be the New Smarty Friend … and then tried to give you Owies.
>So you smushed him. And then the next New Smarty Friend. And then the next Smarty Mare-Friend. And then the next, on and on, until there was only Fluffy Mummas squealing in panic and a handful of Nice Fluffies who ran around and around the Fluffy Mummas, shouting that they “Jus’ wan’ weave, nu twy fite Big Scawy Munsta-Fwuffy, pwease nu squish-owies fo’ Fwuffie!”
>But because it is so dark this night, with only the crescent moon in the night sky, you’re hopefully safe fro m the Bad Fluffy Herds. Giving Owies and Huwties in the Dark is dangerous, you won’t be able to tell the difference between a bad Fluffy and one of your Fillies or Colts …
>Crescent moon … it means the Moon Fluffy is being given … Most Huggy of Special Hugs by Her Special Friend.
>Over the next few Dark Times, the Moon-Fluffy will be more visible as she becomes the Fluffy Moon-Mumma and Her Special Friend cannot cover her during the Special Hugs anymore because she will be getting so big and fat.
>But because the Moon-Fluffy’s Special Friend is giving such Huggy Special Hugs, there’s very little light to see the way home …
>Fluffies have to hold each other’s tails and walk in a line with the Foals and Babies asleep on their mother’s backs, and you have to lead everyone home like a Good Smarty Friend …
>Have to remember the path home exactly … cannot risk getting lost or having to fight Bad Fluffies or Angry Fluffies or Munstas right now.
>Because you’re carrying a Fluffy too. Peach is deep asleep on your back, clutching your shoulders in her sleep, whispering about ‘Sweet Fwuit Nummies’.
>Despite how dangerous the situation is, you smile softly.
>You remember how much Peach likes Sweet Fruit Nummies very well indeed.
>Three Months ago
>It had been three Bright Times and two Dark Times since you accidentally made a Pegasus a Herd-Friend of your Earth-Fluffy-Only Herd.
>Thankfully, your Older Toughie Friends found this more funny than horrifying, unlike you, but even they couldn’t help you with your problem.
>Being a Herd-Friend was for Life. The only way to stop being a Herd-Friend was to leave the Herd and never come back, or to do something so bad that the Smarty Friend could drive you away.
>Well, you could have demanded that Peach leave, and back it up with Owies and Huwties, but Peach had helped you bring much ‘Mush’woom Nummies’ for the Bowser Herd’s Fluffy Mummas.
>Unfortunately, Peach may have been a small, silly and Wingy Fluffy, but she was not a Bad Fluffy, and she did not want to go back to the Mushroom Herd, no matter how nicely you asked her. It did not seem like the thing a Nice Smarty Friend would do to a Good Fluffy, even if she was small and silly and a Wingy Fluffy.
>A Small and Silly and Wingy Fluffy who would not leave you alone. If she wasn’t playing with the Foals or helping the Fluffy Mummas, she was at your side, or running around you in a small, frustraingly fast circle or asking you a barrage of questions faster than you could ever hope to answer.
>“Peach nu wan gu bawk to Hewd?” You had asked, trying to make her miss her old Herd. “Peach Hewd nu miss her? Nu wan gu bawk an’ pway wit’ Peach’s fwiends?”
>“Peach wit’ Hewd! Bowser is siwwy!” She said, and giggles, holding her belly as she laughed. “Peach’s fwiends hewe tuu!”
>No matter how you tried to make Peach go back to her Herd, she never seemed to understand, giving you Hugs and thanking you for letting her join ‘Big Fwuffie Happehs Hewd’.
>You eventually gave up. Peach was a Small, Silly, Wingy Fluffy, but she was a Nice, Determined Fluffy at that.
>“Big Fwuffies su Nice!” She kept on saying, so happy to be a ‘Hewd Fwiend’ and not a ‘Huggies Mawe’, as she helped the Fluffy Mummas with their babies, fetching them nummy clover and delicious flowers so they could lie down and feed their babies properly.
>You didn’t understand what ‘Huggies Mawe’ meant. She was a Mare who gave Hugs? But every Fluffy gave hugs. “Peach teww Bowser wat dat mean. Bowser nu unnerstan’ wat is ‘Huggies Mawe’, wat Peach twy to say?”.
>When you asked her, Peach looked so depressed, said it didn’t matter anymore, she had a New Herd who didn’t make her give Huggies.
>Hugged you and said ‘Tank yuu’ and then ran away to play with the Foals some more. You still didn’t understand, but it made Peach sad, and you are a Good-Nice Smarty Friend, so you didn’t ask again.
>Some of the Fluffy Mummas were sad, and told you, quite loudly, that how could you let a Pegasus into the Herd, when their Wingy and Horn Babies had to leave?
>They missed their babies. If Peach was going to be a Herd-Friend, maybe their Babies could come back as well? They looked at you so hopefully …
>Bit your lip and made yourself be brave and not cry in front of the Mares. Told them it was an accident that Peach was a Herd-Friend. She would be the one and only Pegasus in the Herd, and you would take responsibility if she was Bad.
>Did your best to distract the Fluffy Mummas and Mares who complained with games, but you couldn’t laugh like they did. You remembered their Wingy and Horn babies too …
>The last lot of Wingy and Horn Babies had been given to a Bad Meanie Herd whom had lied to you, said they were a Good Friend Herd, and had squashed the Babies you had traded them after they thought you had gone far away. A Bad Meanie Herd who had tried to bargain for your Herd’s Babies but give up none of their own.
>A Bad Meanie Herd whose Smarty Friend had promised you that he would make sure the Babies would be loved like they were his very own Babies…
>And then he started stomping on them after you went and hid behind a bush, shouting to his Bad Meanie Herd that he would never take in ‘Ugweh, Stuuuuupid Baybehs!’, that he would find your Herd, take all your babies and your Mares, and become the Strongest Fluffy of the Forest!
>So when the Red Haze came out from where-ever it was it hid to make your blood boil and make the world turn red and pink, you welcomed it with all your heart and charged out at the Bad Herd, screaming your rage and pain at them as loud as you could.
>You crushed the Bad Meanie Herd, and smushed them, and whacked them, and stomped them, made the Bad Meanie Herd be the Bad Dead Herd.
>The Red Haze … you try so hard to keep it at bay, because it’s not good for a Smarty Friend to be angry and scary like that, but sometimes it’s useful. You crushed the entire Bad Meanie Herd, Mare and Stallion, Old Fluffy and Foal, until none of they squeaked at you anymore or tried to run. Until Every Bad Meanie Fluffy had the Biggest Owies.
>Sometimes you have nightmares about that day, and the other times you had to give the Biggest Owies to Fluffies, but you had no choice. No Fluffy must be allowed to do that to the Bowser Herd’s foals or Fluffies. The Bowser Herd must be both feared and respected to keep the Other Herds, Bad Herds, Stupid Herds, Angry Herds or Friendly Herds, out of your territory, so there will be nummies and Very Safe Places for the Herd’s Fluffy Mummas and Foals.
>And only then did the Red Haze go back to where-ever it was it lived and left you alone, sobbing with exhaustion and heart-ache in the middle of a clearing full of broken Fluffies, boo-boo juice covering your legs and face and chest.
>Took the Owies Former-Bowser Herd Foals under a bush and covered them with leaves so they would sleep in peace and queit, then washed yourself off at a bend in the Fast Wa-Wa’s of that ran through the Forsest that the Hoomins called Cuyahoga Valley National Park, where the water ran fast but not very deep, and you could dig your hooves deep into the sandy bottom for support against the push of the Wa-Wa’s.
>Mares would have panicked if you came back covered in boo-boo juice and bits of fluff. Would have demanded their Babies back … and Babies were not able to come back anymore, any more than the Bad Dead Herd could.
>But you can’t tell the Mares about that day, so you let them believe their Babies are growing up big and fat and happy with another Herd. They would cry and cry, so sad about their Babies being made to have Owies and not be Loved like they were supposed to be.
>Like you had promised they would be. They would not trust you anymore, and you would have to be a Bad Bowser who led by being cruel and huwty.
>The Bowser Herd had wandered to the far borders of their territory, grazing in a loose circle, the Fluffy Mummas and Foals in the middle, with the Mares around them, and the Stallions around them.
>You ordered the Colts and Young Toughie Friends gather flower- and mush-woom-nummies for the Fluffy Mummas, and the Old Toughie to spread out with you, to check behind the bushes and trees and rocks.
>Peach rushes off, shouting that she knows where tasty ‘Stwah-bewwehs’ are near here. She’s a silly fluffy, but helpful. Even the most obstinate Mares are beginning to come around to letting her stay in the Bowser Herd.
>Something does not smell right though … you stop and sniff the air, trying to understand this faint, foul, rank odor in the air, and wonder why it leaves you feeling so … nervous.
>“Mawes stay hewe an wook ouwt fo’ Fwuffie Mumma’s an’ Baybehs, if anyting come to Hewd dat nu Bowser o’ Toughie Fwiends, yeww as woud as yuu can.” You commanded, and the Mares nodded and promised they would be good.
>Something is wrong, something has changed in this part of your territory … this is dangerous. If it is a New Munsta, you have to learn what it is, so you can change your Herd’s migration pattern and warn the other, Weaker Herds about the new threat.
>Old Toughie Friends shuffled away, cautiously scenting the air, giving you worried looks. Scared looks.
>They don’t recognise the New Smell either. Every one of the Old Toughies is puffing themselves up, trying to look fiercer.
>Feel the anger bubble inside you. Something is a threat to your Family, your Herd! It must be driven away!
>For the longest time, you looked, finding the tracks of other Fluffies, poopies that are a bit crumbly, a day old or so.
>But the smell is … wrong.
>Only Stallion-Fluffy smells. Stallion-Fluffy smells that smell … fundamentally wrong somehow. Makes your skin creep under your fluff, and you back away, rubbing your muzzle on the grass to try and get the scent out of your nose.
>And then you hear one of the Old Toughie Friends shriek.
>Shriek in fear.
>“Toughie Fwiends! Pwotect Mawes, gu back to Hewd!” You roared, charging towards where the shriek came from.
>You crashed through bushes, jumped over rocks, and almost rammed into your Old Toughie Friend, who was sitting on his bum, hugging himself and crying with his eyes squeezed tightly shut, chanting “Nu wan see, nu wan see!” to himself.
>Opened your mouth to ask what was so scary, and then you smelled something terrible … could hear flies buzzing angrily.
>Looked around and saw a nine dead Fluffies lying on the ground, leaking boo-boo juices from their mouths and eyes and ears.
>Dead Fluffy Smells are very strong. Can smell boo-boo juices and poopies and pee very strongly.
>Very fresh smells … The boo-boo juices are even warm.
>But there are Mares in this Dead Herd … wait, you knew this Herd.
>Mostly Unicorns in this Herd, except for a Wingy Pegasus Stallion and a Stocky Earth-Fluffy Mare. Their Smarty Friend was called Wiggles, a Unicorn with a very funny Horn that curled off to the side.
>His Mares never seemed to have enough Foals, only one or two at a time, and because they were small, weak Unicorns, they often lost their Foals to Munstas or Angry Herds in the other Territories. Never had many Earth Fluffy Foals, but you were able to give Wiggles some of your Foals because the Mares knew he would love and cherish them
>Wiggles … he was a good Friend, even if he was small and weak. And you can see him lying there, his mouth open in a silent scream, a horrible mask of blood and gore covering his eyes and forehead.
>There’s Wiggles Special Friend, and his Other Special Friend, and his two Toughies … All nine of Wiggle’s Herd is lying there, dead …
>The entire Herd … makes you sad. Wiggles and his Herd were always nice, always told you if there was a Bad Herd nearby or if they found tasty nummies. You didn’t mind Wiggles straying into your territory, because they never stayed for very long and never ate all the nummies in one place.
>“W-why du dis?” Your Old Toughie whimpers, his eyes firmly closed, tears streaming down his face.
>“Wat Fwuffie mean?” You asked, turning to give your Old Toughie a hug to help him be brave. “Wat Fwuffie see?”
>“F-f-fwuffie see Meanie Hoomin! Haf stwange face, eyes aww squinty! Haf Wiggwe’s Horn in his hands!” Your Toughie Friend whimpered, burying his face in your chest and sobbing. “MEANIE SQUINTY HOOMIN CUT OFF DERE HOWNS!”
>Flinch and look back at the Dead Herd … oh no …
>Toughie Friend was right. You missed it before, but under all that boo-boo juice, there’s a crater in Wiggle’s head.
>All the Unicorn Fluffies of his Herd have the same owies. And all the Stallions are missing their No-No’s …
>“Gu bawk to Hewd, teww Young Toughies to come onwy.” You whisper to your Toughie Friend, giving him one last squeeze before shuffling over to the Dead Fluffies. “Teww Hewd tu gu back to Safe Pwace. Eat Nummies on way bawk, but twy to hide.”
>It takes a few tries to get your Toughie Friend to understand the order, but eventually he nods and shuffles off, his face still wet from tears.
>Walk around the Dead Herd several times, looking at the Dead Fluffies and trying to be brave.
>You cry, but you don’t run away. So you’re somewhat brave.
>All the Fluffies have had their throats cut with something very, very sharp.
>Something took all the No-No’s off the Stallions, and every Unicorn has had their Horns gouged out.
>The Young Toughie Friends finally arrive … see the Dead Fluffies and immediately start to bawl and poop and scream.
>“STAWP DAT!” You roared at them, and they stopped screaming, at least. “Fwuffies haf hide Dead Fwuffies. Bwing weaves, bwing sticks, put dem ova Wiggwe’s Hewd an’ hewp dem Hide.”
>“B-b-buh Bowser! Fwuffies awe Scawy-wookin’, haf boo-boo juices ev’wy-whewe!” A Young Toughie whimpers, cowering behind a rock.
>“Dead Fwuffies bwing Munstas.” You explained, shuffling away to pick up a branch and place it over the Dead Fluffies. Doesn’t cover much … but it’s a start. “Toughie Fwiends covah Dead Fwuffies su Munstas nu find. Or Munstas come, and someday Munstas find Bowser Hewd.”
>Now you have their attention, and you look each one in the eye, trying to impress on them how important this is.
>“Yuu is Toughie Fwiends. Yuu mus’ be bwave, fo’ Hewd need Toughie Fwiends to keep dem safe.” You say between trips to the trees and bushes to get leaves and twigs and bark to cover Wiggles’ Herd. “Toughie Fwiend mus; nu be siwwy an’ sometimes haf do Scawy Tings. Toughie Fwiends haf be bwavest o’ Fwuffies, su Baybehs an’ Speshaw Fwiends an’ Hewd nu haf Scawy Times.”
>Sigh as you look over the slowly disappearing bodies of Wiggles and his Herd. “Toughie Fwiends an’ Bowser aww dat stand between Bad Tings an’ Hewd. Toughie Fwiends mus’ nevah fowget dat. Yuu is onwy tings dat stop yuu Fwiends fwom haf Biggest Owies wike dis.”
>As the Young Toughie friends cry, they gather leaves to throw over the Dead herd.
>As the Young Toughie friends are told they must be brave and strong for their Herd, they gather twigs and branches to weigh down the leaves so they won’t blow away.
>As Young Toughie friends are thanked for doing what a Toughie Friend should … Wiggles and his Herd are finally in their Longest Sleepies Safe Place.
>It’s a long, winding journey back to the Safe Place of your Herd. You insist on this route because it gives your Young Toughies an idea on how they should confuse Munstas.
>Never lead a Munsta back to the Herd, better to have Biggest Owies than let the Herd have Owies and Huwties with you.
>Old Toughie Friends sound out the challenges when they hear you come back, and you shout back the counter-challenge so they know it’s you.
>Herd is reunited and hugs. Mares and Fluffy Mummas know something horrible happened, but the Old Toughie Friends were smart enough to not scare them.
>Young Toughie friends seem to have taken your warnings to heart, and are brave and don’t tell the Mares and Fluffy Mummas either.
>Shuffle through the Herd, checking to make sure everyone made it back safely.
>Herd is many lots of 4’s. Four and Four and Four and Four and Four and …
>You get up to the 8th’s ‘four’ and find yourself coming up short …
>Who is missing? Who would not have heard the call to go back to the …
>… NO!
>“Whewe is Peach?” You demand angrily as your Herd babbles to itself.
>“Siwwy Yewwow Fwuffy nu come back!” A Mare yells back, cuddling her three foals to her belly. “Siwwy Yewwow Fwuffy say she gun’ find moar 'Stwah-bewwehs, buh nevah come back when Owd Toughie say Hewd haf to weave.”
>The Old Toughie in question is looking at you with a horrified expression. He was so scared he just yelled at the Herd to leave … didn’t count heads, make sure there were enough ‘fours’ in the Herd before they left.
>Stare out of the Safe Place, biting your bottom lip, and fret.
>Peach was never supposed to be part of your Herd, but you made her a Herd-Friend, even if it was by accident.
>She never stops talking, but she’s always so nice, always ready to help anyone if they need it. She’s an unusual and divisive addition to your Herd, but already it feels like she’s been a part of the Bowser Herd since forever…
>And there’s a Munsta-Hoomin out there tearing Fluffy Ponies apart for their Horns and Naughty Places.
>There’s also the tracks, and the stallion-poop you found that smelled so wrong it made you feel sick.
>Peach is a Girl Fluffy without Horns, so maybe she’ll be safe … and she’s smart, so she won’t rush out to play with Bad Fluffies, right? The thought of Peach getting Owies makes you rush to the entrance of the Safe Place, but you stop and whine, knowing you can’t leave the Herd with a Munsta on the loose just to save one Fluffy.
>But the Hoomin also killed the Earth Fluffy Mare of Wiggles Herd, even though she had no Stallion No-No’s or a Unicorns Horn. And Peach loves to help other Fluffies … what if she thinks she can help these Wrong Stallions?
>But … you can’t leave your Herd alone to look for just one Fluffy. Even if her not being nearby fills your being with despair and worry.
>“… Peach.” You whisper, your head hanging low in defeat as you shuffle back to the Bowser Herd.
>Current Day
>The Bowser Herd managed to make it back to the Safe Place without incident, although you are worried still, and chew on your hoof as you watch the Herd start to form the Evening Hugs Pile in the dim light of the Moon Fluffy.
> These days, you’re worried about a lot of things. Nummies are in short supply, there are a lot of Herds squabbling outside your territory, kept at bay only by the fear of your Herd’s infamously strong legs and impenetrable Fluff.
>And the Hoomins are getting bolder, snatching up whole Herds at a time and taking them far away, presumably to make into Nummies for themselves like their Cat Munstas and Dog Munstas do.
>Wiggles was not the first, nor last, Smarty Friend whose Herd was butchered by the Meanie Squinty-Eyed Hoomin for their Horns and Stallions’ Naughty Places.
>As Smarty Friend, the decision to go to Spaghetti Land is yours, and yours alone. Even Peach, your Special Friend, cannot sway you on this matter.
>To Stay is to risk being left out of a Safe Place where your Herd will live in comfort and security for the rest of their Lives, a place where you may not have to bargain away your Wingy and Horn Foals for more Earth Fluffy Foals.
>To Go is to be able to expand your territory and ensure a larger supply of Nummies for the new Fluffies growing in the Herd’s Fluffy Mummas, a larger supply of nuts and grass to stockpile for the Cold Long-Dark Time.
>Some Fluffies are eager to go, gripped by a need to taste this mysterious, legendary Nummies known as ‘Sketti’. Everyone gets excited when they hear ‘Sketti’, but nobody understands why. Nobody has ever had ‘Sketti’ before.
>Others believe it’s best to stay in the Forest. If the Other Herds leave, they promised to send word if the ‘Sketti Wand’ the Hoomins are building is real. It would be safest for the Herd to stay here and let the Weaker Fluffies seek out the truth.
>Koopa, your Son, mutters that Dumb Herds would probably not tell you if Sketti Wand was real. They are meanie Fluffies who fight all the time, eat all the nummies and are dumber than the Rocks in the Fast Wa-Wa’s.
>Chuckled at that. Koopa is the only Foal that Peach ever had with you. Your only foal. But he’s big, like you, a pale Blue Fluffy with white dots in his fluff, with a Dark Green mane and tail. He will make a fine Smarty Friend, a good Bowser for your Herd when you are Old and Weak and cannot be The Strongest anymore.
>“Fwuffies, Hewd tawk moar in Bright Time.” You say, loudly, over the babbling Fluffies. “Now is Sweepies-Time! Fwuffies haf sweepies in Huggies-Piwe, den nummies in Bwight Time, den tawk moar.”
>Grumbling, but the Herd settles down, Babies and Fluffy Mummas in the middle, then Mares, then Stallions and Toughie Friends, a veritable ‘mound’ of Fluffy Ponies asleep on a soft carpet of leaves gathered from the trees so they wouldn’t have to sleep on the cold, hard ground.
>You and Koopa sleep near the entrance, Peach sandwiched between you, so you will be the first ones to deal with any intruders into the Safe Place.
>Peach is licking Koopa’s face, telling him she’s very proud of him for making a Melon give up it’s sweet fruits for another Herd, how he’s going to be a Good Nice Bowser some day, just like Bowser-Daddy.
>“Yuu is gon’ be guud Smawty Fwiend, buh nu for wong time, Bowser-Daddy is big an’ bwave an’ stwong, nu need to be Owd-Bowser yet.” She whispers as Koopah finally goes to sleep.
>Chuckle again. Koopah is two months old, he should have a Special Friend of his own right now, but he says that none of the Mares in the Bowser Herd make him feel particularly happy.
>He’s gathering Shinies, hiding them somewhere in the Safe Place, to trade for a Special Friend from another Herd. You’ve warned him he must have an Earth Fluffy Special Friend, and told him the story of how Peach joined the Herd many, many times.
>You hope he’ll listen, the Herd would never accept an untried Bowser with a Special Friend so different from themselves. You doubt there’s another Mare out there as Special as Peach, but you do hope that Bowser can find his Special Friend soon.
>You won’t live forever, and Koopa should have a life as just a Daddy before he has to become the Bower and Smarty Friend of the Bowser Herd.
>But so far, none of the Mares he has been offered have been ‘guud ‘nuff’. Their constant chattering annoys Koopa to no end, and they are absolutely enamoured with the ‘Big Woung Stwong’ Koopa and spend all day chasing him around and ‘flirting’ with him.
>"Dey aww pushy an’ smewwy an’ tawk tuu much." Koopa remarked to you once as you were teaching him how to fight, away from the rest of the Herd.
>“Aww Mawes tawk tuu much.” You had laughed, playing the wrestling game with your forelegs, trying to tip each other over. “Twick is find Mawe who tawk nu make yuu gwumpy. Mawe who make Koopa feew wike he happeh aww da time, nu jus’ Speshaw Huggies time, when haffin’ Sweepies, when haffin Nummies, when bein’ Toughie Fwiend o’ Bowser.”
>Not real fighting, but don’t want the Herd to think you and your son are fighting. You love Koopa, even if someday he must challenge you for dominion of the Bowser Herd.
>You want him to be the Strongest Fluffy, stronger than you even, and be a Good Nice Smarty Friend as well as a Nice Bowser. So every day, you train him.
>When wrestling, your hooves sometimes touch the scars on his shoulders, and you feel heart-owies.
>It was the only way … the only way to keep your Special Friend and your Baby with you, in the Bowser Herd, where they would be safe.
>Koopa doesn’t know. Doesn’t know that he was once a Wingy Pegasus Fluffy.
>And neither does the Herd.
>And they must never know.
>The Next Morning (Day 2 of Spaghetti Land being open to the General Public)
>The Bright Time is coming soon, can see the Edge of the World lit with pink light, and Peach is snuggled up against your chest, deep asleep and breathing softly, and Koopa snoring noisily on her other side, talking in his sleep about ‘wunnafuw mawes’.
>Cuddle her close and sigh happily. It’s cold, dark and the leaves are wet with dew and the occasional bit of pee from a Foal who couldn’t hold it inside them while they were asleep, but it’s a good Morning.
>Herd is still asleep, Munstas still asleep, the world is quiet and calm, and it’s just you, your special friend, and your son.
>Peach is warm and soft against you, your fluff pushing through hers and vice-versa, a warm barrier between the outside, uncaring world and the gentle warmth of her skin on yours.
>“Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…” You sigh happily. It’s been so long since you had a morning like this. No Toughie Friends squabbling over who was the toughest or who gave the best ‘Speshaw Huggies’, no Foals crying about their siblings being ‘Meanies’ or not being able to find their favourite ‘wock-baww’, no Mares panicking the moment their Foals are out of sight or whining that they want more nummies for the babies in their tummies.
>Hug Peach to your chest just a little bit tighter, and thank the Moon-Fluffy for yet another quiet night in your Safe Place.
>Two Months and 27 Days ago.
>THREE DAYS! Three days, and the Herd has not been able to find any sign of Peach.
>You’re sick with worry, because a member of your Herd has gone missing, even if she was an accidentally inclusion.
>The Toughie Friend who didn’t count all the Fours and left Peach behind is in absolute disgrace, horrified with himself and terrified of you. You didn’t mean to, but when he tried to apologise, you yelled at him and shook him between your hooves and called him a Bad Fluffie in front of the entire Herd.
>Spent the better part of the first day of Peach being lost cowering in a bush at the far end of the Safe Place, bawling his eyes out until you went over and told him, and the other Toughie Friends, what they would all be doing to keep the Herd safe.
>Every day, you sent ten of your Toughie Friends out to look for Peach in groups of two, an Old Toughie to lead and a Young Toughie to back them up if they needed to give Owies or Huwties, every day they walked away in the directon you had found Wiggles Herd dead and slaughtered for their Horns and No-No’s, telling them to also look out for the Hoomin-Munsta who stole Wiggle’s Horn and Naughty Place
>And to beware the Strange Stallions who smelled so wrong.
>But no sighting of any of them. The Stallions return, tired and covered in leaves and twigs, saying they looked and looked, asked the Other Herds, but nobody has seen Peach.
>The Other Herds are grateful for the news of the Hoomin-Horn-and-No-No’s-Stealing Munsta, and claim they have been attacked several times now by a Herd made up all of Stallions who drive off the Herd-Friend Stallions, then have Special Hugs with the Mares, kill the Foals and steal the Nummies, then fade into the night.
>Two-Rocks Herd, Black Stump Herd, Ruffle’s Herd and even Piebald’s Herd have been attacked thus far. Two-Rocks and Ruffle’s Herd lost all of their foals, and many of their Mares refused to eat or drink and died trying to hug their smushed babies.
>Your Toughie Friends brought back a request for new Foals from your Herd to replace the ones the Other Herds lost, along with the promises of Hugs and access to the Other Herd’s Nummies.
>That’s troublesome for many reasons.
>Can’t just give away your Foals. You need New Big Earth Fluffies to keep your Herd strong … and few Herds produce Foals big enough to warrant the inclusion of their Foals into the Bowser Herd.
>Fluffy Mummas gave birth to their babies only a few days ago, and most of them are Earth Fluffies.
>For the first time in months, your Herd has as many babies as it has Stallions and Mares. This could be your chance to make the Bowser Herd the Supreme Herd! In two or three weeks, all the Babies will be Colts and Fillies, and a little while after that, the Colts will be trained to be Toughie Friends, and then will get the chance to win a Smarty Friend under the light of the Fluffy Moon-Mumma.
>Once that happens … you could risk pushing out with your enlarged Herd, drive the Angry Herds and Dumb Herds out of their territories, invite the Friendly Herds in to take over those territories to provide a safe barrier between you and the Angry and Dumb Herds.
>But if you don’t … the Two-Rocks and Ruffle Herds could grow so weak they would have to disband and join other Herds … and they could bring their resentment to their New Herds.
>The Bowser Herd is famous amongst the Forest Herds for being unnaturally strong and tough, but if all the Herds moved together … could you hold onto your Territory? Or would you be forced to give it up, inch by hard-fought inch, to the greedy, selfish, short-sighted Smarty Friends?
>Sigh and tell the Toughie Friends you will consider letting some of the Foals join the other Herds if their Mummas agree to it.
>“Stiww nu can find Peach?” You ask the last of the search-parties sadly, knowing your Old Toughie Friends that remained behind to help guard the Mares and Fluffy Mummas are looking at you worriedly. You haven’t eaten all day, and the whole Herd can hear your tummy complaining very loudly at you about this mistreatment. “Nu see Meanie Hoomin o’ Bad Smeww-Wong Fwuffies?”
>“Mah-beh.” The Old Toughie of the pair grunts, panting heavily. The Young Tougie behind him is covered in a lather of sweat, gasping for breath. “We see Big Hewd at Big Howwow Twee, an’ find wots of Bag-Smeww Poopies, and we see wittle yellow Fwuffie, buh we nu can get cwose enough to see if is Peach.”
>“Bad-Bad Fwuffies chase an’ chase, wan gif Owies! Wan gif Huwties!” The Young Toughie groans, collapsing on the ground in exhaustion. “Toughie Fwiends are Guud Fwuffies, wun into and down Little Wa-Wa’s to hide twacks, den gu wong-way to Safe Pwace.”
>You think about that for a moment. The Little Stream by the Big Hollow Tree … that’s a Bad Place.
>Hoomins used to leave Nasty Things there, until more Hoomins came and took the First Hoomins away. Nasty Things leaked Worst Bad Nasty Wa-Wa’s, make the Ground all Nasty too, killed off all the Grass and Weeds around the Big Hollow Tree.
>Herds who tried to use the natural shelter of the mostly-hollow tree that lay in the soft ground between two large boulders were happy at first. The Hollow Tree had enough room for dozens of Fluffies to sleep in comfortably, and the boulders had wedged the tree so it pointed up at a slight angle, so the Fluffies never had to worry about the Hollow Tree rolling away or filling with Water during a storm.
>But the first Herd, the Root-Chewers, had all died within a few days, their bodies naked and bloated with sickness, their eyes and tongues protruding grotesquely from their heads.
>You had gone to meet with their Smarty Friend, because their ‘territory’ bordered on your own, and you had wanted to point out the boundaries so there would be no fighting.
>Seeing them all lying there, Old Fluffy and Baby, Stallion and Fluffy Mumma, lying in their final, agonized positions, surrounded by their shed fluff, had sent you screaming back to your own territory, pooping as you ran like a Little Fillie than had seen her first No-No’s.
>The news that the Big Hollow Tree was so scary it even made a Bowser have Scaredy Poopies and ran away cemented the fel reputation of that evil Not-Safe Place.
>Dog Munstas and Cat Munstas had come to eat the fluff-less corpses, then died themselves.
>Then Bug Munstas came and lived in the Hollow Tree, a big nest of black and yellow Stinging Meanie Chase-You-Forever Munstas.
>Their giant Nest rotted in the Hollow Tree for weeks, and the ground was littered with their crunchy, scary bodies.
>Only the desperate Herds go to The Big Hollow Tree, or Fluffies from the Hoomin City that don’t know the Forest. So this ‘All Stallion’ Herd should die in a few days, and everything will go back to normal.
>Or perhaps the Big Hollow Tree isn’t Bad for Fluffies anymore, and the All-Stallion Herd might be the worst thing that happens to the Forest that the Hoomins call Cuyahoga Valley National Park.
>“Yuu is Vewy Guud Fwuffies.” You say loudly as the Herd shambles over to give Welcome-Back Huggies to the Toughie Friends. “Yuu is find where Bad Fwuffies awe hidin’! Bowser wait tiww Next Bright Time, den Toughie Fwiends fowwow Bowser an’ cwush an’ smush dese Bad Fwuffies, make Fowest safe fo’ Mumms an’ Baybehs 'gain!”
>Some Fluffies cheer, eager to avenge the deaths of the Foals and to protect their own families from a similarly horrible fate, but others put their ears back and whine.
>“Big Howwow Twee is BAD!” They whine, scuffing at the leaf-litter that carpets the Herd’s Safe Place.
>Some of your Old Toughie Friends share a look, and shuffle away from the Herd, whispering.
>You were so busy promising the Scaredy Fluffies that nobody would be staying at the Big Hollow Tree long enough to get ‘sickies’ that you didn’t notice them.
>Later that night.
>You are woken by an Old Toughie Friend who says something important has happened, and he needed you to come, quietly.
>Two other Old Toughie Friends waited at the far end of the Safe Places, their faces illuminated by the light of the nearly-full Fluffy Moon-Mumma. They looked worried, shifting from hoof to hoof, flicking glances at you.
>“Wat is su impoh’tant nu can wait fo’ Bright Time?” You grumbled, yawning. “Fwuffies haf gu dwive away Bad Fwuffies fwom our Fwuffy Mummas, owr nummies. Bowser need to haf sweepies tu.”
>“Bowser, Fwuffies need to knu … is yuy goin’ to gif Big Owies to dwive Bad Fwuffies away, or yuu do 'cause yu tink Bad Fwuffies haf Peach?” The Old Toughie who brought you away from the Evening Hug Pile asked softly, putting a hoof on your shoulder.
>“Boff.” You replied immediately. “Peach is Hewd-Fwiend, even if it nu suppose to be. Bowser would be Bad Bowser if Bowser weft Hewd-Fwiend in twouble, buh even if Hewd weave Bad Fwuffies awone an’ abandon Peach, de Bad Fwuffies haf to muv soon.”
>“Dey haf to come down to us to nu get Sickies from the Big Howwow Twee, take owr Nummies, take ova owr Safe Pwace. If we nu dwive dem back to Cee-Tee, den owr Fwuffy Mummas haf owies an’ watch dere Babies get smushed.” You finished, puzzled at the Old Toughie’s attitudes. What were they trying to say to you?
>“Nu. Bowser is tewwin’ Nu-Twuff.” One of the Other Old Toughie Friends sighs, and the other two bow their heads sadly. “Bowser, Owd Toughies watch yuu fo’ wong time. Yuu is Nice Smawty Fwiend, yuu is Stwongest Bowser dat Hewd can wemembah … buh yuu haf no Speshaw Fwiend.”
>“Nu Speshaw Fwiend, nevah haf Speshaw Huggies, nevah haf baybehs wit’ Mawes an’ gif Koopa tu Hewd.” The Third Old Toughie Friend adds, looking at you apologetically. “Bowser nu haf Cowt to be next Bowser. Hewd need Big Stwong Stallion to be next Bowser. Hewd haf to go away if Bowser haf Wongest Sweepies an’ dere be nu Koopa to twain to be New Bowser.”
>“B-buh Owd Toughies nu haf Wowwies! Bowser is stwongest Fwuffy in Hewd! Nu haf Wongest Sweepies unwess Bowser faww in Wa-Wa’s o’ eat Red Pretty Belly-Ache Mush’wooms!” You protest, stunned. A … Foal? Your Foal? But … that would mean picking a Mare, and they are all … well, friends. You notice they are pretty, but there’s never anything to make you …
>…
>Old Toughies share a look.
>“Yuu wike Peach moar den Hewd’s Mawes. We knuu, we haf same Feews when we Young Fwuffies wike yuu. Bowser’s face get aww wose and yuu gwin wike yuu is Dumb Fwuffie evwy time dat Pegasus gif yuu Hugs o’ tawk tuu yuu.” The First Old Toughie replies with a gusty sigh, his eyes closed and his face set into a frown. “Buh is nu guud! Peach is Wingy Mare! Bowser Hewd can nu wisk dere Koopah’s bein’ Smaww and Wingy!”
>“Jus’ cwose eyes, tink o’ Peach and gif Speshaw Huggies to biggest Mawe in Hewd.” The Second Toughie Friend offers with a lopsided grin.
>“An Peach be so wittle … if Peach haf yuu baybehs, she get suuu big dat she haf Scaredy Fit nu mattah wat.” The Third Toughie Friend argues, walking up to nuzzle at your chest. “Nu wan haf make Bowser haf saddies, buh is nu guud. If yuu wuv Peach, yuu haf gif her to Otha Hewds.”
>The Third Old Toughie then looks you straight in the eyes as you blink and try to make a counter-arguement. “Yuu could kiww yuu Speshaw Fwiend if she is nu Big Earth Fwuffie wike owr Mawes.”
>And then they left you alone and went back to the Evening Huggies Pile to sleep.
>Leaving you alone with the image of Peach being so, so big, and monstrously large Babies in her belly beating on her tummy to get out, making her suffer terribly as large, bulges appeared and disappeared under her fluff.
>Makes the sad Wa-Wa’s come. Makes the heart-owies come too.
>You … will do what you told the Herd.
>You will drive off the Bad Fluffies and bring Peach back…
>And then you will take Peach to a Good, Friendly Herd to live for the rest of her life.
>And you will return to the Bowser Herd to have Special Hugs with the biggest Mares in your Herd, and raise your successor.
>The Old Toughies are right. You … can’t keep on like this. Either Peach must leave, and live, and you will be heart-broken without her, or Peach will stay with the herd, have Terrible Owies and then have the Longest Sleep, and you will be heart-broken.
>You wish the Moon Fluffy-Mumma would talk to you like your Old Toughies. Then you could ask her how she doesn’t have Scaredy Fits when she has so many foals and gets so, so big all the time.
>But she’s too busy singing to the Star-Foals in her belly, and can’t hear your prayers.
>So you sit and look up at her and wait for her to stop singing to the Star-Foals, up until the Bright Time starts to chase her away, and your heart finishes breaking completely.
>You are Bowser … and your Herd goes to war.
> 14 Toughie Friends march at your side, in a tight formation so that when you charge, all your weight and strength is supported by the ranks behind you, and the ranks behind them.
>The Bowser Charge has never been defeated. The great size your Herd prides themselves on ensures that any Fluffies dumb enough to stand their ground in the face of your charge are bowled over and trampled into the dirt.
>But the Bad-Bad All-Stallion Herd numbers around twice your number … but they are sick, if the Very-Bad Smells in their poopes are any indication.
>There’s Boo-Boo juices on the fresher patches you found as you get closer and closer to the Big Hollow Tree.
>Finally … it’s there.
>Can see the old dead tree, the middle of it eaten away by little bugs many, many years ago, wedged between two large boulders, the tree pointing up at a slight angle.
>And around it are perhaps twenty Fluffies all shouting and … oh.
>They are having Special Hugs. Angry Special Hugs, judging by the shouting.
>“Nu huwt Poopie Pwace, Fwuffy nu mean to be Bad!” “Nuuuuu! Owny haf Spesahw Huggies wit Mawes! Put No-No’s in Mawe’s No-No’s, nu Fwuffie’s Poopie Pwace!” “Nu, is nu Mawe, Fwuffie is Stawwion!” The half-dozen or so Fluffies getting Special Hugged scream and snap at the Fluffies who hold them down.
>“Yuu wet Bad Fwuffies go 'way! Dey teww otha Hewds whewe Waidah’s haf Sweepies!” A savagely scarred Earth Fluffy howls back, giving Furious Speshaw Huggies to one of the Stallions being punished, pounding away ferociously as the little green Unicorn under him squeals and writhes in pain. “Yuu is Mawes now, ‘cause yuu is siwwy an’ wazy an’ dumb! Stawwions nu is siwwy an’ wazy, so yuu nu can be Stawwions tiww yuu show Hewd yuu is smawty an’ wurk hawd!”
>You Toughie Friends whimper at the sight, and you feel sickened too.
>Some of your Toughie Friends don’t ever find Special Friends of their own. Sometimes the Toughie Friends share their Special Friends with each other, but sometimes the Toughie Friends like other Toughie Friends. But it’s nothing like this.
>There’s nothing good or loving or warm about these Special Hugs. This is just Bad Fluffies being extra-special Bad to other Bad Fluffies because they can be Bad.
>“Toughies be quiet, fowwow Bowser, we chawge Bad-Bad Fwuffies an’ dwive dem away. Nu stawt yewwin’ tiww Bowser say.” You whisper, leading your Toughie Friends down onto the Sick Bad Dirt, where the grass and weeds do not go, and creep forwards towards the Bad-Bad All-Stallion Herd.
>Can hear them screaming and shouting at the ‘Not-Stallions’, making thrusting motions with their hips as they wait for their turn.
>Every single one of them has dried boo-boo juices on the fluff under their Poopie Places and back legs.
>Maybe it’s because of the fighting they do, but there’s shed fluff everywhere …
>Creep up until you’re just ten meters from the Bad Herd, whom are all still focused on their ‘Not-Mares’ as their Smarty Friend dismounts and another Stallion leaps atop the ‘Not-Mare’ and shout about how much of a ‘Guud Fwuffie’ he is.
>“Toughie Fwiends CHAWGE!” You say to them, and your Toughie Friends move forwards with you, making angry puff-faces as you run as quietly as you can.
>Eight meters away …
>“Waidahs haf guud feews, den Bwick wead yuu tu pwopah Mawes an’ nummies an’ baybehs!” The Smarty Friend shouts from within the scrum of angry, bloodied Stallions, their cheering covering the rumble of your charge.
>Four meters away …
>“CWUSH DESE BAD FWUFFIES!” You roar as you and your Toughie Friends reach your maximum speed, pressed tightly together in a tight formation three fluffies across, five fluffies long. “CWUSH DEM AN’ GIF DEM BIGGEST OWIES!”
>The Bad-Bad All-Stallion Herd is so caught up in their Angry Huwty Speshaw Huggies and cheering about being Bad Fluffies they almost don’t hear you, and turn around too late to gape at your Toughie Friends and You.
>The heavily scarred ‘Brick’ screams in outrage as your formation ploughs right through his Bad-Bad Herd, scattering smaller Fluffies in your wake and stomping on those that have the misfortune to fall over as your Toughies charge right through the Bad-Bad Herd.
>Charge out the other side and make a long arc to turn around and grin as you spare a glance at the cluster of Fluffies you just charged through.
>Fluffies lying on the ground, flailing wildly and screaming about ‘Weggies’ and ‘Huwties’ and ‘Whewe dose Fwuffies come fwom?’
>Good. There’s at least a dozen Fluffies crushed by your first Charge, and you see several of the injured Stallions hobbling as fast as they can for the ‘safety’ of the Big Hollow Tree. The odds are heavily in your favour now if only … yes, there he goes.
>Brick is being a typical Bad Smarty Friend, shouting at the Bad-Bad Stallions to stop being wusses and attack. But he doesn’t attack with them, doesn’t try to direct them, just stands back and screams insults at the Stallions who try to hang back and not fight.
>The Bad-Bad Stallions are still more afraid of their Smarty Friend than you, and charge out individually, snapping their teeth and howling war-cries, racing towards you in a ragged, uneven mob.
>“Toughies! Du Wide Chawge!” You shout, and the Formation stops, turns 90 degrees in place and charges back towards the Big Hollow Tree, this time five Toughie Friends across and three Toughie Friends deep.
>Wide enough to catch all the Bad-Bad Stallions who are charging at you in a single Charge, and with enough charging power so that you can just stomp right over all the Bad-Bad Stallions.
>You put your head to the bottom of the Toughie in front of you, and the one behind you does the same as you charge, so that the Toughie Friends are well braced for the impact as the two groups hit each other at top speed.
>The ripple of the impact makes your neck hurt, and the Toughie Friend behind you squeaks at the pressure, but the Bad-Bad Stallions fared far worse.
>You see one Bad-Bad Stallion pass by under the hooves of the Toughie Friend at your side, howling about ‘Owies’ and ‘Fwuffies nu fite fair!’
>“Gowt him!” You hear a Toughie Friend shout, followed closely by a blood-curdling shriek from a Bad-Bad Stallion. Must have stomped on the Bad-Bad Stallion’s No-Nos as the Toughie Friends rolled over the top of him.
>Good. These Bad-Bad Stallions deserve the Worst Possible Owies your Toughie Friends can give.
>The unruly mob of Bad-Bad Stallions screams in fear and surprise as your big, strong and well-ordered Toughie Friends knock them flying or trample the Bad-Bad Stallions under their hooves.
>One on one, they might have won, pulled your Toughie Friends down by sheer numbers, but this ‘Waidahs Hewd’ isn’t very Herd-like, they just fight individually and do not support each other.
>Success … all that’s left is a handful of Bad-Bad Stallions fleeing into the forest, screaming incoherently as they run away in ones or twos, leaving only their injured comrades behind and this ‘Brick’, who is screaming furiously, kicking at the Stallions left to ‘Get up an’ fite! FITE!’
>“Get dem! Bweak an’ Cwush aww de Bad-Bad Stawwions!” You roar, and the Toughie Friends shout out their victory as they break formation and rush over to the injured Bad-Bad Stallions in groups of two and start to stomp on them.
>You head straight for this ‘Brick’, knowing full well he’s at least as Strong as one of your Toughie Friends.
>He sees you coming, snarls, lowers his head … and charges into the Big Hollow Tree!
>What? He won’t fight? What kind of Smarty Friend is he?
>Hear the screaming of the Bad-Bad Stallions inside the Big Hollow Tree as their Smarty Friend scrambles over them, kicking and stomping and biting to get past them.
>Come to a stop, just at the entrance, and glare up inside the Big Hollow tree, puffing your cheeks out as you glare into the dimly lit interiour.
>Several Stallions, all whimpering and staring at you with naked fear in their eyes, unable to climb up any further with their broken legs and bruised bodies.
>The far end of the Big Hollow Tree looks like it’s been blocked with a thick wall of Old Poop, a disgusting but effective plug to keep the warm air inside the Big Hollow Tree from escaping, and you can see this ‘Brick’ scraping at the wall with both front hooves, screeching for it to let him pass.
>“BWICK IS SMAWTY FWIEND, POOPIES DO WAT BWICK SAY O’ I GIF MOAR OWIES! BAD POOPIES WIWW WET BWICK GU 'WAY FWOM BIG FWUFFIES WITE NOW!” He shrieks, thin flakes of dried poop showering the Fluffies beneath him as he digs furiously at the barrier.
>Bloodied and panting Toughie Friends trot over, asking what to do next. All the Bad-Bad Stallions have had their heads jumped on or their throats squished and are having Longest Sleepies.
>Can’t charge into the Big Hollow Tree, not enough room …
>You look at the Bad Smarty Friend, scraping furiously at the blocked exit, and the Bad-Bad Stallions shivering with fear near the entrance.
>“Bowser haf pwan.” You whisper to your Toughie Friends, and then leer evily at the Stallions inside the Big Hollow Tree. “One Fwuffie wiww come owt, or aww Fwuffies get Biggest Owies.”
>The Stallions don’t even debate, they just start pushing each other until a scrawny brown Pegasus is pushed out, then rush back up into the Big Hollow Tree, clamouring for their Smarty Friend to save them.
>He gives them Sorry Poopies instead, and they scream and cry and howl that this can’t be happening.
>“Yuu haf Yellow Wingy Mawe hewe?” You shout as loud and angry as you can at the scrawny bad-bad Stallion, making him pee himself in fright. “Tawk, o’ Bowser wiww smush yuu!”
>“Nu Mawes, nu Mawes, Smawty Fwiend say Hewd nu need haf Mawes, onwy need Waid fo’ Speshaw Huggies an’ Nummies an’ Cowts to make Hewd-Fwiends!” The scrawny stallion squeals in terror, hugging himself as he shivers so had you’re surprised he doesn’t start to vibrate down into the dirt.
>Look at your Toughie Friends, they shake their heads.
>“Nu Mawes. Found Yellow Wingy Fwuffie, was Stawwion. Bad-Bad Stawwion wit’ Biggest Poopie Owies.” One Toughie Friend remarks with a frown. “Dese are Bad-Bad-Bad Stawwions. Cwush dis one?”
>Consider the Toughie Friend, the sobbing, scrawny Bad-Bad Stallion and the Bad-Bad Fluffies in the Big Hollow Tree.
>“Wes. Cwush him, den fiww Big Howwow Twee wit’ Sowwy Poopies.” You say loudly, and all the Bad-Bad Stallions groan and begin to cry. " nevah weave Big Howwow Twee, nevah huwt Hewds 'gain."
>Toughie Friends cheer and start stomping on the Brown Scrawny Bad-Bad Stallion, his screams for help, that he will be a Good Fluffy again, go unheeded except for his friends in the Big Hollow Tree, who howl in fear and push and squabble as they try to get away from your Toughie Friends.
>You walk around to the back of the Big Hollow Tree … yes. There’s the plug of Old Dried Poop … It’s thick enough that it actually hangs out a bit over the end of the Big Hollow Tree…
>You walk around the back of the massive hollow log for a few moments, listening as your Toughie Friends start to fill the other opening with Sorry Poopies, and the screaming from inside the Big Hollow Tree gets louder.
>Finally, you think you’ve found the right spot, and start to dig. Dig and dig and dig … and then start to sticks.
>You are Brick! You are a Smarty Friend! You’ve Raided all your life, after the Mares said you were too Mean and the Hoomins started to actively hunt you in the City.
>So you ran to the Forest, gathering wussy Stallions and teaching them to be Mean like you, even as you made sure you kept on getting meaner.
>So many nummies in the Forest, even if they are hard to find at first.
>But … Herds are here already, and they even more annoying than the City Ferals. Won’t let you have their Mares, won’t let you join their Herds.
>So you Raid them, like you raided the City Fluffies.
>But you didn’t take the Mares back with you. You just had Good Feels, stomped their Foals so they know how Mean you are, stole their nummies to fill your belly, and ran away.
>Then you found this place, and the Stallions were delighted to have a Safe Place.
>Then Fluffies started to complain about Boo-Boo juices in their Poopie Places, even when they weren’t Bad Fluffies and being punished by being ‘Mares’ for a day.
>Then you had Boo-Boo Poopies.
>Fluff started to fall out.
>Must be something all Forest Fluffies go through, you said, must be reason why they are so Quiet and Stupid and Dumb.
>But … the Fluffies who beat your Herd were not Quiet or Stupid or Dumb.
>They were Loud and Strong and Big and Mean, meaner that you!
>You must escape, find new Stallions, build a bigger Raiding Herd, and come back to get your revenge!
>Stupid Fluffies who were given Owies whine and cry, sobbing about Bad Smells and Owies and Broken Legs, staring sadly at the entrance to the Big Hollow Tree, which is packed full of big, wet poopies.
>A lot of Big Wet Poopies. Even if you all took turns at digging at it, you’d never get through it all before the air went bad in here.
>But the Plug at the other end is thin, only just thick enough to not fall apart.
>Don’t really want to touch it, but it is the only other way out.
>Finally … daylight! Scrape and scrape, till you can see the trees on the far side of the clearing where the Big Hollow tree resides.
>Fresh air … but not enough! You need more! More fresh air!
>Shuffle back and rush up at the Plug, slamming into it with your head.
>Lots of poop breaks away, but not enough! You still can’t get out!
>Back up again and again, breaking away more and more …
>Finally, you charge, and the Plug of Poop breaks away, and you’re free, you’re flying …
>Wait, you’re not a Pegasus or a Feather-Munsta!
>Why is the Ground covered in sticks!
>Why is there a hole under the Big Hollow Tree exit?
>“Nuuuuuuuuuuuu!” You scream in rage and terror as you plunge towards the stick-filled hole, then the Sticks give you the Worst Hugs, and you scream and scream and scream, but they won’t stop Worst Hugging you!
>The rest of the Stallions peer down at the shallow hole in which their Former Smarty friend twitches, impaled on several branches dug deep into the poisoned earth and pointing straight up.
>There’s no way out at the lower end, and to jump here is to be impaled like Brick.
>So they sit and wait, hoping the Meanie Sticks go away, even as they fill the Big Hollow Tree with more Boo-Boo Poopies, that make it more and more difficult for their friends with broken legs to climb up and join them.
>Even as night comes, they wait for the Meanie Sticks to get bored and go away, but the Meanie Sticks refuse to leave, and the Bad Stallions cry and whimper and argue over who should jump first.
>As they argue, they start to fight, tumbling down the Big Hollow Tree in a snapping, kicking, swearing ball, crashing down against the Sorry Poopies and gaining new Owies in the process, breaking more of each other’s legs and bruising each other severely, screaming in pain and terror and rage.
>Now it’s almost impossible to climb up the Big Hollow Tree, the insides coated with slippery boo-boo poopies, and those that attempt to do so are quickly grabbed by their fellows, who try to climb up over them, convinced that by now the Meanie Sticks will have left.
>Again and again for two whole days they squabble and fight and give each other more Owies and Hurties, till they are all too tired to move at all.
>And then something starts to scrape away the Sorry Poopies wall!
>They are saved!
>There’s a funny-faced Hoomin on the other side, with squinty eyes and a big sack on his back.
>“Daddy!” They cry, reaching out with bloodied, shit-smeared hooves to their saviour.
>And then they see the rest of their friends, lying on the ground in neat rows, covered in boo-boo juices.
>Missing their No-No’s.
>Missing their Horns.
>“Nǐ hǎo wǒ de péngyǒu! Nǐ de mófǎ hàojiǎo hé yīnjīng gěi shūshu zhōu shíjiān!” He says, grinning, as he grabs the nearest Stallion and pulls out a bloody box-cutter. “Nǐ ràng wǒ hěnduō qián, mài nǐ de lǎbā hé yīnjīng de qīngnián nánzǐ, shuí xiǎng yào bǎochí tā zhěng yè!”
>“H-hoomin wan huggies?” The Stallion whispers, wide-eyed, as the Hoomin puts him down on his back and holds him down firmly, lowering the bloodied Box-Cutter to the Stallion’s No-No’s. “Hoomin take fwuff away fwom No-No’s? Fwuffie gon’ be ‘bweedah’?”
>The Stallions start by crying as they watch their friend be ‘harvested’, and then whimper as the next of their number is taken, then rush up the Big Hollow Tree as best they can, scrambling and sobbing as they rush towards the exit and leap out blindly.
>But the Meanie Sticks are waiting, as is the fly-blown corpse of their Smarty Friend.
>And the truly unlucky live long enough to see the Squinty-Eyed Munsta Hoomin come around to harvest them as well.
>It was a long walk back to the Safe Place from the Big Hollow Tree.
>Had to wash off in the shallowest part of the fast Wa-Wa’s, at a sand-bank, the Toughie Friends grumbling about the coldness of the Wa-Wa’s and how stinky they were after going to the Big Hollow Tree.
>You are Bowser, and you are very grateful you did not lose any Toughie Friends. But you are still very, very worried.
>Meanie Squinty Hoomin is still out there, hunting Horn Fluffies and Stallions, but you don’t mention to the Toughies your other concern.
>That Peach is still missing. That she is still lost, in the Forest, with no Herd to help her.
>It gnaws at you, pricks at your mind and squeezes your heart.
>You have to make Peach leave, or else … she’ll die.
>You love her too much, you won’t be able to stop yourself if she starts to make that smell that Mares make when they have Hot-Feels-Needs-Huggies time.
>And then you’ll give her Babies.
>Big, strong babies.
>Babies that could kill your Peach.
>But you are a Brave Fluffy Pony, a Brave Bowser and Good Smarty Friend. You must do what is best for your Herd, and Peach must leave, so that she can live, and you must give one of the Mares of your Herd Special hugs, so that there will be a Boy-Foal, a Colt, who will be called Koopa, and trained to take your place one day.
>So wrapped up in thinking how you can make Peach leave without hurting her, you shuffle into the Safe Place, with your Toughies behind you, and bump into a Foal.
>“Wah! Bowser!” It giggles, reaching up to hug your leg. “Fwuffie haf sweet nummies! Wunnaful Mawe!”
>The Foal is covered in sticky juice … what? Did the Oldest Toughie Friends find a berry-bush while you were out?
>Wait, this doesn’t smell like any berry you’ve eaten.
>Lick the Foal, tell it you’re happy it has had sweet nummies.
>Fluffies of your Herd are cheering, happy to see you come home, and even more excited to see that all the Toughie Friends came back safely as well.
>Shuffle past the Fluffies as they rush forwards and hug each other, Stallions hugging their Mares, Foals hugging their Fathers, families rejoicing to be together once more.
>Close your eyes and sigh. You hope you can pretend well enough to make whichever Mare you pick to make her think you’re happy with her.
>“Wah, Bowser! Wan’ nummies?” A Fluffy giggles, shoving something small and red and delicious-smelling under your nose.
>“Tank yuu.” You sigh, eyes still closed, and take the nummies, accidentally brushing your mouth against the other Fluffy.
>“Hehe! Bowser gif kissy!” The Fluffy giggles again. Wait, that voice …
>Your eyes snap open, and see Peach right before you, an plastic bag full of bruised strawberries behind her.
>“PEEEEEEEEEEEEACH!” You yell with delight, grabbing Peach and crushing her to your chest, sitting on your bottom and swinging your upper body side to side, overwhelmed with joy and relief. “Peach Peach Peach Peach Peach! Yuu Bawk! Yuu Safe!”
>The whole Herd looks on with surprise, the Toughie Friends gaping or scowling, the Mares and Foals giggling and cheering as you give very big and happy hugs to Peach, who squeaks in surprise but hugs you back.
>“Bowser miss Peach? Peach miss Bowser, miss Hewd, miss fwiends, twy to get nummies fo’ Hewd buh got wost 'gain.” She laughs, nuzzling your chest. “Peach nu wan get wost ‘gain. Peach wike Hewd, nu wan weave an’ gu bawk to Mush’woom Hewd.”
>Maybe … maybe the Mares of your Herd can help. Maybe they know a way that Peach can safely have your Babies and not have a Scaredy Fit!
>And maybe this sweet feeling in your heart doesn’t need to leave you again.
>You’re still hugging Peach to you as the Herd slowly starts to wake up, the perfect silence of the beginning of the Bright Time broken as Foals run around their drowsy Mothers, asking when will ‘Miwk’ be ready, as Toughie Friends yawn and stretch and shuffle over to the Fast Wa-Wa’s to make their Not-Pretties in the water, where it will flow away and keep your Safe Place free of bad smells and not-pretties.
>Squeeze her awake and smile as she blinks sleepily, then sees you and hugs you back.
>Even though the Three Old Toughie Friends complained, the rest of the Herd accepted that you loved Peach. And you had promised, as the Bowser and as the Smarty Friend, if your Koopa was Small or Wingy, you would give it away like the other Wingy and Horn Foals.
>Koopa’s birth was … horrible. It filled you with such fear for Peach’s life, but she survived somehow, mostly due to the fact you refused to stop hugging her, keeping her warm and clean even when her Naughty Place was nothing but Boo-Boo juices and Owies, and the Mares who gathered delicious Clover and other Mumma foods for her.
>There was so much blood on Koopa when he was born, that nobody noticed when you nibbled his tiny wings off. They thought it was just owies from being squeezed out of such a small Fluffy Mumma.
>You think maybe one of the Three Old Toughies suspected the truth, but Koopa grew very big, and very strong, just like a Koopa should, so you think he keeps quiet and does not talk about it.
>“When aww Fwuffies awe up, Hewd gu find Nummies.” You yell as the Herd scrambles around the Safe Place, waiting for their turns to make Morning Poopies with crossed legs and begging of those in front of them to ‘huwwy up!’ and ‘need make pee! Pee pwease wait fo’ Fwuffie!’
>First, you’ll fill everyone’s bellies with Grass Nummies, and then, you’ll sit down with the Old Mares and the Old Toughie Friends, and decide if you will abandon all you know for this ‘Sketti Land’ that has created so much fuss and trouble in the Forest.
>Several miles from Cuyahoga Valley National Park, from the South, from the West, and from the East they come, tramping across the fields, trudging through the suburbs, trotting alongside the roads and highways.
>Tens of thousands of slowly moving Fluffies Ponies in vast Herds that leave nothing but dirt and crushed poop and their own dead in their wake, scores of shambling, bleating, crying, shouting masses of Fluffy Ponies of every possible shade and hue, Pegasus and Unicorn and Earth Fluffy alike, Foals riding on their backs.
>“Sketti Wand!” They cry out, their eyes full of desperate longing.
>“UNI! PIP! EDDY!” They call, seeking out their Idols with lust and love raging in their hearts.
>They see the steam of the CEI Perry Nuclear Power Plant, and cry out that “Sketti is waitin’ fo’ Fwuffies!”
>And they press ever onwards, envigored by the sight of the ‘steam’ coming off the ‘Spaghetti Mountain’ at the far edge of their vision, leaving nothing but dirt and their dead in their wake, the relatively safety and plenty of the National Park a welcome stop-over on their endless journey.
>And there would be more Fluffy Ponies there, to come with them to Spaghetti Land, and show them where to have Nummies on the long Journey.
>One way or another.