The Fuzzy Pony
>You are a scientist at Hasbro Biotoys, a company that is the current forerunner in civilian biotechnology.
>Currently you are working on what will hopefully be the company’s breakthrough cash cow.
>The Fluffy Pony 2.0, or Fuzzy Pony.
>The original fluffy pony was an absolute disaster.
>Idiots at Aperture Biotech had no idea what they were doing.
>Fluffies are suicidally stupid, obnoxious, helpless,overly fertile, and have a gastrointestinal system that produces the most foul smelling detritus you have ever experienced.
>Worst of all, they’re openly sold.
>After Aperture shut down from mysterious circumstances and took all of their data about fluffies with them, people started breeding and selling fluffies themselves.
>Aperture Biotech never made a cent.
>But this time, Biotoys is going to do this properly.
>The Fluffy 2.0 is a masterpiece of genetic engineering and neurological programming.
>Both fluffies and fuzzies talk in babyspeak, but fuzzies will shut up when you tell them to.
>Fluffies have a lot of their more annoying characteristics hardwired into their brain, making improvements all but impossible.
>The Fuzzies, on the other hand, rely on programming fed into the brain via a neural implant chip.
>You can program and reprogram them however you like, provided you have permission to access the chip.
>Biotoys keeps a very close watch on its access codes.
>Fluffies are very fragile, their fluff can be ripped from their body with little effort, their skin is highly permeable, their bones are brittle even if they aren’t a pegasus, and without their fluff, they will likely freeze to death, even at room temperature. Their bites and kicks are only dangerous to other fluffies. Even a rabbit could kick a fluffy’s ass without concern.
>Fuzzies are much more stalwart, and can take much more damage. Their skin is thicker, so they retain more heat, despite their hair being shorter than a fluffy’s. A fluffy can break a leg from a six foot drop. A fuzzy would need at least thirteen. They’re still fragile, but they could actually take on a similarly sized animal and stand a decent chance.
>Fluffies were programmed to want spaghetti above all other foods, presumably because it was cheap and readily available, and didn’t pose a choking hazard.
>Of course, being based on herbivores, they could realistically eat anything vegetarian. Even grass.
>This turned into a huge menace when wild herds of fluffies made their way onto farmland and ate the crops, or ate the grass in grazing fields.
>Fuzzies biology has been designed so that their bodies do not naturally produce a particular strand of protein vital to their survival.
>They can eat all the spaghetti they want, but without eating Biotoy brand Fuzzy Feed, they will die.
>Naturally, Biotoys holds the patent on the protein strand. No competitors for food.
>Fluffies were like needy little toddlers, always demanding attention and affection. If you didn’t give it to them, they got depressed and melancholy.
>Fuzzies never ask for anything, and will remain silent until spoken to. If you tell them to play, they will play as long as you like. But when you decide you’re done, they stop without hesitation.
>Fluffies reach sexual maturity in about 3-6 months, their gestation period is 1.5-3 weeks, and they can give birth to 1-5 foals in one birthing.
>Fuzzies have had their reproductive capacities removed. Their genitals are still there, but they’re completely infertile. New fuzzies are made in the labs.
>No point in trying to breed them even if you could. All fuzzies are exactly the same, so there’s no way to get better traits.
>You want a new fuzzy? Buy one from Biotoys.
>Fluffies can be obstinate and disobedient, and sometimes they’re too stupid to remember commands for very long.
>Fuzzies obey all commands given, unless the commands involve causing harm to a human.
>If a fuzzy hasn’t been given a command, it just stands there, blank expression on its face, staring forward. If it weren’t for its breathing and the occasional blink, you’d swear it was an actual toy.
>The neural implants also promise the opportunity for updates from Biotoys as they see fit.
>One of the developers made a joke during a meeting about ‘same-day DLC.’
>He got a bonus, and is now working on a launch-day unlockable feature that will preprogram litterbox training.
>Suckers. All you have to do to train these guys is tell them where to poop. It takes less than a minute.
>However, the development of the fuzzy has not been without its shortcomings.
>Try as the researchers might, they just could not replicate the fluffy gastrointestinal system well enough that it produced a potent fertilizer for plants.
>However Aperture figured that one out (if it was even intentional), you’ll never know.
>It’s just as well. The fuzzies have microbes in their gut that greatly reduces the smell of their feces.
>The other major issue is the lack of color.
>Dozens of tests were done in an attempt to get fuzzies to produce different colored fuzz, to no avail.
>They all develop completely white. Fluffies come in almost every variety imaginable, often in complete defiance of genetic inheritance.
>But fuzzies remain a solid white no matter what you do.
>It’s kind of frustrating. If those rednecks at A&M could make a purple carrot, sure you could make a purple fuzzy?
>Management recently axed color research in favor of selling dyes.
>More Biotoy merch. Fuzzies are going to make your company a goddamn mint.
