Chapter VIII: To Fix and Not Break
Previous Chapter: Chapter VII
The sound of heaving echoed in the bathroom as Alex lie miserably in the bathtub, Mark stroking his back. The vomit easing up, he 'huu’ed softly. So far, the nausea and bowel issues had yielded only a couple rounds of problems. As Mark had requested, Alex had alerted him when he could tell he was about to lose control of his orifices, but he hadn’t been completely successful. Some evidence of this stained the tiles and the edge of the tub, but Alex was trying his best, in spite of his current state.
Mark had been there where he was, if at least in the sense of being so sick, he felt there may be no end to it. But he also knew it was only a short while until he could take Alex to see the doctor, and hopefully bring some relief to both him, and himself.
Mark had the bathroom kitted out for camping, bringing his laptop and phone into the bathroom, along with some snacks and a thermos of tea. He offered some pretzels to Alex, who sniffed it, but ultimately didn’t feel up to eating. The first few hours were fairly dull, interrupted by bouts of sickness induced panic from Alex. The cycle repeated a couple of times, and Mark gave Alex his dose of medication as requested from Linda. Making some instant porridge and adding what he could quickly, he dosed it with the medicine and put it before Alex.
‘Alex, I know you don’t feel well, but you need to eat something. You also need medicine. You remember the nice lady who made you feel better earlier? She gave me something for you but you’ve got to eat this to get it.’
The moribund looking fluffy lifted his head and sniffed the bowl. ‘Dis am nummies?’ he lethargically asked. ‘Dun feew pwetty, nu kno if can eat nummies…’
‘You’ve got to try buddy. It’s important, and when you do you don’t have to eat again until you see the nice lady. I know you can do it, you’ve made it this far.’ Mark tried to hype him up, give him some encouragement. He knew sometimes the right thing said at the right moment could make all the difference.
Alex dragged himself closer, and pushed himself up, placing his face above the bowl. ‘O-otay nyu daddeh. Awex wiww twy.’ He slowly began to eat the porridge. To his surprise, it wasn’t upsetting his stomach. As he ate, he felt less nauseous, but finishing he began to get a bit groggy. ‘Nyu daddeh… Awex am sweepies. Can Awex hab sweepies foww showt time?’ He yawned, eyes closed, as he lay his head on his front hooves.
‘Of course, Alex. You can also call me daddy if you want. Or Mark, either way I don’t mind. Just rest.’ Mark was a bit relieved, perhaps the medication would knock him out for a bit. Dr. Neustadt said what she gave him earlier was meant to be mild, but the ordeal of a whole day of pain and feeling sick had left Alex exhausted. Even the mildness of the medication was too much for his fluffy physiology to counteract the potent effects they held.
He went back to browsing the web, typing up some things on his laptop. Periodically, he glanced at the sleeping fluff. Thankfully he was shivering less, but still breathing hard. The brilliant fluff once again began to look matted and stained, his illness leaving its stains on his physical form as well as his psyche. Mark took a sip from his flask and then noticed the very inconspicuous eyes and mane of Fenrir, trying to stay concealed as he peered around the door frame into the bathroom.
‘I see you Fenrir’ Mark nonchalantly directed at him. Startled, Fenrir tried to hide, retreating back out of view.
‘Daddeh? Am nu hewe!’ Fenrir tried to ironically conceal his presence by denying it vocally.
‘Right. I know you want to come in, come on. I told you you could visit if you wanted.’ Mark shifted himself as Fenrir slowly walked over.
‘Am Awex otay?’ Fenrir asked, taking a moment to sit by the still soundly sleeping fluff.
‘He’ll be alright. He’s feeling sick, his tummy is sick, and he’s really sleepy.’ Mark tried to convey the basics, as he knew trying to explain withdrawal and biology to a fluffy would be largely futile.
‘Otay… Fenwiwr hate Awex hab sickies. Make saddies, wememba sissy had sickies. Nu wan Awex gu wike sissy Wuhdiss.’
Mark watched as Fenrir began to look glum, forlorn and concerned about the fate of his new friend. ‘Don’t worry’ he said, picking him up and placing Fenrir in his lap. ‘This is nothing like that, and the doctor lady assured me she knew how to help.’ Mark stroked Fenrir’s fluff, as he cooed to the pleasant, comforting touch. Minutes passed, Mark unsure how long, when he realised it was about time to take Alex to see Linda. Damn, nice. I can’t wait to sleep later. What a night.
Carefully carrying Fenrir back to his bed, he gently tucked him in still dozing from the nap he entered whilst sitting on Mark’s lap, and got dressed. After getting some food and water for Fenrir in case he was gone a while, he shut the gate to the safe room and grabbed Alex, placing him in Fenrir’s vet carrier. The starting of the car startled Alex from his slumber.
‘Wah? Daddeh, wewe am Awex? Nu in housie? Wai nu in housies?’ Alex began to get anxious, asking Mark what was going on.
‘Alex, calm down. Remember? You’re sick, and the nice lady is going to help you. But we have to go see her, she’s not here. Just rest and lie down. We’ll be there soon.’
‘Wai in sowwy bawks? Am Awex bad fwuffy?’ Alex was still unconvinced, and began pawing at the metal gate.
Mark, sighing, placed his fingers through the gate, trying to pet his muzzle. ‘Alex, this isn’t a sorry box. I just need you to be safe while I take you to see the nice lady. Please trust me, we’ll make you better soon.’
Alex reluctantly accepted the assurances of Mark, nudging himself into his hand. But he felt very sad, he hated feeling so sicky and hurt. Why was this happening? His damp eyes shed a couple of tears as they drove, until finally, after a short forever, the moving box stopped moving.
‘Am nu move, daddeh? Am hewe?’ Alex hopefully asked.
‘Yeah, we’re here. Let’s get you inside.’
Mark carried Alex through the door. A familiar face greeted him at the front desk, still turning on the computer and office equipment.
‘Ah, Mr. Silvan. You can head on back, I’ll let her know you’re here.’ It was Tenzin, the familiar face he’d seen often since their initial meeting during Fenrir and Eurydice’s tragic stay.
‘Good to see you again Tenzin’ Mark said, opening the side door to the patient rooms.
‘I see you’ve got yourself another one’ Tenzin replied, with a slight grin.
‘Yeah, yeah.’ Mark shot back, rolling his eyes as he proceeded to the exam room. He placed the carrier on the examination table, and opened the gate. ‘You can get out now, Alex. But sit here. The nice lady will be here soon.’ Slowly Alex sauntered out of the carrier, and lay down on the cold, hard surface.
‘Daddeh, am cowdies. Can Awex sit wid daddeh?’ He looked up at Mark, trying to appeal to his sympathy.
‘I’m sorry Alex. Not yet, we have to wait for the nice lady. After you see the lady, I’ll hold you, okay?’
Alex began to tear up. ‘Huu… otay daddeh.’
Just then, there was a knock on the door. Startling Alex and Mark slightly, Dr. Neustadt walked in.
‘Hi Mark, and hello Alex. How are we feeling now?’ she asked, pulling a stool towards her as she sat down, moving between Mark and Alex.
‘Hi again doctor. I’m pretty tired, but Alex here, he’s had nausea and bowel issues for most of the night. I gave him the medicine dose like you said, and he’d mostly slept after that.’ Mark tried to relay the night as briefly as possible.
‘Sounds about like we expected’ she replied, as she took Alex’s head into her hands. She looked in his eyes, and then checked the inside of his mouth. ‘Hewwow… nash wahhduh’ Alex tried to say, her hand still checking his muzzle. This gave her a slight grin.
‘Hey Alex, are you still feeling bad?’ she replied, while gathering some equipment.
‘Am feew su not pwetty. Awex nu know wai su sickies. Hab sicky wawa, hab bad poopies. Wowstest tummy sickies. An… an… weewy sweepies.’ Alex yawned again, his eyes still droopy.
‘I bet, little guy. I want to ask you something, is that okay, buddy? Could you answer some things for me Alex? If you’re feeling up to it.’ While she was asking, she arranged a phlebotomy kit. Mark knew she was going to take some blood. He surmised perhaps she wanted to prepare him for it.
‘Y-yus… Awex tink can do.’ Alex tried to pay attention as best he could.
‘When you were at the other place, with the bad people, they used pointy things to give you bad medicine didn’t they? I know that’s why you were afraid when I used something that looked the same on you.’
Linda was trying to get him to understand the difference between her and the bad men at the mill. But it brought back bad memories to Alex, and this made him anxious. 'Nu wan tink ‘bout bad hoomins, bad enfies, bad pwace. Am su bad, su many hawt huwties…’ Alex struggled with the memories, shutting his eyes, but she pressed him a bit further.
‘Alex, I understand. You don’t have to remember any more if you don’t want. But you do remember the medicine I gave you? It stopped the hurties right?’
He opened his eyes again, and looked up at her, sniffling. ‘Yus… yus Awex nu feew bad huwties wite now.’
‘That’s good, right? You’re really brave. I know that, and your daddy knows that too’ she said, looking at Mark. Alex turned to look at him too, and Mark nodded.
‘Awex am bwave fwuffy?’ he asked.
‘You are, buddy. You’re doing really good.’ Mark tried to be supportive. This seemed to relax him a bit.
‘Alex, I have something here which will help me know how to make you all better, but I need to take some of your boo boo juice to do that. It’ll hurt a bit, but it won’t take long. Can you be brave for me?’ Linda stroked his fluff as she said this.
Alex was very anxious to hear that it would hurt, that he’d have boo boo juice. That hurt a whole lot when he had boo boo juice come out. But, he remembered fighting with stallions in the mill. It hurt, but if he was brave, it didn’t hurt so bad. Reluctantly, he shut his eyes and grimaced.
‘O-otay. Wiww be bwave. Awex twy.’
As quickly as she could, she stuck the needle into his rump and drew a vial. Finished, she pressed on the puncture wound and applied a bandage.
‘Huu… huwties. Nee’ huggies’ Alex whimpered, letting it out as his tension and braced expression gave way from the blood being drawn.
‘You can hold him now, Mark’ Linda uttered, removing her gloves and making a note on her computer. ‘I’ll be back shortly. I can rush the results so we can see what we need to give him.’
Mark gently picked up Alex, placing him in his lap. Alex wrapped his hooves around Mark’s arm, with the all too familiar sounds of ‘Huu…’ and whimpering.
About half an hour passed, Mark cradling Alex with one hand, his phone with another. Off and on, Alex would utter bits of the usual. ‘Wuv daddeh. Wuv huggies… pwease nu moww sickies.’ Each time, Mark would ruffle his fluff and stroke him softly, trying to keep him calm. Shortly thereafter, Linda returned.
‘Alright’ she began, as she opened the door and sat down. ‘Just as I suspected, his blood chemistry is fairly shit at the moment. Not literally, but you get the idea.’ Linda began looking over the chart in her hand. ‘So, I’ve got good news, and I’ve got bad news.’
‘Oh no, is he going to be okay? Usually that’s not a good thing to hear from a doctor, no offence.’ Mark was a bit concerned. He’d assured Fenrir and Alex both he’d be alright, and began to wonder if he’d put his foot in it.
‘Relax, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Just don’t get any ideas that he’s going to be 100% normal. It’s always a remote possibility, but from what I’ve got here, he’s probably going to need lifelong treatment. You have to understand, he’s been given drugs you don’t give to healthy people for most of his life. That has a lasting effect.’
Mark was curious. ‘Most of his life? How old is he exactly? Do you have an idea?’ He’d picked him up rather suddenly, a stray. He was no foal like Fenrir, so he’d no perception of what age he could be.
‘Well, it’s hard to say for certain’ Linda replied. ‘From looking at his teeth, I’d say about 1 1/2 years. Somewhere between 1 and 2, is my best guess. The hormones and conditions haven’t really made it easy to tell.’
‘So what’s the treatment then?’ Mark certainly wanted to know. He’d already committed himself, but he couldn’t help but wonder if it’d be an ordeal.
‘Don’t get too worried. He’ll need hormone supplements indefinitely, but he’ll also need some special dietary support for a while. He’s got a lot of deficiencies from being fed poorly, not to mention his current state making eating harder. Fluffies have inefficient digestive tracts, and he’s been starved for certain nutrients. Nothing you did, I know that. But that’s where we are.’
‘So he’s doing to need injections like the mill gave him? That’s going to upset him. Surely there’s something else isn’t there?’ Mark asked, afraid to put him through the psychological torment all over again.
‘Oh, damn. I’m sorry’ Linda sighed. ‘I didn’t mean like that. The ones they gave him were cheap black market crap, and not meant to do what I’ll prescribe him. What’s better is this medication you can give him orally. You’ll only need to give it to him twice a week in his food and it should help stimulate his body to produce his natural hormones better.’
Mark was relieved. ‘So that means he’ll be more or less a normal fluffy after that?’
‘Well, not exactly. I’m afraid what they did rendered him largely infertile. It’s possible to temporarily kickstart, but it’s a lot more involved. He’d need several injections, and I think it’s something you’d have to talk to him about. Fluffies generally want babies, especially if they’re exposed to stimulus promoting it. I’ll get you a prescription set up for the supplements he needs, and you can chat with him about what I told you.’
Linda left the room, and Mark prodded Alex from his nap. Being so fatigued, he somehow managed to sleep through her return and their entire conversation.
‘Alex, the nice lady told me she can give you medicine which will make you better.’ Mark smiled at him as he drowsily looked up.
‘Weewy? Awex wiww be aww bettah?’ he asked, perking up.
‘Well, buddy. You’ll feel a lot better. You won’t be sickies anymore, or hurt anymore. But the medicine from the pointy thing that the bad men gave you, it hurt your special lumps.’
Alex, lying on his back looked down at his lumps. ‘Wumps am stiww dewe daddeh, nu am huwties. Onwy huwt at bad pwace, bad pwace wid bad enfies.’ He didn’t quite understand what he meant. He knew humans threatened the stallions before. They said they’d take their lumps if they misbehaved sometimes, but they never took his lumps away. Alex was still confused.
‘I know buddy’ Mark replied as he rubbed Alex’s stomach. ‘But now they don’t work right. It’ll be very hard for you to have babies. They nice lady said she could help if you really wan-’
‘Nu, daddeh’ Alex interrupted. Mark was surprised, but Alex wasn’t scared and sad. He just looked expressionless, maybe distant.
‘Are you sure, Alex?’ Mark asked. He knew Fenrir had baggage about his past as a foal, so he understood his apprehension about inadvertently making a mistake as a father. But he didn’t really know what had happened to Alex in there.
‘Am otay, daddeh. Awex un’stan.’ The only words Alex uttered to Mark were short. To him, it seemed Alex didn’t want to give much away. Or at the very least, he wanted to end the discussion. Everything about him up to now seemed familiar, very much like fluffies he’d seen on TV, elsewhere—like Fenrir. But closed off, Alex seemed different. Taking heed, he thought it best not to pry.
Alex understood very well about babies. He’d been the father to countless, and none of them was he ever a daddeh to. The humans saw to that. Each mare he’d mount, each time he 'enf’ed, he knew he’d be back there again feeling the pain—giving the pain. It was all saddies and hurties. No one had ever asked him what he wanted: No one had ever given him a choice. And none of his offspring ever knew their parents. It was enough, he didn’t want to know. He had enough heart hurties to last a lifetime, and he wanted to forget that part of his life.
With a knock, Linda returned. ‘Alright Mark, I’ve got everything set up for you. Also, if you’d like, I can give Alex an injection of the prescription before he leaves. It’ll take a day or so to get it filled. Should I?’
‘Yeah, probably a good idea.’ Mark lifted Alex on to the table, Linda tucking him under one arm, as she quickly stuck him. Alex flinched, giving a grimace, but it was over.
‘He’ll start to feel a bit more lively within a day or so. But he’s still going to be suffering withdrawal symptoms. Shaking, nausea, psychological stress. Do you still have the number of the guy I told you about?’ she asked, handing Mark the receipts and prescription paper.
‘Uh, I’m not sure, I think I do. Is he another doctor?’ Mark replied, quizzically.
‘Well, he might say so, but at any rate give him a call. I think he’d be able to help him get through the withdrawal a lot quicker. And that’s what we want. Here’ she continued, writing his number and name on a post-it, handing it over to him. ‘This is his number again in case you can’t find the other one.’
She was being cryptic, but Mark agreed. ‘Alright, well I’ll give it a shot. I’ll give anything a shot, obviously, if it’ll get him out of this mess.’
Saying their goodbyes, Mark returned to his car with Alex in tow. Before driving off, Mark turned to Alex. ‘Would you like out of the carrier? If you can be a good fluffy and stay put, you can.’
‘Awex wiww be gud’ he naturally replied. Trusting him, Mark opened the gate, and Alex crawled out. To Mark’s surprise he trudged over to his lap and lay down, clutching around his waist.
‘I’m not really sure you should be sitting over here, bud’ Mark said, glancing down at him.
‘Awex stay, wiww be gud foww daddeh. Nu wan be away fwom daddeh now.’ Sighing, Mark relented, and drove back to his house, Alex nodding off along the way. He knew they were both beat, no reason to fight. All they needed was to get through it.
He woke Alex up as they reached the house. ‘Hey buddy, we’re home. Do you want me to carry you back inside?’
Alex, though quite shaky, shook his head. ‘Nu daddeh, can wawk.’ It seemed Alex was determined to get up on his own steam after days of being bedridden. Mark opened the car door and Alex plopped on the ground, slowly and shakily getting on all fours. Then, both headed slowly to the door, Mark keeping an eye on the still very weak and seemingly dizzy fluffy.
Fenrir was super excited to hear them return. ‘Daddeh?! Am homesies? Awex? Can Fenwiwr be out?’ The little bugger was hopping and pawing at the gate as Mark approached, Alex already having collapsed in a pant on the living room floor.
‘Fenrir, chill’ Mark said, opening the gate. ‘Come on, he’s in here. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you too.’ Fenrir quickly trotted down the hallway and slid across the smooth wood flooring, bumping into Alex.
‘Awex!’ he exclaimed. 'Am ‘ou otay now? Fenwiwr su wowwy foww Awex.’ Alex, though exhausted, and fully in an emotionally unstable state, still feeling rather unwell, felt the warm sensation in his heart to have another fluffy so happy to see him.
'Awex am stiww sickies, am vewwy sweepies. Buh am happy to see ‘ou nyu fwen.’ He tried to smile as he lifted a hoof to pat Fenrir. Fenrir giggled, and leapt up to greet Mark, who he was also rather happy to see.
'Daddeh! Wuv daddeh, tank ‘ou daddeh foww hewp nyu fwend. How wong tiww bettah?’ he asked, while hugging Mark’s pant leg.
‘The nice lady has good medicine for Alex, buddy. It’ll take a while but soon he’ll be a lot better. Part of that involves getting him good nummies, though. Can daddy go make you two good nummies? I think we’d all like that, right?’
‘Yus daddeh! Wuv nummies!’ Fenrir wagged his tail.
‘Can you stay with Alex while I cook? Also I want you to teach him about the litter box. I’ll bring it in here, and you two can watch TV until I finish.’
‘Otay daddeh!’ Fenrir was ecstatic. He was so excited to have a new friend, and nummies, and TV! He’d be more happy than ever, but he saw that Alex was still much the same. This moderated his mood slightly, and he walked over to Alex as he began to get up from the floor. ‘Awex, Fenwiwr teach how make gud poopies, an den watch teebee, an daddeh am make nummies, otay?’
‘Otay nyu fwen, buh wat am teebee? Nu kno teebee.’ Alex had never heard of this, obviously. His only play time experience was playing huggie tag with penmates who weren’t adversarial.
‘It am big ting obah dewe’ he pointed. ‘Make magic pickshas, an dem aww su fun! Sumtimes am bit scawy doe’ he explained, recalling the things daddy would sometimes watch which weren’t as happy. But they were full of much excitement and noise and made daddy excited, so he knew it was fun too.
Mark, having brought the box for the two fluffs into the living room, turned the TV on and went into the kitchen to prepare rice congee for the two boys. Alex still having trouble with nausea, he figured it would be wise to stick to dishes which would be easier on his stomach.
‘Dis am witta bawks’ Fenrir said, pointing to the box. He got in and squatted in illustration. ‘Hewe make gud poopies.’ Alex watched, nodding slowly. ‘Nao wook at teebee?’ Fenrir asked, trotting off towards the sofa.
‘O-Otay’ Alex’s speech was still hesitant and low. He slowly followed, but upon reaching the sofa realised he couldn’t get up. Under his own steam, he was too weak currently. His legs wobbled and gave way, and he started coughing from the exertion.
‘Nu wowwy Awex! Fenwiwr hewp!’ Fenrir exclaimed, jumping down and wedging himself under Alex. He pushed up with all his strength, trying to lift Alex up onto the cushions. He underestimated Alex’s weight, however, so the task was rather difficult.
The size difference between the two didn’t seem to be that drastic, but Alex was markedly bigger all around, with Fenrir’s mane and top of his head coming up to Alex’s muzzle when standing side by side. But, Fenrir was determined, and with Alex’s additional clutching to the edge, he managed to make it up. Panting, the two lay down, turning their gaze to the TV.
'Tank… ‘ou… Fenwiwr’ Alex uttered between breaths. ‘Dewe am fwuffies in teebee?’ he asked, noticing the fluffies on the screen.
‘Dis am Fwuff Teebee!’ Fenrir replied. Pointing at the screen, he explained ‘Dewe am showsies, an fwuffies hab fun times an Fenwiwr watch an hab much funsies too!’
‘Ooh!’ Alex found it fascinating, and started to get the general idea.
‘Daddeh watch wib Fenwiwr an dewe aw su many … channew?’—‘Channels, yeah, buddy’ Mark chimed in, finishing up the congee.—‘Yeah! an dewe many showsies, an daddeh show Fenwiwr daddeh showsies an dem aww fun too!’ Fenrir continued.
Alex was amazed, it sounded magical. Humans really were magical. If only they hadn’t used bad human magic on him…
Mark returned, three bowls in hand. Dragging the coffee table towards the sofa, he placed them out. ‘Here you go, guys.’ Checking that the temperature was just warm, and not as hot as his own, he turned to Alex. ‘You can eat here so you don’t have to get down. I know you’re hurting. But we usually eat in the kitchen together, okay?’
'Yus daddeh, tank ‘ou foww nummies.’ Alex double checked the food before taking a bite. It was good, but he still wanted reassurance from Mark. ‘Nu gib tummy huwties, daddeh?’
‘I hope not. I made it with light ingredients, hoping it’d be easy for you to eat right now.’ Fenrir was chowing down—he usually loved what Mark made. Alex did feel hungry, for the first time in what seemed like many forevers, so he began to eat as well.
As Alex finished, he slowly curled up on the sofa, eyes half open watching the fluffies dancing on the TV screen. This half hour was apparently Dancies Time. Noticing Alex unaware, Fenrir took the opportunity to wiggle over and wrap himself behind Alex to give him a hug and a nuzzle. The two began to coo, making Mark rather content as well. Perhaps these two would be problem free after all, getting along so well. It certainly would make it easier to finally get some sleep.
Seeing them well occupied, Mark took the opportunity to call the number Dr. Neustadt had mentioned. He retrieved the piece of paper from his wallet, and unfolded it. Next to the number on the green post-it was the name Dr. Green. Is he a doctor, too? She made it out like he was something a bit unconventional.
After a couple of rings, a man answered. ‘Herbaceous Psychedelic Emporium, taking care of all your natural medicinal needs. All edibles and vapes are 30% off right now. Can I help your vibe today?’
‘Uh’ Mark paused, looking to make sure the number was right. Yep. Well, this was going to be interesting.
Next Chapter: Chapter IX
