Chapter XVI, Part 2: Salve
Previous Part: Chapter XVI, Part 1
‘Mind if I come say hi, you two?’ Linda asked as she walked into the safe room.
‘Dr Neustadt!’ Mark turned, wiping his eyes as she slowly came over to him and Fenrir.
Fenrir gave a worried expression as he saw her, but she gave him a reassuring smile. ‘I know you’re afraid’ she began, ‘but I promise I won’t hurt you. I only want to help you, Fenrir.’
As he contemplated what she said, he noticed Lemon sucking her hoof near the door. His eyes shot wide with panic as he tried frantically to bury himself in Mark. ‘Nuuu! Nuuu! Pwease, nu wan munstah again!’
Mark and Linda looked on in confusion as they tried to understand the reaction. Finally, Mark noticed that Lemon was near the door, where Linda had just come from. He’d forgotten about her in the chaotic aftermath of Fenrir’s traumatic episode.
‘I don’t know what’s wrong, doctor, but could you take Lemon to my room? He’s really afraid.’
She nodded, picking Lemon up and setting her in Mark’s room. Shutting the door, she returned and made her way over to the sobbing and frantic Fenrir, as he breathed heavily and rapidly huddled in Mark’s lap.
‘Fenrir’ she called. ‘What’s wrong, buddy? Did Lemon scare you? What happened?’
Fenrir continued for a minute or so before finally beginning to make out the words. ‘Wemmon… Wemmon hewp munstah Pwissy.’ He sobbed a bit more, gasping a few times to catch his breath as he tried to get the words out. ‘Hewp Pwissy gib bad enfies… huu…’
Mark was shocked at hearing this. His blood began to boil again, thinking he had dealt with the monster, but this? Could she even? No… he needed to ask more. ‘Fenrir… Lemon gave you bad enfies?’
He looked up at Mark, thinking, giving a confused expression. He shook his head as he spoke. ‘Nu… Wemmon howd weggies an nu cud move… Pwissy make Wemmon du, say am smawtie… caww Fenwiwr and Wemmon dummehs an…’
Linda interrupted. ‘Fenrir, I understand what happened. Now you’re feeling really bad right now, aren’t you?’
As he turned to look at her, he nodded. ‘Okay’ she continued, ‘I’m going to give you some medicine and it will make you feel better. Then we can talk and me and your daddy can try and help, okay?’
Fenrir whimpered a bit, as he nodded and nuzzled his face in Mark’s shirt.
After giving him the anti-anxiolytic, she let Mark pet him while she gave him a cursory examination, noticing no physical damage. She started to gently massage Fenrir’s neck as he relaxed, the fear and anxiety falling away as he felt safe again with Mark.
His tears dried up as they sat there for a few minutes, Linda taking her time before trying to talk to him. When he seemed calm, she began to ask questions.
‘Fenrir, I have a pretty good idea what happened to you. I’m really sorry it happened, as is your daddy. But can you tell me what you remember?’
Fenrir’s worried expression returned, but the medicine was enough to keep him from panicking at the thoughts in his head as he remembered every detail of Priscilla, the whole terrifying episode. ‘Am wowstest fwuffy… Pwissy make Fenwiwr du bad enfies. Daddeh say nu ebah du bad enfies, speshul huggies am onwy foww wuv. Fenwiwr nebah wan du bad enfies, buh nu cud stop! Nao speshul fwend hab su many huwties, wen see speshul fwend, make Fenwiwr huwt su much. Know Fenwiwr huwt speshul fwend, nao speshul fwend wiww nu wan Fenwiwr…’
Mark picked Fenrir up, startling him a bit, and lay down on the safe room floor a bit away from where the were previously as he placed Fenrir on his chest, holding him in his arms. He gave him a kiss on the forehead and began to talk.
‘Fenrir, Alex loves you more than you could possibly know. He already knows you didn’t mean to do this. He was hurt and angry at Priscilla, and himself—not at you.’
Fenrir moved his eyes to look at Mark’s. ‘Buh speshul fwend nu du nuffin wong, daddeh. Wai Awex maddies at Awex?’
Linda joined in, taking the opportunity to sit on her knees next to Mark so she could look at Fenrir as she talked. ‘Fenrir, we all want to blame ourselves when people we love are hurting. When your sister died, you hurt a lot, didn’t you. You thought you should have done more to help her, I thought I should have done more to help her. We all hurt, but we’re not to blame for what happened to her. She was hurt by a monster, and you were hurt by one too. It’s okay to be upset, it’s okay to be mad and angry. But don’t blame yourself for what she did to you.’
Fenrir closed his eyes as tears intermittently fell from his face, nuzzled into Mark’s chest. He didn’t know what to think, he felt numb. He was so afraid before, but now it was like he couldn’t feel anything at all. He began to wonder how he could ever be happy again. If he remembered what happened, all he felt was sadness and guilt. But how could he forget? He wished it would all go away, that he could be happy again with his daddy and Alex. Alex was the best special friend in the whole world—and he chose him to be with, of all the fluffies he could have ever had, Alex chose him. He felt even more guilty at the thought that he couldn’t bear to touch Alex now. His special friend needed huggies, he wanted huggies. But as much as he wanted it, he was afraid too. What if bad enfies happened again?—But Alex never did that!
But could he?
The thoughts raced through his head, but he began to fall asleep. The medicine was powerful, and only his adrenaline had kept him awake till now. As he lay on Mark, his body eased from its alert state, feeling the comfort that now surrounded him.
Linda turned her glance to Mark, and Mark looked back as he noticed. ‘We should probably talk a bit while he’s out’ she said, sighing a bit of relief at the sight of him calm for the moment.
‘I’m so sorry about all this, doctor. You were absolutely right about everything. I fucked up so badly…’ he started to sob and raise his voice, finally cracking after trying too hard to hold it together for Fenrir.
‘Mark, calm down. Don’t wake him. Here, I’ll clean this mess up a bit.’ She began wiping down the floor with wipes, as Mark wiped his eyes.
‘Linda, you don’t have to do that. I’ll do it later. I’d do it now but I don’t want to disturb him.’
‘It’s fine, Mark. He’s going to need medicine for a couple weeks. It’s not a long term solution either, we’re not going to be pumping him full of drugs to keep him “happy”. He needs to heal, and really, that’s what you and Alex are going to have to do together with him.’
Mark nodded. ‘I’ll do anything I can for him. I’m never leaving him alone again, that’s for sure.’
Linda sighed. ‘Well, for starters, Alex is all bandaged up. He’ll need pain meds for a few days, but he’ll be okay in a week or two. Tell him no special huggies or touching it until he’s healed, got it?’
Mark nodded again. ‘I don’t think that’ll be a problem. He sounded like he didn’t even want to think about any of that after today.’
‘Maybe’ Linda responded. ‘But he’s in shock, just like Fenrir here. All three of you look absolutely pitiful right now. I’m not gonna lie, Mark. You’re right, you screwed up. But people make mistakes, and I know you’re gonna learn from them, right?’
‘Of course. I won’t let something like this ever happen again.’ Mark turned his eyes back to Fenrir, patting him as he snuggled under Mark’s chin.
‘What worries me a bit more is you telling me you were going to snap her neck. I don’t want to see you turn into an abuser, Mark. You even let Alex attack her. Now he’s ready to sacrifice himself to atone. Fuck, they both need each other. You can’t just put all that on him, especially after what happened to him in the mill.’
‘I know, I know! Believe me, I know I messed up, Linda. I’m going to do everything I can to help them, I promise.’
Linda relaxed her scowl, turning as she heard a little bit of grunting come from the other room. ‘I’ll have to check Alex in a minute. You might want to come with me, maybe you can let Fenrir sleep in his bed for a few minutes at least.’
Mark lifted Fenrir up, being careful not to wake him as he set him in his and Alex’s bed. ‘We still need to talk about Lemon, though.’
Linda nodded in agreement. ‘I have to say I’m surprised she was involved, but it sounds like she was used by Priscilla. She’s really not all there, Mark. I could tell looking at her sucking her hoof as I put her in your room. She didn’t even notice I’d done it.’
‘Priscilla really could have got her to do that?’ Mark asked as he gripped his head in his hands, rubbing his scalp. He was wracking his brain at the whole situation, how all of it so easily went completely wrong.
‘She probably trusted Priscilla. She kept calling herself a smarty. If a fluffy is particularly dense or doesn’t know what to do, smarties can play on that and use them for whatever purpose they want. Lemon seems like she has minimal awareness most of the time. It’s easy to prey on that.’
Mark didn’t want to blame Lemon, but he still felt angry. He understood why Fenrir was hurt and afraid to even look at her. ‘She’s gotta go, that’s for sure. Fenrir can’t be around her.’
‘Of course, I’ll take her with me when I leave. I’ll run tests on her, find out how bad her damage is. I have a friend who takes care of special needs fluffies—ones like her, too. I can leave her with him when I’m done seeing she’s alright.’
That was probably for the best, Mark thought. So long as she was gone and had someone to look after her, maybe fluffies like Priscilla wouldn’t abuse her like she abused Fenrir.
‘I’ll take her once we’re done checking on Alex.’ Linda prodded Mark out of his thoughts, gesturing for him to come with her to the living room.
Tenzin walked back in as they returned. ‘There’s another fluffy in Mark’s bedroom. It’s the one next to the bathroom door, just go in there and keep her company while we talk to Alex.’ He nodded as he walked past them.
As he approached Mark, he put his hand on his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, dude.’ Tenzin offered his condolences, noticing the wreck that Mark appeared to be. ‘I’ve seen a lot of bad shit. I know how much you love Fenrir and Alex, though. You’ll all get through it.’
‘Thank you’ Mark said, sighing. ‘It probably doesn’t help being dragged out here. I know it’s gotta be a rough job to do.’
‘Don’t mention it.’ Tenzin smiled halfheartedly. ‘The hazard pay is a nice bonus.’
Linda sighed, her eyes rolling slightly as she shooed him back to Mark’s bedroom.
Alex was groggy, but awake, lying on his side on the sofa. Mark saw all the bandages on him and felt deep pangs of guilt.
‘Alex, I’m so sorry. I’ll never leave Fenrir alone again, I should have dealt with her, not you.’
He simply smiled softly, looking up at Mark. ‘Daddeh, Awex am otay. Speshul fwen am huwt su much mowe den Awex. Am wowstest speshul fwen, nu cud stop munstah befow huwt Fenwiwr. Awex smeww bad on pink fwuffy wen daddeh wet in, Awex shud have towd daddeh.’
The words felt like daggers to Mark, knowing Alex was blaming himself for everything. He began to go numb to all of it, everyone was blaming themselves. It was so much stress, and he was finding it hard to take any more.
He decided he had to do something, one thing that would help his two boys. He had to get them back to each other. ‘Alex, Fenrir feels like he hurt you.’
‘Wuh?’ Alex questioned, shocked by the thought. ‘Fenwiwr du nuthin wong, am bestest speshul fwen. Awex gu teww wite nao an gib huggies…’ he trailed off, trying to get up and walk as quickly as he could to the safe room. But he couldn’t get up off the sofa. ‘Daddeh, hewp?’
Mark shook his head. ‘Alex, not right now. Just lie down, you’re still injured. Fenrir’s sleeping, too. I think we should let him rest, don’t you?’
His daddy was right. ‘Yus, nu wake speshul fwen, nee’ west.’
Linda took the moment to interject. ‘Alex, Fenrir’s going to be a little wary. Apart from Mark, he barely even let me touch him. You might have to give Fenrir some time to feel comfortable again.’
Alex understood, but it hurt him to think that his special friend might be afraid of him.
Mark chimed in. ‘You’re also going to have to not have special huggies or touch your no-nos until we can take the bandages off. If you can do that, you’ll be healed soon, I promise.’
That was no problem for Alex. He definitely couldn’t think about any of that right now, especially if his special friend was hurting. ‘Ob cowse, daddeh. Nu nee’ speshul huggies. Mabbeh nebah again.’
‘Don’t get ahead of yourself’ Linda called out. ‘Right now, what all three of you need is time and trust.’
‘Hao Awex hewp speshul fwen, daddeh?’ The thought of Fenrir hurting was all that was on Alex’s mind.
Mark wasn’t really sure. How would one help things in a situation like this? He thought for a minute, and decided maybe Alex was the one in a unique position to have true empathy for Fenrir. He’d been there himself. ‘Alex, maybe… you should tell Fenrir.’
Alex closed his eyes, remembering the bad times. He never wanted to talk about it—every time he even thought about it his heart hurt. Mark had asked him about his experiences, but up to this point, he couldn’t muster the strength to talk about any of it. The dream had told him to let go of the past, it eased his mind and told him that he needed to embrace his new life. Thinking back on it now could be a risky proposition.
But this was his special friend. Fenrir meant more to him than anything, and if he couldn’t do it for him, who could he do it for?
He winced a bit, willing himself to fight his urge to hide it all away. Finally, he felt the apprehension fade. The past couldn’t hurt him any more, he finally began to understand. ‘Otay daddeh. Buh wowwy… if Awex teww, mabbeh speshul fwen tink dat Awex am munstah wike Pwissy. Mabbeh Awex am.’
‘I told you before, buddy. You’re not. Did you ever want to do those bad things?’
He shook his head. ‘But Awex stiww do. An Awex wan to do to Pwissy.’
Mark sighed. ‘I was going to give her forever sleepies, Alex. Do you think daddy’s a monster for wanting to do that?’
Linda bit her lip as she let them talk. She understood on some level what they felt, but the doctor’s side of her couldn’t ignore the violence. She waited to hear them finish.
Alex merely shook his head. ‘Nu, dat am bad fwuffy. Am munstah.’
‘So why would you be a monster, Alex? Do you want to hurt fluffies? Do you want to do that to Fenrir?’
Alex bolted at the suggestion. ‘NU! Nebah huwt Fenwiwr! Nu wan huwt fwuffies! Daddeh, Awex pwomiss nu wan huwt.’
Linda breathed a sigh of relief. Mark sat down beside Alex, and began to stroke his mane. ‘See? You’re not bad. Sometimes good people do bad things. We can’t undo what we’ve done, but we can choose who we want to be. We never lose that choice.’
Alex nodded, knowing exactly what he’d do from now on. ‘Awex wiww wuv an hewp Fenwiwr foweba, daddeh.’
Mark smiled. ‘I know you will. Be sure he knows that, too.’
Seeing her work as done for the time being, Linda went to fetch Tenzin and Lemon, returning with them as she went to the door.
Mark turned his head as she motioned to him, his lap now occupied by Alex’s head.
‘Mark, we’ve still gotta talk about all this some more. But all of you need to rest. I’m leaving some medicine for both of them here on the table. Keep an eye on them both.’
‘I will’ Mark replied, turning his head back to Alex, who was idly gazing into nothing, as Mark ran his fingers through his mane. The sound of the door shutting put a final note to the ordeal of the last couple of hours.
As he sat pondering, Mark wondered how he could get them all back to where they were. He had to try. ‘Alex?’ Mark called him, as he thought.
‘Yus daddeh?’
‘Maybe there’s more we can do for Fenrir. I think you both should sleep with me tonight.’
Mark placed Alex on his bed, rubbing his eyes before trying to map out exactly how he had to arrange all of this. It had to go right, there had to be a way for Fenrir to learn to trust Alex again. ‘Buddy, lie here for a bit, I’m going to wash Fenrir before bringing him back. He got a lot of icky stuff on him…’ he frowned as he didn’t want to continue. Alex, too, began to curl up tightly at the thought of remembering why.
‘Otay daddeh. Awex stay hewe, hewp speshul fwen.’
Walking slowly across the hallway, Mark saw Fenrir still asleep in his bed. He picked him up gently, and carried him into the bathroom before thinking better of himself. It was a disaster, there was blood and excrement all over the floor. He sat Fenrir down on the sofa before walking back into his bedroom to calm himself down. What was he doing? Could he salvage everything?
‘Daddeh?’ Alex called to him.
‘I’m sorry Alex, I just need a minute. I forgot about the bathroom. I’ll need to clean it.’
Alex gave a worried look on his face. ‘Daddeh, nebah teww Fenwiwr wut Awex do, pwease. Am scawed if speshul fwen know, weewy wiww tink Awex am munstah.’
Mark knew Alex was right. If anything had to remain a secret, it had to be that. Hell, if he had killed Priscilla he was never going to tell Fenrir exactly what had happened. That might be too much for his mind to handle, knowing that someone he loved could be violent like that.
‘You’re right, Alex. Don’t worry… I won’t tell him. I do think he still needs to hear your story though.’
Alex sighed, partially out of relief, but also from the knowledge that he’d soon have to divulge his dark secret to the one he loved. ‘Otay daddeh, can teww, buh nu dis dawk time?’
Mark nodded, and Alex lay his head back down. The kitchen sink, that’d probably have to do.
Making his way back to Fenrir, Mark plucked him up gently, carrying him still sleeping before setting him on the counter as he warmed up the water in the sink. He filled it half way before moving the tap to the other basin. That he could use for rinsing.
As he began to dip Fenrir into the water, he awoke, startled. Mark shushed him as he splashed the water on his back. ‘I know you’re probably really worried right now, buddy. I just want to clean you up so you can sleep with daddy tonight.’
Hearing this, Fenrir began to calm down again. The water did feel soothing. He needed every ounce of comfort he could receive at this moment. Tearing up a little, he looked at Mark. ‘Tank ‘ou daddeh, am sowwy, wiww twy nu be saddies, am twyin’.’
‘You don’t have to do anything right now, Fenrir. Just let daddy wash you and we’ll go to bed.’
Mark rinsed him and dried him off as best he could. Now was no time to go the whole nine yards, a small amount of dampness wouldn’t keep either of them from weathering this night together, neither wanting to be apart after today. He felt he had to keep an eye on Fenrir, and Fenrir didn’t want to be alone.
As he carried him into the bedroom, Fenrir began to cry. Seeing Alex before him, in bandages, he didn’t know how he got so hurt! Had he done this to him? ‘Speshul fwend! Huuuu! Am su sowwy speshul fwend!’ he bawled as he clung to Mark.
Alex got up, his hooves still hurting, and moved to the foot of the bed. ‘Am otay, wuv, Awex wuv ‘ou. Nu wowwy, speshul fwen. Fenwiwr am gud, nu du nuthin wong.’
Mark sat down, placing Fenrir on his pillow as he lowered the covers. As Alex sat watching the two, Mark decided to try to play on Fenrir’s empathy. If he could distract Fenrir enough, perhaps his own pain would ease. It’d put them on a path to recovery.
‘Fenrir…’ Mark said, as Fenrir still sobbed. ‘Alex is hurt, he got really hurt by a monster, like you. I think he could use some huggies. Daddy wants to give you both huggies. Do you want to give Alex huggies, too?’
Fenrir thought for a moment, listening to what Mark was saying. He did want to give Alex huggies. He hated seeing him hurt like that, especially after what hurt he must have felt knowing that his special friend had bad enfies. ‘Buh… Wiww Awex weewy wan huggies fwum Fenwiwr? Am wowstest speshul fwend…’
‘Fenwiwr am bestest speshul fwen. Awex teww ‘ou awways, nebah huwt Awex. Awex wuv. Pwomiss nu touch Fenwiwr ow gib huggies, onwy if Fenwiwr wan.’
Mark smiled at Alex, he was letting Fenrir know he was going to let him take things at his own pace. Mark got under the covers as he took Fenrir under his arm, holding him close. He slowly relaxed, the whimpering abating.
As much as Mark trusted that Fenrir might be able to handle the two of them by his side tonight, he gave it a bit of caution. He motioned Alex over to his other side as he lay flat on his back.
Alex nestled up as Mark placed his arm around him. ‘Daddeh wan Awex sweep hewe?’ Mark nodded.
‘If you sleep here, I can hold on to both of you.’ He took Fenrir under his other arm as Fenrir clutched to Mark’s side, gazing at Alex much in the same position under the other arm.
Fenrir still felt the apprehension, the pangs of guilt that hit him every time he thought of Alex. Seeing him so clearly now, he felt it just as badly. But something in Alex’s eyes began to ease that fear: He could see it, Alex looked at him just the same as before.
‘Gud dawk time speshul fwen’ Alex muttered, as he gave a soft smile, closing his eyes. He stretched out one of his hooves over Mark’s chest as he nuzzled into sleep.
Fenrir felt a little nervous again, but it was very nice to hear Alex’s loving words. He shut his eyes tightly, thinking to himself that maybe, just maybe, everything wouldn’t be ruined. As he worked up the desire to return the ordinary expression, now so difficult after today, he felt Mark’s hand softly pet him. The tension in him began to fade, and he opened his eyes, Alex soft and warm as he always was. He looked at the bandages once more, so worried that Alex was hurt. Though daddy would give him huggies, indeed he was, Fenrir wanted to be the one Alex could rely on when he was hurt or sad. Tonight, he knew it was too hard. But maybe he wouldn’t be afraid one day. Maybe.
‘Gud dawk time, speshul fwend…’ Fenrir muttered out. His eyes grew heavy as he nestled into Mark himself, the warm and comforting embrace of someone he loved dearly.
As Fenrir fell asleep, Mark looked on at the two. Their forms looked to be reaching out to one another, separated only by fear and anguish. He wanted so badly to help them, but rushing it with Fenrir wouldn’t solve anything. Still it hurt to see what Priscilla had done to Fenrir, to both of them. He was upset at himself, too, knowing that he put Alex in that terrible place where he did the one thing he never wanted to do. Linda was right, he had to do so much better. No more could he be naïve, expecting things to go well. If he was their father, he had to be their protector, too.
He sighed as he tried to silence his mind, a feat he regularly had to endure, but tonight was no ordinary night. The day had been one of the worst he could recall, a horrific nightmare he wished he never had. But with his two boys still here, still breathing, he felt the push to start over. As he adjusted his position, he closed his eyes only to open them again as he noticed both of his fluffs reposition as well.
He smiled as he saw Alex and Fenrir’s hooves outstretched, touching softly in what he felt must be a sign that nothing would, or should, keep them from being apart.
Next Chapter: Chapter XVII
