Chapter XVII: Your Heart is Marine Blue
Previous Chapter / Part: Chapter XVI, Part 2
Mark looked down at Fenrir, curled up in his drug induced sleep, still under his watchful gaze. He picked up the vape he never imagined he’d really use and put more of the bud he got from his trip to see Dr. Green in the compartment.
As he let it heat up, he lent a soft pet to Fenrir, who slightly moved from the touch, content to sleep as much as he could to stop his mind from making him feel worse than he already did. Mark took a drag and slowly exhaled, hoping to avoid too much vapour from getting into Fenrir’s lungs. But, even if it did, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad a thing. His laptop still calling to him to complete some minor work his boss pleaded that he needed done, Mark was far from reluctant to help, noting how understanding his boss had been when he explained his home situation and the problems he was having. He edited a bit of the papers on the screen, taking a puff here and there as he wiled away the afternoon.
The sound of the TV hummed softly in the background, reminding Mark again of the problem before him. Alex was left to his own devices more than he’d have liked the past day and a half. The separation of these two was driving him crazy, knowing neither of them did anything wrong to be hurting like this, far apart from the one who would make each of them feel that much better.
Beyond the sound of the TV, the room was also filled with the soft sounds of a record. The platter gently turned, faint pops and crackles occasionally intersecting the music inherited from his mother—a collection of older music from her time growing up in Japan. As he listened to the lyrics of the song he began to feel the connection to his present situation, the two it hurt him to see hurting all the more.
I want to hold you again
抱きしめるたび 崩れそうだよ
(That time as we embraced, when you seemed about to collapse)
さびしさを乗せた肩
(I put your loneliness on my shoulders)I want to hold you again
君の涙が かわく所は
(The place where you can dry your tears)
僕の腕の中 いまでも
(Is still in my arms)
Though Fenrir managed to sleep a great deal with the help of his medicine and his dad’s proximity, he was plagued by nightmares, reliving the attack and the feeling of being powerless. No matter how much Mark or Alex told him they still loved him, he felt like it was too hard to believe. Bad things out of view would tell him he was a bad fluffy, and no good anymore. He recalled his mother calling him ‘dummeh’ and ‘poopeh’ over and over again. It hurt his heart to think she was right all along.
Mark could see Fenrir trembling, his lip quivering as he moved his legs. Tears even began to fall intermittently from his closed eyes. Immediately, he set the laptop aside and tried to hold and pet Fenrir to calm him. The whimpering was apparently audible far from the bedroom as well, for Alex came to the doorway and looked in. He watched as Mark tried to comfort Fenrir, turning his eyes to the floor in dismay. How could he not help his special friend when he needed him most?
Fenrir’s whimpers grew worse and worse until finally he bolted awake, sobbing and clutching to Mark’s arm. ‘Daddeh, daddeh… huu… nu wan munstah huwties. Pwease, sweep pickshas am su meanies!’
Alex took a step forward as Mark tried to shush and calm Fenrir. ‘Fenrir, it’s okay. They can’t hurt you, you’re here with daddy and Alex and no one’s going to hurt you again, okay?’
Fenrir tried to look at Mark, but his eyes were watery with tears. Mark brushed them off as he tried massaging his head slightly to calm him down. Alex moved to the side of the bed, sitting quietly, not wanting to startle Fenrir or overstep.
As he began to calm down, Fenrir lay back down next to Mark and as he turned around, saw Alex sitting before him on the floor. Alex’s tail swished slightly as he gave a very slight smile.
‘Alex came to watch over you, Fenrir. He’s really worried about you.’ Mark gave Alex a nod as he stroked Fenrir’s back.
‘Awex am hewe, daddeh?’ Fenrir asked, his eyes still drying as Alex came into focus.
‘Am hewe, speshul fwen, awways am hewe if Fenwiwr wan.’ Alex reached his hoof to the side of the bed, just to touch it and show that he was close.
Fenrir was feeling very lonely, but at the same time he was still afraid. That Alex was there did make him feel better. It was very confusing that he wanted him to be close again, but didn’t want to feel like he was unsafe. His mouth quivered again at the frustration, almost returning to his sobbing. Alex began to frown in worry as Mark gave him another bit of support and encouragement.
‘Fenrir, what’s wrong?’ Mark asked, stroking his back again.
‘Am scawed, buh nu know wat do, nu know wai am scawed daddeh…’ Fenrir tried hiding his head under his hooves, but he knew it wouldn’t help.
‘Alex, do you think you could help Fenrir be less scared?’ Mark gave him a suggestive motion with his head to hop on to the bed as he asked. Swishing his tail happily, Alex climbed onto the bed, making sure to stay at the end far enough from Fenrir not to startle him.
‘Am hewe, speshul fwen. Awex hewp be nu scawed.’ Alex sat by, giving Fenrir reassuring glances for a minute, before Mark thought perhaps he could try a bit more. Picking Fenrir up, he held him in his arms, and began to put the idea to get them to reacclimate into motion.
‘Fenrir, can Alex take a nap in the bed with you and daddy?’
He thought about what daddy was saying, and realised it seemed okay. Naps were okay. ‘Yus… Awex can be in bed wid daddeh an Fenwiwr…’
Alex slowly walked across the bed to the spot where Fenrir had been previously, and lay down with his back to them both. Fenrir looked on, not sure why he was looking away.
‘Awex nu wan see Fenwiwr an daddeh?’ Fenrir asked, hoping he wasn’t the cause of this, too.
‘Awex nu wan Fenwiwr be scawed, know speshul fwen hab bad munstah gib bad touch. Awex show speshul fwen nu gib touch if Fenwiwr nu wan. Buh Awex wet speshul fwen touch Awex aww speshul fwen wan, too.’
Fenrir felt something warm in his heart at the words, and a bit of a pain, too. He realised how much this must be affecting Alex for the first time. He’d been so consumed by his own feelings that he never thought he could hurt Alex. He began to feel sad for this as well.
‘Fenwiwr am sowwy, speshul fwend. Nu wan speshul fwend be saddies, am bad speshul fwend.’ Fenrir frowned as he dug his head into Mark’s arm.
‘Nu, speshul fwen. Nu nee’ be sowwy, Awex un’stan Fenwiwr am huwties. Wuv ‘ou speshul fwen.’ Alex curled up, still keeping his back to Mark and Fenrir as he reiterated his love, sighing a bit, content to be near them both as he closed his eyes.
Mark moved his head into Fenrir’s view as he gave him a bit of a smile. ‘You’re gonna be alright, bud. Wanna lie down with us, now?’
Fenrir shifted his eyes a bit, before he gave a slight nod. Mark placed him down on the bed and he arranged himself so he could keep watch on Alex’s back. The bandages on him made Fenrir really sad, he didn’t know how Alex got so hurt. He began to wonder that maybe the monster hurt him too, and he couldn’t help but feel that this was terribly unfair. Seeing him so close made him feel anxious. But this anxiety wasn’t fear, he began to realise. No, the anxiety was the feeling of not liking the distance between them any longer.
Slowly he scooched himself over, before finally he was nearly brushing Alex’s back. Timidly, he outstretched a hoof, prompting Alex to flinch, but calm realising the sensation of the touch of the one he was missing so badly. Emboldened by his courage, wanting to quell the anxiety, Fenrir finally gave in, clutching himself around Alex, who true to his word, merely cooed and let Fenrir hold him.
Mark smiled, finally seeing improvement after the rough past couple of days.
‘Wub ‘ou too, speshul fwend.’ Fenrir sighed out his long bottled up reply as he began to relax, drifting off to sleep.
Dr. Neustadt had been busy since bringing the two fluffies extracted from Mark’s house to FluffCare. Priscilla had been taken care of fairly quickly, her wounds being largely superficial, save for the leg and ear. Though she was tempted to amputate the leg, she returned to grabbing her rubber band out of the drawer. She hadn’t needed it in months, yet here she was feeling the temptation and pressure of that old feeling she let get the better of her during her training in veterinary school.
She assured every single one of her customers that she was no abuser. Little did they know at one point in time, she was on the brink. The interaction with treating fluffies can push many over the edge: When she was still getting her degree, her wits were pushed to their limits. The stress of the programme, the competitiveness with other students, the demanding owners, and last but not least the infuriatingly incessant whining and crying of the fluffies became too much to bear. One day, she was setting a broken limb on a fluffy. It scree’d and wriggled in pain before finally biting her arm trying to get free. She slapped the thing hard across the face as it erupted in even more pain. As it proceeded to shit and piss all over the examination table, she grabbed a cleaver and chopped the leg off and watched it choke itself on terror and vomit. The thing before her filled her with disgust she’d never thought she could feel. Finally realising she couldn’t bear any more of the sounds, sights and smells assaulting her senses, she injected a large amount of sedative and knocked it out. As she sutured the leg she began to realise what she’d done.
She had let herself lose control, and she hated how she felt. She felt… good. That wasn’t right, not for a doctor. She began to feel sick to her stomach just thinking about it.
While she was able to tell the owner there were complications and pass it off to everyone that it was necessary, she knew better. She lay awake that night thinking of how to deal with the situation before finally making herself a promise not to intentionally harm another ever again. The rubber band she now flicked her wrist with was a reminder of this simple resolution, snapping her back to reality.
She shook off her reminiscing as she drew Lemon’s blood. True to form, Lemon remained mostly absent minded the entire time she’d been with her, only responding after much prodding and careful talking once she had Lemon’s eyes focused on her face. I’ll just run a comprehensive panel and then do an MRI to see what’s going on. Shame I have to go so far for this, but I really need to see if there’s brain damage.
As she placed the vial in the bag, she called for one of the staff to pick it up and take it to the lab. Now, she had one other problem to deal with. Checking Priscilla for a chip, she found that she had indeed been tagged. After pulling up the contact information she saved it to call after Lemon’s examination. That conversation, she knew, was not going to go well after she told the owner the damage. Luckily, Priscilla was spayed, but she thought it was odd she’d still run away to have babies if she knew she couldn’t have them.
She picked up the office phone and dialled the number. After a few long rings, a man picked up the line at the other end. ‘Hello? Who can I say is calling?’
‘Hello, this is Dr. Linda Neustadt at FluffCare. Is this Stephane Villiers?
‘Yes, this is he.’ Stephane responded gruffly, hoping this wasn’t what he thought it was.
‘We have a fluffy here, Priscilla. Is she your fluffy?’
‘Well, she was, until she ran off. I didn’t expect to hear anything about her again.’
‘She’s injured, and I’m afraid she’s done something pretty bad.’ Linda sighed as she braced for his reaction.
‘What? What the hell has she done?’ Stephane began to lose patience. He didn’t even care, but something told him he had to hear it.
‘Well, she raped a stallion trying to force him to give her babies.’
‘Mother, Mary, and Joseph! That’s something I never thought I’d hear. Jesus Christ, what are you going to do with her?’
‘Well, sir, we wanted to know if you wanted to take her home. Otherwise we’ll have to send her to a shelter. We can’t release her on her own after she’s been deemed a safety risk.’
‘Fuck no, I don’t want her. Do whatever you want. I’m glad that bitch is out of my hair. Have a good day…’ With that, Stephane hung up the phone, not leaving Linda a chance to respond.
She sighed again, putting down the handset. She knew this was probably how it would go. It was rare that owners wanted runaways back, especially if they’d gotten pregnant or done something as bad as this. Leaning back in her chair, she thought about the futility of it all. This episode repeated often enough for her to question whether it was even possible to prevent. For some fluffies, the desire for babies was too great, even for ones such as Priscilla who weren’t capable. The desire, it seemed, was something more than procreative: For these examples, that hunger might come from a shill’s marketing, promising that this thing in particular will make someone happy. As much as she knew this was a human problem, it certainly seemed to spread wherever humanity thought it could go.
She sighed as she got up from the chair, walking her way to the pens, one of which was occupied by Priscilla as she awaited her fate, decided by her previous owner. Upon entering the room she heard the whimpering and crying of various fluffies. Their stay at FluffCare she always tried to make as pleasant as possible, but medical care was not always pleasant even though it was more often curative.
Walking over to Priscilla, she marked the chart for the nurses. To be sent to Fluff Fosters. It was a shelter she was familiar with, but not the best one she could think of. She usually sent rescues to Fluffy Friends, the no-kill hugboxer shelter that she knew would always train and help fluffies find new homes, even if they were abandoned or found by animal control as they patrolled the streets. On the other hand, Fluff Fosters did euthanise fluffies, though they weren’t purposefully cruel. For Linda, that would be over the line. She couldn’t help but be prodded by the part of her which hated Priscilla for what she did, and the truth was that considering the fluffy’s disposition it was very unlikely she’d make a good pet.
Still drowsy from the anaesthesia, Priscilla was trying to wake up, unsure of where she was and feeling a pressing weight from the cast around her leg as the room tried to come into focus, blurred and muted. A tap startled her as Linda began to speak.
‘Priscilla, I’m your doctor. I’m here to tell you you’re going to a shelter shortly, so you’ll have to behave when you get there. The people there will take care of you.’
‘Wuh?’ Priscilla began to speak. ‘Wewe am mummah? Wan daddeh an mummah.’
‘Your daddy isn’t coming. I called him and he doesn’t want to take you home.’
Priscilla was shocked to hear something like that, it couldn’t be right. ‘Wuh? Dummeh hoomin, am wyin’! Daddeh come fow Pwissy, am gud fwuffy. Fwuffy hab huwties, nee’ huggies.’
Linda sighed. It seemed she was right, no use even trying to home this one. It’d be incredibly unlikely anyone would have the patience to keep her, and even if they did they’d have to keep her relatively restrained at all times. She certainly couldn’t be around other fluffies without supervision—it was too much of a burden for most people. Shaking her head, Linda gave some parting words.
‘Priscilla, I know you won’t believe me, but it doesn’t matter. Another person will be in here soon to take you to your new home. Be careful with your leg, it’s broken and needs to heal.’ Linda walked away after that, shutting the door as Priscilla called out.
‘Wuh? Nu! Wai weggie nu wowk? Hao wong tiww weggie? Nee’ weggie fow huggies and pway! Wady? Wady? Dummeh hoomin! Gib back weggie!’
Her words fell on deafno ears as she began to sob, completely frustrated that no one was listening to her. She missed her mummah and daddeh so much, even though they were meanies. They were really the nicest humans she knew so it hurt to realise that that might really be as good as it got. As she tried to look back, she began to look forward too.
Aww hoomins am dummehs. Wiww get babbehs, an nyu housie, an hewd. Won get dummeh sketties edah, get bestest sketties aww times. Jus’ nee’ wait foww dummehs.
As Mark watched his two boys finally sleeping together, he thought about Alex’s remaining conundrum. Was he wrong to want Alex to tell Fenrir about his experience in the mill? Part of him was curious as well, not hearing the details. A bit of morbid curiosity mixed with well-meaning intercession—well, at any rate, Fenrir seemed to have this belief that being corrupted was his fault, that it irreparably stained him. Mark thought that really had to be remedied, and Alex coincidentally was in the position to provide just the example that Fenrir could follow.
He got up to make some tea in the kitchen as he contemplated how this would go, careful to be quiet so as not to disturb their slumber. He marvelled at how well Fenrir was sleeping now, seemingly not plagued by the bad dreams he’d been having consistently since his attack.
As he removed the tin from the cabinet and set the kettle to boil, the phone rang. Looking down at the contact on the screen, he saw it was FluffCare. Perhaps Dr Neustadt had some news she could share. Part of him wasn’t even interested, but at the same time, Lemon’s plight was something of a mystery. He bit his lip slightly as he reluctantly answered.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, Mark. It’s Linda. How are your boys doing? I’ve been thinking about Fenrir a lot.’
Mark sighed as he looked towards his bedroom, through the wall, possibly from instinct despite the fact he knew he couldn’t see them with his eyes. ‘Hey doctor, they’re… coping as best they can I suppose. I’ve finally got them sleeping together again. Fenrir’s been really afraid of contact, he’s only really let me touch him since the “incident”.’
Linda had expected it might occur. ‘It’s not that surprising’ she said, ‘We often see in rape victims that they’re wary of physical contact, believing that it could happen again at any time. It’s a good sign that he’s trusting Alex again so soon.’
‘I told Alex he needed to give Fenrir time, but he’s been really considerate. He even went so far as to tell Fenrir he wouldn’t touch him unless Fenrir wanted it. They’re sleeping, thankfully, on my bed and Fenrir’s got himself wrapped around Alex’s back.’ Mark smiled a bit as he placed the tea into a gaiwan from the tin, pulling the water off the boil.
‘Sounds like Alex is really thoughtful. I was worried when I knew what he did, but perhaps he’ll be alright after all.’ Linda cleared her throat a bit before continuing. ‘In other news, I’m running tests on Lemon as we speak. I’ll probably have them tomorrow, but all my cursory examination says she’s derped. She has very little environmental awareness and only responds to direct cues after much effort. Her memory seems to be the biggest problem, she can’t remember things from mere minutes prior. I’ll run an MRI and see if I see the brain damage clearly, I’m pretty sure it’s there. Don’t worry though, this is mostly out of curiosity. I do like to add to research to see if there are potential treatments for cases like hers. After I give her some basic care I’ve got a friend, well more like a friend of an old friend who’s got a fluffy farm of sorts where he looks after them and I’ll send her there.’
Mark grumbled a little bit as he listened, but he understood it. He didn’t really blame Lemon, knowing she wasn’t really to blame. He knew who was the one to use her. ‘Sounds fine, I’m sure she’ll be better off there.’
‘I know you don’t care, but I’ve dealt with Priscilla, too. She’s going to a shelter and she’s not getting out of there. Her owner didn’t want her back after he heard what she did.’ Linda braced for the blowback.
‘Seriously? You should have put her down! She’s dangerous, Linda. She’ll probably hurt other fluffies there!’ Mark was furious to hear that she went so far for that thing that hurt his precious boy.
‘I get it Mark, I understand. But I’m a doctor, and you may not know it but I have hurt fluffies before. I’m not going back to that place, it made me feel awful. I don’t want to see you go that route either, because you’ve got two wonderful fluffies who need you.’ She paused as he remained quiet. ‘I know she’s not safe, and I’ll be sure to warn the people there. If it helps, these aren’t the nicest people who run the place. I normally don’t send any but the most problematic and irredeemable fluffies there. They may end up putting her down, but it’s up to them.’
‘Fine. But I’m done listening to anything about her. We don’t need her ruining our lives any more.’ Mark exhaled as he poured the water over the tea, smelling the soothing fragrance as he waited for it to steep.
‘That’s really all I’ve got at the moment.’ Linda opened some documents on her computer to look through as she rounded out the conversation. ‘If there’s anything else, I’ll give you a call but I doubt there will be. If you’d like I can check up on the boys day after tomorrow. Alex’s hoof bandages can probably come off soon, but remind him not to mess with the other one. He still needs to heal and I’ll have to take the stitches out, too.’
‘Alright doctor, thank you for helping. I really appreciate it, even if I can be a bit harsh. I’m sorry, I know it’s not your fault.’ Mark took a sip of the tea, hoping it’d calm him down.
‘It’s understandable Mark, you’re far from the most angry I’ve seen. Take it easy, and hug Alex and Fenrir for me.’
‘I will.’
After the goodbyes, Mark stood by the counter and sipped his tea. It did seem like Alex was walking around easier, that was good. But would the conversation Alex resolved to have with Fenrir make things worse?
As the day wore on into the evening, Mark watched his boys as they slept next to him. They shuffled every so often, Fenrir still trying to cling to Alex. He periodically watched to make sure they were alright as he continued editing. Thankfully that’d be over soon, and he could use a few more days of his leave to hopefully get back to some kind of normalcy.
Yawning, Alex stirred from his nap, noticing the legs of the still sleeping Fenrir wrapped around him. He smiled a bit at the sight and brought one of his own hooves to meet the one clasping his chest. The touch jolted Fenrir a bit, making him think better of it as he slid from the embrace to quietly walk over to Mark.
Looking up at Mark as he carefully shifted himself to avoid overly paining his still sensitive bits, he whispered.
‘Hewwo daddeh, Awex am happy to see speshul fwen nu hab bad sweepy pickshas.’ He looked over at Fenrir as he positioned himself on Mark’s lap.
‘Yeah, I’m happy too. It hurts when we can’t help him, doesn’t it?’ Mark gave Alex’s ear a scratch as he set his laptop aside.
‘Yus, daddeh.’ Alex wondered a bit as he gained a bit of solace in Mark’s touch. Perhaps he couldn’t put off talking to Fenrir about the bad times at the mill. ‘Do Awex nee’ teww Fenwiwr nao?’
Mark thought about it for a moment, realising he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea after all. ‘I don’t know Alex. I’d hate Fenrir to be upset even more than he already is.’
Alex got a worried expression for a moment as he looked at Fenrir sleeping, but soon he shook his head. ‘Awex tink speshul fwen nee’ know nu can stop bad enfies sumtime. An nu shud tink am bad fow nu stop wut can’t stop.’
Alex was right, of course. Fenrir did need to learn from this too, if only that he can’t blame himself. The real trick, and problem here, was to make sure that Fenrir didn’t see Alex as a monster for doing things like Priscilla did.
‘I hope he can see how good you are, Alex. I know the mill was a very bad place for you. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I know you never want to go back there.’
Alex sighed, nodding his head faintly as he listened to what Mark was saying. ‘Daddeh wiww know wen teww speshul fwen. Sowwy foww nu teww befow, buh Awex wan nyu wife wid daddeh an speshul fwen. Nu wan stay in befow time any mowe.’
Mark shook his head. ‘No, I get it, Alex. Believe me, I do. You don’t have to be sorry for that.’ He gave him a pat on the head as he noticed Fenrir stirring.
‘Daddeh?’ Fenrir called out. He looked around and noticed Alex wasn’t in front of him anymore. ‘Wewe am Awex? Awex weave?’
‘Am wite hewe speshul fwen.’ Alex smiled as Fenrir turned around and saw him. Mark could see the relieved expression on Fenrir’s face, perhaps being afraid that Alex had abandoned him while he slept.
‘He’s been beside you the whole time Fenrir, he just woke up and wanted to talk to daddy while you were asleep.’
Fenrir walked over to Mark, curling up as he rested upon his side, near Alex but not too close. The two breathed lightly as they looked at one another. Alex longed to hold Fenrir, but he knew he had to take it slow. Fenrir needed to feel safe and build up trust again. That made what Alex was about to do all the harder, because the story he’d tell would be one Fenrir would find hard to hear.
‘Boys, are you hun-’ Mark began to speak but was interrupted by Alex.
‘Speshul fwen?’ he called to Fenrir, waiting until he responded.
‘Y-yus?’ Fenrir timidly replied, pulling his front legs close to his mouth as he felt nervous and embarrassed at his own silliness, his own mind chided him for being this way. He could see Alex in front of him, injured, and he needed to be comforted too. Why was he so bad?
‘Awex wan teww speshul fwen ‘bout miww. Wewe pwace Awex wive befow know daddeh an Fenwiwr. Wen speshul fwen get huwt by munstah, Awex know hao bad huwties aww, because Awex wewe wike munstah, too.’
Fenrir’s eyes grew wide as he gasped. ‘Nu… Awex nu am munstah, pwease!’
Mark stroked Fenrir as he shushed him. ‘Fenrir, listen to Alex, okay? He isn’t a monster, I promise. That’s why you need to hear what he has to say.’
Alex waited as Fenrir calmed down, but he could see he was still very worried by the idea that he could be a monster.
‘Awex un’stan, wuv. Awex tink mabbeh am munstah befow, too. Buh Awex nu wan huwt fwuffies ebah.’ Sighing, he braced himself for the tale he was loath to tell. ‘Wen Awex was babbeh, munstah hoomins take fwum mummah, gib namesies. Teww Awex to gib mawes bad enfies an gib pointy owwies. Pointy owwies make Awex feew baddies, angwy. Buh nu wan huwt mawes wid bad enfies.’
‘Hoomins am munstah hoomins? Wai huwt speshul fwend…’ Fenrir began to feel really sad listening to Alex talk about the mill. But Alex smiled, continuing his tale.
‘Awex nu wan huwt mawes, buh hoomins teww Awex haf to gib bad enfies ow get buwnie owwies an foweva sweepies. Wen Awex twy nu gib bad enfies, hoomins gib Awex su manneh huwtie owwies, hit manneh times wid sowwie stickies, an put Awex in sowwy woom. Dey say Awex nee’ gib bad enfies, an if nu do, den no mowe chance. So Awex gib bad enfies.’
Fenrir’s eyes grew wide as he began to push himself away, the realisation hitting that the fluffy he loved in front of him did exactly what Priscilla had done to him. His breathing grew heavy as his eyes welled up. ‘Nu… nu… Awex, speshul fwend, nu be munstah… pwease…’
Alex hung his head low, his eyes couldn’t meet Fenrir’s, knowing that he was struggling with what Alex had struggled with all this time. The fact that he had done it could never be undone. The fact that he chose to hurt Priscilla underscored the trauma that he experienced and pushed him to the brink, resigned to inflicting and perpetuating the pain he had experienced for the sake of his beloved.
Mark pet Fenrir with one hand and grabbed Alex with the other, bringing him close so that he could get a look at both of their faces. Bridging the gap was his task, his responsibility to explain the meaning of all of this to Fenrir, still struggling with the understanding that without choice bad things can still happen to good people.
‘Fenrir’ Mark began, ‘Alex is a good boy. He loves you very, very much. Daddy loves Alex.’ He gave Alex a ruffle of his neck fluff as he brought Fenrir’s face out from behind his hooves. ‘Has Alex ever hurt you? Did he ever do anything like what he said the bad humans made him do?’
Fenrir sniffled as he looked into Alex’s eyes. Embarrassed to even have contemplated the idea that Alex would do that to him, he shook his head. ‘Nu… Awex am awways gud to Fenwiwr.’
Mark smiled, petting Fenrir gently on the head once more. ‘Alex has been shouldering all this on his own. Do you know that he never even told daddy what it was like for him at the mill? I asked him before, and he didn’t want to talk about it. He made a very hard choice to tell you because he loves you so much. And he didn’t want you to feel bad that you couldn’t stop what happened. He couldn’t stop it either, and it hurt him very much that you had to feel what he never wanted you to experience.’
Fenrir listened, taking it all in. ‘Weewy?’ he plied, turning his face back to Alex. Alex returned a nod as he lay his head on Mark’s chest.
‘You know, Fenrir, Alex has wanted to give you huggies so much but he wants you to trust him and feel safe. That’s why he won’t unless you tell him it’s okay. But he’s been very sad about what happened for a long time, and he’s even got hurties. Don’t you think he’d like some of your huggies to feel better?’ Mark glanced at both of them, trying to gauge how his prompting would go. Alex looked a little nervous, and Fenrir gave a contemplative expression seeming to indicate maybe he was giving the idea serious thought.
As Mark lay on the bed, he pet each of his fluffs softly. It wasn’t long, however, until Fenrir got up. He had a shy expression, but gradually he walked over to Alex. Working up the courage, he finally got out the question he really wanted to ask.
‘Do speshul fwend wan Fenwiwr’s huggies?’
Alex’s eyes were filled with joy at the question. ‘Yus, ob cowse, speshul fwen. Wuv Fenwiwr huggies!’
Fenrir’s tail swished a bit as he slowly nestled down next to Alex, placing his legs around him. Alex cooed at the embrace.
Closing his eyes, in a bashful tone, Fenrir worked up a bit more courage to top things off. ‘I-if Awex wan, can gib Fenwiwr huggies too.’
Without so much as a word, Alex nuzzled Fenrir and pulled him in close.
Back in Linda’s office, she noticed the printout coming from the lab networked printer. It was a bit late, but she did want to get the results back from the blood tests she drew up for Lemon.
Taking a sip of coffee, she pored over the readout. Nothing particularly interesting, some minor bits of malnourishment. It was to be expected.
As she reached the bottom of the sheet, however, she noticed something that caught her attention.
Huh? No, this can’t be. I think I need to run this again.
Next Chapter: Chapter XVIII
Extra Info
The title of the song referenced in this chapter is actually the translation of the title.
Here’s a link to the song on YouTube if you care to give it a listen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUK4cQb0S6M
I listen to a lot of similar music when I do my writing, and this song is one that I thought fit some of the story at this point. Not completely, but sometimes lines stick out at you.
I’m not perfectly fluent in Japanese, but I gave it my best to translate it in a way that made sense to me. If someone has a better idea, I’ll take the suggestion.
