Chapter XVIII: Light in the Dark
Previous Chapter: Chapter XVII
Dr Neustadt snapped the rubber band on her wrist as she clicked her tongue, looking at the reading from the lab test showed the presence of gonadotropin. As far as she knew, Lemon hadn’t done what Priscilla did to Fenrir. He seemed to only remember her holding him down along with Priscilla.
Perhaps his memory was incomplete? Or maybe he passed out? Could Lemon have been pregnant already?
She wracked her brain for a few minutes trying to come up with the answer that eluded her. The truth of the matter was, however, that despite any conclusion, the pregnancy was a definite quandary. Lemon didn’t seem capable of understanding her situation, let alone nursing foals. Whether she’d have them, too, was another question. Sighing, she picked up her phone before hovering over Mark’s number.
Something prevented her from making the call. No, no. I can’t yet. I need to confirm it, why am I jumping the gun? Fuck, look at the time, too. It’s nearly midnight.
Calming her mind for a moment, Linda decided the best course of action was to take things one step at a time—methodical as she always was. Pulling a form from the drawer, she wrote down to duplicate the blood test, this time focusing specifically on the markers which would indicate whether Lemon was indeed pregnant.
She placed the form and the requisite vial in a drawer and left instructions on the computer for when she arrived the next day. Though she’d thought of calling Mark about her discovery, the fact that she was going to do a follow up with Alex tomorrow might have been just the convenient opportunity to let the fluffies out of the bag.
Mark had better be smart about how to tell Fenrir. Either way, I can coach him. Better listen, though.
Fenrir hadn’t had a single bad dream that night, finally able to sleep between Alex and Mark. Both of them softly cradled him between their outstretched limbs and he felt safe for the first time since Priscilla had… no, he didn’t want to think about it.
As he got up for the day, the house seemed similar to how it did before: It seemed like things might be able to go back to how it was before his world was shattered. He smelled the food being cooked in the kitchen by Mark as he made his way into the living room. His daddy always made so many good things to eat, and truth be told, it was one of the things he liked the most about finding a home here. The contrast between the hunger he had felt with his mother and an appetite always sated was immediately apparent.
As he saw Alex sitting by the kitchen archway, he stopped for a moment, taking him in as he leaned against the leg of the table at the end of the hallway. The anxiety he was feeling all the time now felt as though it was beginning to ease around Alex. It reminded Fenrir that Alex was always someone he could rely on; indeed it was a very big comfort and a weight off his mind to know that he wasn’t pushing him into doing anything he wasn’t ready for.
As he traced Alex’s outline with his eyes, Fenrir watched him doing much the same as he focused on Mark. Out of view, Mark showed Alex the eggs in the pan he was making and Alex smiled. Fenrir could feel a flutter in his stomach as he looked at his smile again, and his tail began to swish. His movement must have signalled Alex to his presence, who then turned and was glad to notice the onlooking Fenrir.
‘Hewwo speshul fwen!’ Alex exclaimed, as he walked over to Fenrir.
Fenrir began to feel anxious again, but it quickly abated. The closer Alex, the more relaxed he felt: Something about him being near was starting to make him feel safe—it wasn’t the crippling anxiety he felt when anyone but Mark was near any more.
‘Hewwo speshul fwend.’ Fenrir met Alex half way, brushing up against him with a light affectionate touch. ‘Am nummies time?’
Alex nodded. ‘Am eggies, an spinch, an … cheese?’ Trying to recall the things Mark had said, he let Fenrir in on the meal of the morning.
‘Ooh, wike gweenie nummies!’ Fenrir smiled as he quickly moved into the kitchen. Alex knew he liked greens, so he specially asked Mark to include them. Though Alex didn’t particularly like them, he could eat them, and more importantly he wanted Fenrir to have more of what he liked if he could help it.
‘Good morning, Fenrir. You sleep okay?’ Mark finished up the eggs, shutting off the burner and began to plate them for the three to enjoy the first breakfast they’d had since the horrific upending of their lives three days ago.
‘Hai daddeh, yus. Awex an daddeh hewp Fenwiwr sweep bettah.’ Fenrir and Alex approached the table and each hopped up to their respective seats to eat as Mark sat down with the plates.
Mark looked at the two as he began digging into his own breakfast. Fenrir and Alex both ate well, and without complaint. ‘Oh, almost forgot.’ Mark quickly got up, wiping his mouth, and went to the counter to grab a pill for Fenrir for his anxiety. Sitting down once more, he showed it—open palm, to him. ‘Probably should take this with food, if you want of course.’
‘Dat am medshin fow bad feews?’ Fenrir asked, looking for Mark to respond. A nod later, and Fenrir thought about it for a moment. He realised it helped him, but it also made him feel tired and things felt like they weren’t close any more. ‘Otay, daddeh. Buh Fenwiwr nu wan take medshin aww time. Wan be happy again widout.’
He took the pill in his mouth from Mark’s hand and Mark patted him on the head. ‘Of course, buddy. Having to take things like that no one wants to do. I bet you won’t feel like you need it soon. You’re doing much better, and it makes both me and Alex feel better, too.’
As they ate, Mark contemplated how to spend the day. He’d received a text from Linda saying she’d be coming over in the afternoon to give Alex’s bandages a look, especially the stitches to see if she could remove them soon. Perhaps a movie would do, considering he’d wanted to catch up on some he’d been wanting to see.
After finishing breakfast, Mark asked Fenrir and Alex if they would like to join him. ‘Guys, want to watch a movie with daddeh? We might also play a game later before Dr Neustadt comes over.’
‘Teebee wid daddeh? Otay!’ Fenrir called out, seemingly down for whatever distractions he could get. ‘Wat am movie, daddeh?’ Alex asked, wondering what they would actually watch. Mark still wasn’t sure.
‘Hmm, I’ll have to see what I had on my list. Currently we have options, unsure at the moment.’Putting the dishes in the sink, Mark made his way to the living room where his two fluffies were already cuddling on the sofa. He took his time perusing the Netflix library, finally noticing an interesting option. An hour in, however, Mark was feeling lethargy setting in—the selection proving to be too dull for the morning. His two boys were nodding off next to him, and he figured some coffee and something more interactive was in order.
‘Hey, you two. Not feeling this movie, are we? Want me to teach you to play checkers?’
Alex and Fenrir lifted their heads, Fenrir taking a moment to yawn. ‘Chekuhs? Am game?’ Alex loved games, so naturally was a bit excited to hear the prospect.
‘Yeah’ Mark continued, ‘just let me get some coffee and I’ll get out the board. I’ll have to show you how it works, but if you can’t manage to move the pieces I’ll help you.’
With the board set up, Mark explained the rules and let Fenrir and Alex learn to play the game. But something nagged at him as he sat, idly watching. Fenrir’s face still looked so tired, as though he were trying to make an effort to be happy. Perhaps he didn’t have all the support he really needed, and Fenrir’s indication that he didn’t want to rely on medicine to feel better was a welcome admission but one that’s not easy to address without coming to grips with the source of one’s anxiety.
Can fluffies get therapy? Are there things like groups that they might be able to meet with where others have been through traumatic experiences? Maybe fluffies who have been abused have groups like these.
He pulled out his phone and began a search for such a group. There were many disparaging articles, ones that said that it’s way easier to just put them down or throw them out if they have emotional problems. That itself was depressing for Mark, realising how much Fenrir had come to mean in his life. It wasn’t his fault that he had suffered something emotionally distressing, and coping with something like abuse or assault is not an easy task even for a person.
But as Mark searched, he did eventually find some promising leads. ‘Good fluffies are not dummehs or victims’ read the tagline under the website’s title. A group called ‘Get the Fluff Out There’ was working with fluffies, mostly from abused backgrounds, to relearn how to interact with others. Perhaps meeting others who suffered bad experiences like himself, Fenrir might embrace the perspective that he was not at fault or defective. Considering it was something that Fenrir had indicated numerous times he felt might be the case, Mark was surely hopeful that he could disabuse him of the notion through opening his relative isolation, seeing how the world at large was full of hardship and wrongs—that it can happen to anyone.
With a plan in mind, Mark set aside his phone as he focused on watching his two boys. ‘Come here for a second, you two.’ Mark called out to them, and they happily came to his side.
‘Give me a hug, guys. I think I need one.’
‘Hewe huggies, daddeh. Wuv ‘ou.’ Fenrir grabbed onto Mark with a big hug, Alex following immediately after. ‘Widdew huggies, nu can hug too big wite nao.’ Alex was restraining himself from his injury, hoping very soon he wouldn’t need to.
‘Thanks, guys. The doctor lady will be here soon. Maybe we should clean up before she gets here.’
Mark began cleaning up the board, telling Fenrir and Alex to go play in their room while he finished up dishes in the kitchen. Just then, he got a text from Linda saying she’d be over shortly.
Mark, I’ll be over shortly to check on Alex and Fenrir. I do have something I’ll want to talk to you in confidence, though. It’s fairly important.
As Linda awaited the results for the second blood test on Lemon, she stuck her in the MRI. Normally fluffies would have to be sedated, lest they freak out and shit all over the imager. But in Lemon’s case, she hardly noticed.
The images were about what she expected, indicating structural damage. She could see the fractures healed in the skull, as well as the deformed brain tissue largely in the temporal lobe. That’d explain the memory problems for sure.
After getting Lemon out of the imager, she placed her on her own in one of the recovery pens. As was usual from what she could see with Lemon, she went straight for the food and water. She never spoke unless pressed and forced into focusing on what was being said to her. It made for a low maintenance pet in some respects, but if Linda was suspected was the case, it’d make for a difficult complication going forward.
Back in her office, she flipped through some charts for patients, noticing Priscilla’s had been closed. Transferred it read. She sighed for a moment, leaning back in her chair to relax at those words.
Finally out of our hair. No need to worry about her any longer.
The printer began to whir to life as she thought, drawing her attention towards the page printing from it. Looking at the top emerging first, she could see it was Lemon’s. She took a moment to set things aside as it finished before picking up the sheet. Content not to see much difference from the original panel, she singled out the specifics she wanted to see the second time around. As she read the page, she sighed once more. It was as she suspected—Lemon was pregnant.
Though she wasn’t sure how she was pregnant, the most likely conclusion would be by Fenrir. Dealing with the specifics was not the major issue, she knew. Ultimately, the fact that Lemon was pregnant was problematic not only because of the nature by which it may have occurred, but due to Lemon’s likelihood of not being able to care for foals in any respect.
In cases of derped mares, stillbirths and miscarriages were inordinately more common. The best course of action, and one she could take given her being the only one aware of the situation she knew, was to simply terminate the pregnancy right away. She felt, however, that Mark deserved to know the situation. And given the likelihood that the father was Fenrir, he too should be aware. The revelation may not go well, fully aware that Fenrir might become more upset to find out the information.
Shooting off a text indicating her intent to head over and see him, she waited for Mark to reply before heading off.
I’ll see you soon, then. Thanks, Linda… though I worry hearing that you’ve got something to discuss.
Don’t worry, I’ll see you soon.
Mark sat down his phone as he went to lean against the door frame of the safe room. Watching Fenrir and Alex turn the pages of their new storybook he bought them to help with reading simple words, he took a look at Alex, noticing that he was seeming to move around easier now.
‘Hey Alex, you feeling better? Hooves not bothering you now?’
Alex turned around and nodded. ‘Hoofsies nu huwt nao. Mabbeh nu nee’ wappies.’
‘Happeh dat speshul fwend hoofies nu huwties nao’ Fenrir said, smiling. He inched over and gave Alex a hug, prompting a smile from Mark. It at least seemed Fenrir was getting out of his apprehension with Alex, and perhaps it wouldn’t be long until the two of them were once again inseparable.
Bing bong
The doorbell rang, drawing the reactionary glance of all three as Mark went to the door to check and see if it was indeed Linda. Upon opening it, he was greeted with a small wave and a smile.
‘Hi, Mark. Hopefully it’s not too late, had some things to check on this morning. How are your boys doing?’ Linda walked in as Mark held the door for her, setting her bag on the table by the entry.
‘Oh it’s perfectly alright, we’ve just been bumbling around a bit. They seem to be doing much better, by the way. I’ll call them in here. Come on in, boys, Dr Neustadt is here to see you.’
Promptly, Fenrir came bolting to see Linda, followed by a slowly walking Alex.
‘Miss doctah wady!’ Fenrir called. ‘Hewwo again, am happeh to see ‘ou. Am hewe to see speshul fwend? Speshul fwend stiww hab bandjez.’
‘That’s right, Fenrir. I’m here to see Alex, and you too.’ Linda smiled as she dropped into a squat, giving Fenrir a few ruffled pets as Alex came up beside him. ‘You feeling alright, Alex?’
‘Nu weewy huwties, buh no-noes am itchies sumtimes.’ Alex looked back towards his rear as he mentioned it.
‘We’ll take a look at it, don’t worry.’ Linda gave him a pat on the head as well. ‘Mark, why don’t you and Fenrir go off on your own for a bit while I take a look at Alex.’
‘Come on Fenrir, let’s give you a relaxing bath. Can I give one to Alex later?’ Mark waited for Linda as he picked Fenrir up, placing him in his arms.
‘I’ll let you know after I take a look at the stitches.’
‘Daddeh, wai nu can stay wid Awex? Fenwiwr am wowwy about speshul fwend.’ Fenrir sadly looked on at Alex as Mark took him towards the bathroom.
‘The doctor lady needs to look at his wounds, you don’t really need to see, do you? Not like either of us can help him with that like she can.’ Mark tried to reassure Fenrir, aware of the internal reasoning behind not letting him see the wounds. Fenrir asking questions about how he got wounds there would complicate things.
‘Jus wowwy, daddeh. Wan be dewe fow Awex too, wike speshul fwend am fow Fenwiwr.’
Mark sat Fenrir down on the bathroom floor as he shut the door. ‘I know, he’s gonna be fine. It’s good you think about him though, means you are getting better all the time.’ Mark ran the bath water as Fenrir tilted his head contemplating.
As he was placed in the bath, Fenrir felt the warm water envelop him from his abdomen down. Moments like this were a welcome diversion, allowing him to forget about the world outside the door for a brief period of time and feel refreshed.
Mark began scrubbing his fur, working the soap and warm water over him gently. When he got to Fenrir’s rear, he recoiled slightly. ‘Bud, I don’t like doing this either but you can’t really clean your sensitive areas well in the bath on your own, can you?’
Fenrir sunk his head slightly. ‘Nu… onwy wid moufies weewy. Bettah wen daddeh du it.’
‘Alright then.’ Mark continued washing Fenrir, making sure to clean him as best as he could, and Fenrir began to notice his lumps were sore. He didn’t want to think about that right now, but it’d been days since he had any special time with Alex. Ever since… Priscilla, he’d been so depressed and hurt to even consider it. Whatever the case, he could wait. Alex was hurting and had wrappies, so waiting for him to not have those would be the right thing to do. Fenrir nodded as he thought, drawing a raised eyebrow from Mark.
‘Thinking about something, Fenrir?’ he asked, curiously.
‘Wah? Nu daddeh… nuffin.’ Fenrir averted his gaze, letting the bath finish up. Both were surprised to hear ‘owwie!’ emanating from the living room. Fenrir became concerned, prodding Mark to finish quickly. ‘Daddeh, can dwy nao? Wowwy ‘bout speshul fwend again.’
‘He’s fine, bud, but yeah. We’re done, let’s get you dried off.’
Linda patted the coffee table as she sat her kit between it and the sofa. Alex hopped up slowly, and sat down waiting for her to prompt him further.
‘Alright Alex, let’s take a look at your hooves first.’ She motioned for him to lie down so she could lift up one of his legs, which he did silently, now well used to seeing her for his ailments.
She unwrapped the bandages held on by a pin from his hoof and noted that it seemed largely healed. ‘Well this one’s looking good, let’s get the other one off.’ Another unwrapping later, and it was clear that at least his hooves no longer needed any special wrappings. ‘I think your hooves are good to go, Alex.’
‘Hoofsies am bettah? Tank ‘ou doctah. Du dis mean no-noes am otay, too?’ Alex asked as looked down at his bandage wrapped around his lower torso. Linda got out some scissors and some additional tools from her kit as she began to cut the bandages off.
‘Well, let’s find out. I’ll need you to let me look at it again, if you please.’ After a few moments, Alex let her see, and she checked the sutures, noting they looked well enough they could probably come out. ‘I think I can take them out, Alex, but still no special huggies for at least several bright times. I’ll apply some more ointment to keep the healing going, but bandages are going back on once I’m done. Alright?’
‘Otay doctah, tank ‘ou.’ Alex breathed a bit of relief as she said this, but it was short lived.
‘But, if I’m taking them out, you’re going to feel some pain again. Can I give you something to ease the pain while I take them out?’ Linda held up the syringe as she waited for him to decide. Alex had long since gotten used to pointy owwies and he knew hers weren’t bad ones, so he nodded without much complaint.
‘Otay, am fine.’ Rather quickly she stuck him in the groin, giving things a minute to take effect. ‘Owwie!’
‘You’re doing great, Alex. You’re a lot less skittish than a lot of my other patients, even some humans.’ She chuckled as she began to cut and remove the stitches carefully.
‘Skittish?’ Alex asked. ‘Oh, it means… scared, I guess. You’re good at braving it out.’ Linda complimented him as he tried to focus on conversing with her, distracting himself from the small bits of pain he could still feel.
‘Awex twy be bwave. Buh nu wan be dummeh eeduh.’ Alex turned his head to the side, letting out a big sigh.
‘What’s wrong, Alex? Are you frustrated? Is it about before, Fenrir?’ Dr Neustadt was asking a lot of questions. Alex didn’t really know which one to even respond to, but he thought it out.
‘Nu, nu am too wowwied, buh Awex did bad ting wen was su angwy, an nu wan huwt uddahs nu mowe. An speshul fwen, nu wan speshul fwen be afwaid of Awex eeduh, an wowwy about make speshul fwen wowse too…’
‘We’re almost done.’ Linda smiled a bit as she listened to Alex, knowing now how much empathy and consideration he had. It was a shame he had to spend so much time in that mill, but perhaps Fenrir and Alex were who each other needed all along. ‘You know, Alex, it’s normal to worry about things.’ She continued as he turned his head back to look at her as she spoke. ‘You regret what you did, and I’m glad you do. I’d be more worried if you didn’t think about it. The other thing you’ve gotta know, though, is that Fenrir does need your consideration. He does need your patience, but he also needs you to push him just a bit too.’
‘Push Fenwiwr?’ Alex asked, confused. ‘Yeah, sometimes people get too comfortable in their sadness, too comfortable with pain and they don’t want to move past it. He’s only been dealing with this for a short time, but one day he’s going to have to be strong for himself, and live again. I think you can help him do that.’
‘Tink su?’ Alex asked, again pondering.
‘Yeah, I do. Remember, you can talk to me or Mark too if you have things you don’t feel comfortable talking with Fenrir about. We’re here to listen to both of you.’ She finished pulling out the last stitch as she ended that sentence, slathering some ointment before picking up the bandages to cover him once more. ‘And that about does it. You can go back to normal, and I’ll wrap you up again.’
Alex readjusted, happy to have the stitches out. As she wrapped the bandages around his groin again, he heard the bathroom door open, Mark and Fenrir walking into the living room just in time.
‘Speshul fwend! Am Awex otay?’ Fenrir propped himself up on the table with his front hooves, as he looked at Linda pinning the bandages once again.
‘He’s much better, Fenrir’ Linda said, ruffling his mane a bit as she helped Alex up onto his legs. ‘Why don’t you give him a hug? He’s been bravely enduring my handiwork.’
Alex hopped down from the table and Fenrir proceeded to give him a big hug, which Alex happily returned. ‘Still, don’t hug him too hard. He’s doing alright, but he’s got a few more bright times to go.’
‘Otay doctah wady, tank ‘ou fow hewp speshul fwend.’ Fenrir rubbed up against Linda as he way back over to Mark with Alex.
‘Uh, Mark’ Linda began, ‘I still wanted to talk to you about something privately. There’s been a development.’
Mark got a worried expression on his face at the words, but nodded slowly. ‘Boys, I need to talk to the doctor for a few minutes, can you two go to your room until we’re done? I’m going to step outside and see Linda out.’
‘Otay daddeh, bai doctah wady.’ Both of them called out as they walked away, slowly. Alex paused for one more moment, though, giving Linda a nod and a smile in appreciation as he went out of sight.
Dr Neustadt quickly gathered her things from the table and returned everything to her bag, following Mark to the porch where they could discuss the situation without tipping off either fluffy.
‘What’s going on? Did you figure something else out? It’s not Priscilla again is it?’ Mark was pacing as he worried about all the possibilities that could exist for what Linda may have been about to tell him.
‘Slow down, Mark’ Linda sighed, shutting the door behind her. ‘It’s not that bad, and Priscilla’s out of the picture now. You won’t have to worry about her ever again if I had to bet.’
‘Sorry, I’m just worried about something else happening. Not sure we need anything else right now. One rape is hard enough to deal with…’
‘Two’ Linda chimed in.
‘Oh give me a break, Linda.’ Mark wasn’t amused at her pedantry.
‘Fine, fine. It’s Lemon. I was running tests on her, and well, we were certainly right about her being derped. There are signs of head trauma and substantial brain damage. But that’s not really what I wanted to discuss with you.’ Linda took a deep breath as she prepared to brace him for the big item. ‘Lemon’s… pregnant.’
‘What? Pregnant? But… Fenrir said she just held him down. Did she rape him too? Why are you telling me this, Linda? I don’t need to hear this.’ Mark was roiling, kicking the railing in frustration.
‘I don’t know what to say, Mark. It could be that Fenrir was so shocked he didn’t realise. Either way I thought you should know. We can terminate the pregnancy, it’s certainly early enough on. I wanted to give you the opportunity to talk about it with Fenrir rather than just make decisions on my own. Don’t make me regret that, Mark.’
‘No, I… do thank you for telling me. But, how can I say anything to Fenrir? It’s just going to upset him again. If he has to find out he wasn’t just violated once, but twice?’ Mark quickly sat down on the short stairs, collapsing his head into his hands. ‘So much to handle…’
Linda sat down beside him as she patted him on the back. ‘Mark, look, he’s doing much, much better. You and Alex have been helping him a lot. He’s stronger than he looks, you both just need to let him learn to stand on his own. I know he’s sensitive, and he had a lot of heartache his whole life, but he’s grown up. And whether we like it or not, they’re his kids he has to make a choice about. Lemon can’t. If we go through with the birth, I’m going to have to make sure she’s looked after. There’s no way she could get to term on her own—she’d likely lose the babies long before then.’
Mark listened as she talked, knowing she had a point. Ultimately the decision was going to be Fenrir’s. If he made it without consulting him, he’d be denying him the choice just as Priscilla had done.
‘Alright, I’ll tell him. I don’t think I can until the morning, though. I need to work up my resolve.’ He got up, and went back to the door leaving his hand on the doorknob as he watched Linda prepare to leave.
‘Good, but don’t wait too long, Mark. I’ll call you tomorrow to get the answer. Good luck…’
As she got into her car, Mark waved his hand, and returned inside. He leaned against the inside of the door as he heard her drive away, wondering how he was going to break it to Fenrir. I guess there’s not much I can do except give it to him straight up. Maybe he’ll be alright with not having the babies, seems like something that would be painful to be reminded of, considering their origin.
There wasn’t much left to do, though. Tomorrow would hopefully be the final fallout of everything that had happened since the fateful encounter.
Mark and his two boys spent several hours hanging out, listening to music, cuddling on the sofa while watching various programmes. Each of them were happy to be returning to their old lives, though Mark was now aware that it could be just as it was or maybe fundamentally different, depending on what Fenrir would choose and how he would react.
Fenrir was so happy to be close to Alex again, and he didn’t even have his hooves covered any more. This made him very happy, for now he knew that Alex was going to be all better. He wondered how long it would take till his thinkie place was better, but tried not to think too much because it made him sad after a while. Throughout dinner, the three talked and smiled, Alex and Fenrir cooing and nuzzling. For Fenrir, he was becoming excited at the prospect of sleeping with Alex once more. Maybe they could even sleep alone tonight, seeing as he didn’t feel scared like he did before.
Bedtime approaching, he decided to ask Mark if it would be okay to go back to his room with Alex. ‘Daddeh, can Fenwiwr an Awex sweep in own bedsies dis dawk time? Wuv daddeh, buh miss aww bedsies too.’
‘Sure thing, Fenrir. That’s perfectly fine, sound okay with you, Alex?’
‘Yus, ob cawse, wuv sweep wid speshul fwen.’ Alex nuzzled Fenrir as he replied, Fenrir nudging Alex to follow him to their room. Mark was pleased that the two were getting on well enough again. Perhaps Linda was right, after all—that Fenrir wasn’t as fragile as he, or even Alex, thought.
Fenrir wasted no time in cuddling up to Alex as they lay down in their bed. Mark made a passing glance at the two as he went to his own bedroom before shutting the door and letting them spend time alone.
‘Miss ‘ou speshul fwend’ Fenrir sighed as he clutched Alex, breathing heavily, feeling him between his legs.
For Alex, it was uncharacteristically like Fenrir, at least lately. Not wanting to misinterpret what Fenrir was saying, he turned around, having been facing away in what was becoming the normal orientation during this awkward time. ‘Speshul fwen?’ Alex asked, hugging Fenrir back. ‘Am hewe, ‘ou wan huggies?’
The realisation that he had been used to having an outlet with Alex for their entire relationship, coupled with the sudden shift for both of them to not having anything at all between them had led Fenrir to realise what he was missing. ‘Fenwiwr nu know. Miss Awex speshul huggies, was scawed, buh miss Awex gud feews.’ He ground into Alex and began kissing him.
It felt really good to Alex, too, but he couldn’t quite go as far as Fenrir might have been wanting to at this point. After spending a minute enjoying this, Alex pulled his face away. ‘Speshul fwen, du wan speshul huggies wid ‘ou too, buh Awex nu can yet. Stiww hav huwties wid no-no stick.’
Fenrir gave a sad expression, but understood. ‘Otay speshul fwend, un’stan. Jus weewy wike gud feews wid Awex.’ He was going to let Alex cuddle him, but Alex smiled and moved, repositioning himself to bring his face towards Fenrir’s no-no stick.
‘Wan moufie gud feews?’ Alex gave Fenrir a lick as he asked, causing Fenrir to grunt from the sensation.
‘Weewy, am otay? Awex can?’ Fenrir asked, wondering if it’d cause problems for Alex somehow. ‘Wut about Awex? Hao can Fenwiwr gib Awex gud feews too?’
‘Am otay speshul fwen, Awex can wait fow speshul huggies.’ He grinned as he took Fenrir’s no-no stick into his mouth, and Fenrir flinched from the incredibly good feels. ‘Ooh!’ Fenrir exclaimed, prompting Alex to briefly stop. ‘Nu, am gud, weewy gud, speshul fwend. Fenwiwr wuhhh…’ Fenrir trailed off as Alex resumed.
Fenrir clutched Alex’s head with his hooves as he began getting closer and closer. It felt much better than any feelings he’d had in as much time as he could remember.
‘Ahh, ah. Gud… gud feews.’ Fenrir breathed out words slowly, panting slightly as Alex continued cleaning him with his mouth. Alex then moved back to face Fenrir, giving him a kiss on the cheek. ‘Feew bettah speshul fwen?’ he asked, as a tear began to fall on Fenrir’s face.
Fenrir felt so good for a few minutes, but now, he was feeling incredibly depressed and worried and he didn’t know why. Alex became concerned, wondering if he was to blame for upsetting him. ‘Speshul fwen? Am ‘ou otay? Did Awex huwt? Am sowwy…’
He wasn’t sure why he felt this way, but Fenrir tried to focus on Alex at that moment. ‘Nu, nu, speshul fwend. Nu know wai feew saddies nao. Wub Awex, an wut Awex do fow Fenwiwr.’ He hugged Alex and nuzzled him, trying to stop the tears, not really crying but still feeling somehow empty and lost.
Alex patted Fenrir as they lay in bed. ‘Am otay speshul fwen, ‘ou an Awex wiww be fine, befow am befow. Awex hab to wememba dat too. Otay?’
Fenrir thought for a minute, realising he felt much worse before. The comfort he felt in Alex’s embrace, the knowledge that things were changing for the better once again—it was enough for him to believe that yes, sadness may be transitory. He was eager to feel free of the pain, and the warmth and soothing feeling of Alex next to him allowed him to drift off to sleep, already feeling drowsy. It was enough to lose himself in.
Tossing and turning in the night, though not uncommon for Mark, was all he could manage as far as sleep was concerned. The morning came and whatever sleep he managed to achieve was cut meagerly thin. He’d have to tell Fenrir the situation. Did he want to include Alex?
He forced himself out of bed, sighing. Whatever the steps may entail, no, he couldn’t get ahead of himself. The method that always served him well was to only focus on the individual steps in situations where he could barely muster the will to actually go forward.
Mark went to the kitchen and prepared his usual coffee, sitting at the table as he waited for the water to boil. Sighing, he heard the soft patter of hooves coming from the hallway.
‘Daddeh?’ he heard called. It was Fenrir, he could tell by the voice. Fenrir then peered around the archway and slowly walked over towards Mark, coming to sit by his feet.
Mark reached down and rubbed Fenrir’s head, trying a soft smile. ‘Morning, Fenrir. Did you sleep okay?’
‘Yus, daddeh. Am otay, ‘ou sweep otay too?’ Fenrir held out his hooves, and Mark picked him up to sit in his lap. As he gave Mark a hug, he replied. ‘I’m alright, bud. But I have something I need to tell you. Well, we have to talk about something important.’
Fenrir pulled back and looked into Mark’s eyes. ‘Impowtant? Wut is it daddeh?’
‘It’s about Lemon.’
