“Caged within the encircling wire.
Heart, mind, and soul afire.
Afire with longing for things of home.
The glorious heaths once more to roam.”“Thoughts come springing from far away.
Of loves ones kiss, of children play.
Visions of comrades sharing the fight.
Clothed in Khaki a strange garb for a knight.”“Yet each one a crusader against power and lust.
Till evil is humbled to the dust.
Then free once more to roam.
Through flowered fields to an English Home.
All Heartbreak and Sorrow past.
Living in Peace. Perfect at last.”-Victor Tosh
“Alright now I got my phone. Do it again little guy!”
“Smawty Hitwah nu am wittle! Smawty Hitwah an FUHWEW!”
The two teenagers erupted in laughter. The smarty unicorn looked back at them, angered. The makeshift uniform they’d put on him was uncomfortable enough, and the black square they’d drawn on his upper lip made his nose burn.
“WY ‘OU WAFF AT DE SMAWTY FUHWEW! ‘Ou say Hitwew wood be bettah smawty wif nu namie and wuniform!”
The boys erupted in laughter again.
“Comon man just do it for the tiktok! Lots of fluffies will see it and know who their…” he covered his mouth, giggling. “…Fuhrer is.”
The Smarty growled. Sticking his front hoof straight in the air, he shouted: “SMAWTY HITWEW AM ‘OU FUHWEW! AWW FWUFFIES WIWW WISTEN TU FUHWEW! FWUFFIES HU NU WISTEN WIWW GET HUWTIES AN’ FOWEBA SWEEPIES! SEEG HAIW!”
Unable to contain themselves, the teenagers erupted again. So much laughter they could barely breathe.
It was a week ago when they’d gone to the fluffy mart looking for just the right one to play the part. It was easy, as stores were always looking to get rid of raging smarties. They found just the right one on a lower shelf. He was already 75% off, and listed as snake-food. He had a light-gray coat with a black mane, already near-perfect. When it ran up to the glass and shouted: “’Ou gib smawty nuu hewd nao! Wif pwetty mawes and nu poopie fwuffies!” They knew it was the perfect one.
They started by combing his hair to the side, then used a sharpie to make the iconic mustache. They’d given him his new name: “Fluffdolf Hitler” and told him he was a “Fuhrer”, a title for the best of smarties. As their tiktok follower count went up, they had him do more. Sticking his hoof up while he was shouting, strutting around high and mighty, and other such mannerisms. They told him that unicorns were the best of the fluffy races, the white ones being the best. And that all other fluffies, especially poopies, were beneath them.
This was all for the tiktok of course. But for the random smarty they’d picked up, it had become his life. He was a member of the “Bestest Race”, many fluffies would one day follow him, and he was the bestest of smarties, no, a Fuhrer.
“This was the best fucking five bucks I’ve ever spent!” One of the boys said.
The Smarty sat down on the table as the teen uploaded the tiktok.
“Wewe am tuffies!?”
The teenager looked up at him, “What?”
“’Ou say Fuhwew gon’ hab wots ob tuffies an’ pwetty mawe!”
“Right! Yeah!” The boy said.
“Fuhrers always have a special friend!” His friend shouted behind him. “They’re called an Eva.”
“Eba?” The smarty said. “Fuhwew Hitwah hab special fwiend nam’ Eba?”
“That’s right!” The boy said. “You’ll find her eventually, but for now let’s get you fed and cleaned up for our next round of-
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
The two boys looked to the door.
“Stay here… Hitler.”
The Smarty scoffed at them and continued strutting in circles, practicing his poses.
The two teenagers went to the door.
“I didn’t order anything, did you?”
“No, and besides my mom’s not gonna be back until Saturday.”
They opened the door.
“Are you James and Dylan? Aka Fluffdolf-underscore-Hitler-sixty-nine?”
“Y-yes.” James stumbled.
The Officer looked down at both of them. “You’re the ones who dressed that fluffy up and made him act like Hitler on Tiktok?”
“Y-yes sir.” James said. “It was for a school project.”
“Uh-huh.” The Officer said, unconvinced. “What kind?”
“We dress animals like historical figures!” Dylan said. “And make them act like them. I mean we did one as Stalin awhile back, he ran off though…”
James turned and glared at him. Not helping!
“I assume you picked the person yourself?” The Officer said. “I don’t rightly believe they got a piece of paper and wrote down the name of a man who killed millions of men, women, and children through warfare, starvation, and industrialized slaughter, and you happened to be the ones who picked it out of a hat?”
“Um…” James stammered, “No… sir.”
“Are you aware of what hate speech is? Because there’s a lot of people who feel very hated by what you’ve uploaded. And a charge like that can be real serious…”
“It was just a joke!” Dylan said.
“Yeah,” The Officer replied. “Can I see him please?”
“Yeah…yeah.” James said. “I’ll go get him while Dylan makes you some coffee!”
With that James zipped off.
“I guess I’ll go get it started.” Dylan said.
“Mmm.” The Officer looked at him through his black sunglasses.
James burst into the living room, luckily out of sight of the doorway.
“Wewe ‘ou been! Hitwew still nu hab baffies!”
“SHUSH!” James said, opening a window.
“NU TEWW FUHWEW TU NU TAWKIES! FUHWEW AM DA BEST SMA-“
James wrapped his hands tight around the smarty. The smarty continued his barrage of insults and yells through his muffled mouth.
“Sorry bud.”
Stepping to the window, James leaned back, and shot forward. Fluffdolf Hitler went flying.
“SCREEE!” The Smarty yelled, flying through the window and into the thick forest just outside, disappearing into the darkness.
“Quite the little Dictator you made.”
James turned to see the Officer standing behind him, Dylan at his side with his head down.
“I’m gonna need you two to come with me.” He said with a smile.
For James and Dylan it was over, but for Fluffdolph Hitler, it had just begun. The Smarty went far into the trees, screaming all the way. Finally he landed on a patch of soft grass.
“DUMMEH HOOMINS FWOWING FUHWEW HITWAH! GON GIB BIGGEST HUWTIES WEN FWUFF FIN’ ‘OU ‘GAIN!”
But in the short time he’d been on the ground, he’d already lost where home was.
“Nu nee’ dummeh hoomins! Am bestest ob smawties! Am FUHWEW!”
The smarty turned around, heading deeper into the large forest.
“Gon get big hewd, wit wots ob tuffies, and speshaw fwiend Eba. An’ gon gib foweba sweepies tu aww bad waces and poopies!”
His rise to power had begun.