“Hey y’all! This here’s yer ol’ pal Benny Bull, the Stump Skunker, an we’re here on the mighty Ogilachi river to answer two of the most frequently asked questions from you the viewer, here on the Ol’ Stump Skunker Fishin’ Show.”
obligatory intro made from poorly edited clips of Benny Bull catching fish and driving his boat, overlaid with banjo music
“Now today, we’re gonna talk about Fluffy Fishin’. Now they’s two ways you could mean the words fluffy fishin’, you might mean fishin’ for fluffies, or you might mean fishin’ with fluffies, an we’re gonna cover 'em both.”
“The best bait that I’ve found for fishin’ for fluffies is this great stink bait made by Franco-American, it’s jus’ a dollar a can, and it’s cawled"
The Stump Skunker reads the can slowly
“Sketti flavured mini-meatballs. 'Course you know if you’ve spent any time around fluffies, and lemme tell ya, I have. Mah granddaughter got one this last Christmas and totes that little sh”
there’s a shrill beep and a fast edit
"just about everwhaer she goes. But if you spent any time aroun’ fluffies you know they just go nuts for sketties. So that’s what makes these mini-meatballs the perfect bait.”
“Now we’re gonna use a different kinda hook for each of these types of fluffy fishin’, but this part can be done with a simple J hook, or you can use a treble hook if you spot a whole mess of fluffies you wanna go fer.
You pick ya out about three meatballs per hook and slide ‘em on thar makin’ sure to cover up awla that metal hook. Now I referred to this as a stink bait and PHYOOOO WEE it surely is. This stuff is rank! But it’s guaranteed to bring them fluffies a-runnin’.
If you’re fishin’ close to th’ bank like we are here today, you won’t need to worry about a bobber, but if’n you cain’t git closer’n 20 or 30 feet from the shore, then you might wanna use a bobber to keep the fluffies from drowning 'fore they reach the boat.”
The Stump Skunker whispers to the camera
“Now take ya a gander out thar in that field, and you’ll see about four or five uhdem fluffies. I c’n hear 'em tawlkin, so that means they’re probly the right size for the next part of our video. Suh I’m jus gonna…”
he casts the bait so that it lands just shy of the patch of fluffies as they play in the grass
One of the fluffs sniffs at the air, and loses interest in cuddling with his brother
“Hey, wussat smeww?”
“Huh?”
“Yuh, me smeww dat tu”
The tiny yellow fluff shouts with glee “IT SKETTIES!” before she bolts into the tall grass to find the treat.
The rest of the pack follows suit.
The cameraman turns his lens back to the fisherman, focusing on the line.
When it goes taut, Benny gives it a sharp tug, that is answered by a shrill little scream from the field. He quickly reels the fluffy in.
Now the cameraman can see the fluffy being pulled along the ground, bouncing and tumbling as it’s yanked toward the boat, and gasping for breath as it tries to scream.
“Now this part here is the most important. If you’re close to the shore, you can jus’ give 'em a little tug when they reach the bank,
he demonstrates, reeling even more quickly as the fluffy flies through the air
"an it jus plops down next to yer boat, purty as you please.”
He holds the struggling, whimpering fluffy up for the camera. The hook has ripped open part of the fluffy’s neck, and one eyeball dangles from it’s optic nerve.
“Now this one here is a bit too big fer what we wanna do next, but if we give the fluffies a few seconds to fergit about what they jus’ saw we c’n porbly catch us another un.”
He unceremoniously tosses the blue colt into the water and lets it drown.
He had no problem tricking two more fluffies into taking the bait.
“These things are just as dumb as the day is long, I tell ya.”
Finally he seems satisfied with the size of fluffy he has on the hook, and he uses a pair of pliers to remove the metal.
The fluffy mistakes this for kindness and thanks him over and over.
“Now fer this next part, we need ta use a deep throated bait-holder hook, available at Bass Pro Shops, sponsor of the Ol’ Stump Skunker Fishin’ show, you you kin pick ya some up at
dubbayuh dubbayuh dubbayuh dot the ol stump skunker fishin show dot com slash Shop”
“Fank ou soo much missuh, dat awful sketti twap gib Chugapwum wotta wowstes owies in moufies”
“You wanna feel around with yer thumb ta find the very bottom of it’s ribcage, and poke the hook in there”
The cameraman captures the tiny look of betrayal on Sugarplum’s face, instantly knowing he would need to add it to the intro video before the next season.
“then you push the hook way to the back of the fluff”
“YYEEEEIIIII!!!”
“and then pull it up towardst the head”
the fluffy gasps and wheezes, coughing up blood
“and now here’s the important part. A lot of people make the mistake of letting that hook stay inside the neck. Well if you do that, then when you get a bite and you tug on the line, that hook’s tip will just get stuck in the fluffy’s head. So what you do here is jus pull back on it’s mane”
the fluffy manages one more bubbling scream
"and you let the tip of the hook come out of the neck and rest right here under it’s chin. See how it caint put it’s head down? If it has to look straight up yer line, you’ve got it just right.”
As the Stump Skunker demonstrates his fluffy bait-hooking method, the two dead foals float in the background, being nibbled at by fish.
Now the fisherman turns toward the middle of the river, and casts out into the center of the water. A tiny squeal tapers off into the distance before the fluffy plops into the rushing current.
“You’ll notice that I did not put a bobber on the line, 'cause we want this fluffy ta sink way on down in tha deep water, and git carried along by the current.”
A few seconds later the line is pulled taut and Benny Bull spends the next ten minutes fighting with a very large catfish.
This is generally considered to be the best part of any fishing show because during these times the host rarely speaks.
