Hobby Horse
Chapter 10
New Toys
written by:
skettiswipuw
Billy never thought he’d actually miss going to school. But it was so fucking boring being at home when everywhere was closed due to the pandemic.
Billy’s phone chirped at him. A text message from Tommy.
“fond fluffie heard in woods. Come to stilt house. Bring pickle jar and toys”
Finally! Something to fucking do!
“Uh, mom, I’m gonna go out to the woods with Tommy and the other guys.”
“Alright, but you be sure to wear a mask and take extra gloves with you.”
“Okay” Whatever.
Billy grabbed his ‘special’ backpack from the closet.
Nobody knew who had built the stilt house. It was a shoddily constructed A-frame that sat on top of eight foot high poles, next to the creek. You had to watch the stairs because three or four of them had rotted to the point where they were ready to collapse. Inside it smelled like mold. There was a modest pile of beer cans and cigarette butts in one corner. There were old blood and shit stains on the floor, and part of the walls.
Tommy and Cameron were already inside, talking over a cardboard box.
The box was talking back at them.
“Whoa!” Billy was impressed. It really was a whole herd of fluffballs. They weren’t as big as the ones that were raised on a farm. A green unicorn was huddled in the corner with it’s horn smashed in. It was still breathing. Barely. A lavender mummah was hugging the unicorn desperately; Certain her bestest huggies would save her special friend. There were five or six tiny little ones chirping worriedly at their mother, more than a dozen talky fluffs running to and fro, trying to find some way out of the box, or threatening many worstest things to their captors.
Cameron had stolen some tobacco and filtered tubes from his dad, and he was packing the loose leaf into one of the papers. “Hey Billy, did you bring any chopsticks?”
“Yeah, definitely”
Billy set the bag down and started unpacking it.
A huge glass pickle jar, half a box of chopsticks, a ball of nylon twine, a roll of duct tape, a high-power flashlight with batteries, half a box of matches, a few tent pegs, nails, a hammer, two pocket knives, pliers, fishhooks, some old syringes he’d found in the gas station bathroom, Tabasco sauce, salt and pepper, and assorted knick-knacks.
Cameron took one of the chopsticks and used it to pack the tobacco into the tube. When he finished one cigarette he handed it off to Tommy, who lit it.
“So which one do you want first? Cam wants the fat yellow mare in the corner, and I’m gonna take the blue smarty in the middle.”
Billy already had plans in mind.
“I want the chirpies.”
Timmy held the burning end of the cigarette close to the green unicorn’s remaining eye, and it flinched back, struggling to move away.
“Nuh! Nuh! Nu huwtie mowe! Puhsasho sowwy! Nuh buwnies!” blood and shit squeezed out of the unicorn’s backside.
“Oh, I guess Pistachio isn’t such a big tuffy fluffy anymore, huh?”
“Pweese nu mowe huwties fuh speciaw fwiend! Him needs huggies and wub!”
“Jeez, there’s no way I’m listening to that shit any longer.” said Cameron as he picked up the pliers and leaned over into the box. He forced the mother’s mouth open and grabbed her tongue with the tool. With a twisting tug, a large chunk of her tongue ripped away from her mouth. The mare screamed, and choked on blood. He dropped the tongue in front of the foals.
“Here ya go kids! Enjoy your sketties!”
“Just don’t kill her yet. I want her to watch.” spoke Billy
Cam picked up one of the tent pegs and pressed it into the belly of the yellow mare. It immediately started protesting
“Nu, nu huwt tummie-bebbehs!”
“Tummy babies? Score! This one’s pregnant!”
He pressed the tent peg harder until it popped through her skin, and out her back, and lifted her up on the stake.
“I know just where to put you”
he headed out the door, down the rickety steps, and back up the trail to a fire ant mound, and staked her to the top of it. In an instant, ants were swarming over the mare, pinching and stinging everywhere. They instinctively knew to find the most tender places. The mare screamed until ants were in her eyes, and nose, and mouth, jamming their stingers into every crevice. Her belly started to convulse, and a tiny premature chirpie crawled out of her twat, falling into the pile of ants. The mare thrashed about when she heard it’s desperate peeping.
“Mewe wittle babbeh! Mummah gib yu wub and huggies.” she cried “m…mummah need huggies tu!!”
Timmy picked up the foals that nobody had called yet, and unceremoniously dumped them into the pickle jar. The pile of fluffs mewled and pleaded to be let out. The smartie Timmy had picked as his own special toy was stamping and puffing at him.
“Wet dem bwuvvuhs un sissies gu! Yu gon’ get wuwstes stompies un sowwy poopies!”
“Hey, you’re quite the shit talker. Okay, I’ll let them go. Just as soon as you eat your dinner.”
The smarty looked horrified at the bloody chunk of tongue, and back at the tormentor.
“Ohhh no, you’re not getting that. That’s a special treat for a good fluffy.”
He picked up the smarty in one hand, and one of the jar foals in another. He pressed the foal’s anus up to the smarty’s mouth and squeezed.
“Eat-up, shit talker!”
The smarty pinched her eyes closed when her brother’s poopie-place was shoved in her face. She gasped for air, but found herself trying to breathe a sticky-smelly glue that filled her throat. She retched and coughed. Suddenly there was another poopie-place in front of her, and her mouth was squirted full again. She swallowed, gasped, and cried for help.
Billy’s hand hovered over the chirpies. He watched the mummah’s eyes and touched a finger to them all, one-by-one. She was the most horrified when he touched the middle one. It had to be her bestest baby. He picked up the infant and saw that he had the mother’s foa…err…her full attention. He started tossing the peeper in the air and catching it. Mummah’s tear-streaked eyes followed it up, and down, and up and down. She tried to mutter a plea, but without a tongue it just sounded like “buh-muh! buh-muh!”
“This one must be your favorite.”
The mare nodded vigorously and wiggled her little arms at him, begging for her chosen child.
“Okay, you can have it back.”
a glimmer of hope shone in the mother’s eyes
“Just as soon as you… eat your other babies.”
Tommy picked up the pack of fishhooks. Each of them had a line attached to them at the factory for ease of use. He made a loop in the line, and picked through the jar of foals until he found a little colt. It struggled and kicked, messing up his first attempt, so he grabbed one of it’s back legs and gave it a little tug. The leg tore away with sickening ease. With that out of the way he was able to slip the loop of fishing line over the fluff’s little no-no stick and tightened it down. It cried and shouted for it’s mother as Tommy lifted it up, and hung the fish hook from a rafter, letting it dangle there like a Christmas ornament. Soon two more colts joined the first, swinging and wailing.
Cameron was using the tip of the pliers to pop eyeballs out of the little mare’s heads, one eyeball each. He pulled them away and pinched the optic nerve with the metal jaws.
“Can’t have special sketties without the meat balls!”
he gathered these up next to the tongue.
Billy held the chirper out to the mother, just out of her reach.
C’mon. You can have him back, but you know what you have to do first.
The sobbing, blood-streaked mare rolled onto her belly, and crawled to the lesser babies. She looked at one, and the other. Her chin trembled, and she muttered something. It sounded like ‘mummah sowwy’.
She picked the brown foal up and tried to maneuver it into her mouth, but without a tongue it was pretty difficult, she had to thrash her head around. For a moment she choked on the morsel and coughed it up, realizing she wasn’t going to be able to swallow it whole…she was going to have to…chew…it.
“Huuuuuuu!” she whimpered as she bit through the tiny squeaker. Minuscule bones crackled between her teeth. She bit down on the head, and it erupted in her mouth, like an egg.
She swallowed, and then continued to wail.
“See, that wasn’t so bad? But I can’t imagine it tasted very pretty. Let’s make the other one a bit tastier” Billy whispered malignantly, shaking the bottle of hot sauce all over the chirpy baby. It screeched as the red sauce dribbled into it’s eye. The mother shook all over as she approached the spicy pile of tears that was her second-bestest baby. When she hesitated, Billy started squeezing the chirpy in his hand. When it cried out, the mother hurriedly bit into the spicy baby, squinting her eyes closed as she forced her way through the horrible task.
Billy’s grin grew wider.
Hobby Horse
Chapter 10.1
Meen bois
written by:
skettiswipuw
It was late in the afternoon when the mean boys had tired of their fun, and tossed most of the fluffs, or their corpses, into the creek. They left a couple in the stilt house just because those were still squirming or crying.
The trio walked back toward their homes along the old country road.
A road which just so happened to take them past the Miwk & Huggies Fawm.
Tommy noticed it first.
There was a box truck backed up to the barn, and half a dozen men were unloading things from it. The item coming down the ramp now was a Samsung 4K LED TV. It looked longer than the men carrying it were tall.
And they were putting it…in a barn.
That certainly wasn’t all they were putting in the barn. There were rolls of hardware cloth, boxes of screws, lumber, ten different cans of paint, a specialty door, a roll of shag carpet, a TV antenna…
but it was that TV that had really caught the boys’ attention.
“Hey guys. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” grinned Billy
“Maybe.” Cameron pondered “But we don’t have a truck to fit that TV into. We’d have to carry it!
“Noooo!” Tommy explained “They got that TV for a bunch of fluffies. A bunch of brain damaged, worthless, shit-rats. They got it just so they could play fluffTV for the wittwe bebbehs.” he mockingly sneered.”
An idea started to form in Billy’s head.
“But maybe we should make it play something else for the wittle bebbehs.” he whispered
“A 75”, ultra high def TV…
…just so fluffies can watch FluffTV.”
Bob was astonished as the movers carried it through the barn door
“I’m sure some person at Best Buy got a good commission on this.
Gahddamn I’m going to have to take down these shelves just to hang this thing up!”
Bob checked the manifest, confirming each piece of the delivery, and walked the truck out to the gate, warning fluffies away from the wheels, which they invariably seemed to gravitate towards. They didn’t seem to hold the Metal Munstahs in such high regard if the beasts were a’sweepin.
Another truck was delivering lumber in the upper field. A 18’ x 30’ section was marked out for digging a foundation. Bob had no idea what that was for. It must be for something Mrs. Cooter found on Pinterest.
Those three boys that had asked if they could scrounge fluffs out of the garbage; They were out at the road, watching all of the hubbub. They jabbered to one another, pointing out this, and miming shooting at that. Bob didn’t have any right to be mean to them yet, but he could tell that these boys were trouble, and that their attention is precisely what he didn’t want on his farm.
He stood up on the back of the truck gate elevator, and waved to them with a wide smile.
Just to be sure that they knew he’d seen them.
They halfheartedly waved back, and after a few minutes they decided to continue down the road.
“Just keep walking, boys.” he muttered, before continuing to unload the truck.
“That TV has to be seven feet wide!”
“It said 75-inch on the side. That’s diagonal. But that doesn’t matter.” Billy smirked
“It’s easily worth a grand!” muttered Cameron
“Yeah, it is. But it’s a lot more interesting to leave it sitting in that fluffy barn.”
……
Cam and Tommy were stunned.
“We…we’re…not gonna steal it?” Tommy managed to mutter
“Nope. Oh, hey, have either of you guys seen Fluffies of Death?”
and now Cam and Tommy were confused.
Cam chimed in “You mean the fluff-snuff film? Hell yeah I’ve seen it twenty times! That part where they make the fluffy eat a piece of it’s own brain is fuckin’ Classic!”
Billy nodded. “Yeah. It’s a work worthy of…sharing.”
The TV was the number one request Mrs. Cooter had made. She had spent more than a tenth of her new earnings on it, and expected to see it up and running by the evening. There was no time to take down shelves, so he set up the antenna, and ran a cable through the door way, leaving it cracked open so the fluffies could have their TV on the very first night. Just like Mrs. Cooter had promised.
That task wasn’t easy but about an hour after he’d stopped to top off the fluffy water and feed troughs (and carry Gus in from his duty station) he turned the TV on, and found the FluffTV channel for the kids.
A dozen or so of the fluffs had been watching him through the entire job. Some of them reported back to the others when he had made the most minuscule of victories. They all cheered. Every time. For the next hour…
So by the time Bob got the TV turned on, and tuned in, all four of the herds were crowded into the barn to see the new wonder.
The first thing to be shown on the incredibly large screen…was, naturally, a commercial.
“Hey y’all, this here’s yer ol’ pal the Stump Skunker, Billy Bull, and ya’ll shoud tune in on Saturdie mornin ta see me catch us a mess of fish. And occasionally a few pieces of soap. Y’all c’mon down see here, ya hear,
on the Ol’ Stump Skunker Fishin’ Show,
Public Access channel 42.
Bright primary colors flare on the screen and all the babies in the front row gasp when their entire field of vision is filled up with the most garish and nauseating propaganda that has ever been put to film.
-Or that’s what Bob considered it to be.
From the first moment they were all awestruck. Tummies were rumbling among the audience even though their kibble was mere inches away.
Babies weren’t even crying for their milk simply because they didn’t want to miss a moment of the magic screen.
And the Cooter expected him to leave this going all day and night?
Bob located Panini huddled with the other stallions. He walked up behind the fluff, and wrapped his hands around Panini’s chest to pick him up.
”Whu! Wut goin on!? Panini gud fwuff! Pwomise! Alway…
“Shh! You’re not in trouble. I need your help.”
“s…makin gud poopies un te”…
“Dammitall, PANINI!”
“wwin be”…Yes Suh!?” the fluff whimpered and tried to turn away from missuh fawmew Bawb…
Bob tried not to grin, and spoke softly
“I said, I need your help, please.”
”…Oh…Otay!”
Bob took Panini back to his office. Gus was waiting there. All the noise from the next room had him incredibly excited
“Missah fawmew Bawb, MISSAH FAWMEW BAWB!” the toolbox-clad fluffy just about made his box move with his excited jerking about. “wuu, wut am in dewe!? Fwuf…uh…enfie paw wanna see tu! huuuuuu…”
Gus, please, just give me a minute. I need to make your sketties, and tonight Panini is eating with us, so I have to make a little more.
So there were Panini and Gus on top of the work bench.
Panini tried to look anywhere but into Gus’ eyes, and Gus only tried to look at Panini.
“Hi Puhneenee!”
”Uh, Hi, 'spawagus”
“Missah fawmew Bawb sey it jus’ Gus nows.”
“Kay, Gus.” Panini still wouldn’t look at his face. “How you doin’, Gus?”
“Gus am weawwy gud! And Panini be weawwy gud tu! We gonna git sketties!”
Yuh, Puneenee weawwy 'cited fow dem sketties…
“Puhneenee is vewy kind fwuffy. Him nawt mean ow huwty when him use enfie baby. Fank ou Puhneenee”
for just a moment Panini looked back at Gus
…he could have chosen from a hundred words.
Panini was quite a verbose little fluff.
So he said
“'Kay”
“Puhneenee not teww Gus him get sowwy poopies, ow sowwy hoofies. Puhneenee ib…wut da wowd?..Puhneenee ib Gentwe. Puhneenee ib gud. Him come see Gus inny-tiem!” the enfie pal actually laughed and grinned at the… incredibly confused fluff next to it.
“'Kay, uh…Gus.” Panini swallowed, and actually smiled back.
Maybe Panini hadn’t lost a friend after all…
Bob was quite hurried tonight
“Alright boys, sorry for the late meal, but your sketti is reddi!”
Both of the fluffs giggled at the rhyme. Panini gasped when his paper plate of heated bucket-spaghetti was put in front of him.
Gus thoughtfully closed his eyes and raised his chin as Bob scooped directly from the cooking pot to his trough, adding the sauce with another scoop, and then a handful of cheese. Not cheese-flavored topping, but actual Cheese, to Gus’ dinner.
Panini noticed the fact that Gus wasn’t surprised at this.
Gus expected it.
This was now Gus’ life.
Uh, Panini cleared his little throat Uh, missa faw…
“Yeeees, you’re getting real cheese too, Panini.” Bob groaned, but smiled
Bob took the remainder for himself, and the trio had a warm meal together.
Bob finished his meal first, and he leaned back in his wooden chair to have a cigarette.
These were his two Best boys. At first, he’d had to make them believe that he meant business.
Now they believed him.
And more than that,
because he had followed through on his promises,
they believed in him.
These two were his disciples.
When the cigarette was burned down to the butt, Bob stubbed it out on the side of his chair.
“Panini” Bob carefully crooned, trying not to startle the fluff.
The young stallion looked up from his plate with a nearly-full mouth.
As he spoke the noodles fell out.
“Yus fawmuh Bawb?”
“Panini, tonight I’m giving you the most important job of your life.”
the colt trembled.
”Y…yuh? 'Kay. Puneenee kin hendwe it…buh…wut am jawb?
“Panini, I want you to to call me if there’s any trouble on the farm.”
”Inny twubble…” the fluff dutifully repeated
“Yes. Any Trouble. If you can not handle it by yourself, I want you to call me.”
”'Kay! Ib Puneenee no can handwe it, him caww missuh fawmuh Bawb!
“Yes! That’s exactly what I mean.”
Night fell upon the farm.
Bob left around midnight. He expected to come back later on.
Panini was a little early on the draw when he called Bob to report mummahs that weren’t feeding their babies because they were too busy watching TeeVee.
But as the early hours wore on, more and more of the fluffies passed out next to their fences inside the barn.
Panini also fought to keep hims see-pwacies open. Him wubbed his eyes with both front hoofies, and then wooked awound.
His vision was dominated by the incredibly large screen in front of him.
All of the shadows in the room were taken up by the presence of this enormous screen.
He couldn’t take his eyes away from it, because there really was no “away” anymore.
The screen was life
The screen was love.
The screen waaaaaaaaaaaaassssSSSNAP OUT OF IT!
Fluffies are counting on you Panini.
Your herd is counting on you. …
Farmer Bob is counting on you.
Panini’s breath came in little, determined huffs.
“Look at 'em. They have no idea what’s in store” Cam giggled as he pulled the barn door open.
Any other night the sheer screech of the hinges would have awakened a hundred eyes in this barn.
But tonight not a single open eye was torn away from the screen. The eyes that were closed dreamed of the screen.
Only two of the fluffies in this barn registered the fact that three teenagers were sneaking into their midst.
The rest were in thrall to the big giant head on the big giant screen.
“I expect them to come right in the front door when everyone is asleep.” Bob had said
Poor Panini wasn’t the worst watchman ever, but right now he was far from his best. He was wobbling on his feet, due to lack of sleep.
And in the three hours since Bob had left the shop; He hadn’t had a full 30 minutes without a call from Panini.
“This is Bob.”
“Bawb! uh…missuh…fawmuh…”
“Panini get to the point!”
“Um…kay…dewe awe meen boysies in da bawn.
Bob paused
“The mean boys from a few days ago?
“Yuh! Saem meen bois!”
“I’ll see you in a couple of minutes.”
So Bob began to get dressed again. He sleepily slipped a shirt over his head
This was a night when he should have just stayed in the barn with the herd.
Bob huffed a lot like a fluffy would, and pulled on his jeans.
“Not sure why I even tried to leave the farm, tonight!”
Bob gave a slight ‘huuuuu’ under his breath.
And out the door he went.
Hey! shouted Panini, partly to wake himself up
Uh Sed HEY!
The three boys took note of the half-awakened pile of fluff, but chortled and continued their work.
Panini tried desperately to remember Bob’s instructions. This odd plastic thing next to him wasn’t helping…oh, Oh yeh! Fawmew Bawb sed caww him!”
Panini prized the two halves of the clamshell phone open. Bob had told him that the phone was set up so that all he would need to do is hold his hoofie on the middle button.
The blonde stallion stompied down on the button with all his might and held it there.
“What’s up, Panini”
the fluff hurriedly whispered the problem to the farmer
“I’ll see you shortly”
Shortly
Who knew what shortly meant.
Right now bullies were invading their fluffy home, and Panini meant to take action against them.
“HUY! MEAN BOYSIES!” Panini tried his best to make himself sound tough and capable.
Unfortunately he merely sounded like a fluffy acting tough.
But it was enough to get the attention of two of them.
The dark hair boy kept reaching around the TeeVee, but the blondie boy and red-hair boy lashed out at Panini.
The poor fluffy shrieked because he couldn’t handle the thought of being hurt, even if it was in service to the herd.
Tommy stompied on Panini’s face. Cameron kicked him in the side…
Billy got the special video to play on the wall-sized screen.
The enthralled fluffies began to wake up when dark, hurty music started coming out of the speakers.
Moments later every fluff had their eyes on the screen
And then the hurty pictures began.
The very first scene was of three fluffies being hanged by their necks, on the very same string.
They lifted off the ground in succession, 1, 2, 3! And there they dangled, desperately pawing at their necks.
The meen bois slipped out the door chortling.
Hundreds of fluffies were watching what was happening on the screen.
Only Panini had his eyes on these poor fluffs. He groaned and wondered what Farmer Bob would do…
There was a rope from this center of the room, to one side.
Panini followed it down.
To someone experienced in using a hitch point, this was a goddamn sloppy job.
To Panini, this had to be the most exquisite knot ever made.
If you left your earbuds in your pocket for a hundred days, that knot still couldn’t compare to the one Panini was facing.
So instead he chomped at the rope that held the three fluffies in the air.
He heard their every whimper and moan.
Bravely, Panini tried to sever the rope.
But it took farmer Bob yanking the door open, and cutting the string wit his pocket knife before those three fluffs were on solid ground again.
On the screen there was a scene of fluffies on a ramp, sliding down into a funnel, and being ground into “hamburger”.
“HEY BABIES!” Bob shouted. This didn’t go quite as well as he had planned because the video had given the fluffies plenty of reason to doubt their imprinted “daddeh” and “mummeh”
Bob only had one course of action. He leapt forth toward the TV
and wrapped his fingers around the side, pressing the first button he happened to find.
The screen went dark.
The eyes of many of the fluffies went dark, too.
“Mummah? Wan…miwkies, pwease”
“Whewe bestest babbeh gone?”
“Heu mummah! C’mere bestest babies misses yu!”
Maybe the foals weren’t completely broken from all of this,…
yet others shouted
“Will dem fwuffies be obie kaybies?”
“wut duz finkie pwace taste wike?”
“Nebbuh seen so much boo boo joose.”
Once day Bob would catch those boys and string them up by their testicles.
But for now he had a righteous mess to fix.
The first step was to fix up Panini’s face. The poor boy had gotten his lower jaw dislocated when he stood up to the bullies.
“Panini, look at me. Look into my eyes.”
The whimpering fluff raised it’s countenance up to Bob, thankfully.
“I love you little buddy.”
And with that quiet wish spoken, he yanked the dish cloth Panini was biting down on, to jerk his jaw bone back into place.
Panini shouted when the job was done. He might have peed a little bit too.
But his face felt a hundred times better.
His jaw was back in it’s expected sockets.
Panini stretched his back and gave a great big yawn that would have sent him into agony a few moments before
“You okay, little buddy?”
”Yuh. Fwuffeh am okeh
Panini wasn’t trying to deceive anyone; He was trying to make sure they didn’t spend too much time trying to fix him.
Panini knew that Farmer Bob was the only person that might take this level of interest in him. So he tried his best to hide his hurties from Farmer Bob.
And yet Bob stroked Panini’s belly, and sides, and back, as Panini layed in his lap.
Panini deserved far better,
but right now the fluff couldn’t think of a single thing better
than being rubbed down by his new daddeh.
“Oh, that’s where it hurts, yeah?”
“Yuh, dat wewe Puneenee gut kickies.
“I see. So Panini needs special attention there.”
Panini fell asleep while Bob tried to rub the hurt away.
“Good night little buddy. Bob…”
That wasn’t right.
“…Daddy loves you.”
awwww was hoping em eat fluffy shit for their trouble breakin into someone’s property.