Despite being entirely burnt down at the end of the last episode, Fluffburg-Fluffburough Fluffy Horspital had been rebuilt with alarming speed, much to the actual Dr. House’s horror.
Fluffy House was, once again in Dr. Lady’s Boss’s office, once again being shouted at.
“House! You NEED to treat ALL of the patients in the clinic before doing ANYTHING else! No talking, just go!” The all-white alicorn screams.
Slightly taken aback, Fluffy House leaves the office and walks over to the hospital pharmacy, his cane held limply in his one crumpled up wing, which helped him to walk better…
“Fwuffy Howse nee da dwugs fow da tweetments!” House tells the pharmacist, but he might as well have saved his breath, as the pharmacist had died in the fire in the previous episode and was still very dead, so House just stepped past his charred corpse, which had for some reason been brought back into the new building, and took a syringe and the drugs he needed.
Loading up the syringe, House went from patient to patient in the clinic, injecting each of them in turn with the same needle. Almost immediately they all started having blank stares before exhibiting bizarre reactions, such as sprinting into walls, screaming at windows, and burrowing into the butts of other patients.
House, his clinic work complete for the day, then heads to the hospital auditorium. Waiting for him inside are fifteen fluffies, all in lab coats.
“Fwuffy Howse cawwed yu hewe su yu cud twy owt fow da wowe ob Fwuffy Howse nu hewpah doktahs, since owd hewpah doktah aww fowebah sweepies in da buwnies ob da wast episode!” House declares to the door before opening it, entering the room and saying the same thing to the assembled fluffy doctors.
“Bu Fwuffy Howse nu wan weawn yu namsies, so gon caww yu by numbahs, bu nu ca’ counties dat hi, so jus gon caww yu wandum numbahs. Da pwocess gon’ gu wike dis: Dewe am a pashunt, an Fwuffy Howse an hewpah doktahs nee hewp da pashun! Ib hewpah makie oopsie, den dey fiwed, an nee gu fukki-offies.”
All of the applicants follow House to his conference room, but on the way they are stopped by Dr. Lady Boss.
“HOUSE! DID YOU GIVE ALL THE CLINIC PATIENTS LSD! USING THE SAME NEEDLE NO LESS?!?” Dr. Lady Boss looks like she might actually explode.
“Yus! Dey aww 'cided dat dey nu wongah nee be in cwinic!” House said proudly.
Dr. Lady Boss has a stroke while having a heart attack that is, itself, also having a stroke.
Continuing on one of the applicant doctors stops at a drinking fountain, but starts drowning. Another rushes over to save her, but he drowns too.
They continue for a bit before Black Doctor stops House. He’s pushing a gurney with a new-mummah and her four foals on it.
“Fwuffy House! Dis mummah am yu nu pashun! Hew babbehs nu am gwowin’.”
“Didn’ Bwak Doktah gu fowebah sweepies wast episode?” House asks, ignoring the frantic mummah and screaming foals.
“Ya, bu deathies am tuu wacist, su Bwak Doktah am backies nao.”
House nods at this. “Da weason da babbehs am nu gwowin’ am dat dey am micwo fwuffies- dey nebah 'posed tu gwow any mowe den dis!” House declares triumphantly, before one of the foals drops dead.
“Ow maybe nu am micwo fwuffies…” Black Doctor comments as one of the applicants gets distracted and wanders off.
“Dis a tuff wun.” House agrees.
Later
The applicants and House have finally made it to House’s conference room. One of the applicants, a pegasus mare, hangs back as the others enter until only she and House are still in the hallway.
“Fwuffy Howse am suu hansum!” She tells House, before nuzzling his neck.
“Howse cud get used tu dis!” House says before stomping on one of her front knees, breaking it, and then circling around behind her, mounting her, and butt-raping her, all while she screams in agony.
Once House finishes, he gets off the crying mare and as he enters the conference room calls out over his shoulder, “Yu Fiwed, Nu Swuts.”
Inside the conference room one of the applicants asks House, “Wha’ if babbehs nu getting’ nuff wub?”
“Dat stoopid” House says and goes over to the white board and poops the words ‘Mad cow disease’ onto it with impressive poopsmanship.
“Howse tinkin dat pashun nebah saw cow, su nebah made cow maddies, su hab cow angies deficiency, awso cawwed mad cow disease! We nee fin’ cow an’ mak’ da cow angy su da cow can gib angies tu da pashun!” House says before going out and raping the still sobbing crippled mare a second time, this time through one of her eyes.
A short time later.
“Bu why du Cancah Doktah hab tu mak da cow angwy?” Cancer Doctor asks House, who has managed to get the crippled mare’s skull stuck on his dick and is now dragging her corpse around with him as he walks.
“Cause… Weasons!” House says before looking at the applicants.
“Wewen’t dewe mowe ob yu?”
“Nu, dis da wite 'mount.” One of them, a stallion covered in blood, chewing on a leg bone, says.
“Okay den.” House says as he pushes Cancer Doctor into the pen where a cow is peacefully grazing.
“Yu can du dis Cancah Doktah!” House says as he fires a tazer at the cows butt.
The cow is instantly infuriated, and charges Cancer Doctor, splattering him before he can say anything.
A large pink pony, far too large to be a fluffy, starts backing away from the group of applicants, “You know, I’ve decided that I don’t really want this job and that I’m going to go back to baking for the Cakes, have a nice life.”
House ignores this entirely, calling instead for some of the other applicants to bring over the patient.
“Okay, da cow am maddies nao, bwing da pashuns obah!”
As the wheel the mummah and her three remaining foals over on a little fluffy sized gurney, one of the applicants gets her foot caught under the gurney’s wheel and is dragged under it where she is crushed to death, but since none of the others stop pushing, her corpse just ends up leaving a long red streak on the hospital floor leading to the outside by the hastily erected cow pen.
Once the mummah and her foals are outside, they are set near the pen, and then everyone present waits and watches. Five minutes later another foal drops dead, and of the remaining two, one looks very frail while the other is actually looking a bit healthier. The first one who died seems to have been half eaten.
On their way back one of the applicants starts pushing a random patient in a fluffy sized wheelchair, but then gets distracted and lets go, leaving the wheelchair to continue on and down a flight of stairs, where it kills several fluffies on the floor below. The applicant, realizing their mistake, goes over to the nearest vending machine to get an apology cookie, but gets their hoof stuck, and legend has it that they are still there to this day.
Back in the conference room, House sprays a line of poop through the written ‘mad cow disease’ and turns around to the remaining applicants.
“Du ani ob yu hab ani othah thinkies?” House asks.
“Wha’bout Congenitaw Adweanaw Hypewpwasia?” One of them asks, raising his front hoof.
“OB COWSE!” House shouts. “Quickies! Gib da babbes aww daw minewawocowitcoid!”
The remaining three applicants quickly rush out of the room to the hospital pharmacy, where the first one there finds the right pills somehow and takes them out of the bottle, and eats all the ones she just grabbed.
“Fwuffy nu feww gud.” She says a moment before exploding all over the walls as her blood pressure skyrocketed.
The remaining two fluffies decided to use an IV of the same medication, thinking it safer, so they brought the IV to the patient’s room, where they hooked it up to one of the foals, which promptly exploded as its blood pressure skyrocketed.
Back at his office, House is playing with his cane by tossing it between his wings when his pager goes off. He rushes down to the office of Dr. Lady Boss, where the last two remaining applicants are having sex on her desk right in front of her.
“HOUSE! YOU! THEM! YOU! YOU!” Is all that she manages to say before actually literally catching fire and running out of the office.
House stands there stunned watching as one of the applicants cums into the other’s mouth, and they swallow it.
“Howse undastan nao!”
House bursts into the patient’s room, where the mummah is packing her things, a ball and a block.
“Fwuffy Howse no why yu babbehs nu gwew an aww wen fowebah sweepies! Yu nu gabe dem miwkies!” House says accusingly.
“Oh, dat makie sense.” The mummah says as she stomps on the surviving, brown, foal.
“FWUFFY FINAWWY FOUN YU HOWSE!” The last remaining applicant, who had wandered off earlier, says, as he waddles towards House. He has a bomb strapped to his back. The bomb is labeled: To Fluffy House, From Dr. House.
The explosion levels the newly rebuilt hospital.
I kinda miss TV sometimes. (I mostly just watch Jeopardy with Mom.)