After killing the first of the foals, I was spoiled for choice as to which one to eliminate next. It had to be one that was causing problems. Looking at the camera feed, the rest of the family was well-behaved in the living room. FluffTV was airing more reruns of “Babies!” and “Dancing!”, the family watching eagerly and dancing along. All of her foals save for Bobo (who was just sort of sitting there with a stupid expression) were all lined up side-by-side in front of their mummah, wiggling their tiny bodies to mimic the dance moves they saw on the screen. Dashie, sitting up straight, clapped her upper hoofsies together with joy.
“Yay, teehee! Mummah so pwowd of dancie babbehs!”
Tiny, Corn, Robin, Brutus, Brownie, Dippy, and Pixie just kept on going at it, dancing to their hearts’ content.
Wait.
Where the fuck is Francis?
I bolted to the living room.
“Dashie, where did Francis go?”
“Fwancis am widdwe spwowin’ babbeh! He go pway wit toysies in safewoom an’ say he be back soon!”
Goddammit. I went into the saferoom and there he was, pushing a ball around. This little guy was gonna get himself killed in one way or another eventually, so I figured I should speed up the process. I picked him up.
“Huh? Why upsies? Fwancis wan’ spwowe!”
“It’s okay, Francis. We’re going on an adventure!”
“Yay! Fwancis go on aventuwe an’ be bestest spwowin’ babbeh!”
I brought him to my front porch.
“Alright, Francis. Listen closely. The housie across the street is filled with very fun sights to see. There are sketties, and toysies, and other nice things! You can go explore it and tell your mummah all about it! She’ll be so proud of you!”
“Otay! Fwancis spwowe nyu housie!”
I sat back on the porch with my camcorder, filming closely as he hopped down the driveway and across the street.
“Spwowin’ babbeh, spwowin’ babbeh, spwowin’ babbeh, wookin’ fo-” SPLAT
A car came by at the perfect time and squashed him without even noticing. I got the entire thing on video and began bawling my eyes out from how hard I was laughing. I laughed until my stomach started hurting. I should submit this shit to America’s Funniest Home Videos.
The camera still rolling, I walked over to the splattered mess that was once Dashie’s little explorer. He was reduced to a green stain in the middle of the street, his features hard to make out.
“Dashie, I’m very sorry to say this, but Francis has found a new housie. Don’t worry, he’s with a new mummah and daddeh who love him and will take care of him.”
“Huhuhu… Dashie miss Fwancis… bu’ Dashie am happy dat Fwancis get wotsa wub’ fwom nyu mummah an’ daddeh!”
She was a breeder mare, she must’ve been used to having her babies be taken away. Perfect, she’ll be so easy to just snatch babies away from. She won’t suspect a thing.
==To Be Continued==