“DUMMEH HOOMIN!!! WET GU OF TUFFIE AN’ GIF SKEETIES OW GET SOWWIEST HOOFSIES!!!!!!” the smarty bellows out in the scariest voice ever. Your sissie immediately makes a little scaredy pee-pees on the boxie! All eyes are on smarty and the hoomin.
“Huu huu! Meanie mistah say wiww wet gu of tuffie if tuffie teww mistah whewe hewd is! Nu faiw!!”
The hoomin towers over the herd. He’s wearing a bunch of seemingly-old clothes ready to be thrown away, and has some kind of large case strapped to his back. He simply crouches down, his hand firmly grasping the toughie, who’s flailing hopelessly.
“Unfortunately for you, herd, your idiot friend here picked my cousin’s restaurant to steal from.”
“NU CAWE! WET GU OF TUFFIE!!!”
The smarty then starts giving the hoomin the worstest hoofsies you’ve ever laid eyes on! You start making saddie wawas right there! This can’t be… the hoomin was supposed to save you!
The toughies join in, and suddenly five fluffies are stomping the hoomin’s feet with a ferocity you couldn’t even imagine! This is way worse than any beating smarty has given you! There’s no way the hoomin is going to survive this… which means no new homesies for you and your babbehs and your family… you have the biggest heart hurties! You can feel your tummeh babbehs’ heart hurties too!
They keep stomping the hoomin for at least a whole forever, when they start slowing down.
haff haff “hoomie gu fowebah sweepies yet?” asks one toughie.
Suddenly, the whole herd audibly gasps. The hoomin is completely unscathed. You can’t even tell he was assaulted. He says in a quiet voice:
“You know, if there’s one thing I hate, it’s fluffies who don’t let me finish what I’m saying. Unfortunately for you, herd, your idiot friend here picked my cousin’s restaurant to steal from, and I’m… well, let’s just say, I like to do things to fluffies.”
He suddenly grabs the chest fluff of the toughie he’s holding!
RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPP
The fluff, along with some flesh, comes right off!
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
CRACK CRACK CRACK
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
He begins cracking his ribs with his free not-hoofsie one by one! You think a reasonable hoomin herd would begin running away now, but you’re fluffies and therefore retarded, so your eyes remain glued on the atrocity.
SHKWKSHSW SQUELCH HURKGLGLGL– the man literally tears out the toughies beating heart, and squishes it. It instantly explodes into gore that paints the remaining stallions looking up a deep red.
PFBBFBFBFBFT
That’s the sound of the whole herd making scaredy-poopies.
A terrible silence then takes over the alley, until the hoomin unceremoniously drops the toughie on the floor, tummie sketties now spilling out.
A mare suddenly screams! “MUNSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WUN 'WAY!!!!!” and finally bolts toward the alley entrance, unfortunately the same spot the man is standing at.
FUCKING
KICK
The mare immediately explodes into several globs of viscera, most landing on the ground, but one flies so far as to hit the corner wall!
SPLORCH
It immediately splatters into a disgusting display – her tummeh babbehs explode out of the glob like a technicolor pinata! Some remain on the wall, slowly drawn down by gravity. The rest fall all over the herd, which is still just reeling in shock at what is unfurling. It’s so not pretty! So scary! You can feel your tummeh babbehs writhe and wriggle in pure terror!
“NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!! MUNSTAH MISTAH GIF SPECHOW FWEND FOWEBAH SWEEPIES!!!!!!!!! HATECHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” yells a toughie! With a face full of anger and tears spilling out of his eyes, he immediately starts wailing on the hoomin with his hoofsies again! But the other stallions are just standing there… slowly crawling back even…
The man stares for a few moments, then gently places one foot on the toughie’s tail.
“WHA?? WET GU OF TAIW MUNSTAH!”
grab
RIPCRACKRIP SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE kaff SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
With a not-hoofsie holding onto each side of the fluffy, the hoomin starts pulling him away from his tail! You hear his bones and ribs crack away as he is literally separated from his spine!
haff HURK grglrgrgl haff REEE hurk splat
The hoomin then just drops the toughie on the ground again.
If you were the smarty, you’d probably be thinking oh fwuff! howy poopies! dis mummah fwuffah am cwazy!!
Speaking of, the smarty is just staring at the man. Cheeks still puffed but with a much more worried expression. He’s actually slowly walking towards the entrance. You finally get it – this must be how smarty survived two cold times! By running away like a little pussy-ass bitch!!
“Big mistake.” grab
“NUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NU GWAB TAIW!!!!!!” The man holds smarty upside-downsies!
The smarty is making scaredy pee-pees right into his own face, flailing wildly. The man pulls out a terrifying serrated gut knife!
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
“I haven’t even started cutting yet, asshat. Relax.”
“S-smawty namesies am Asshat?”
Smarty’s hoarse scream was ear-deafening already, but as the man begins to hack on smarty’s
special place it goes up an octave like pulling the whammy bar on a guitar!
SHLAK SHLAK SHLAK
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Smarty’s thrashing is only sending the knife deeper into his special lumps!
SHLAK SHLAK SHLAK
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Smarty’s no-no stick looks more like an accordion than anything else at this point, and his lumps have been deflated by the various incisions the man has made. Eventually he puts his knife back into its sheath, and pulls out a salt shaker.
“Time for the real pain, faggot.”
“Smawty name am Asshat, nu am f-”
SCREEEEEEEAAAEAEAEAEAEAEAEEAEAEAEEEEEEEAEAEEAEAEAAEAIIIAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEAEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As soon as the man starts sprinkling salt on smarty’s special place, smarty’s screams somehow get even louder. The man makes sure to keep sprinkling slowly for what feels like a whole forever, so that smarty can really feel every crystal that lodges onto his nethers. His lumps and no-no stick have now morphed into a mangled, unholy amalgamation.
At some point the smarty becomes too tired to even squirm. The man then quickly breaks smarty’s legs.
“NNNUUUUuuuuUuuuUuuuuu…”
He then drops the smarty on the ground facing the alleyway and grinds his 'nads on it. The dirty asphalt elicits only weak chirps and moans as it further grinds smarty’s special place to dust.
“Huuhuu… hic chirp Asshat nu can peep wun an pway nu moaw… nu can hab babbehs nu moaw… nu can gib enfies ow get gud feews nu moaw…”
“Now, a true man of culture always lets the smarty watch his herd go bye-bye. So here, you’ve got first-row tickets!”
“NUUUUUUHUUUUHUUUU NU GIF HEWD FOWEBAH SWEEPIES ASSHAT NU WAN NU WAN NU WAN!!!!!!!!”
Suddenly, the man pulls something off his back. You noticed he was carrying this earlier – it seems like some kind of case? He unzips it and pulls something out. The sound it makes is terrifying unlike anything you have ever heard.
WHIRRRR WHIIRRRR WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR
“For such a big cancerous herd as yours, I’ve brought my chainsaw to finish things a bit quicker.”
“SCREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! METAW MUNSTAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” yells one of the mares! The man slowly brings the chainsaw down on her!
KRR WHIRR SCRCR REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! MOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HEWP!!! HURK-
She erupts into a rainbow of fluff, blood and tummeh-babbehs! The man puts down the chainsaw and quickly grabs her chirpies. By now the foals have emptied their bowels and have even nearly used up their voices, these ones barely emitting faint squeaks instead of chirping or peeping. He then forces both his hands together like you would when you’re making a snowball.
“SPEEEEEEE-eeeggh” drop
Turns out foals do not compress like snow and instantly separate out. They are, however, all fucking dead.
“Damn shame. Anyway, who’s next?”
You remember your mummah singing to you about Skettiland when you were just a little chirpie. She told you it’s a place where sketties grow on trees and wingie-fluffies can fly.
You imagine the alleyway right now to be the opposite of that.
The afternoon has given way to the bright orange evening sun. The whole corridor is stained a dark red. The floor. The walls. The trashies. The boxies. Even the poopies. Glistening rainbow fluff is still slowly descending from the air to the ground like snow. It seems the man is finally done with the herd. The ones he could find, at least.
He walks over to the smarty, puts his chainsaw down, unsheathes his gut knife again, and sends it right up smarty’s poopie place. The reaction is subdued.
“huu-” hack grgrl “Asshat w-” kaff “wan die.”
STOMP
The man is now just standing there. You, your mummah and your sissie are hiding in your boxie, afraid to make a single sound. You wanted this man to be your nyu daddeh sooooo bad, but now you’re having second thoughts. He doesn’t seem to like fluffies. How could that be? You thought all hoomins were made to love fluffies! Or maybe he was just sooooooo angry at the herd for what they did to your family? Yes! That’s gotta be it! That’s why he obliterated smarty’s no-no stick and special lumps! To save you and your tummeh babbehs from more bad enfies!
You can literally feel your tummeh babbehs nodding in agreement! That’s that. You immediately run to the hoomin to speak to him!
“NUUUUUUUUU BABBEH NU GU TO HOOMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“H-hewwo nice mistah! Fwuffy am soon-mummah! Soon-mummah fink wat hoomin du tu hewd am scawy, bu’ soon-mummah nu dat mistah du dat to sabe soon-mummah, su fowgib ‘ou! Nice mistah be nyu daddeh and gib homesies an’ sketties an’ toysies an’ hugsies an’ wub to soon-mumah an’ famiwy nao?”
You put on the cutest puppy-dog eyes you can and begin staring at the hoomin… what? He’s not even there anymore!
You immediately look around and you find him at your family’s boxie!
WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
He’s given them the worstest owwies and forever sleepies. Just like the rest of the herd.
“NUUUUUU WAI NYU DADDEH GIB FAMIWY FOWEBAH SWEEPIES???!?? DEY AM GUD FWUFFIES!!! SCREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!”
He grabs you by your neck!
“HUUUUUHUUUUU AM GUD SOON-MUMMAH! HAB BABBEHS! DADDEH NEE MUMMAH AND MUMMAH’S BABBEHS FOW WUBSIES AND HUGSIES!” you thrash around, but you just can’t break his grip!
“Chill out, I’m not killing you. Just answer this for me - why on Earth did you think it would be a good idea to run up to me?”
“T-TUMMEH BABBEHS SAY MISTAH WIWW BE NYU DADDEH!!”
The man makes a face of pure confusion before laughing thunderously!
“NU AM FUNNY! PWEASE DADDEH NEE GIF HUGGIES TO MUMMAH AN’ SISSIE TO TAKE 'WAY FOWEBAH SWEEPIES!!”
“You’re the most retarded fluffy I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of fluffies. I honestly kind of can’t believe it. So I’m taking you home.”
His expression morphs into the most wicked smile ever! He grabs on to your neckie even harder!
“NUUU NU GUD FOW TUMMEH-” hack “NUUUUuuu” kaff kaff “n-nuuuu…”
Everything goes black.
