Note: read “Every Day, In Every Way, I’m Getting Sweater and Sweater” first.
It’s Jeff again. Only been a few hours since the last time you heard from me.
We’ve made into Chicago proper, and after having dinner at that pizza place we went to on our way to Detroit, we set out to find a hotel to spend the night in.
Sure, we could just head to the Tele-Port now, but we’re both tired, and we wanna give Cal time to arrange a place to stay in Korkeaopolis.
The ChaotiX can work fast when they need to.
So yeah we went looking for a hotel to stay in one last time, after putting my car in its capsule.
Man, those things are handy. Real glad Cal trusted me with them.
I wonder what else could be put in a capsule?
There’s a capsule shop in Korkeaopolis, it opened while Cal and Marley were missing. I’ll be sure to take a look while we’re getting settled in again. I’m gonna have a lot of catching up to do, after all.
It’s been a while since we left Korkeaopolis behind. I have no idea how much has changed since then.
Fortunately, we found a hotel with a vacancy, a hotel that caters to guests with fluffies, and naturally, we discovered that Chaos, as promised, had paid for one more night’s stay on our behalf, with the expected rainbow-colored sack of cash that smells faintly of cheese.
The sack, not the cash, but I suppose the difference is meaningless.
So that’s where me and Electra are right now: in the hotel room.
It’s about 11 PM, I’ve kicked my shoes off, and I’m lying on the bed, Electra curled up with me as we watch TV.
It’s a documentary about Cal and Marley, one of several about the ChaotiX, and the current segment is about all the different power-ups they’ve obtained. It was made before they went missing, so it doesn’t include that new level of Luminary Whatever.
On the screen, we see Cal, glowing with a weird silver aura and fighting some big blueish-purple dude in some kind of arena, under a green sky, a stuffy British gentleman narrating.
“During the finals of the Intergalactic Tournament, Calvin achieved the state of Mindless Mind for the first time, in which the body moves autonomously, on pure fighting instinct…”
The big guy’s swinging at Cal, but Cal is dodging every blow.
I can’t help but feel impressed.
“Huh. That’s kinda cool. You think Marley can do that, Electra?”
She shrugs.
“We can awsk dem watew, Jeff. Ewectwa fink dat Gemini Buwst fing am neet.”
The segment on that was the previous one. Apparently, it’s based on the power of a fluffy called Gemini, but the name shoulda made that clear.
I think it multiplies their strength and speed and whatnot, at the cost of multiplying the rate at which they use their stamina.
So it makes them stronger, but it also means they tire out faster.
I guess there’s gotta be a trade-off.
“Yeah, but you heard what Mr. Stuffy Old Brit said, that can kill Cal if he overdoes it. I’m surprised he taught it to Marley. It would kill the average fluffy in seconds.”
“Weww, Mawwey nu am a ab-uh-wage fwuffy.”
“Heh. No kidding. If someone tries to abuse him, he’ll abuse 'em right back.”
I yawn.
“It’s getting late. We should probably hit the hay.”
The next morning, after I take a shower, get dressed, and give Electra a bath, and after making sure we didn’t leave anything in the hotel room, we check out, making our way to the Tele-Port, which, luckily enough, isn’t far from the hotel.
We’re on foot, my car in its capsule case. I’ve acquired a backpack, containing the capsule case, the sweater, and anything else I had on me, because it’s safer than walking around with everything in my pockets.
The souvenirs I was given before we left Korkeaopolis are in the backpack too. The amulet, the pamphlet, the bullet on a chain, and my Flufftopia discount card.
I’m not wearing the sweater, because I don’t want to be recognized right away, and everyone in Korkeaopolis will recognize me with the sweater on.
Of course, Electra’s with me, so they might recognize us anyway.
Hopefully, we can get settled in before everyone knows we’re back and starts swarming us with questions and stuff to sign.
We get to the Tele-Port, looking much like the one in Korkeaopolis, all shiny and chromey.
If you remember, I’ve been in the Tele-Port there while I was playing the game, but even during SFT, I was unable to leave the city via any of the portals, and each one I walked into just took me to another one in the same building.
With the sweater on, I couldn’t even enter the building. It wouldn’t let me cross the threshold.
During the game, I could only expand the area I was allowed to move in by spending points, and if I went any further than that, I’d wake up back in the city the next morning.
Which means I couldn’t actually use the Tele-Ports while I was playing the game. I’ve never really used them before.
Honestly, I’m actually feeling excited about this. We might end up using these Tele-Ports a lot more in the future. I’m hoping there’s a portal that leads to Hawaii. Pretty sure there is.
But for now, we’ve gotta stay in Korkeaopolis for our own safety. Dehak probably still wants to recruit me, even if it’s now only because there’s people stopping him from recruiting me.
It’s the same thing that pushed fluffy abusers to abuse fluffies harder after it started being banned. That whole forbidden fruit thing. You tell someone they can’t have something, only makes them want it more.
And if Dehak does recruit me, I can’t imagine that it’ll be good for Electra. First thing he’ll probably order me to do after he recruits me is to kill her. He’s a wizard, so if I refuse, he can make me do it with magic, right?
So it’s not just my safety I’m worried about. If he puts one of those Seeds of Darkness in me, then “Dark Jeff” or whatever will immediately turn Electra into a breeding pillow.
That’s what those Seeds do, according to Chaos. They turn you into who you are on your worst day.
And that’s me at my worst: just another fluffy abuser.
The best place for us to be to prevent that from happening is Korkeaopolis, even I see that. With Cal, Marley, and a big chunk of the ChaotiX living and working there, we should be safe there.
Once again, I’ll be stuck in that damn city because of some asshole vastly more powerful than me.
At least this time, it’s my choice to go there, and my choice to stay there.
This time, it’s on my terms.
And this time, I won’t be constantly itchy.
I look down at Electra.
“You’ve never been in Korkeaopolis’ Tele-Port, have you?”
She shakes her head.
“Nup.”
“Then just follow me, the layout should be the same.”
We walk in, seeing people of various species coming and going via cyan portals, glowing, color-coded lines on the floor leading to each section, Intergalactic Patrolmen keeping an eye out for space criminals on the space lam, and shops and restaurants selling wares from across the universe.
There’s a space suit store too, and it looks like they even have space suits for fluffies. I guess not all Federation planets have air that everyone can breathe. But I think the Tele-Ports have an artificial atmosphere thing going on.
It’s multiple floors tall, with a big fountain, Hydroxians relaxing in the water. In addition to elevators and escalators, there’s also gold cables leading up to the higher floors.
“Huh. What are those for?”
My question is answered when one passerby, who appears to be made of electricity, uses one of those cables to zip up to the top floor.
“Oh, that’s what they’re for. Well, gold is good at conducting electricity.”
I point at one glowing line, blue and green.
“Alright. We just need to follow that line, Electra.”
“Whewe du it gu?”
“To the section with the portals leading elsewhere on Earth, duh. It’s on the ground floor.”
I’ve never been off-planet before, not counting my very brief visit to Primal Earth, or our one visit to the Inn Between Worlds. I know we can just walk to any Federation planet now, but I feel safer on good old Earth.
Maybe we’ll take a look at other planets once the universe is Dehak-free.
We follow the line to that section, seeing portals with electronic signs saying where they go. There’s portals to London, New York, San Fransisco, Paris, Sydney, Berlin, Honolulu, and…
Well, one particular portal’s sign is malfunctioning.
We look up at the glitchy sign, a handyman with light blue skin, fleshy tendrils instead of hair, and a silver jumpsuit working to fix it, hovering in the air.
He turns to us.
“Sorry about this, folks. I’ll have it fixed in a jiffy.”
I look at him.
“You’re not from Earth, are you?”
“Nope. I’m a Lumixian. From Lumix, obviously.”
Lumixian? Sounds familiar. Wait, isn’t that Xavier Laine guy half-Lumixian? Got a dad in the Intergalactic Patrol?
Y’know what, not important right now, I’ve got another question on my mind.
“So, uh, can all Lumixians fly?”
“Yuh, wut am up wif dat?”
The handyman shakes his head.
“It’s just flight tech. Us Lumixians are the smartest race in the universe, not to brag. But who do you think invented the portal tech in here? My race, that’s who.”
“We’ll just leave you to it, then. We’re looking for the portal to Korkeaopolis.”
“You mean the portal to–”
“I insist on calling it Korkeaopolis.”
Electra nods with a grin.
“Cuz mistah Caw hate it wen pee-puw caww him sitty dat.”
“And it’s the one thing I can do to him.”
“Oh, you’re Jeff Robinson, right? And Electra? I’ve seen your FluffTube videos. Aren’t you supposed to have a hideous sweater?”
“It’s in the backpack. We’re trying to keep a low profile at the moment. So is this the portal to Korkeaopolis?”
“It is, and you can go through. It’s just the sign that doesn’t work. It’s strange, but the signs for portals leading to that city malfunction the most often for some reason.”
I grin up at the handyman.
“Maybe it would be better to use regular signs instead of electronic ones. Shit, even a piece of paper and a marker would work better.”
“I’ll pass that on to the higher-ups.”
Smartest race in the universe, my ass!
“Alright then, we won’t keep you. C’mon, Electra.”
With that, we walk through the portal.
We walk out of an identical portal, into a building much like the one we just left, making our way out of the Tele-Port.
I really hope it doesn’t work like Star Trek teleportation. You know, how it technically kills you and creates a clone of you at the destination.
It didn’t feel like going through that portal killed us, but that’s another question I’ll be asking later.
When we exit the city, sure enough, we’re on the streets of Korkeaopolis. It’s a nice, sunny day, much warmer than Chicago or Detroit.
I look at Electra again.
“Well, here we are. It’s… good to be back, huh.”
“Yuh, it am. Su wut am da pwan?”
“Cal told us to meet him at the School. He said we can crash in the guest quarters until we’ve got a proper place to stay, so… for the time being… we’re going to be staying there.”
“It am da safe-est pwace in da sitty, Jeff.”
I sigh in resignation.
“I know. I just feel a bit apprehensive about staying in a building full of superheroes.”
“Ewectwa git it, but it nu am da same as wast time.”
I extract my capsule case from my backpack.
“Let’s just get there before we’re swarmed.”
Meanwhile, on Hell’s tenth circle, at the Pit of Burning Demon Fluffy Sorry Poopies, G’h’zz, M’zz, G’l’gha, and the demon fluffies surround the eponymous pit, which is full of fiery feces.
Jaws is struggling to stay at the surface, but the burning bodily waste hurts to swim through, and the fluffy costume makes it even more difficult to swim.
And every time he manages to swim over to the edge, one of the demon fluffies rewards him by spraying him in the face with more shit.
Naturally, it keeps getting in his eyes, and when he instinctively moves to wipe it from his eyes, only getting more shit on his face, he sinks back down.
More demons are coming in to watch the show.
This will keep on going for as long as they think it’s funny.
As a damned soul, Jaws can’t drown in all that dookie.
He’s burning, he’s swallowed copious amounts of fluffy crap, and he’s absolutely miserable, but he can’t die again.
Unless he becomes a demon, but the elites have already decided against that. The Boss himself made the decision to not turn fluffy abusers into demons anymore.
The forces of Hell know what they get when they turn a fluffy abuser into a demon.
They get disappointed.
After a quick drive, we arrive at the School, pulling up in my Aztek. There’s a parking lot across the street from the gates, which is where I parked my car when we went to not talk about Jaws.
I had the car painted fern green back when I was planning to sell it, because I figured, hey, gotta be a Breaking Bad can somewhere in Detroit who would buy it.
But I’ve grown to like the new paint job. It’s a nice symbol. Like a representation of turning over a new leaf.
It feels like I’m breaking… good.
I leave my car parked there, and we walk up to the gates, which are currently open.
“You think I can just go in this time? Cal never rescinded that invitation.”
The place is warded, remember. The wards don’t work exactly the same way as the Foundation’s wards. Here, Cal himself has to invite you in.
“Onwy wun way tu fine owt.”
So we both step over the threshold, and yes, we both enter the grounds, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
We walk past the fountain, over to the steps leading up to closed front doors, with a ramp for fluffies.
“Do we just knock? Or ring the doorbell?”
I hear Cal’s voice behind me.
“Allow me, dude.”
We turn around, seeing Cal in his signature battle suit, sword, shield, bag and all, and still sporting that beard, Marley, wearing his new collar, and three buff orange guys with spiky blond hair and armor that looks like… nightclub attire.
Yes, really. It’s so gaudy.
The orange guys also appear to be wearing furry brown belts, but I know that those are actually tails, wrapped around their waists.
I recognise one of those orange guys: Prince Konba, of Vajarsi. He came into the Starbucks I used to work at (the one near the Foundation) once or twice with his fluffy, a turquoise mare called Bulma who is just as snarky as Electra.
Konba’s a Saingan, so those other two guys must be Saingans too.
I didn’t think that Saingans like fluffies. Their main interests are fighting and partying. They’ll beat the crap out of each other, and then go out for drinks together afterwards. No hard feelings.
So I can’t tell you what Konba was doing at Starbucks. They don’t sell booze there.
And the average fluffy isn’t very good at fighting or partying. You know what happens when an uppity smarty picks a fight with a human for their lawn, imagine what would happen if a smarty pulls that shit on one of these guys.
Most fluffies can’t really hold their liquor, either.
I’m sure that there’s a very interesting story that explains how the Space Prince of the Fight Junkie Party Animals wound up adopting a fluffy, but again, you’ll have to ask Cal for that story. I wasn’t there for it.
For some odd reason, though, I feel a strange sense of kinship with Konba.
Now that we’re back in town, scheduling a fluffy playdate with him might not be a bad idea. Electra and Bulma would get along like chocolate and peanut butter.
Well, more like chocolate and… more chocolate.
And Electra doesn’t have a lot of friends of her own species. It would be good for her.
Cal smiles at me.
“We just wrapped up a sparring session. Good to see you again, Jeff.”
Marley smiles at Electra.
“An it am gud tu see yu again, Ewectwa.”
We smile back, a little hesitantly in my case.
“Yeah, likewise.”
“Wut Jeff sed.”
“So who are these guys? I know Konba, I sold him a cup of coffee once or twice, but who are those other Saingans?”
One of the other Saingans, with shoulder length hair, waves at me.
“I’m Trota. And this is my little brother, Xanitas. Or Mokoto.”
“Two names, huh?”
The third one waves too. He’s got a silver pole on his back, in a sheath.
“Mokoto is my birth name. I, uh, was raised on Lumix. It’s a long story. But I don’t mind which name you address me with.”
Konba grins.
“We’ve heard a lot about you, Mr. Robinson. And about your encounter with the Hungry Rider. So he almost got a Seed of Darkness in you, huh? Dehak tagged me with one of those things once.”
Xanitas points at himself.
“Hey, I’m the one that big rotten asshole threw the jar at, and honestly, Kon, it’s a good thing you got in the way. The Jolly Green Giant would not go well with one of those things. You remember when that flirty bitch dosed me with R.A.G.E., it wasn’t pretty.”
I have to interrupt.
“So Dehak got you with a Seed, Konba? For real? Then how did you-- oh wait, yeah, Cal can cure that with his Luminary thing.”
I’m not even going to ask who the Jolly Green Giant is, or what R.A.G.E. is.
Cal nods.
“Luminary Form. These guys can keep up with me in that form if they transform too, but if I take it to Level Two, well, I can’t name a lot of people who can keep up with me then.”
Konba chuckles.
“But we’re all working hard to catch up with you, Cal. So don’t get lazy. We’re getting closer to reaching a new level of Super Saingan.”
Super what?
Are you kidding me?
Cal smirks at Konba.
“The path to power never ends, you don’t have to tell me that.”
Then he walks up the steps, opening the front doors.
“But for now, let me show Jeff and Electra here to the guest quarters.”
Ten minutes later, we’re walking through some of the School’s many hallways, a few floors up.
It’s just me, Electra, Cal and Marley now. The Saingans headed out, they’re going to some bar. Harry’s Place, I think it’s called. It’s right across the street from where Cal and Marley live.
Bulma was waiting in the rec room for Konba to finish sparring, and so was Valerie. Apparently, Konba and Valerie are dating now. Yeah, I was surprised to hear it too.
Now that’s an odd couple.
Erwin’s mentioned Valerie to me, during one of Electra’s checkups at the Foundation before we left town. Dr. Valerie Valentine is the elder of Pierre’s two daughters, and the leader of the Nerd Squad.
And Susan, the younger of the sisters, is married to Xavier, who is half-alien.
So both of Pierre’s daughters have a thing for guys with alien blood.
I think they’ve got a dead older brother. The guy behind the Alien Invasion. Bertram? No wait, it was Bertrand.
I wonder if he banged any aliens? He did spend a lot of time in space.
I don’t know if Pierre ever banged aliens. But if he did, it would explain where his daughters got it from.
Who knows, maybe I’ll date an alien while I’m here. Never had a chance to do that before. All of the women I’ve slept with were 100% human.
I think. One of them did look a bit like an alien pretending to be human, but that was more likely because she overdid the plastic surgery and Botox.
She was on Christmas card terms with her plastic surgeon, and she probably wasn’t joking when she said that she’s the reason his son can afford to go to Harvard.
Can’t exactly call a lot the women I slept with my ex-girlfriends. They would have to have been my girlfriends first, and in many cases, the “relationship” only lasted one night. And when I gave them “my” number afterwards, it was actually the number of a random takeout restaurant.
Man, I was an asshole back then.
Changing the subject, I haven’t seen the rec room yet, but I’ve heard good things.
I think I noticed that a swimming pool was being built, too. Makes it tempting to just stay at the School.
But we should probably find our own place, before I end up being measured for a battle suit.
“So, uh, Cal. How long are we gonna be staying here?”
“As long as you need to find your own place to stay. We’re already working on that, you’re not the first people who had to crash on our couch, so to speak. Chris Oldman’s old place has been cleaned up, if you wanna live there.”
“Eh, I feel like that would be a bad idea.”
“Yeah, I get what you mean, that place has a grisly backstory. It was abandoned for ages before it was fixed up and put back on the market, the landlord sold it at a loss just to be rid of it. Nice Chris thought about moving in with Amy B, but he felt like it would be inviting all of the same shit to happen again.”
I’ve heard what Chris Oldman did to get kicked out. Impaled an all-smarty herd in his back yard to ward off ferals.
Even I didn’t do that, and I did some fucked up things to fluffies!
Not sure why he did it, something to do with his fluffy having some medical condition, I’m fuzzy on the details.
I haven’t met the Nice Chris from another timeline yet, but I’ve met Nice James.
He’s from another another timeline.
“Don’t worry, Jeff. There’s been a lot of renovation work in the city lately. There were too many abandoned buildings, but we know a good team of builders from a world of dragons and quests, and they have very generous rates, so we’re grateful for that. They build stuff just for the sake of building stuff, they’ll take any job we give them.”
“A world of dragons and quests? So they’re from Magicca?”
“No, they’re from another world. As in, outside our timeline entirely. Vic and Scarface met 'em at the Inn right after Old Las Vegas burned down.”
“Oh yeah, I remember seeing that on the news. That… Vulcanic guy did it, right?”
“Vulcanus, yes. It’s a whole thing, and a lot of it is–”
“Classified information, I could see that coming.”
“I don’t like keeping secrets from the normos, but there’s certain sensitive subjects that it would be best to stay quiet about for the time being. The point is, we’ve had a lot of those abandoned buildings renovated as our city’s population grew, so it shouldn’t be hard to find a home for you guys.”
Marley nods.
“An fine-in homesies fow fwuffies hu nu haf homesies am wut da Kay-oh-ticks du. Wen we nu am sabe-in da wowwd, dat am.”
“So whatever home you find, it’ll be fluffy-friendly. Y’know, a lot of folks around here have been missing you two.”
“Yeah, people have already noticed that we’re back. But I figured that we should get settled in before doing a comeback tour.”
“If you need some privacy, we can oblige you. There’s a lot to do at the School. We’ve got a killer rec room.”
“I saw the pool, too.”
“It’s not finished yet, but we’re gonna throw a pool party when it’s done. You guys are invited, of course.”
I look at Electra and Marley.
“I know Marley can breathe underwater, but is a pool really safe for most fluffies? You’ve heard the stale meme about what happens when fluffies so much as see water, right?”
“I have, which is why we’ve already taken that into account. The Unseen Union is making bracelets with the same enchantment as a Ring of Waterbreathing, because fluffies can’t wear rings–”
“Mawwey can. Sumtimes.”
“–and there’s water wings for fluffies at Flufftopia–”
“Hold on. The Unseen Union?”
“Our new squad for magical matters, Jeff.”
Marley nods again.
“Wike da Newd Skwad, but wif magic in-sted of sai-yuns.”
I shrug.
“I had a feeling that we’ve missed a lot. Catching up is on my to-do list, along with finding a new job.”
I’m not going back to Starbucks, as a favor to a friend.
Erwin requested that I don’t work at Starbucks again, because when I was working there while playing the game, the lines were huge.
Everyone in town wanted to catch a glimpse of the latest local celebrity, and it probably didn’t help that I was giving away fluffy toys with every drink.
Few can resist the siren’s song of free shit, after all.
Starbucks is still doing that, by the way. Yeah, they stole my idea, and I’m not getting a dime for it.
But I’m not surprised.
It isn’t the first time a big corporation screwed the little guy over.
Not by a long shot.
That’s another reason I’m not going back to Starbucks, though.
Can’t lie, I’m feeling salty.
Cal smiles reassuringly at me.
“If you need help with that too, just ask. I don’t think Chaos will mind you working for any fluffy-related businesses now. You could work at Flufftopia, with Kyle. He’s been asking how you’re doing.”
“I’ll keep it in mind. Tell him I said hi.”
Once we get to our new quarters, Cal gives us the tour.
There’s a living room with a kitchenette, a bedroom, a bathroom, and a saferoom.
“You’re free to come and go as you please while you’re here, Jeff. Just let someone know if you’re heading out, so we don’t get worried.”
I sit down on the living room couch, placing my backpack on it, and lifting Electra onto it.
“I’m sure Chaos will be keeping an eye on me wherever I go. If you don’t know where I am, just ask him. I haven’t seen him today, but…”
“He’s a busy guy. And if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to make requests. We’ve got a lot of team members with specific needs, so we can accommodate your needs too.”
“We’re good for now, Cal. We’re just gonna spend the day getting settled in. Maybe take a look at that rec room.”
I kick my shoes off.
“So go do whatever superhero stuff you two have gotta do. Don’t worry about us. And, uh, thanks for letting us stay here.”
Electra nods, curling up as she gets comfy next to me.
“We wiww be fine fow wun bwite time.”
Cal nods.
“We’ll be back later, to see how you’re doing.”
Once they’re both gone, I turn the TV on, flicking through the channels.
On one channel, there’s a talk show of some kind, and yep, Cal’s one of the guests.
We’re going to see him a lot, might as well get used to it.
I think it’s a rerun of an old episode, from not long after the Demonic Invasion. Cal’s got his battle suit on, but not his sword, shield, or bag, he got all of those well after that.
I wasn’t there for the Demonic Invasion, but that shit was all over the news nationwide. Worldwide, even.
“So, Mr. Korkea. You’ve told us about your powers, but what are your weaknesses?”
“Cupcakes. And porn. …Not at the same time!”
“You’re joking, right?”
“Of course I am, you really think I’d reveal my weaknesses on TV? Would Clark Kent write an article about how weak to kryptonite Superman is?”
I still think it’s kind of weird that the ChaotiX don’t bother with secret identities.
I mean, with all the enemies they’ve got at large…
And I can think of one villain in particular who wouldn’t mind attacking Cal’s kids.
The Dehak I picture in my mind doesn’t look like the kind of villain who draws the line at killing kids.
From what I’ve heard…
He doesn’t draw the line anywhere.
Meanwhile, on the magical side of the universe, in the New Order of Darkness’ headquarters, Dehak draws an arcane circle on the floor of the magical workshop, the rest of the Octovirate watching him work.
Claude’s present too, holding a brown paper bag.
It’s not the Circle of the Devourer that Dehak uses to summon his dark master’s horrid spawn. He still has the tarp with that circle on it, rolled up in one corner of the workshop.
The circle has eight runes, and a pentagram.
When Dehak is finished, he gets up, turning to Varney and Claude.
“I assume your thrall had some difficulties acquiring the… required components?”
Varney shakes his head.
“Luckily, no. The place was abandoned, he could get in with ease.”
“Good. I’ll need it now.”
“You heard Dehak, my child.”
Claude nods, emptying the paper bag onto a table.
“Yes, Master Varney. I hope I got the right things.”
A few objects were in the bag. A pair of rather smelly unwashed socks, an expired driver’s licence, a DVD of the movie Jaws, a USB flash drive… and a photograph in a frame.
The photograph is of a certain shark-faced man when he was in his youth, having a birthday party at home, sitting at the head of the dining table, a store-bought cake on the table, and his mother is kissing him on the cheek while trying to hide her disgust.
It’s a face not even a mother could love.
Sitting on his right, a boy of roughly the same age as the shark-faced youth can be seen snickering. He’s got an average face and a party hat, and appears to be the only guest at the party.
Judging by the unused places that were set at the table, either the shark-faced youth or his parents were expecting more guests to be present.
Presumably, his parents were just a little too optimistic about how popular their son was.
The shark-faced youth seems to be indifferent to the entire situation. Even at that tender age, there’s a hollow, dead look in his beady eyes.
Dehak searches the pile.
“As long as it’s an object with some connection to the target, it will be sufficient.”
He passes up the socks, the driver’s licence, the DVD and the flash drive, selecting the photograph.
“This will do, I think.”
The Rider sneaks the DVD out of the pile.
“Sweet, we didn’t have this one yet.”
Dehak places the photograph in the center of the arcane circle, and after making sure that all of the big dribbly candles are burning, because it’s not a proper magical ritual without the candles, he begins whatever rite he’s about to perform, waving his hands and chanting.
“Rah-muh… Kroy-dakk… Sih-marr… Sun-hodd…”
The arcane circle begins glowing a ghostly silver, and a mysterious wind gently blows past the candles.
“Hear my words! I call upon the powers of death and darkness, to summon a spirit from the land of the dead! Bring him back from the undiscovered country, for his guidance I doth seek!”
Dehak glances at the driver’s licence, and continues with a grin.
“Bruce Humphries! The one they call Jaws! I hereby summon thee to do my bidding! Death is but a doorway, and I open it for you! Arrive, O damned soul! Arriiiiiiiiiive!”
“Having fun with this, aren’t you?”
“Shush, Rider! It’s happening!”
FWOOSH
There’s a flash of hellfire in the circle, and as the circle stops glowing, the spirit of Jaws appears, translucent and silvery, hovering a few inches off the floor.
He didn’t bring the fluffy costume with him, and he’s wearing the clothes he died in.
Sans the ugly sweater, that is.
Jaws looks at his hands, and when he speaks, his voice echoes ethereally.
“Huh. I’m not covered in shit anymore. But why am I all see-through now?”
Because as a damned soul, he’s only solid on the Other Side.
Dehak smiles at Jaws.
“You’re a ghost now, if it wasn’t obvious.”
“Really? Awesome! I’ve gotta go, there’s someone who has some major haunting comin’!”
“I’m afraid that you’ll find it hard to leave.”
Jaws glares at Dehak.
“Oh, just try to fuckin’ stop me. I’m not scared of a zombie in a dress. I’ve got unfinished business, and I’m not letting anyone get in my way!”
Dehak glares right back, not intimidated in the slightest.
“Allow me to clarify how many mistakes you have just made. First of all, I’m a lich, not some garden-variety zombie. Second, this is a robe, not a dress. Third, I am the one who called you up, and I can send you back down, so you will treat me with the respect I deserve. I’m better at doing whatever it takes to stay in the game than you were, Mr. Humphries. Insubordination will not be tolerated, certainly not from a loser like you. And fourth, I don’t need to stop you from leaving, because I already have.”
He points at a silvery thread, so thin it’s almost impossible to see, connecting the ghost of Jaws to the photo in the arcane circle.
“You see, that is your anchor to this plane.”
Jaws raises a phantasmal eyebrow.
“Hold on, planes don’t have anchors.”
Dehak sighs wearily.
“I meant this plane of existence, fool. You aren’t technically part of it anymore. In order to summon your spirit back without resurrecting or reanimating you, the latter not even being possible without your body, we needed an object with a link to you. Something you spent a lot of time around when you were alive. The socks might have worked better, but even I find their odor repugnant. What was wrong with your feet, man?”
He gestures vaguely at the photograph on the floor.
“Anyway, as long as that pictograph remains intact, you shall remain in the land of the living. The downside is that you won’t be able to go far from it, so we’ll have to keep it close by.”
Then he picks it up, putting it on the table with Jaws’ other belongings.
“It’s funny. Usually, I send people to the afterlife.”
Jaws looks at Dehak, folding his arms.
“So who are you, anyway? You haven’t even told me your name.”
Dehak happily introduces himself.
“My name is Lord Dehak the Almighty, the greatest and mightiest wizard in all of existence.”
Then he gestures at the others.
“These are my associates. Varney, his latest thrall Claude, the Many, the Rider, and Duis.”
The others all introduce themselves too.
“Greetings.”
“You look familiar. Didn’t we meet at the strip club a couple of years ago?”
“We am da Manee. We haf nummed a wotta fwuffy souws.”
“For the record, I think this is a dumb idea. But thanks for the DVD.”
“Frankly, I don’t even know who you are.”
With that out of the way, Dehak gets to the important part.
“Mr. Humphries, I have summoned you because we need your help. We need you to act as our… consultant.”
Jaws shrugs.
“Well, if it’s that or being smothered in demon fluffy shit, the choice is obvious. Whaddya need consulting with? Killing shitrats?”
Dehak chuckles sinisterly, steepling his fingers.
“No, no. Not yet, at any rate. It’s very simple: I need you to tell us everything you know about a friend of yours by the name of… Jeff. Robinson. We have plans for him. And if you’ll help us, we’ll see what we can do for your… ah… incorporeality problem. I know of a power that can restore you to full life, Mr. Humphries. A power greater than any other in the cosmos. And with your help, we’ll get another step closer to claiming that power for ourselves. So what do you say? Are you in, or shall I banish you back to the Big Fire Below?”
Jaws grins, his interest immediately aroused.
“Whatever plan you weirdos have got cooking… I’m in. Me and Jeffy have a score to settle.”