"If You're Going To San Francisco" by NobodyAtAll

Note: read “I Got A Darkness Inside”, “The Organ Farm”, “Lethal Protector” and “A Night On The Town” first.


At a warehouse in Manhattan, several burly workers load a truck with boxes.

“Double time, boys! This shipment’s gotta be in San Francisco by next week!”

Unbeknownst to the workers, a red and blue earthie stallion watches them work.

The fluffy whispers, seemingly to himself.

“Did yu heew dat?”

And the voice of the symbiotic alien entity that bonded with the fluffy replies in his mind.

“Oh yeah. That thing’s going to San Francisco, Tom.”

“Shud we awsk dem if dey can gib us a wide?”

“Why bother? Nobody ELSE you asked said yes. We’ll just hitch a ride.”

“How am we gunna du dat?”

“Just wait, I’m sure an opportunity will arise.”

And it does, in the one brief moment nobody is looking at the open back of the truck.

One worker thinks he sees a black object moving quickly, out of the corner of his eye, but he dismisses it as a passing crow.


Several hours later, the truck is on its way out of the state.

And Tom still hasn’t been discovered in the back.

To his luck, the truck is shipping various fluffy supplies, including kibble and bottled water. Not the kind of kibble made of fluffies, fortunately.

So he won’t have to eat anyone on the way there.

Which is a good thing, because the truck driver is currently the only person around, and Tom is clever enough to realise that the truck needs a human to make it go.

The driver is going to be rather unhappy when he finds out that Tom has been helping himself to the cargo, however.

But, in his hiding spot at the far end of the truck, Tom and his other reckon that won’t be noticed until they get to their destination.

“See? It worked! San Francisco, here we come! Er, do you actually KNOW anything about the place?”

“Onwy dat owd mummah am dewe.”

“Well, then this is going to be a learning experience for BOTH of us. We’ll see the sights, we’ll sample the local cuisine, and then we’ll find your owner.”

The entity has realized by now that when a fluffy refers to a human as their mummah or daddeh, it doesn’t mean that the human is the fluffy’s biological parent.

In the entity’s defence, it knew absolutely nothing about the life cycle of the natives when it landed on this planet.


Eventually, Tom and his other realize that the truck has stopped.

“Su am we at San Fwan-sis-koh awweady?”

“I don’t think so. According to the map we saw at the library, San Francisco is on the other side of the country. These things can’t move THAT fast.”

“Su we shud stay in hewe, den?”

“Exactly. I think we’ll know when we get there when those doors open and humans start taking the boxes out.”

So Tom waits, and waits, and waits, and munches on some kibble.

munch crunch munch

“That brown stuff’s not bad. But honestly, I’d prefer a nice juicy leg right about now.”

“Weww, dewe am pwob-ab-wee bad hoomins in San Fwan-sis-koh tuu.”

“So we’ve got THAT to look forward to.”

Eventually, the truck starts moving again.

The driver was refuelling the truck.


A few days pass, but Tom and his other have no way of keeping track of time in the truck.

There’s a lot less kibble, now, and a pile of poopies and peepees in one corner.

Several of the bottles have been drained, too. A regular fluffy couldn’t open those bags of kibble and bottles of water, but Tom is no regular fluffy.

“It am stawt-in tu smeww weawwy nu-pwetty in hewe.”

“I agree, it’s making ME nauseous. Just hold out a little bit longer, Tom. As soon as those doors open, we make a break for it.”

“Tom hope we git dewe suun.”

“Me too, buddy.”


Finally, the doors open.

The truck has arrived at its destination, and the workers at the warehouse in San Francisco prepare to unload it.

The first thing the workers see is a small black shape scurrying out.

And the second thing they see is several empty bottles and bags of kibble.

Then they notice the smell.

And see what’s causing it.

“The fuck? Did a fluffy hitch a ride?”

“How did they get those open?”

“I think I’m gonna be-- hrrrk


Tom walks the streets of San Francisco, in his ordinary form.

The voice of his other in his mind sounds pleased.

“Haha! We did it! We made it to San Francisco!”

“Nao we can fine owd mummah.”

“That may be tricky at the moment. We don’t know the lay of the land. I think, for now, we should focus on getting settled in.”

Tom sniffs.

“Tom wemembew how mummah smeww. An how mummah wook. Mummah haf wong yewwow nu-fwuff. If we wun intu mummah, Tom wiww knu.

“She’s bound to be SOMEWHERE around here, Tom.”


Meanwhile, back in Manhattan, Calvin Korkea meets with his man in the city, in an alleyway.

Although, man in the city might not be the right way to put it.

“So he’s not in the city anymore, Gaspode? You’re sure?

Calvin looks down at a grey, mangy, filthy, malodorous earthie stallion who looks like he has every disease known to fluffykind, and possibly a few known only to pregnant sheep.

The fluffy replies, not in the high-pitched lisp that you’d expect to come out of a fluffy’s mouth, but in a rough voice that you’d expect to come out of a London gangster’s mouth.

“I’m sure, guv. I saw the bugger sneak onto a truck. Think 'e’s ‘eadin’ to San Francisco. Couldn’t tell you why, though.”

“Damn. Well, you’ve been a big help, Gaspode. Not just with this.

“No problem, guv. You ever need eyes an’ ears in the Big Rotten Apple, I’m the bloke you want. But, er, I do believe you promised me a pack of sausages, mate.”

“Of course.”

Calvin retrieves a pack of sausages from his bag of holding, and opens it for Gaspode, placing it on the ground.

They’re some of Victor’s homemade sausages, precooked. They’ve gone cold by now, but Gaspode doesn’t mind.

“Thanks, mate.”

“You sure you don’t want to go to the Foundation, though? You could use a bath.”

“What, and start all over? I worked for my stink, y’know. You think stink like this just happens naturally?

Calvin lets the matter drop.

“Take care of yourself, okay?”

“O’course, Cal. Tell yer fluffies I said wotcher.”

“I will, Gaspode.”

Gaspode waddles off, holding the pack of sausages in his teeth.

Calvin blips out.

blip

6 Likes

Pretty good: A nice departure from the usual on here. I take it the symbiote was inspired by Venom?

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Obviously. This is part 3 of this story, and it has its own section in my catalog now.

And as for departures from the usual, my stories have plenty of those.

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