Josef's Napoleon Nightmare [By BFM101]

After waking up from his nightmare about Napoleon and Hippolyta , Josef take the entirely wrong message from their torment of him.

Big thanks to @Chikahiro for bringing these characters together again.

Josef woke with a start, he’d just had the craziest dream about two maddening Fluffies tormenting him, they were the two Fluffies he saw outside his garden a couple weeks back, the one reading his mail and the Flea-Fluffy. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about them since then and now here he was having nightmares about them.

He’d even named them in his head, or was that their actual names? He didn’t know anymore, all he knew was that Napoleon was a strange name for a Fluffy, but fitting of the tiny little bugger. If he wasn’t losing his mind he’d laugh.

He looked over and made sure Katherine was still asleep, she’d either laugh the whole thing off, or get worried about Josef’s mental health, she’d been getting worried about him ever since Crimson had died but he was fine.

Was he fine?

Josef decided to get some fresh air, he carefully got out of bed and made his way downstairs and outside to the garden. In the cool moonlight he felt his cold sweat wash away, he needed the breathing space after that strange of a nightmare. S&M Fluffies and zombie Crimson weren’t what he needed to have on his mind at the moment, unless…

No, it was too silly, he couldn’t bring Crimson back to life, it went against every scientific law in existence. But then again, so did Fluffies, they weren’t meant to exist and they’d run amuck across the country.

He did the maths quickly in his head, he was too tired to go back to sleep now anyway, Fluffies broke easily, but they healed just as fast, and they were essentially bio-computers, if Josef was able to get a steady electrical current pulsing through the Fluffies brain, he might be able to jumpstart it’s healing process and bring it back to life.

It was risky, too many amps and he’ll risk cooking the brain, too many volts and it might blow up, finding that sweet-spot was going to be the hard part, but he was Dr Josef Fucking Mongola, he could do anything.

Emboldened by his own drive, Josef rushed to the Fluffy graveyard at the end of his garden, how he ended up with this was still a strange thought to him, but the graves of Nurse, Whipped and Crimson were all there and all reminded him of the few Fluffies he almost gave a shit about. Nurse and Whipped were long gone, probably ash and dust at this point, but Crimson had only been dead for a couple weeks, he’d still be… fresh, for lack of a better word.

Josef dropped to his knees and started digging, Crimson wasn’t deep in the ground, but once the dirt moved the smell hit Josef like a kick to the face, Crimson might be fresh by corpse standards, but corpses are still corpses, and Crimson’s body stunk.

But Josef was too far gone to stop now, he lifted Crimson’s body out of the ground and carried him inside and down into the basement. He put the body onto a table and wheeled over the electrical generator, carefully he inserted two rods into Crimson’s brain, using his surgical knowledge to pierce them in the motor function and the speech function of the Fluffy cortex. Once set up, he very slowly introduced a slow current through Crimson’s skull, very low voltage, just to see if there was a reaction.

And there was, it was slight, barely noticeable, but Crimson’s front right leg started twitching, Josef couldn’t tell if it was just muscle spasms from the current or if it was the start of his brain rebooting, but either way it proved that he was still in one piece, physically anyway.

Josef increased the amps, Crimson’s head started twitching, his eyelids flickering. Josef saw his mouth moving, could it be? He leaned in and listened closely.


It was a noise, a nonsense noise of pain and confusion, but it proved that air was moving through Crimson’s lungs, it was working, Crimson was coming back to life.

Josef kept the amps at a steady pace, slowly bringing Crimson’s functions back online, but he knew he needed a good jump to bring everything back to life. He readied the voltage switch, set it to a high enough number to kick-start his heart, he threw the dial and…

“Hey dummeh!”

Josef turned and looked at the other end of the table, sitting there was the mail Fluffy – Hippo Lata, Hipalighter? – and the Flea Fluffy Napoleon, Hippolyta wearing her S&M gear from his nightmare and Napoleon… well Napoleon was too small to see what he was wearing.

Napoleon jumped up as he yelled at Josef. “Yu nu hab ewektwic gennawatow dummeh.”

He was right, Josef never had need for an electrical generator before, why was there one in his basement now.

“Josef stiww sweepies, hab bad-finkie-pwace pictas.”

“What are you…?”

Reality came crashing back down on Josef, there was a loud pop, his face was blasted with the blood and gore of Crimson’s exploded body…

And then he woke up again, still in a cold sweat, now with the taste of blood in his mouth. Josef got up and looked around, he was still in his room, Katherine still asleep in his bed, he looked out the window and saw that Crimson’s grave was still untouched.

He opted not to go outside for fresh air this time, his mind still trying to work out if this was another dream or not, he’d talk to Katherine in the morning and see if she could steal him some pills from her work.

His mind flashed again with images of Napoleon and Hippolyta waving at him, he shook his head trying to rid himself of their stupid goddamn faces.

“I fucking hate Fluffies.”

He cursed them under his breath, he didn’t even want them dead, he just prayed he’d never see them again.


hllo. aren’t you forgeting something?


Fixed, thanks for the heads up.




“Napowean an Hipowita trabewwing to Daddeh Josef’s dweams? Iz da unibewse messin’ wif Josef? Ow iz wesuwt fwom eetin’ no-gud fwozen pizza? We may nebah knu!”


Well, all Josef really needs is Crimson’s brain. Then he could assemble a body using only the bestest fluffy parts and maybe cyberneticly enhance his cardiovascular system then just drop the brain in with a hefty dose of meds.


And a genre transplant from plausible fluffy thrillers to horror movie science fiction.


:joy: :joy: :joy: omg! This is epic cant believe Josef having these nightmares.

Josef: " I don’t fear fluffies…except them…"

*Napoleon and Hippolyta waving at him

Josef: " They are a fuckin nightmare! "


Yeah, its more the breaking of common sense/conventions and expectations of the genre. Roger Rabbit or the Animaniacs showing up in Silence of the Lambs or Saw. They’re not supposed to be there, and what makes them work doesn’t interact properly with the other genre.

When they’re in-genre, they’re tormenting their antagonists by causing an impotent, helpless rage. Which is funny. Killing Josef would’ve been no fun. Him getting frustrated is funny. Re-killing Crimson is something else, but only because I had an actual punchline/inside joke for it (a twist on the fluffy axiom “because fuck you, that’s why”).


Awww how nice it would be to revive crimson, Crimson 2 electric boogalo when?

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