"Lavender: A Lesson In Agriculture" by NobodyAtAll

You are Lavender, and you love your babbehs!

They’ve opened their see-places and have gotten big enough that they can walk and talk.

They still need miwkies, though. Daddeh told you that once they don’t need miwkies anymore, you and Oak have to choose which one stays.

He promised that you’ll see the others again, because he can take you to visit them with his blooper.

So, while you and Oak are thinking about this, you’re teaching your babbehs everything you know.

It probably won’t take that long. You’ve already covered good poopies and bad poopies, and your babbehs are making an effort to make good poopies in the litterbox. Because that is what a good fluffy does. Or, when you’re all outside, they make good poopies on the grassies, where hoomins won’t accidentally step on the poopies again.

You’ve told the dok-tow that you’re sorry about what happened to his shoo. But he said he just used a magic speww to make it go away.

He showed you, too. He pointed at your litterbox, said a word, and all the poopies in the litterbox just vanished.

Your daddeh asked the dok-tow if that speww was hard to learn.


Right now, you’re watching daddeh and a few of the other nice fawm hoomins taking the big white not-fluffies’ fluff with buzzy things.

You remember everything your daddeh told you about the not-fluffies on the fawm, so you can tell the babbehs all about what daddeh and the other hoomins are doing.

You actually feel proud of yourself, because you remembered all of it.

Daisy, Rose, Elm and Rowan are off playing some two-on-two huggy tag.

The babbeh that looks like you, looks at you.

Chirp! Mummah, wai gwampa am takin big nu-fwuffy fwuff away?”

Oh, look at that sad look on her little face!

You remember the first time you saw daddeh taking the fluff away with the buzzy thing. You were just as sad, until daddeh explained.

You can’t help but giggle. She really is a little you!

You explain it to her.

“See, babbeh, gwampa am ack-shu-awwy hewpin big nu-fwuffies. Daddeh am takin fwuff away, su big nu-fwuffies am nu tuu wawm!”

Your red and purple hownie babbeh looks up at you with concern in his face.

Ah, you know what he’s about to ask.

“Gwampa am nu gunna take fwuffies fwuff, am gwampa? Peep.

You giggle again.

“Nu, nu. Gwampa onwy take fwuff fwom big wite nu-fwuffies. An gwampa awso onwy take miwkies fwom big hownie nu-fwuffies. Su fwuffies aww keep fwuff, an mummah hab enuff miwkies fow aww babbehs.”

Your blue and purple babbeh asks the next question.

None of them have namesies yet, because the three that go to new homes will be getting namesies from their new hoomin daddehs and mummahs, and when they’re gone, your daddeh and mummah will help you and Oak give the ones that stays a namesie.

Daddeh said something about “continuing the theme”, but you have no idea what that means.

“Su wut gwampa du wif fwuff an miwkies? Chirp.

You grin at your babbehs.

“Gwampa make fings wif dem. Yu knu bwankie? Bestest bwankie, dat am same cowow as mummah?”

“Yus?”

You point a hoof at your daddeh.

“Gwampa make dat fwom fwuff. Gwampa yoos hoomin magic, tu make bwankie same cowow as mummah.”

Your babbehs, and Oak, who hasn’t been living on the fawm as long as you have, are all impressed, and they all gasp.

“An dat nu aww.

Your purple and green hownie-wingie babbeh looks at you.

Peep. Dewe am mowe?

You nod.

“Yus. Gwampa can awso make nummies fwom miwkies.”

You tell them all about the different miwkie nummies daddeh can make.

You save the bestest one for last.

“An den gwampa can make cowd miwkie nummies cawwed ice cweam! Am manee diff-went fwa-fows of ice cweam, but mummah fay-fo-wit am bwack-cuwwant.”

Your red and blue babbeh looks confused.

Peep. Wut am fwa-fows?

“It meen, ice cweam can taste wike wotta diff-went fings. Gwampa can awso make chokko-wat chip koo-kee ice cweam. Wen babbehs am big enuff, babbehs can twy sum.”

You tell your babbehs that your daddeh made you a promise, that he’d give each of the new hoomin daddehs and mummahs some of his bwack-cuwwant ice cweam too, so your babbehs can try it as well.

You thought that was a good idea. You know your babbehs will be just as saddies to leave, as you’ll be saddies to see them go, but now they’ll have something to look forward to!

“Watew, when gwampa am gettin miwkies fwom big hownie nu-fwuffies, mummah shu babbehs dat, too. Am funee. Big hownie nu-fwuffies am hab wong miwkie-pwaces.”

Oak looks at you.

“Oak hab seen dem, an Oak wun-dew wai dem fings nu get in da way.”

He points a hoof at your miwkie-pwaces.

“See, fwuffies hab woun miwkie-pwaces, dey smaww, Wavendew nu gutta wowwy abowt steppin awn wun.”

You laugh, and remember that you should give your babbehs some more miwkies soon. Your daddeh and mummah make miwkies for them, but mistah Cal said you should give them miwkies once a bwite time, and you haven’t done it this bwite time yet. You trust mistah Cal. His fluffies are all so nice, and Marley can do amazing things now!

Eh, when your babbehs have tummeh owwies, they’ll let you know. You and Oak are staying close to them at all times. If they start chirping, you’ll be right on it.

You like to think that you and Oak are being a good mummah and daddeh.

And you hope that your babbehs will be good fluffies for their new hoomin daddehs and mummahs.


Most fluffies feel, deep down inside their hearts, a powerful urge to make their hoomin mummahs and daddehs happy, and seeing their mummahs and daddehs being happy makes fluffies happy, too.

Smarty Syndrome is what happens when a fluffy doesn’t have this urge. Or when a fluffy chooses to ignore it.

And then there was Umbra, the wowstest smarty, who wanted to make all hoomins saddies, and then he wanted to give everyone wowstest buwnies and forever sleepies.

You still don’t know what happened to him to make him want that.

But you still feel bad for him, too.

10 Likes

Holy hell, things I actually did when I was a child on a farm? Characters who aren’t degenerate? … this can’t be right. I shall now flag report and scream till I pass out.

Also thanks

5 Likes

Well, there were degenerate characters in this particular story arc, but they have both moved onto a much warmer locale, if you catch my drift. If you’ve been reading my stories, you know exactly who I’m talking about, and exactly where they are now.

2 Likes