Note: this story takes place around the events of “Hell on Earth”. There are spoilers.
It’s been a while since you found out about the new babbeh.
Daddeh explained to you that when hoomins have a babbeh, they usually have one at a time, instead of lots of babbehs all at once, like fluffies do. You were surprised to hear this.
In your defence, you’ve never seen a hoomin have a babbeh before, but you have a general idea of how it goes for fluffies, and you thought it was the same for hoomins.
Like, when a fluffy becomes a soon-mummah, she gets so big she can’t even walk anymore until after the biggest poopies. But a hoomin soon-mummah can walk the entire time!
But that’s weird too. Why only one babbeh? Every fluffy mummah could tell your mummah and daddeh that the more babbehs there are, the more you can love them!
Hoomins.
Always half-poopie-placing everything.
Right now, you’re in the sitty, having lessons with the dok-tow. He’s very nice.
(What Lavender doesn’t know is that the Deston she’s having lessons with is a magical doppelganger created and piloted by the real Deston, who, elsewhere, is watching his brother dismantle the time machine. Deston can only manage one doppelganger at a time, but he has learned a thing or two from Pierre.)
You found out that you have something called Fuh-numma-num Ecks, and that means that you can do things that most fluffies can’t. You can do things that most hoomins can’t.
It means you’ve got powahs.
You can always tell when your daddeh and mummah are nearby, you can always tell when someone’s trying to get into your head like the dok-tow does, you can see what’s going to happen in your sleepy pictures (though the dok-tow says that what you see might not necessarily happen), and now, you can get into other people’s heads and see what they’re thinking.
You couldn’t stop doing that last one. You were just so curious. You’d always wondered what it was like in the hoomins’ heads, and you were hoping to get some answers to the questions that nobody would answer. Like, what were your daddeh and mummah doing that made so much noise? What did mummah want daddeh to do harder? It was driving you crazy that the hoomins wouldn’t explain these things to you!
It actually started scaring you that you couldn’t stop.
So now you’re wearing a thingy that stops you from doing these things. At least, until you learn how to stop doing them all the time. During your lessons with the dok-tow, the thingy comes off.
“Lavender, can you please pay attention right now? I know that you’re not. I can see inside your head. You know that.”
Oh, right.
You forgot that… he can do… that… too…
You’ve both just gotten a look through the see-through thing.
Why is the sky so reddies?
“Come on, Lavender, I can get you back to the farm, the place is warded, the demons can’t get you there-- Lavender!”
swoop
“Eeeeeeeeeeeee! Dok-tow! Hewp Wavendew!”
A big scary flying burnie munstah just grabbed you! It looks like the one your old daddeh turned into, in your sleepy pictures!
“Stop struggling, you little CUNT! I don’t wanna DROP you before the FUN starts!”
You know that voice. You recognize that long, black not-fluff.
James?!?
He’s a burnie munstah now, too?!?
James lands on one of the tall housies in the sitty, and turns back into a hoomin. There’s someone else on the woof.
Oh, no.
It’s your old daddeh.
But, but he had gone forever sleepies!
He was telling the truth in your sleepy pictures!
And he’s got mistah Cal! He’s got his footsie on mistah Cal’s head!
You met mistah Cal after learning about your new powahs. He’s also nice! Even though he smells a bit funny.
You feel like there are more people on the woof, nice ones like mistah Cal, but you can’t see them. You hope they’re here to help.
“Hey, Uncle. The Darkest One is waiting for this idiot. Will you please stop wasting time catching up? You take the moron up to the Tower, I’m going to play with Lav. Don’t look at me like that, I’ll save you a leg or two. Now go.”
Who’s the Darkest One? You’re still wearing the thingy, the dok-tow didn’t take it off. You can’t look into their heads and find out. Wait, that’s not important right now!
James said he’s gonna play with you!
You don’t like the way James plays with fluffies!
Your old daddeh turns into a burnie munstah and flies off with mistah Cal. Looks like they’re going to the tallest housie in the sitty.
James holds you up and looks you in the see-places.
“You know something, Lav? I’ve been looking forward to this day for a while. I’ve always hated you. From the moment I met you. When you first hugged me, shitrat, I had to suppress the urge to vomit and spike you into the ground like a football. Unfortunately, my pussy uncle would never give me the chance to do anything to you. But you know what, Lav?”
“W-wut?”
“He doesn’t give two tugs of a dead shitrat’s cock about you now.”
James starts walking to the edge of the woof.
“You think you’ll survive a drop from this heig-- WHOASHIT!”
James trips over something. You don’t see what, because he lets go of you, and you go flying off the woof.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEE! HEWP WAVEND–”
boing
“Oh.”
You’re now on a big, um, what are those things that spidey-munstahs make called? Oh yeah.
You’re now on a big spidey-webbie. You don’t want to see the spidey-munstah that made it.
Then you see a young hoomin wady land on the spidey-webbie. She’s got short dark brown not-fluff, blue see-places, and she’s wearing red and blue.
boing
“Hey there. You must be Lavender. I’m your friendly neighborhood Reilly. You like my handiwork? I’m gonna get you to safety, but I need to check on something first.”
More webbies come out of her… what’s it called, the places between the handsies and the armsies. Oh! Her wisties. She makes a harness for you, and then she crawls up the waww, back up to the woof, with you hitching a ride.
On the way up, Reilly explains that she can do anything a spidey-munstah can.
If she wasn’t so nice, you’d be scared of her. You don’t like spidey-munstahs.
When you get up there, James is still on the floor, writhing around, howling in pain. He’s now wearing a shiny silvery metal bwacewet.
“Ow! Ow! Why can’t I use my powers? Ow! You cunts, I’ll kill you for this!”
There’s another hoomin here, and another fluffy too. The hoomin, he has white not-fluff on his head, even though he’s young, and green see-places. The fluffy matches him.
“Look at that. Des was right.”
Reilly puts you down. Then, a sharp thing comes out of her wistie.
SHAK
Wait, can spidey-munstahs do that? You don’t know. You’ve never looked at one for long enough to find out.
SHUNK
She puts it in James’ head. Right through the see-place. You hate James, but you feel a bit bad for him.
“OW! YOU CU–”
“Go home.”
poof
And then he’s gone.
The bwacewet clatters on the floor.
Reilly turns to you, and sees the look on your face.
“He’s a demon now. A stinger in the brain doesn’t really do anything to him anymore. It just sends him back Down There. Are you hurt, Lav?”
“Wavendew hab a fyoo owwies wen James gwab Wavendew.”
“But other than that?”
“Nu.”
“Good. We’ll get those treated right away. But first: Danny, Ghost, thanks for the save. Excellent teamwork.”
Danny, the other hoomin, smiles as he picks up the bwacewet.
“Ah, it was nothing. Ghost tripped him up, then I slapped a silver bracelet on him before he knew what was happening. Like I said, Des was right. Silver neutralises demonic powers.”
“James nu knu wut da Heww wuz goin on.”
“Was that a pun, Ghost?”
“Yup.”
“Yeah, I understand that Des and Pierre made sure that every mirror in the city has silver in it. Dudes are prepared for everything.”
“There’s no time for this. Reilly, the other Oldman took Cal up to the Tower! Chris is taking Cal to the Darkest One!”
“Fuck. Alright. Shit. Okay. Where’s Vic, is he still sniping-- oh, he’s gone. I’m betting he spotted the two of them and knew where they were going. He’s probably got it under control. I think Vic’s got a soft spot for Cal. He won’t let Cal die, or do anything stupid.”
Reilly turns to you again.
“Lav, we’ve got a safe zone set up at Faucheuse Tower’s Plaza, we’re treating the wounded there. Come on, we’ll get you patched up.”
And then you, Reilly, Danny, and Ghost make your way there.
Just when your group gets to the Towah, you look up, up, up, and you see mistah Cal jump off the woof of the Towah. It looks like it’s gonna be a long fall.
Is he holding a fluffy?