Note: this story takes place around the same time as “Maximum Carnage”.
You are Lavender, and it’s been a while since your talk with Umbra.
You haven’t tried again. You get the feeling that you kind of messed up by trying to see what he was thinking.
But it wasn’t all bad! You told mistah Cal what little you were able to hear.
It sounds like the bad wich Dehak might have found another way to Uwf.
Now, when you and your family went to Dwak-oh-nee-yah for the big Fess-tih-vaw, mistah Cal just used one of those thingies that makes slimy green round things called pow-taws to get you there.
So, as far as you know, it’s pretty easy for the Kay-oh-tiks to go there.
The first time the Kay-oh-tiks went to Dwak-oh-nee-yah, they got there by falling down a big hole inside a big big tree.
Mistah Cal said that the tree can talk.
And he said that mistah Gaius is a very nice tree.
Even though he lied to mistah Cal about the big hole. There was a good reason. He wanted to keep mistah Cal away from Dehak, because Dehak didn’t have a body back then, and tried to take mistah Cal’s body.
As much as you’d like to meet mistah Gaius, you don’t want to fall down that hole inside him.
You prefer the pow-taws. It’s much easier.
But Dehak doesn’t have one of those pow-taw making things. And he couldn’t go through that hole inside mistah Gaius.
He apparently found another way, by going through a dwagon’s poopie place or something.
You must have misheard something again.
The point is that Dehak might be on Uwf now.
And if you hadn’t had your little talk with Umbra…
The Kay-oh-tiks would have had no idea.
So mistah Cal was really grateful for your help.
He gave you a big box of skettie treats, and you’ve been sharing them with all of the fluffies on the fawm.
You can’t num all of them by yourself.
Things are still going well on the fawm.
Nardos is all grown up, and he’s getting a handle on his floaty thing.
Now, you’ve been doing the floaty thing for a while, and you’re not really the braggy type, but you’ve gotten pretty good at it. You can use it on something as big and heavy as a twuck without booboo-juice coming out of your nosie.
But Nardos isn’t as strong as you yet. He’ll get there, bit by bit.
You’ve still got that twain-in dummeh mistah Cal gave you, and those big soft newf dawts.
And you were all too happy to let Nardos use them to twain too.
On his first go, he tried to hit the dummeh’s head, and instead, hit the dummeh in a place that, if the dummeh was a hoomin, and the dawt was sharp, would have caused a lot of owwies.
He’s… still gotta work on his aim.
And he still doesn’t seem to be able to look in people’s minds like you can yet.
You’re trying to remember what mistah Cal said. People who get their powers from Fuh-numma-num Ecks can get new powers, but there’s usually a, uh, a pattern.
So maybe Nardos will become able to look in people’s heads later.
Hopefully, after he’s done learning how to do the floaty thing. He should finish this skettie treat before he starts another one.
Mistah Cal has lots of powahs. He copied them from other Kay-oh-tiks members.
And you’re not really sure where he got his new light powahs from. He can do this weird thing that turns his not-fluff white, like an old hoomin, but he still looks young.
Kinda like mistah Danny, and mistah Gus, only mistah Cal can turn it off.
The weh-noh-vay-shun of the old bawn is finished, and now it looks like Bad James never did anything to fluffies in there!
There’s a baww pit, which isn’t too deep, and big see-through tubeys, and ramps and slides!
And there’s lots of colors! You’ve seen the bawn before the weh-noh-vay-shun, it’s a definite improvement all around.
All of the fluffies in the Kay-oh-tiks are welcome to come on by to play.
But some of them don’t seem to care much. Like Scarface. His idea of a good time is an old moo-vee and a bowl of teh-kee-yuh.
You know that’s a kind of silly wawas, like beew, but you don’t really drink silly wawas.
You’ve never seen him play with a baww, and mistah Victor said that Scarface wouldn’t be interested in the play bawn unless it had an open bar.
An open bar of what? Chokko-wat?
You’ll have to talk to your daddeh about that later.
Right now, you and the family are watching TV in the wiving woom, in the big farm housie. All of the fluffies are in a fluffpile on the floor, right in front of the cowch. The caw-pet is nice and soft, it’s very comfortable.
It’s dawk outside, but it’s not beddie time yet.
Suddenly, your other daddeh’s fone starts buzzing.
He checks it, and frowns.
“Goddamnit.”
“What’s wrong, bro?”
Your other daddeh holds up his fone, and you can all see the Kay-oh-tiks woh-goh on the screen.
There’s words on the screen too, but you’re still trying to learn how to read.
“Shit’s going down in San Fran, Les. Cal needs all humanoid ChaotiX members to help evacuate, the Carnage mission just hit a big snag.”
“Damn. Let’s see if it’s made the news yet…”
Your daddeh presses a few buttons on the wee-mote, changing the cha-nuw a few times.
click click click
“We have breaking news! A horde of monstrous fluffies has crawled out of the woodwork and is attacking the streets of San Francisco! We now go live to our correspondent in the field. Roy, what’s it look like out there?”
“I’m just glad that I’m nice and safe in the chopper, Tom! But it looks like the ChaotiX is already on the scene!”
Your daddeh sighs.
“Yup. Which means you need to be out there too, Chris.”
“James, grab your Buster, Amy, grab your armor, and Klaus, nephilim up.”
As the four of them get up, you do the same, carefully navigating your way out of the fluffpile.
“Wite. Wavendew am come-in tuu–”
“No, Lav.”
You peer up at your other daddeh, who is giving you a serious look.
“Cal said humanoid members only. It’s risky enough that he’s brought a few fluffies on his squad.”
He points at the teevee, and the mayhem unfolding on it.
“Carnage has turned a lot of fluffies. If he turns one with powers…”
After giving Lilah a kiss goodbye, James gives you a reassuring look.
“We can’t let that happen to you, Lav.”
Uncle Klaus smiles, already in neff-uh-wim form.
“We’ll be fine, don’t worry. Carnage is evil and has a Klyntar. I have holy fire. I like my odds.”
Auntie Amy nods.
“But you’ll still have an important job to do, Lav: keeping an eye on everyone here while we’re out.”
Okay, that’s a very good point.
This is your own little herd, and you’re the smarty, so it’s your duty to make sure your herd is safe.
If Carnage comes here, you’re gonna find out if your floaty thing works on him.
And if it does?
You’re gonna slam him into a waww.
You’ve heard about Carnage from other Kay-oh-tiks members.
He’s a fluffy who is just as bad as Umbra.
Uncle Klaus looks at the others.
“Don’t take too long getting ready. I’ll see you there.”
Then he vanishes in a flash of light.
As your other daddeh, James and auntie Amy leave, you look at your herd in the fluffpile. Daisy and Rose, Oak, Elm and Rowan, Mary-Jane and Nardos, Helios and Noel, Valentine and Ivy, and Eddie, who is actually James and Lilah’s fluffy, but you consider him an honorary member of the herd.
You’re… not sure how many that is now. You know it’s, um, ten at least. But you’re no good at double digits.
“Su… su wut am we gunna du?”
Oak yawns.
“Oak am kinna sweepy.”
Your daddeh nods.
“Yeah, we should probably get you guys to bed. You too, Keith. Don’t give me that look, mister.”
That dawk time, you have a… weird sleepy picture.
It’s a bit like your old sleepy pictures. You’re on the fawm.
But there’s no burnies. The sky is glowing white.
And all of your family and friends are looking up at the sky, their see-places glowing white too, big, happy grins on everyone’s faces.
They look…
Too happy.
Something feels wrong.
Then you see a mistah appear. He’s tall, and old. He might be a wizz-uwd, he’s wearing a white wobe.
He smiles at you, spreading his armies wide.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? So peaceful, so perfect. Don’t you want to be a part of this, Lavender?”
“H-hu am yu?”
“I am… the future. And the future is bright. Be not afraid, my dear. Your friends and family are happy in my new world of light. Do you not want to join them?”
“Wut haf yu dun tu dem?!?”
“I’ve made them see the Light, Lavender. I’ve burned away all of their faults, all of their sorrows, all of their imperfections. Look into my eyes, and I will show you the Light too.”
“N-nu! Wavendew nu wan!”
The mistah sighs sadly.
“So you would prefer to drown in darkness? Because those are the options, I’m sorry to say. If the Light of Peace does not shine across the multiverse, then the cosmos will fall to…”
A big dark shadow appears underneath your hoofsies.
And eight big black long slimy things rise up from the shadow, surrounding you.
The mistah smiles at you, his see-places now glowing white like everyone else’s.
“THEM. When you wake up, remind Mr. Korkea that he still has time to rethink certain decisions he’s made.”
“Wut du dat meen–”
The slimy things grab you, dragging you down, down, down into darkness, smothering you in shadows.
“Mmmmmph!!!”
And you hear a voice that sounds so horrid, it hurts.
"̸W̵I̵T̶N̸E̵S̷S̵.̸"̷
Then you wake up screaming, which wakes the rest of the herd up as well.
Aw, poopies.
You hate it when this happens.