Note: read “The Citadel” first. Spoilers for the Primal Earth Saga.
You are Lavender, and things are going great!
You’ve been learning how to do the floaty thing better, and you made a new friend at the School.
His name’s Magnum. His old daddeh took his weggies away, but they used hoomin magic to bring them back.
Magnum’s new daddeh, mistah Jack, is just as nice as mistah Cal.
Even though you weren’t sure that he was Magnum’s daddeh at first.
Magnum also has a cool little caw! You asked daddeh if you could have one, when he was picking you up after your first lesson.
He said yes.
You love driving your new caw around the fawm. It’s purple, like you!
Your fluffy friends were jealous, so your daddeh went and got some more for them.
Mistah Cal brought them to the fawm for your daddeh.
“Suzy says you guys are part of the family, so you ain’t gotta pay a dime for these. Speaking of family, how are things going with Nice Chris?”
Ah, yes. That.
After you and your daddeh met you and your old daddeh at the Inn, your other world old daddeh has been spending a lot of time in your world.
“I can’t believe Igor just put doors up, Les. One on your farm, one by my house.”
“All you’ve gotta do is be a good customer and ask nicely, Chris.”
You think it’s nice seeing your old daddeh again, and not seeing him as a munstah…
But it’s still really weird.
Daisy and Elm have had their babbehs, and they’re almost off the miwkies.
Poor Rowan has been using his Special Huggie Friend non-stop. He can’t wait until it’s his and Rose’s turn. He’s noisy, too. Sometimes the rest of you wake up in the middle of the dawk time because Rowan’s enfing is that loud.
Daddeh said Rowan might be ad-ick-ted, you don’t know what that means, but the dok-tow is coming to have a talk with Rowan.
This bright time, mistah Cal and mistah Victor are on the fawm, and they’ve brought some… unusual hoomins with them.
Two hoomin wadies, and a hoomin mistah, all with yellow not-fluff, and wearing clothies made of something that you really hope isn’t fluffies.
Marley and Scarface are here too, talking to your friends.
“What am big black and white animal?”
“Those are called cows, Eira. We get milk from them.”
“Why no drink milk from breast, Cal? Human mother have plenty.”
She gets it!
“Eira will be make milk soon. Thanks to Cal. Just ask if Cal want drink milk.”
Mistah Cal changes the subject, his face turning red.
“And, er, those woolly ones are called sheep.”
“Like big big fluffy.”
“Right. We can shear off the wool, and make clothes and stuff out of it.”
“Make clothes, but no kill? Hmm. Another good idea! Cal world have so many good idea Eira world no have.”
So she’s from another world too?
How many worlds are there?
The other hoomin wady is looking at the chikkins with mistah Victor.
“That am bird that Judy turn dinotites into!”
What’s a dinotite?
“They’re called chickens, Loana. And they’re delicious when deep-fried.”
“What am deep fry?”
“Oh, I am so taking you to KFC later.”
The yellow not-fluff mistah looks at mistah Cal.
“Cal, you am good guy. Am very strong, very smart. And make strong baby with Eira, Keeno think. Keeno no like Cal at first, when Eira say Eira want do urki urki with Cal and Judy, but Keeno no should be jealous. Keeno make many baby with other woman. Keeno no can complain.”
Mistah Cal made a babbeh with Eira? But isn’t miss Judy his special friend? Does she know?
“Thanks, Keeno. You’re a good guy too. Yoshi says hi, by the way.”
“Cal will say that Keeno say hi back?”
“Of course! He’s down in the sewers with the Super Hoskins Brothers, dealing with an inexplicable turtle infestation.”
“There am good eating on turtle.”
“I think Yoshi has learned that by now, Keeno.”
Those yellow not-fluff people are nice!
You wonder where exactly they’re from.
Maybe it’s as nice as the world your other old daddeh and other you came from.
Meanwhile, in Timeline-214, Nice Chris’ timeline…
You are Lavender, and things are going bad.
The whole fawn has burnies, just like in your old sleepy pictures.
Your uncle Leslie, your auntie Helen, your cousin James, and your special friend Birch have all gone forever sleepies.
It’s just you and your daddeh left.
And the munstah who gave everyone else forever sleepies, of course.
It looks like mistah Cal, who is like a bwuddah to your daddeh.
It gave the real mistah Cal forever sleepies too.
But the munstah mistah Cal is red, and it’s got hownies and big leathery wingies.
The munstah looks down at you.
“I’m in a good mood, so I’ll let one of you live. YOU decide who, shitrat, and make it quick. I don’t want those O.M.A. faggots showing up before I can get back to the Citadel.”
You point a hoof at your daddeh.
“Daddeh. Daddeh wive.”
The munstah is surprised.
“Really? Wasn’t expecting selflessness like that from a shitrat, but whatever. If you wanna die, have it your way. Go on, faggot. Go. Before I drink your blood, like I drank MY you’s blood. How do you THINK I became a demon? I’m too awesome to die.”
Your daddeh looks down at you.
“You should go, Lav. Don’t worry about me. I think mes are supposed to die, and Lavs are supposed to live.”
You shake your head.
“Nu dis time, daddeh. Nao gu.”
“…Right. I’m sorry.”
“Nu be sowwy, daddeh. Dis am Wavendew choice. Wavendew wub yu, daddeh.”
“I love you too, Lavender.”
As your daddeh runs away, sad wawas in his see-places, the munstah walks up to you.
“He was right, you know. He dies in most timelines. And you live. This could have been one of those timelines, if you weren’t so disgustingly noble.”
STOMP
And then everything goes dark.