"Lavender: Wotta Revolting Development This Is!" by NobodyAtAll

Note: read “New Life and Old Death” before you read this.

The drone flies invisibly and silently over the Oldman farm.

Business as usual. Today, the Oldmans broke the news to the fluffies.

You are Lavender, and you and your fluffy friends have just gotten some big news from your daddeh and mummah.

Mummah is a soon-mummah now too!

You were all excited to hear the news!

Especially when they told the three of you that it didn’t mean that they’ll love you three any less.

Your old daddeh once told you that you can’t have babbehs because of your Syndrome-P53. Whatever that is.

But your new daddeh said that the nice dok-tow is looking into it, and that you might be able to have babbehs after all! Maybe. No promises.

There’s no stallions around here, so even if you wanted to have babbehs behind daddeh’s back, you couldn’t.

You love your daddeh and mummah, so you obey their wishes. You want babbehs, but you’ll have them when daddeh and the dok-tow say so.

For now, you’re happy to hear that there will be babbehs around the house, even if they’re not your babbehs, and even if they’re not fluffy babbehs.

But daddeh said that a hoomin soon-mummah is a soon-mummah for a lot longer than a fluffy soon-mummah is. He said that mummah will be a soon-mummah for nine munfs. And he explained that one munf is a lot of forevers. And how many nine is.

That’s weird.

Why do they wait so long?


They always take their time with everything.

But daddeh said that that’s a good thing, because they need to get everything ready, like the new nuw-sewwy.

You think it makes sense. A special room, just for the hoomin babbehs. That’s nice.

After all, there’s a special room just for fluffies.

As Leslie continues with converting his son’s old bedroom into a nursery, the drone surveys the farmhouse, unseen and unheard by everyone present.

The drone stops when it passes by the bathroom, where Helen is currently taking a shower. She’s gotten into the habit of triple-checking that the door is locked before undressing, and that the curtains are closed.

But all her efforts to ensure that nobody sees her during her daily ablutions again are futile, because the drone is capable of seeing through walls, and whoever’s on the other end is getting a full view of the soaped-up body that the late Chris lusted after. One of the many reasons he is now in Hell.

Still unseen and unheard, the drone starts jerking back and forth, as if two people are now fighting over the controls. Because that is exactly what is happening.

Eventually, the jerking stops, and the drone moves on.

Meanwhile, at the headquarters of the Fluffy Cabal, Pierre has successfully taken back control of the drone, and Victor, the hijacker, has been ordered to leave the room.

Shame on you, Victor. That is not what the drones are for.

Xavier leaves as well, saying that he suddenly desperately needs a long, ice-cold shower.

You watch daddeh use the hoomin magic to turn the nuw-sewwy’s walls a soft purple, like your fluff.

James, when he used to live in that room, used hoomin magic to turn the walls black. You think it’s an improvement. Daddeh says he’s going to use hoomin magic to put little pictures of fluffies on the walls, too. You think that will be nice.

You watched him and mummah and uncle Jim empty out the room first, too. Daddeh found a shoo-boxie under James’ beddie, looked inside, frowned, and then threw it out before you and Daisy could see what was inside. You thought you could smell a hint of fluffy coming from the shoo-boxie.

Rose was in the saferoom, making good poopies, because that is what a good fluffy does.

But, but, the strangest thing happened when daddeh looked in the shoo-boxie.

You could hear him talking, even though he wasn’t talking, and nobody else seemed to hear it.

“I can’t believe that James would do that, look at the poor little things…”

That James would do what? To what poor little things?

You asked daddeh what he was talking about. He suddenly looked very worried. And scared. Why was he scared?

You haven’t seen James in a long time, by the way, but you heard that the fluffy you had seen him holding is doing well, despite all the owwies James gave him. He’s got a namesie now, it’s Scrappy. His new mummah is a nice old hoomin wady who likes taking care of fluffies who have gotten bad owwies from bad hoomins.

That made you happy to hear.

What happened to James, anyway?

You hope that the new hoomin babbehs are nicer than him.

An hour or two after Lavender unwittingly caught a glimpse of her owner’s thoughts, and after Leslie quickly made a phone call to Deston, Pierre added mind-reading to the list of Lavender’s known powers.

Victor started making plans to take Lavender to Las Vegas, but Pierre and Deston both firmly said no.

All in all, things are looking up for you. Even though your old daddeh went forever sleepies, and it still makes you sad to think about that, even when you remember the scary things he said in your sleepy pictures.

But your new daddeh and mummah love you to bits, so does everyone on the farm, and your daddeh gave you your two new bestest friends, who love you to bits as well. And you love every last one of them back!

And now, there’s babbehs on the way! Hoomin babbehs, and fluffy babbehs too, maybe! You’re going to love them, too!

You think everything’s going to be alright from here on out.

After all, the things you saw in your sleepy pictures aren’t real, right? Daddeh and the dok-tow said so.


What could possibly go wrong?

In the secret headquarters of the Order of Darkness, at the bottom floor, in the Darkest One’s chambers, the Darkest One himself prepares to address the figure now standing in the arcane circle dutifully drawn by Number Two, using the blood of uplifted fluffies who failed their assigned tasks. The stench of sulfur has filled the room, along with yellowy smoke.

The figure looks much like how he did in life, but with a few new additions. And minus the damage the truck did to his body.

He has blood red skin now, ram-like horns, and big, red, leathery bat-like wings, currently furled. His transformation into a demonic being is halfway through. Time works differently on the Other Side. From the half-demon’s point of view, he was Down There for eons.

The Darkest One speaks to the half-demon he has summoned with help from Number Two, in his deep, raspy voice.

“Christopher Oldman. Welcome back to the land of the living. You work for me now.”


Well fuck the fluffy reads minds!

called it


Chris has tranced formed into Don Don don An edgy OC FROM DEVIANTART!!! (jk jk im joking i love this revel- )

1 Like