One day, I was sitting at home with my special friend, and bestest babbehs
Am fluffy stallion, blue fluff, red mane
Special friend am red pegasus, with white mane
Babbehs am still little, no talky yet
It am bestest fluffy family ever
Hear knock at door
Answer door
Is herd of feral hoomins! Standing on fluffy lawn
“Ha ha fluffy family! Treat me respectfully, or I will cut off your legs and testicles, and make you eat your babies!”
Stoopid dummeh hoomin. Try to give fluffy family hurties.
“Nu! Go way naow ow get wowstest owwies an sowwy poopies!”
Hoomin hewd try to hurt fluffy family. Try to grab us, try to hurt leggies and special lumps
Hoomins are stoopid. To small and weak to hurt fluffies.
Fluffy grab hoomin smarty.
“No! Unhand me you foul beast! Let me go or I will shave off your fluff and humiliate you!”
“Twy to huwt fwuffy famiwy? Hoomin get sowwy poopies naow!”
Hold down hoomin smarty, special friend give wowstest sowwy poopies
“Uggghgh! That is disgusting!”
Hoomin smarty choking on sorry poopies
“Am dummeh hoomin sowwy naow?”
“No! I am defiantly unrepentant! Even though it is obvious that my continued resistance will result in more sorry pooping!”
Dummeh hoomin
Special friend hold hoomin down, and this time, fluffy give sorry poopies
Hoomin chokes some more. Covered in sorry poopies all over now.
Hoomin herd watches in fear
“Awe ova hoomins sowwy naow?”
“Yes! We’re sorry. Please don’t give us poopies. Our leader is a psychopathic abuser, and yet for some stupid reason, we follow him anyway, despite the problems it causes us. Possibly it is some kind of evolved tribal instict to follow warriors in times of war. It is completely irrational and yet we do it anyway.”
Stoopid hoomins. So many big wordies, but nu am clever.
"Awe yu sowwy naow smarty hoomin leader?
“No! Despite nearly drowning in liquid shit, I remain unreasonably and irrationally unrepentent!”
“Hoomin say sowwy or get hoofy-owwies!”
“No! Even in the face of impending violence, my narcissism and poor anticipation of consequences prevent me from altering my behaviour! Only evolution will change the behaviour of my species! Sorry hoof away motherfucker! I must be culled from the gene pool!”
Dummeh hoomin
Fluffy bop it on nose like babbeh that have made bad poopies
“Meanie hoomin go way naow! Nu come back!”
Leave hoomin on door step, holding hurted nosey and dripping with poop
“You fluffies will regret this! We humans are known for harboring irrational hatred, and a love of revenge! We will come back, and burn your house down! We will skin you alive, and set up fluffy death camps! And all because we believe ourselves superior to outgroups!”
Fluffy try to ignore hoomin ranting. Turn on fluff-TV and snuggle babbehs
“I’m still here!” Hoomin am yelling.
“I believe my abuse to be justified! Even though the concept of justified abuse is an oxymoron!”
Fluffy turn up volume on teebee.
“I purposefully seek out minor transgressions on the part of fluffies, in order to anger myself, such that I won’t empathise with the fluffy, so that I can be sadistic, whilst defending against any sense of guilt or shame!”
Fluffy am getting tired of this poop.
Walk back to door, open door again.
“Haha! I knew you could not take my long-winded and overly detailed exposition of my motivations!”
“Go way! Or get wowstest sowwy hoofies!”
“No! I demand respect from you fluffy, even though I have not respected you, and have threatened you with violence, and have indeed been violent towards other fluffies in times past. I will…”
Fluffy kick hoomin into neighbour’s yard.
Hoomin flys over 100 hoomin feet in distance
Fragile hoomin bones snap into a hundred pieces
Hoomin go forever sleepies, but it take long time
Other hoomins run away in fear, but already another hoomin wants to become smarty
“Huu huu huu…” Fluffy am bad
“Why fluffy cry?” ask special friend
“Fluffy have giv a hoomin fowevew sweepies… it am bad to giv fowevew sweepies”
Special friend look sad
“It am bad, but hoomins onwy undewstand viowence.”
“Why dey su mean? Fwuffies onwy want huggies, an wuv, an wun an pway…”
Special friend am thinking hard.
“Hoomins am mean because evowved. Fwuffies am nice because made.”
Now fluffy am think hard
“But if hoomins am mean, why hoomins make fluffy nice?”
Special friend look puzzled
“Not all hoomins am mean, but hoomin smarties awe da meanest.”
“Speciaw fwiend am cwevew. Wets give huggies to babbehs.”
Fluffy am glad am fluffy. Hoomins are mean.