Meet the Sniper (by: CryptidRancher)

The alarm barely rang before a hand slammed down into the snooze button, the LED 5:00 AM flickering from the force of the hand before displaying the actual time, 4:55 AM. The hand went back underneath the covers before they were thrown away.

The brunette sat there in her glow in the dark dino jammies, staring at a random wall of the house as she contemplated the life choices that led up to her current lifestyle. “Fuckin hell…” She muttered, barely conscious and already cursing the day. Hope already regretted waking up. But she can’t go back to sleep, she already lost her comfortable position the moment she stood up, so instead she decided to begin her morning routine… After brewing a cup of coffee. Still she can’t help but grin, knowing her favorite part of the day will begin soon.

One cup and some basic hygiene practices later, she got dressed into a comfortable pair of shoes, work jeans and a black tank top with a faded red, canvas jacket thrown on top. She fed her cat Kuroi some canned food as the little devil kept rubbing herself at her legs, almost tripping her. Despite this she couldn’t help but giggle at her neediness only present in the morning. Once that was done she opened the door of her one story cabin to the backyard, with a twenty ounce thermos in one hand full of morning brew.

The cabin was a moderately sized two bedroom and one bathroom with the entirety fenced in by a perimeter of white picket fencing. Hope had no neighbors as around the property were acres of oak woods, all of it her property too as she inherited the lot from her grandma on her dad’s side. But she was comfortable with the house as is and is not really planning on expanding anytime soon. The backyard was interesting in that besides the tool shed in the corner of the yard, in the center of it stood a oak guard tower overlooking the whole fenced in area. This, she added after a while of living here. It was two stories tall with a basic staircase to reach it’s vantage point, a small thin roof providing shade and protection from rain.

She began patrolling the perimeter of the fence, looking for weaknesses and signs of necessary maintenance. Looking over at her vegetable garden growing underneath her kitchen window, and seeing a lack of feces and destruction on the yard, she relaxed. Everything is good. Then she quickly made her way over to the shed in the corner to begin her work.

Grabbing a black case on a workbench, she carried it up the guard tower overlooking her property. At the top of her tower was a single chair and a table, with the table only having a coffee machine and three monitors on it with a small remote laying next to one. Hope put down the case and opened it to reveal a blue camo, BB gun sniper rifle with a tripod and scope separate from it, a few clips of ammo also included. She quickly assembled the weapon with practiced ease, having done this numerous times. Setting it up so that it face west of her property, towards the clearing beyond her backyard. The clearing was empty, devoid of everything except for a blob of hot pink sticking out like a traffic cone on black asphalt.

Looking over once more, Hope was happy no issues popped up at all before turning the monitors on. There was a brief moment of static before they displayed the same clearing but at a grounded level from different angles. Two of the cameras were hidden as fake rocks while the third was from a very special spot. Hope grabbed the small remote on the table, pointing it over to the clearing while pressing the red power button.

“Hewwo! Fwuffy wub u! Wan be nyu fwend?” The pink decoy parroted from the voice box sewn into it’s belly. The actual stuffed toy sitting in an upright position with it’s arms to the sides awkwardly moving in a robotic fashion as it’s head swiveled from side to side. It’s right eye replaced with the third camera.

Hope settled herself comfortably as she sipped some caffeine for herself. Making sure her cameras are recording she began peering down the scope at the trap, Hope exercising a virtue those bio toys lack severely. Patience.

///

The fluffy herd had been waddling for an hour by now through the underbrush. Leading the group was a chubby purple unicorn with a red mane, flanked on both sides by two earthies, one a bright orange with a yellow mane and the other a magenta pink with a green mane. No doubt a smarty and his toughies.

Behind the stallions waddled the mares. One was a chubby white pegasus with a purple mane while another was a red unicorn with a blue mane. The white pegasus obviously being the favorite of the smarty as she got extra nummies from him. And lastly, trailing a bit behind was the brown mare, the poopie fluffy and social outcast. All the mares show signs of pregnancy, but the brown mare was heavily pregnant. Her belly slid along the floor as she walked, her legs barely reaching the floor with enough room to walk properly. Eventually she stopped walking, she needed to rest.

The purple smarty took notice almost immediately, beginning to backtrack to the brown fluffy while the herd stopped to watch. Immediately getting up into her face he puffed up his cheeks for intimidation before interrogating her.

“Smawty nu tew hewd tu stop! Wy Dummeh Poopie Mawe Stop!?” The mare could only look away as she responded, “Sowwie bestest smawty. Weggies huwt, am soon mummah. Am goin nee nestie soo- EEEEEK!” She covered her face as the smarty started swatting her with his front hoofs. Her nose starting to bleed from the sorry hoofsies.

“Stupi Dummeh Poopie Mawe! Poopie mawe is onwy fo num poopies and gib good enfies! Poopie mawe stop agin smawty will gib tummeh babbehs foweba sweepies”

The mare’s eyes widened as she knew this wasn’t a threat, but a promise. Memories of her last brood filling her heart with a cold empty feeling. So on shaky legs she started to stand up hoping she wouldn’t have to walk for much longer.

Once done he trotted back up to the front of the herd, the white unicorn started praising him. “Bestest Smawty am bestest! Tew poopie mawe she dummeh!” The smarty waddled on now holding his head high as the white pegasus waddled next to him. She would occasionally look back at the mare in disgust before talking with the the smarty about their pretty babies.

The brown mare could only look down as she followed the herd.

Until the red unicorn proceeded to shit on her followed by a demand for wickey cweanies. Sobbing she fulfilled her role in the herd, continuing her job when the toughies repeated the process.

They trotted for another hour, taking breaks when the other mares complained of hoofsies huwties, before the smarty suddenly stopped. The orange toughie asked, “Wy bestest smawty stop?” “Wisten Dummeh!” Shouted the smarty, prompting everyone to shut up.

“Hewwo! Fwuffy wub u! Wan be nyu fwend?”

Another fluffy. That could mean nummies, a new herd member and maybe gud feews thought the smarty. The rest of the herd, minus the brown one, had similar thoughts voicing out “nyu fwend?”

“Fowow Smawty!” Yelled the smarty as he trotted along toward the source of sound, his herd following eagerly.

They came upon the clearing and noticed how green the grass is and the abundance of wildflowers in the area. A creek could be heard nearby providing a good source of water, and the treeline could provide shade and shelter when necessary. The two mares started celebrating “Yay! Bestest Smawty foun bestest pwace!” “Smawty am bestest Fwuffy!” Nao hab evewyting fo tummeh babbehs!"

The smarty in question fluffed up his body in pride, his head held high with a big grin on his face. He’s always been bestest! He was mummah bestest babbeh and now he’s the bestest smawty.

Their attention turned immediately to the decoy fluffy sitting in the middle of the clearing. The smawty approached it to lay claim to the land. “Dummeh Fwuffy! Dis am smawty wand nao! Join hewd o get wowstest sowie hoofsies!” He emphasized with a stomp to the ground.

“Hewwo! Fwuffy wub u! Wan be nyu fwend?”

At this the smarty grinned, his cheeks hurt but they are happie huwties. He found a new home for his herd, got a new member in the process and gave heart hurties to the poopie mawe. He really was the bestest smarty.

///

“Six targets have entered the clearing, three stallions and three mares. The smarty made himself known the stupid shit. Two of the mares broke off to mingle in the grass, no doubt talking about their pretty babies. Ugh.”

“The two toughies are sniffing and looking over the decoy. Most likely hoping it’s a mare for their own special friend since the smarty basically called dibs on all three of them. Perverted little shit.”

“The brown mare sat away at the edge of the clearing, no doubt mistreated as the poopie fluffy those racist shit bags. Can’t wait to put one where the sun don’t shine.” Hope finished speaking into the recorder as she observed the brown mare. Perhaps she should make it five targets instead. The mare has already gone through enough as the shit cleaner and personal cum dumpster.

Hope can’t help but feel some form of pity for the brown ones. Mistreated and unwanted, they are usually the best examples of the species. They are actually grateful for you and what you would do for them, and they don’t even ask for much. Companionship is all they needed, like a real pet.

“No. Don’t go there. Don’t compromise yourself.” Shaking these thoughts from her head she knows she has a job to do.

Hope then noticed the smarty making his way to the brown mare. These things never turn out good so she aimed her scope down at the purple vermin, waiting for the opportune moment to make him scream. After all, when you hunt fluffies, you always go for body shots.

///

The brown mare sat near the treeline, already knowing wherever she sat the smarty will declare there the poopie pwace. She kept staring down at the ground softly crying, teetering close to the “wan die” loop. That was until she noticed the ground was actually grass, and she realized not all is lost.

Taking a quick look around it seems everyone else is preoccupied, she immediately began munching on the grass, her stomach audibly groaning for more as it demands actual sustenance. “Gwassie Nummies aw Bestest Nummies Ebah!” Thought the mare as she continued eating.

Only to be interrupted by a hoof to the snout. “EEEEEK!”

“Stupi Dummeh Poopie Mawe! Poopie Mawe nu deseweb gwassie nummies! Poopie mawe onwy eat poopies!”

“Pwease bestest smawty. Pwease wet poopie mawe hab a wittwe. Tummeh Babbehs nee nummies nu want dem go foweba sweepi- EEEEEK!!!”

“Dummeh Poopie Mawe! Smawty say nu!” The smarty began to beat down on her, his front hooves hitting her. She sobbed as her legs cradled her belly protectively, hoping not to miscarriage. Old bruises stinging as new ones are forming. The pain in her nose from earlier back again, she just laid there and took it.

The smarty got tired after ten seconds of sowwie hoofsies. As he was catching his breath he took notice of the mare hugging her belly in the fetal position.

And her exposed lower half.

The smarty grinned as he felt his one inch punisher rise. He waddled towards her rear, his mouth salivating to the point of drooling as he prepares to mount her.

The mare panics at feeling that familiar yet unpleasant weight on her rump, and his member prodding along her leg. She starts thrashing around, kicking at him, trying to delay what’s already happened to her too many times before. “Nu! Nu Want! Hab Tummeh Babbehs! Nu Want! Nu Want!”

The smarty is having a difficult time inserting himself into the mare, only managing to dry hump her leg as she thrashed around. But that didn’t matter to him, he always wins when he wants gud feews. It’s been like that ever since she turned from a poopie babbeh to a poopie mawe. He just needs to keep trying.

The mare was beginning to tire out. All of her fight is gone. She sobs knowing the outcome, but yet for a brief moment she wishes hard, even more than wishing for sketties, that someone would save her babies. For someone to save her.

POP “SKREEEEE!!!” Prrrrbbbbttttt

She felt the weight on her rump fall off, the purple bastard laying on the ground next to her. The sight will forever be burned into her memory.

The purple unicorn laid on his side, his back legs crossing and twitching while his front legs attempt to reach his special lumps, obstructed by his rotund belly. His left testicle is blown open, blood and semen mixing together as his tubes are now exposed to the elements. Shit caked his tail and rump from the fear and pain he just experienced. A pain so unbearable the smarty proceeded to vomit onto the ground, the orange bile clogging his nose in the process. He was in pain, crying and broken.

A part of the brown mare was scared, she didn’t know what happened or where the threat came from. And yet, another part felt relief, her babies are safe. She is safe.

“Speshaw Fwiend!”

///

Hope felt her blood boil when she saw the smarty beat the brown fluffy for simply trying to eat. She was almost about to take out one of his eyes when he then proceeded to circle towards her rear. Hope immediately felt her blood run cold, the little rapist piece of shit. With a new goal and better target idea she lined up her shot and took it.

POP “SKREEEEE!!!” Prrrrbbbbttttt

She couldn’t help but smile in relief giving the smarty a one second vasectomy, hold the anesthetic. His testicle popping like a balloon filled with tomato paste, and his squeals of pain were a symphony to her ears. Him following it up with shit and vomit was just a bonus. She was half tempted to give righty the same treatment.

Peering down her scope she saw that the brown mare looks a bit shaken up. Nervous, but unharmed. The mare seemed to stare at the smarty for a bit before visibly relaxing. Her body no longer tensed up from what she was sure had to endure a couple of times.

“Speshaw Fwiend!”

Hope smirked before looking down her sight at the cavalry. This morning seems to be getting interesting.

///

“Speshaw Fwiend! Hab huwties gib Huggies!” The white pegasus cried as she hugged the smarty’s head, his other special friend the red unicorn nervously looking at the area of damage as she paced in worry. The toughies immediately got in between the brown mare and smarty, glaring at her before looking at their smarty in concern.

“Huhuhu… Speshaw wumps hab wowstest huwties huhuhu…” The smarty then proceeded to shout, “It Stupi Dummeh Poopie Enfie Mawe Fauwt! She Nu Wan Gib Gud Feews! She Gib Wowstest Huwties an Owies to Bestest Smawty! Gib Owies to Speshaw Wumps huhuhu…”

The rest of the herd proceeded to glare at her. The magenta toughie began to approach the mare as she shrunk in on herself. The orange toughie shouted something about, “Bwingin nyu fwuffy fwend” as he ran in the direction of the decoy. Had anyone cared to pay attention to him however they would’ve seen him get immediately taken by a hawk.

The red unicorn then decided to speak up, “Dummeh Poopie Mawe! Yu gib bestest smawty wump huwties! Nao no can hab pwetty babbehs!”

The magenta toughie followed it up, “Poopie Mawe huwt bestest smawty! Huwt hewd an soon mummahs! Toughies will gib sowwie hoofsies untiw tummeh babbehs go foweba sweepies. Den toughies will gib yu wowstest enfies untiw yu go foweba sweepi- POP SKREEEEE!!!”

The toughie felt his right leg give in as it was snapped to an unnatural angle only to then land on it. The pain was too much at once as it flailed on it’s side and beginning to foam from the mouth. In the process letting out a torrent of shit at the smartys face as his bum landed directly in front of it.

“SKREEEEE!!! Scaredy poopies!” Yelled the two mares, the white pegasus shat itself while still sitting down, cushioning it’s rump with it’s own feces. The red unicorn on the other hand, was running with her eyes closed, only managing to run in a five foot circle while leaving a ring of turds. The smarty squealed in disgust, attempting to spit out the poopies that ended up in it’s mouth. His thrashing about only causing more pain as the raw flesh from his vasectomy moved around and was covered in feces.

The toughie could only keep convulsing before finally laying still. It’s bowels now completely empty.

///

Hope felt herself feel weak as she gripped the edge of the only table in the tower. Her manic laughing turning into a wheezing fit only audible to bats. Her face, her stomach it all hurt as she tried to catch her breath. Her shoulders still shaking slightly as she recalls the perfect shit storm that just transpired.

This morning already became one of her top five in her career. Second only to the skettie trap that was laced with actual horse laxatives, the trap she used before switching to the decoy method. The cost of food was too much and it was quite annoying trying to spray shit off of the grass.

Finally feeling some form of control, Hope continued trying to take long, steady breathes. Only for a small Hic to be heard. Damnit she got the hiccups.

Knowing that they’ll go away eventually she went back to her station looking at the clearing. Personally invested as the guardian angel of this poor mare, she will enact the vengeance necessary to destroy everything the smarty knows and loves… Hic

///

The red unicorn continued to cry as she waddled around her shit circle. Wishing to be anywhere but here. She wished she was back at her old warm housie, with her nice mummah. She wished her old mummah let her have babbehs so she wouldn’t have to run away to have some. She wished her mummah let her back in when she knocked on the door. She wished her dummeh mummah understood that she needed babbehs and that she needed them too.

“Huhuhu… Wan ol mummah. Wan housie and toysies fo pwetty babbehs”

POP “SKREEEEE!”

A burst of pain and a splash of blood sent the mare tumbling out of her circle, rolling around her waste in the process.

She heard nothing but a ringing noise as she stood up, her thinkie pwace was suffering some bad huwties. She looked around the clearing, trying to get her bearings back. She looked over at a purple unicorn lying on the floor with a white pegasus sitting next to him. Both nu smew pwetty.

She continued staring, feeling like she knows these fluffies. Yet, she can’t recall ever interacting with them. When suddenly, there are more fluffies now! Two purples and two whites are now there. This so confusing, her thinkie pwace now hurting even more now.

She didn’t realize her eyes were starting to derp out in opposite directions as grey dripped down her head and muzzle.

///

“D’oh I Missed!” Hic

She just wanted to break it’s self esteem. Not it’s skull!

The red mare just continued to babble nonsense while stumbling around. It’s horn laying on the ground nearby along with a piece of skull bone and tissue.Now leaving the Ex- Unicorn with a gaping hole at the front of it’s head.

The mare stopped attempting to walk when it came to it’s shit circle. Dropping it’s head to the pile it began eating earnestly. Leaning forward too much, the grey organ slipped out of skull into the shit pile, marinating in something more valuable than it.

“I’m gonna get sick looking at this.” Hic

The mare paused and observed the brain now sitting on its lunch. She poked it with curiosity before immediately suffering a hemorrhage. It spasmed around before face planting right on top of the organ. It was over.

“Damn fluffies.” Hic "Surviving nothing, but everything* Hic “Those knock off Tardigrade motherfuckers.” Hic

Looking away for a bit, Hope steadied her breathing. It helps with seeing such unexpected gore.

One final breath, her hiccups have passed. She now can enjoy a special serving of bitch mare.

///

The white pegasus still sat there on top of her shit, still giving huggies to the smarty as he groaned. The brown mare stayed off to the side, not wanting to upset her. After a while her sobbing quieted down before she turned to glare at the brown earthie.

“Poopie Fwuffy! Gib Wickey Cweanies! Nao!”

The mare continued to look down, but began waddling towards them to perform her job. She barely got halfway within walking distance when…

POP “SKREEEEE! Nu wingies!”

POP “EEEEE!!!”

“Nu! Speshaw Fwend!” Yelled the smarty as he heard the distress in her voice, yet it hurt too much to even move.

The pegasus started running around in a blind panic, her wings, what made her special, are broken and dangling from their ripped tendons. Her back turned red as her wings sprayed blood from the broken bits like a lawn sprinkler. And it doesn’t stop there.

POP POP POP “EEEEEK! SKREEEEE!”

More BB rounds pelted into her body. Her sensitive skin and fluff welting up and splitting skin. Occasionally a round would penetrate her thin skin, embedding itself into her, effectively becoming a real bullet.

POP POP POP “SKREEEEE!”

The bullet sponge was tiring, her once pristine white coat now coated in scattered marks of purple and red.

Trying to hide, the pegasus simply turned around and covered her eyes with her hooves. Whimpering as she raised her ass in the process. It only took a second to capitalize on this opportunity.

POP “EEEEEK! NU SPESHAW PWACE! NU HUWT PWETTY TUMMEH BABBEHS!!!”

A round was shot straight down her coochie. Immediately making the mare jump out of reflex, and landing with the grace of a falling watermelon onto her stomach. Triggering early labor.

“Nu! Tummeh Babbehs stay in mummah tummeh! Nu gud! Nu gud! BIGGEST POOPIES!!!”

From her rear a spray of shit, piss, blood and amniotic fluid poured out her followed by her babbehs, and a single BB round. There was no sound as everyone stared at the mare, the pegasus worried at not hearing anything. She shakily turns around to see her babbehs.

They laid there silently with not a peep being made, some not having even developed eyes yet. All of them still attached to the umbilical cord.

The pegasus shakily picked one up, effectively dragging it’s siblings along with it. She cleans the foal before settling in onto her swollen teats, only for it to slide off. She tried again and again, wishing her babbeh would just latch and start drinking. If it was drinking it’s alive.

“Nu. Nu. Nu! Nu! Nu! NU. NU! NU! NU!!! BABBEH S! PWEASE BABBEHS! MAKE CHIWPIES FO MUMMAH!!! DWINK MIWKIES! DO SUMTING!”

Her teats are slick with blood and birthing fluid. The Pink fetus she was trying desperately to feed only grew colder as she kept trying to place it there.

After many unsuccessful attempts she stops and stares at it before bringing it into her chest, “H-huggies mae e-evewyting b-betah. M-mummah is hewe b-babehs.” She cradles the body, tearing up as she cleans it, hoping for any sign of life. None came. After approximately five minutes she holds out her babbeh in front of her, a thought of what it could’ve been.

POP

The dead foal in her hand exploded onto her face and arms. Complete shock at what just transpired. It was too much. Her babbehs are gone. Smarty can’t give her more. Only the ugly toughie remained.

Her babbehs are dead. Her babbehs are dead. Her babbehs are dead. HER BABBEHS ARE DEAD. HER BABBEHS ARE DEAD. HER BABBEHS ARE DEAD.

“Wan die.”

“Nu! Speshaw Fwend!!!” Screeched the purple smarty. It was no secret that she was his favorite special friend, she was a pretty mare who could give him pretty babies. He was hoping one of those babies would look just like him. But that’s all gone. And he can’t give her anything anymore.

Gathering all of his upper body strength, the smarty started to army crawl towards his special friend, dragging his hurting lower half. Once he got to her, he picked up what remained of his foals and began hugging the pegasus. The gore of their children turning to mush as he hugged her tightly. “Huggies mae e-evewyting b-betah. D-dey hab tu!”

“Wan die. Wan die. Wan die. Wan die. Wan die…”

///

Hope would’ve felt awful if they were regular fluffies. But they weren’t, at least the smarty wasn’t. And yet as she looked at the carnage she created she can’t help but notice the brown mare was watching the mare with empathy. Most likely from loosing her foals as well. She really is too good for them.

… Goddammit.

///

She turned away from the depressing scene. Her heart ached with a familiar grief that she had lived through. She may not have liked their mother, but those babies didn’t have to die.

The brown earthie never felt more despair in her life. Whatever monster is doing this, it killed almost the entire herd. And the last toughie still hasn’t come back.

She knows she can’t survive by herself and it’s only a matter of days before her tummy swells enough that she can’t move. The mare has no more tears to spill, so instead she closes her eyes. Whatever gets to her first she doesn’t want to see it.

“Hello little fluffy”

The mare opens her eyes in surprise, then widening even more as she sees a human lady kneeling down to see her.

“You’re a very good fluffy, protecting your babies so well. So pretty too” she said as she started petting her head gently. She called her pwetty and is petting her. It feels… Good.

“You’ve been through a lot haven’t you? Keeping your babies and yourself safe, a good fluffy deserves a home right? Would you like me to take you home?”

The mare only kept staring at her before her tears started freely flowing down her face. She immediately crawled towards Hope and hugged her as tightly as a fluffy could. Feeling the human’s arms reciprocate she gave her answer. A simple heartfelt nod and a choking sob.

“Nu! Dat Am Poopie Mawe! Poopies don deseweb Housies or nummies or toysies. Dey fo bestest smawty hewd”

Hope could only stop to glare at the rejected shag carpet in the ground. As much as she wanted to kill it she knew her new friend has been through too much already.

So she decided to just be punctual.

“Your herd is dead. You brought them to the forever sleepies field. All fluffies die here. Your special friend and her foals? Dead. And It was all your fault.”

Hope left the fluffy there as she carried her new friend to her cabin. Staying in that field any longer than necessary could hurt her fluffy.

The smarty sat there, for once his brain showing some signs of activity, and reliving the last 30 minutes of hell on earth. It was all his fault and there was nobody around to blame.

“Huhuhu… Wan die.”

///

As she washed her fluffy in the garage sink, being careful around her bruises, and using warm water, Hope started brainstorming some names for her new companion. Seeing all her grime wash off she was surprised to see that the fluffy wasn’t completely brown.

The fur was mostly brown splotches on white, a direct imitation of the pattern buckskin horses have. She couldn’t have been wild no doubt bred to be a show fluffy of some kind. How she ended up in that particular herd might forever be a mystery.

As she looked over this beautiful fluffy and seeing her visibly relax and smile in the water Hope finally thought of the perfect name.

“I’m going to call you Cinnamon.”

22 Likes

Ok, this was a nice nod to TF2, I appreciate that.

I am less stoked by the poopie-white-knighting, where every fluffy beside the poopie is a miniature tyrannical sociopath.

The magenta toughie died from a single BB that broke his leg, while the white pegasus took a whole pelting, including snapped wings and a coochie shot before going, that felt a bit odd.

The orange toughie getting snatched by a hawk seemed a bit cheap, especially when compared to what would have looked like a far better prey to the bird: the stationary, loud, bright pink decoy. Would have been funny if the hawk had slammed full force into it, maybe crushing the orange toughie along with itself and the robot, if you really wanted to include an 'environmental death" for one fluffy.

I am, however, really pleased by the character of Hope. You clearly gave her some feelings, what with the regret over the unborn foals and the dislike for the excessive gore with her accidental headshot. Not afraid to get her hands dirty, considering she went to pet the shit-caked earthie, that’s for sure.

One thing was not clear to me: Hope said “she had a job to do”, but does that mean she is a state-licensed fluffy hunter? Is she a park ranger of sorts? I would love to have a follow-up with some extra info on her and Cinnamon.

4 Likes

Love the bb gun sniping thats a good idea getting rid of ferals, an audio trap is nice.

Love the fact the feral didnt notice the other toughie got yank by a hawk.

Does Hope usually clean the carnage or let nature clean it for her?

1 Like

A cat and a pregnant or nursing fluffy could go bad easily.

This was one of my earliest works that was posted on Reddit so it was kinda rough narrative wise. Appreciate the criticism tho, so I’ll try to answer your questions the best I can.

Yes. Looking back I should’ve probably toned down the poopie white knight trope I’m not currently proud of it, but I don’t really have the motivation to completely rewrite it. I just posted this since I already had the story written on a Google doc and wanted to share it.

Yeah the different amount of damage before death seems very out of place. I have no real excuse for this. I was just tired and hurrying up the plot to get to the hands free abortion section. Didn’t help that I wrote this at around 2 am.

That’s actually a really good idea that I didn’t considered. The original intention with the orange toughie was that it would start pleading with the decoy to help them punish the poopie only for it to get frustrated at the automatic responses it makes. The toughie would’ve had enough to hit hard enough to realize it’s a fake. Once it realizes the danger it would try to warn the smarty and the mares only for hope to place one between his eyes. The last thing he sees being the decoy, taunting him. But again I was impatient and tired writing this. Yes the hawk felt like a copout because it is, I now am considering re editing the story to fix it.

I wrote Hope as an actual normal empathetic human being just doing her job that occasionally gets amusing. She mostly sees fluffies with pity, but understands the necessary role in keeping their numbers down and under control. Doesn’t mean she enjoys putting them through hell since normal, not run by smarty tyrant herds get picked off with stealthy headshots, sparing only pregnant dams and babies/adolescents. The spared are then taken to a nearby shelter were they get spayed/neutered.

To continue off from the earlier paragraph, yes she has a job involving this. It’s a wildlife ranger/exterminator type of position. I should’ve elaborated more on what she’s doing, for who and why. But I’m stupid like that. Good news is that I already have a story halfway done that will answer those questions. I’ll most likely drop it within the week if I can.

Still thanks for showing me the cracks in my story. I knew it wasn’t perfect. But I’m glad you showed me where I can improve on. Instead of just typing a one word response like ‘cringe’.

2 Likes

Yeah it’s going to be a rocky household with her cat and a fluffy

Hope usually cleans it of herself with a garden hose but occasionally lets vultures and rainy days do it for her.

2 Likes

Do the re-edit. Make this the story you want it to be.

The best part of this community is getting constructive feedback on content.

I think you have a good story here, and I think if you did some updates and re-edits, you could make it a great story.

Also, if you are thinking about shooting the orange toughy between the eyes, don’t. Shoot him in the eye, as the bone between the eyes tends to be much stronger than other parts of the body. It would also maintain consistency with fluffy hide being able to stop some BB shots.

I’m huge on verisimilitude in my stories; and to that end I really appreciate using a high powered air rifle. Something that’s pretty quiet from any distance but still has significant power was a great story decision. Something to consider would be to have Hope using lead pellets instead of steel BBs. They are more accurate and don’t ricochet like BBs.

If you want to get in to more weapon details, I find a decent review of small-game air rifles. My go-to when I was a kid for doing as much damage as possible was the Daisy 880, which will break skin on a human. Looks like some even crazier stuff is out there.

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Thanks for the feedback and information. I’m not well versed in firearms so this really helps me out :grinning: currently working on the re editing for now

Score for the sniper! Glad she not only saved a good fluffy but also brought hell upon the shitty ones.

I would kill for a re-edit of this. Seeing what the revised story could be.

Its really good although i personal think instead of editing it to much making a “remastered” version or something where it becomes what you want while still having a reference to where you started is a good idea, kinda shows how you progressed but thats just me

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