“…You’re full of shit, Vic.”
“What? I’m telling you, Cal! I really did see the guy!”
“Ah, you a fuckin’ liar, Vic! Or you were tripping balls!”
“Andre, I swear to any god who is listening right now, I saw the dude up close! He had a goddamn airplane turbine for a head!”
“I believe you, dude. I’ve met plenty of strange people. Like that witch who can turn into some kind of shadow monster.”
“Thanks, Tommy.”
“We’s met 'er, too. She ain’t as nasty as she looks.”
“So we believe you too, Vicky.”
“Thanks, ladies.”
It’s another peaceful day in Blueberry’s Forest.
On the veranda of the Fonda cabin, Calvin, Victor, Seth, Andre, Tommy, Annette and June are sampling some of the latest crop from Pierre’s greenhouses. Inside the cabin, Maria watches baby Quin and changes Moonflower’s diaper, while Scarface introduces the Korkea household fluffies, Caelum, Magic, Woodstock and Wakko to some of his favorite movies.
Future Quin is still off touring the world, though he’s been dropping in to visit frequently.
Ziggy isn’t here, though. He’s got an appointment with a breeder. Calvin and Judy will be picking him up once he’s done enfing.
Elsewhere in the forest, Dave, Robert, Slayer, Henry, Carmilla, Rex, Reggae and Mortis are scaring off another group of Dutch sailors who apparently didn’t learn anything from the first group of sailors who attempted to eat Pierre’s dodos.
Over at Pierre’s cabin, he and Dot are watching a dodo egg hatch with identical looks of glee on their faces.
Blueberry and some of his toughies are off making a transaction with the golden berry herd, and today, Judy is acting as Blueberry’s H-Bomb instead of Tommy.
Although, compared to Tommy, Judy is the kind of nuke that could cleanse the entire galaxy of life.
But neither Judy nor Blueberry wants to use Judy’s magic on the other herd if they can help it.
She’s just there to make a point.
Seth stands up and starts taking off his shirt.
June, true to form, starts leering at him.
“Guys, you gotta see this.”
Once shirtless, Seth turns around, revealing the new tattoo he got on his back.
It’s a tattoo of the Death of Tyrannosaurus Rexes.
VERY NICE, SETH. YOU HAVE SOME VERY TASTEFUL TATTOOS, UNLIKE ANDRE HERE.
As everyone turns to the source of the voice, the Deaths of Humans, Fluffies, and Tyrannosaurus Rexes appear.
The Death of Tyrannosaurus Rexes looks at Seth and gives him a thumbs up.
SKREONK.
Seth looks up at him and smiles.
“Thanks, man. I’ve been getting a lot of compliments. Our new album’s coming along nicely, too. We’ve already revealed the cover, people love it. They don’t know how we came up with it.”
The Death of Humans turns to Seth.
WELL, WHEN IT’S FINISHED, I THINK MY FRIEND HERE WILL LIKE A COPY.
“Consider it done. And if any of you want a poster or a T-shirt, just say the word. I know you two have a place to hang posters, but I dunno about this dude.”
SKREONK.
“Oh, really? Huh. Neat. But we probably won’t have any shirts in your size. No offence.”
The Death of Tyrannosaurus Rexes shrugs.
SKREONK.
The Death of Fluffies nods.
DAT AM WITE. DIS AM AMEWIKA. IF DEY NU HAB SHIWTSIE IN DEATH OF TYWANNOSAUWUS WEXES SIZE, DEN DEATH OF FWUFFIES AM GUNNA NEE A SCAWFSIE BEFOWE WE GU CHEK AWN UMBWA AGAIN.
Andre cackles.
“We do have a lot of fat people!”
The Death of Humans looks down at his fluffy counterpart.
SPEAKING OF UMBRA, WE SHOULD BE GOING. HE HASN’T ESCAPED AGAIN YET, BUT WE CAN’T BE TOO CAREFUL.
Calvin cracks a grin.
“Yeah, I don’t wanna have to deal with that asshole a third time. Oh, that reminds me.”
The Deaths turn to Calvin.
YES, CAL? WHAT IS IT?
“While you’re Down There, can you guys pass on a message to Umbra for me? And Chris and James, too. And Hans. Demeter too, if she’s there.”
I SUPPOSE WE CAN, CAL. WHAT’S THE MESSAGE?
“Tell them I said that they can all go fuck themselves.”
Everyone present laughs at that.
Once everyone’s done laughing, the Death of Humans accepts the request.
I’LL TELL THEM THAT, CAL. I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS. I WON’T BE TELLING DEMETER, THOUGH. SHE’S NOT DOWN THERE, BUT BY NOW, SHE PROBABLY WISHES SHE WAS.
Annette nods sagely.
“I’s tolds 'er. I’s tolds 'er that she 'ad to pay a price fer what she did.”
YOU CERTAINLY DID, ANNETTE. NOW WE REALLY MUST BE GOING. HOPEFULLY, WHEN NEXT WE MEET, I WON’T BE PICKING ANY OF YOU UP. I CAN’T BE CERTAIN. YOU KNOW WHY, CAL.
And with that, the Deaths depart.
After they’re gone, everyone turns to Calvin.
“Yo, Cal! What was he talking about, nigga? What do you know?”
Calvin frowns.
“Sorry, Andre. But I’ve been asked to keep it secret for now. Pierre, Deston and Gene know too.”
Annette grins.
“An’ me an Juney knows, too.”
Calvin turns to Annette in shock.
“How do you two know?”
Annette’s grin widens.
“Coz I’s Des’ wife, that’s 'ow.”
The mental image of the most powerful wizard in the world being nagged into spilling the beans by the most powerful witch in the world makes everyone laugh so hard that they forget all about the mystery that the Death of Humans alluded to.
They’ll find out eventually.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the woods, Judy, Blueberry and the toughies make their way back to the Brownie Palace with a cart that previously contained a generous stack of brownies, and now contains an equally generous pile of golden berries.
Judy is levitating the cart so the fluffies don’t have to push it.
“Dat went weww, mummah.”
“It did. You’re a good negotiator, Blueberry.”
Blueberry thinks.
“Dat meen Bwuebewwy am gud at makin deawsies, wite?”
“That’s right, Blueberry!”
Suddenly, the group hears men shouting.
Well, some of the men are shouting, the rest are screaming.
“NEE!!! NEE!!! NEE!!! NEE!!! NEE!!!”
“RENNEN!!! HET KAN MIJ NIET SCHELEN WAARNAARTOE!!!”
“WE HADDEN THUIS MOETEN BLIJVEN, JONGENS!!!”
“INDERDAAD!!! DIE KUTVOGELS ZIJN NIET DE MOEITE WAARD!!!”
A group of Dutch sailors run past the group, not paying any attention to Judy and the fluffies.
They seem to have come from somewhere near Pierre’s cabin.
Judy and the fluffies turn towards the group of sailors as they disappear into the woods.
Judy raises an eyebrow in bewilderment.
“The fuck was that about?”