Warning: spoilers for the Intergalactic Tournament Saga.
A few weeks after the Intergalactic Tournament, Dr. Erwin Stahlberg arrives at the Faucheuse Foundation.
blip
By this point, it shouldn’t have to be explained how he intends to spend the day.
You have read the previous stories about Erwin’s efforts at the Foundation, right?
Erwin’s fluffies, Asimov and Hershey, are at Erwin’s house.
Asimov is a robot fluffy. Much more competent than one of flesh and blood, and with many surprises for any intruders built-in. He’s more than capable of taking care of Hershey by himself, and the only reason they aren’t special friends is because Asimov doesn’t have the, ah, body parts to make the most of it.
The Nerd Squad is working on that. Alpha and Beta have lodged the same complaint. Yeah, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Hans didn’t equip Alpha with one of those.
Gamma, being a robot teenager, and thus having the low standards for comedy a human teenager has, asked if he could have two of those installed.
Alpha said that Gamma should be happy with one.
Miles, being a human teenager, has been banned from working on this project by Valerie, because Miles just could not stop giggling.
Yesterday, while the two fluffies were playing in the back garden, a small feral herd broke in through a hole in the fence, intending to recruit Hershey.
They quickly fled when extendable arms popped out of Asimov’s back, grabbed the ferals, and gently dropped the herd outside the garden, Asimov advising the herd not to pull that stunt again.
“If yu come back again, Asimov nu nee woh-wee abowt nu havin no-nos, cuz Asimov gunna take YU no-nos.”
He’s very protective of Hershey.
He patched the hole in the fence, too.
Not five minutes after sitting down in his examination room, Erwin greets his first patient of the day.
Calvin, Champion of the Universe, brings in a pink and dark pink unicorn mare, wearing a matching dark pink collar.
“Am mummah hewe, mistah Bestest Hoomin?”
Calvin sighs.
“Precious… your mummah isn’t coming back. I told you that.”
“What happened, Cal?”
“Well, when me and the boys got to the School this morning, we found Precious here, waiting at the corner, so I asked her what she was waiting for.”
“Mummah towd Pweh-shush tu stay dewe untiw mummah came back.”
“She’d been waiting all night, Erwin. I’m pretty sure her owner deliberately abandoned her. Fortunately, the stupid bitch seems to have forgotten that she had Precious chipped, so finding her and asking her what the Hell she was thinking isn’t gonna be hard. Really, dumping her around the corner from our HQ? Did she think we were just gonna ignore Precious? Does she not know who we are?”
“There’s no limit to human stupidity.”
“And they say fluffies are dumb. Don’t give me that look, Precious. Compared to your mummah, you’re a genius.”
“…Fanks?”
Erwin carefully places Precious on the Stahlskanner.
ping!
“She’s healthy, Cal. She just needs a bath, a meal, and lots of love.”
Or, as people at the Foundation call it, the Standard Package.
“Good, good. Precious probably won’t get any of the last one from her owner.”
“Du mummah nu wub Pweh-shush anee mowe, mistah Bestest Hoomin?”
Calvin knows it’s best not to give Precious false hope.
But, he also knows that all is not yet lost.
“Probably not. But we’ll find someone who will love you. And if we don’t, you can live here. It’s not bad here, and if you don’t believe me, ask around. Plenty of fluffies here will back me up on this, Precious.”
As Mark, who now moonlights as a demon hunter, is called in to take Precious to the bathing room, Calvin leans in, speaking to Erwin in hushed tones.
“Calvin Impact’s coming along nicely. Val says it should be done soon, along with the other thing.”
“Cal, do you really think we’re going to need them?”
“Well, we’re this close to finding the Ganglion’s Boss. And we don’t know how many pieces of the Sphere of Destruction those two fucking Tennebites have found. If they’ve already got all of them, we’re all hosed if we don’t have something to give us the edge over the God of Destruction.”
“What about Mindless Mind?”
“I can’t force it, Erwin. I think it might be time to consider Luxi’s offer. He’s the last guy to achieve Mindless Mind, y’know.”
“Really? We were watching the Tournament at home, he didn’t have that silvery aura like you did.”
“Yeah, well, he’s mastered it. I only achieved it a few weeks ago. The path to power never ends, Erwin.”
Erwin nods.
“Es gibt immer einen größeren fisch.”
Calvin leaves, promising to check in on Precious later, a promise he always keeps.
With his power to have several bodies at once, keeping this promise is trivial, and he’s working his way up to controlling more bodies at the same time.
His current limit is six bodies. It’s actually tricker to use than Gemini Burst, because, even with the overwhelming power boost Gemini Burst provides Calvin, he still has only one body to worry about.
And when using Gemini Burst, the real issue is that body possibly dying. Calvin sincerely hopes he never has to take it up to times twenty again.
His newly acquired teleportation makes it even easier to keep his promise. There’s a range limit on Spacecake’s teleportation, but as Omegas, the limit is a lot higher for Calvin and Marley. They have much more raw power to work with. Theoretically infinite power.
Calvin and Marley have been working with Jack to figure out what their range limit is, and they haven’t hit it yet.
Jack theorises that they may be able to teleport out of the universe entirely, possibly to other universes, or other planes of existence, or pocket universes like the one Primal Earth exists in. Or even outside of reality altogether.
Yes, there’s more pocket universes.
But Calvin and Marley are in no rush to find out if this is actually the case.
They’re worried they might not be able to come back.
Just as Erwin moves to summon the mechanical arms to disinfect everything Precious touched, everything is suddenly already disinfected.
Chaos appears in the examination room, in his jester form, carefully cradling a badly-burned, barely alive stallion.
Just as Erwin moves to open the regeneration room door, the stallion expires in Chaos’ arms.
Chaos sighs sadly, a painted frown on his face as he gently places the body on a table.
He speaks up, his voice sounding cheerful and flamboyant as always, but something in his words betrays his sorrow and fury.
“I truly cannot abide abusers, Erwin.”
Erwin comforts Chaos, patting him on the shoulder.
“Neither can I. But we can’t save everyone.”
Chaos told the man who did this that the bastard would suffer if the fluffy didn’t survive.
And that’s a promise Chaos always keeps.
As friendly as Chaos can be, you must remember that he is still the anthropomorphic personification of chaos, and possesses power that dwarfs even Calvin’s.
It is a very bad idea to make him angry.
Chaos quickly leaves to make good on his word.
He intends to drop the abuser in the worst part of his domain, and leave him there for a few million years.
And then the real suffering will begin. Chaos has a vivid imagination and all the time in the world to think up punishments.
François got off easy.
After the burned fluffy’s body is moved to the morgue by Gilda, Erwin readies his examination room for his next patient.
A man brings in a green and yellow earthie stallion, with dark green eyes, who is wincing in pain. He’s a bit crosseyed, too.
“Have you learned your lesson, Stanley?”
Stanley, the fluffy, answers his owner’s question, his high-pitched voice even higher than a fluffy’s voice usually is.
“Yus, daddeh. Nu meen nu.”
“What happened to him, sir?”
The owner can’t help but grin.
“He got a bit too up close and personal with a mare at the park, and got a hoof to the nuts for his trouble.”
Erwin places Stanley on the Stahlskanner.
bzzz
“Ah. Testicular torsion. And it’s bad. A few years ago, we’d have to neuter him.”
“…Wut noo-tuw meen?”
Erwin and the owner both decide not to answer that question.
“I was planning to breed him. He’s a horny little bastard, and all that horny’s gotta go somewhere.”
“Slayer could relate to that. But worry not, the vat can fix this.”
“So I should come back in a week? That’s how long it takes, I heard.”
“We’ve upgraded the vats, sir. You can come back in a few hours.”
The vats have been upgraded with Lumixian technology.
Once Stanley is safely slumbering in a vat, a breathing mask on his face, his owner departs.
He’s got some errands to run. And he’s wondering if Flufftopia sells a fluffy chastity belt.
They do. There’s a curtained-off section for things like that. Like the Special Huggie Friends.
The machine that puts the custom Special Huggie Friends together is in that section.
Which is why Calvin was so embarrassed about the circumstances of his first meeting with Pierre. Imagine meeting the richest man on the planet in a sex shop. That’s what it was like.
Of course, Pierre had gone to that Flufftopia specifically to introduce himself to Calvin, and it’s not his fault Calvin happened to be in that section at the time.
Technically, it was Piccolo and Snowball’s fault.
Not that Calvin holds it against them. He thinks meeting Pierre was worth having to get those Special Huggie Friends.
And he has a kit for cleaning the couch. Not the first time someone got knocked up on that couch.
Once Erwin has gotten his examination room ready, his next patient is brought in.
Zhala Jr., son of the very late Emperor of the dinotites, a race of humanoid dinosaurs, brings in his fluffy Taka. They came all the way from Primal Earth, via the portal near Ioka Village.
The portal leads to a brick wall by Calvin’s apartment building, and the ChaotiX still has no idea why some of the portals are in manmade structures.
The Nerd Squad theorises that, should the building that the wall is a part of be demolished, the portal in it will move elsewhere.
Perhaps Eira is right, and there are portals where there need to be portals.
Zhala Jr. looks concerned, carefully holding Taka in his claws. He’s one of the nice dinotites, and is hoping to establish peace with the humans of Primal Earth.
“What’s wrong with him, ZJ?”
ZJ is the nickname the ChaotiX gave Zhala Jr., and he accepted it.
He’s one of the few dinotites who can speak English, and he replies in that language, his raspy voice sounding worried.
“He ate something funny yesterday, and he hasn’t pooped since.”
“Put him on the Stahlskanner. No, that’s the weighing scale, this is the Stahlskanner.”
“Oh, sorry. I haven’t spent a lot of time on this side, I’m still learning what everything is.”
Zhala Jr. puts Taka on the Stahlskanner.
bzzz
“Ah, he’s just constipated. Don’t worry, he only needs a laxative. You can pick that up at the pharmacy. I’ll show you the way.”
“I can read English too, but thanks. And I know what a laxative is, before you ask. There’s a berry that grows on our side that we’ve used as a laxative for ages.”
“Daddeh am weawwy smawt fow a dinotite.”
“Yeah, but the rest of my kind’s finally starting to get a clue. I don’t think Dad realized just how hard it would have been to invade this world.”
Erwin nods.
“True. Calvin humiliated him and destroyed his city with just a dozen of his allies. I think your father would have been surprised if he walked out of that portal and found a battalion of tanks waiting for him.”
“Tanks are those big things with the treads, right?”
“That’s right, ZJ. You’re certainly a fast learner.”
“Thanks! But I’ve been wondering about something, Doctor.”
Erwin leads the dinotite and his fluffy out of the examination room, to lead them to the pharmacy.
“What’s that?”
“Why do those wheeled contraptions stop working after a while?”