Retail is Hell on Earth [by Maple]

Inspired by @Milky 's fluffsona’s dead eyes. I hope you don’t mind me using her!


“I want to use the coupon!” The woman shouted, slamming her fistful of paper scraps down on the counter.

“Am sowwy, nice wady, buh Miwky nu can taek.” You replied calmly

“Yes you can! It says right here-” she pointed to the very fine print on the bottom of one of the crumpled scraps “-they’re good until the third! So you have to accept them!”

You inhaled slowly, trying to keep your voice even and calm. “Yus, buh dis nu am fo’ dis stowe. Dat am coo-pon fo’ FwuffMawt, dis am Fwuffy Wawehouse.”

“What does it matter?! It’s for the same thing!”

You put a hoof to your face. “It nu am same store. Miwky can ownwy taek coo-pon fo’ Fwuffy Wawehouse. Am sowwy, nice wady.” you lied, both about being sorry and her being a nice lady.

“Well I don’t think that’s right! Where is your manager?!” The woman demanded.

This was the worst part. “Miwky am sowwy, buh am managew.” You pointed to the name badge hanging from your collar, which read in letters big and clear enough for even a fluffy to read:

MILKY
MANAGER

“Well, then you can just give me the discount!” The woman said, crossing her arms smugly as if she had gotten one over on you.

“Miwky say, nu can.” You said slowly and clearly. “It nu am wite stowe. Miwky nu can jus’ gib dis-cownt wifout wight coo-pon.”

“This is absurd!” The woman spluttered. “This is robbery! You’re just trying to steal my money from me! I bet you’ll put the discount in the system and then just keep the money for yourself!!”

You blinked at her slowly, glancing down at her prospective purchases, a pair of cheap fluffy water bowls. You, being a fluffy, didn’t have the best grasp on currency but you knew these things were worth less than a single can of FluffChow.

“Am sowwy fo’ cun-foo-shun, buh Miwky nu am make nice wady buy bowws. Nice wady can buy at fuww pwice, ow gu tu FwuffMawt tu use coo-pon.”

“You’re kicking me out?!” The woman screamed, stomping her feet like a foal throwing a tantrum. “You can’t do this to me!! Don’t you know who I am?!”

“Nu, Miwky nu see nice wady befowe.” You said before you could stop yourself.

“I spend so much money here!” The woman’s tirade began.

Unlikely, between the small purchase she had today and the fact that you had literally never seen her before she decided to grace you with her presence today.

“I am the president of the Sandy Hollow Home Owners Association!”

You didn’t know what that was, but if she was in charge of it you didn’t want anything to do with it.

“I could have this business shut down in moments! A single email, that’s all it would take!” She held up her phone menacingly, finger raised over the screen as if to press send. “You would be out of a job!”

Also unlikely, as you were not technically employed but store property. You had heard of fluffies “quitting” but that was always accompanied by a suspicious stain in the break room and a heavy trash bag for you to take to the dumpster.

She looked down at you smugly. “So, am I sending that email, or are you going to do your job.”

You sighed. “If nice wady nu am happy wif’ Miwky’s service, yu can fiww out compwaint fowm. Miwky nu can hewp nice wady tho.”

Her face turned bright red as she slowly lowered her phone.

“Tank’oo fo’ shoppin’ at Fwuffy Wawehouse.” You sighed again before you finished reciting the lines your boss trained you to give. “Fwuffy wub yu.”

“Some love!” She spat at you, snatching her crumpled coupons off the counter. “I’ll have your job over this, do you understand? No one will ever shop here again!!”

You watched her stomp out the door, pausing only to kick over a display of blocks by the door. You allowed yourself a single eye roll before plastering your customer service smile back on and turning to the next human in line, an old man. “Hewwo, how can Miwky hewp yu?”

“I’ll just be getting these.” He tossed a few plush rabbits onto the counter along with a small scrap of paper. “I have a coupon for them.”

Your eye twitched slightly as you saw the FluffMart logo, clear as day, on the coupon.

40 Likes

Dang. What on earth could she have done in her last life to deserve this?

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Ive seen a lot of fluffy abuse on this site but this is just sick. I’m crying now thanks

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sick, twisted twisted shit. the depths of sadistic depravity in this website continue to astound me i think im gonna hurl

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oof this hit close to home. sure do love customer service. thanks for the story! milky appreciates it ( she does not )

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Oh, god, you monster. What did Milky do to deserve customer service? You’ve given her a fate worse than death!

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This is the worst fluffy abuse I’ve ever seen. Please, no more.

(Ugh, I know exactly what Milky is going through. There are reasons I will never return to retail.)

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Poor @Milky fluff… 3 years of retail and 2 of food service was more than enough. If I had to be an indentured servant, I’d rather drive a forklift again ~

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this is literally so funny

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At least a forklift gives you ways to escape.

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such a well written story. it was the worse abuse a fluffy could ever suffer congrats Maple!

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Jesus. Just take away Milky’s babies and dismember them slowly while she watches powerlessly, like the rest of us.
No need for all this cruelty.

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You should really put the controversial tag on this. No amount of bad poopies should earn a fluffy the hell of having to deal with Karen

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