Note: read “It’s Time To Introduce You To Your Sweater Half” first.
It’s Jeff again.
It’s been another couple of days, and bit by bit, it’s becoming easier for me to accept the new status quo.
I’ve started attending Dave’s support group for recovering fluffy abusers. It’s… it’s been helping a lot.
Oh, and I’ve found a new place for me and Electra to live.
Now, Marley suggested that we move into Cal’s apartment building. A few ChaotiX members are alrady the Korkea family’s neighbors.
Like Seth and Caelum, and Kyle, and the future versions of Marley and Cal’s son Quin.
I’ve heard Future Quin’s story. Kid’s been through some shit, like Kirk has.
He’s very polite for someone who was raised by Victor.
But I decided that living in the same apartment building as Cal would be too close for comfort for my liking.
I mean, Cal is starting to grow on me. He’s had a positive influence on me.
He’s like a… a virus. A chaotic virus that makes everyone he infects become more like him.
And there’s no vaccine for that.
I’ll really start getting worried if I grow my hair out and tie it back like he does. Miles does that.
Living practically next door to Cal seems like a step too far for me. I already work for the guy, I’ve been living in his School, I’d like to have one place in Korkeaopolis I can go without seeing him, or hearing people talk about him.
Again, I am starting to like him, but sometimes I just need a break from the guy, and all of the madness that follows him like a bad smell.
But I did need to find a place that’s in Korkeaopolis, because, as I’ve explained, this is the safest place for me and Electra to be while Dehak is at large.
So, my goal was to find a house that’s in the city, but not too close to Cal’s place. Just close enough for us to be safe.
And I had a lot of help with that.
During one of Electra’s routine checkups at the Foundation, Erwin told me that there was a house for sale in his neighborhood, and I could afford it, so I bought the place a couple of days ago.
With the money I got for selling my house in Detroit, of course. Yeah, I put it aside. I planned ahead.
I’ve also applied to work at Flufftopia, but I haven’t heard back from them yet. I’ve applied to a few other places too. Eggs, baskets, yadda yadda yadda. Now that I’m not playing the game anymore, Chaos hasn’t been stopping me from applying to work at fluffy-related businesses.
But as Erwin requested, I haven’t applied to go back to work at Starbucks.
I’m still kinda sore that they stole my idea.
With all my stuff from my house in Detroit being in capsules, moving in was easy. Erwin helped, and so did his… housemates.
There’s Argyrum, the silver slimy alien who attempted to scam free fluffy toys out of me when I worked at Starbucks. There’s a whole story behind how it-- they went from fighting the ChaotiX on the Snowflake to living in Erwin’s house. Ask Cal for the details, I’ve said that before.
Yeah, I’ve been on the Snowflake with Electra. It’s got artificial gravity, I thought we’d be floating.
I didn’t know how warm it would be in that space station, so I wore the sweater.
One small step for the sweater, one giant leap for sweaterkind.
And once I had adjusted to being in goddamn orbit for the first time, the view of Earth from up there was breathtaking. I actually shed a tear.
Did you know that the Elementals (formerly known as Zephyr) held a concert up there? I’m genuinely kinda bummed that I missed it. Even when I was a fluffy abuser who hated the ChaotiX, I had to admit that I liked Seth’s music.
It was right after the Carnage thing! I could have been there!
But now I know how the Elementals got the idea for that one album cover with the five of them riding a skeletal T-Rex.
So every species gets its own Death.
Huh.
Uh, but as I was saying before I lost my train of thought, there’s also Kirk, the artificial Omega who was once brainwashed to be a Nazi. He’s Erwin’s first cousin once removed, and Dario’s.
Apparently, when Kirk was still brainwashed, he looked edgier than Niv.
I’ve met Dario too. He’s Erwin’s cousin. Hans had a lot of brothers, and he was the black sheep of the family. Dario owns an ice cream parlour here in Korkeaopolis, it’s called Stahl-Eis. Fluffies love Dario’s Spaghettieis, and even Electra begrudgingly admitted that she likes it.
It’s an ice cream dish that looks like spaghetti, not ice cream that tastes like spaghetti, I made that mistake too.
They’ve also got NuBlood flavor ice cream there. For vampires.
I tried a sample, purely out of curiosity. I wasn’t the first non-vampire to try it.
Frankly, I’m not a fan. It just tasted like pennies to me. But again, I’m not a vampire. It probably tastes better to them.
Anyway, Kirk is actually a very open-minded guy without the brainwashing. He’s friends with Jack, whose very existence would give Hitler an aneurysm.
Real talk, so would like half of the ChaotiX. I think Xavier is Jewish, and Valerie is dating Konba, who can’t be called white, because he isn’t even human.
Also, Saingans are orange.
How does an alien’s love letter begin? “Arkaydians are red, Zurites are blue”?
Erm, and then there’s Asimov and Hershey, Erwin’s fluffies.
Asimov is a robot fluffy. Erwin built him. Seems Hans did something like that once. And holy fucking crap does Asimov have a lot of gadgets.
Like if Inspector Gadget was a fluffy…
That makes Hershey the only one in that house who can be called normal. She doesn’t have any powers, or a myriad of built-in gadgets, or one of those big Stahlkörper things, or an Omega-powered suit of armor.
What she has is a stuffed rabbit, and the strangest thing about her is that she has heterochromia.
And that’s if you can call fluffies normal. It’s a matter of perspective, really. I was born years before fluffies were created, but to someone born after that, fluffies are normal. Cal pointed that out to me, I see his point.
To anyone who was born after the Demonic Invasion, all of the weird shit is normal. Most of the kids of ChaotiX members will be growing up surrounded by weirdness, only having stories of the old, pre-weirdness world to compare this world to.
So yeah, I can’t escape the weirdness entirely. Not without leaving town again, and leaving me and Electra wide open for Dehak, and the revenge of Ghost Jaws.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I am. Cal is Scylla, Dehak is Charybdis.
I’ll just have to grin and bear it, because staying in town is my best option if I want to be safe, and if I want Electra to be safe too, which I most certainly do.
Like I said, it’s not only my ass on the line. I’ve got someone to protect, as corny as lines like that sound.
If Electra is killed, then everything I’ve been through was for nothing. I might as well tear the logo patch off and march into the craziest part of Chaos’ domain.
Chaos has been dropping in to see how I’m doing. He said that me and Electra might get to go to one of his parties soon. He hasn’t properly celebrated me joining the ChaotiX yet, and Loki and Eris just had another litter, so he’s got reasons to throw a party that make sense to mortals.
But yeah, as I was saying, Electra’s survival is one of my highest priorities now. Her survival is my survival, that’s how it feels.
So I may need to become a fighter in order to protect Electra. The School is the perfect place to do that, to figure out which of all of those gadgets and weapons the ChaotiX have suit me best, like Marley said.
Cal’s shared my idea for magic-proof power armor with the Nerd Squad, and yes, he did give me the credit I was due. Valerie thinks it can be done, along with the specialized anti-Dehak armor Cal thought of.
That’s exactly what I need if me and Electra run into Dehak.
I’m not really sure what Waters of Light are, though. I think it’s like holy water’s badass grandma or something? The ChaotiX has a holy water guy. Father Matthew, preaches at a nearby church.
Those Waters of Light come from Magicca, so you’d probably be better off asking Edward for more information. He knows Magicca a lot better than I do, him and Erdrick have been living in Drakonia since the ChaotiX’s first excursion there. Edward’s on sabbatical from Fluffywood until he can find his mom.
Pretty sure I heard something about Cal and Eddy finding a woman in a magic box under a castle in Drakonia recently. I need to ask about that. I haven’t met her yet.
She isn’t Eddy’s mom, right? Can’t remember. It’s probably in my notes.
I’ve had a lot of catching up to do. Even with the notes I’ve been taking, it’s hard.
There’s gotta be an easier way. I’ll have to look online and see if there’s a ChaotiX wiki or something.
But that has to wait.
Right now, me and Electra are standing outside the School with Cal, Marley, and a guy called… Duwen, I think his name is?
It’s a nice sunny afternoon, like it often is in Korkeaopolis, so I’ve got the sweater tied around my waist, my logo patch on my T-shirt.
Cal invited me and Electra to go on a little… ride-along with him and Marley, but I’m not sure what Duwen is here for.
Honestly, Duwen looks as intimidating as Niv did. He looks like that Tennebite I once saw Cal blast to smithereens: pale blueish-purple skin, big pointy ears, red eyes with black sclera. Black fingernails, dark blueish-purple lips and tongue. Presumably black hair too.
But Duwen is tall, muscular, and bare-chested. He’s wearing a black turban, baggy black pants and indigo shoes with curled tips.
He’s not, however, wearing the ChaotiX logo.
I’ve never spoken to him before. I don’t really know that guy. I first saw him when he, Cal, Marley, Konba and Kirk returned from fighting Arachnus, and I was too busy asking Cal certain very important questions to introduce myself to Duwen at the time. That came later.
He’s one of the Princes of the Tennebites, apparently. He was dead for a while, but he was ressurected during the New Tenneb mission, and so was Scha, his brother.
I wasn’t there for that. Me and Electra were making our way out of Michigan back then. Again, Cal can give you the full story, and I can’t really do it justice.
Now Scha and Duwen are living on an island here on Earth, with their other brother, that Merlom guy, ruling over their surviving people, and they aren’t trying to kill Cal anymore, so… progress?
Yeah, I’m feeling thoroughly confused. I really did miss a lot. I’ve only got second-hand accounts to go on for most of the ChaotiX’s adventures. You really want a third-hand account? No? Then go bug Cal, he’ll gladly tell you.
I point at Duwen.
“What’s this guy doing here, Cal? Is he a ChaotiX member too?”
Cal grins, selecting a capsule from his capsule case.
“Not yet. Duwen is here for the same reason you are, Jeff. He’s been curious to see what the ChaotiX does when there isn’t a big battle going on. So he’ll be accompanying us too.”
Duwen folds his arms.
“I remember what you said, Calvin. Being in the ChaotiX is not only about fighting powerful opponents.”
He’s got a deep voice.
Cal nods proudly.
“Damn right. It’s also about using our power to protect those who have none, like the average fluffy. And that’s what we’ll be doing today. This morning, we got a call from the hotline reporting a possible case of fluffy abuse in the city. So we’ll go investigate, and we’ll be meeting my good friend Commissioner John Jackson when we get there. Duwen, Jeff, Electra, you three will just be tagging along to watch. To see how we do the things that we do.”
I shrug.
“Well, I’ve gotta see how the sausage is made sooner or later. I know what it’s like from an abuser’s point of view, now I’ll get to see what it’s like from the ChaotiX’s point of view. So how’re we getting there? Blipping? Because neither I nor Electra can fly there.”
Duwen smiles in a rather smug way.
“I can fly. It’s not an innate ability to my kind. There’s a technique, it’s not uncommon off Earth. Saingans learn how to fly as children.”
I nod, feeling rather envious.
“There’s flight tech too, I know that. Maybe me and Electra should get some flight packs, I also know they make those for fluffies, I think Electra would like one.”
Electra flutters her useless feathery wings.
“Yu can see dat deez am jus fow show.”
Marley smirks.
“Mawwey nu eben haf wingies, an Mawwey can fwy.”
“Ewectwa am a bitsie jeh-wus, Ewectwa nu can wie.”
“Caiwum wuz jeh-wus tuu.”
Caelum’s got one of those flight packs for fluffies. I dunno if she’s got a nanomachine hang glider like Seth does, but those things are pretty much redundant.
And Caelum also seems to like horror movies, which genuinely impressed Electra.
Most fluffies are rather easy to scare, after all. Speaking from personal experience, here.
Electra doesn’t get along with a lot of fluffies. She looks down on fluffies who live up to the stereotypes. Like how a black man would look down on another black man who lives up to all of the negative stereotypes about black people.
So she finds it hard to find common ground with most fluffies. She’s told me that she finds humans to be easier to talk to.
She’ll try to be civil anyway, but I can tell that it irks her whenever she meets a fluffy who can’t think of anything to talk about except toys, hugs, or spaghetti. We met a lot of fluffies like that when we were on the road.
I think she appreciates me joining the team, since it enabled her to meet fluffies she can actually have a decent conversation with.
The fluffies in the ChaotiX tend to be braver than most fluffies, and have more going for them than just “huggies and sketties and wub”, so Electra’s met a lot of fluffies here whose company she doesn’t mind.
Scarface and Bulma are two of the ChaotiX-affilated fluffies she gets along with best.
I think Electra might wind up developing a crush on Scarface now. He’s got a “bad boy” vibe, like Victor does. And Scarface might be an ugly bastard, but I’ve never met any other fluffies who know as much about classic crime movies, tequila, and antique rugs as Scarface does.
I’ll have to ask Victor if Scarface has a special friend.
It’s more likely for Scarface to have a friend with benefits. Victor isn’t really a monogamy kinda guy, and fluffies tend to take after their owners.
But that’s another question for later.
I look at Cal.
“So how are we getting there?”
“Like this.”
He tosses the capsule he chose.
poof
And suddenly, a couple of feet away, there’s a car that looks like what you’d get if you crossbred a DeLorean and a space shuttle.
It’s painted black and blue, with the ChaotiX logo on the hood, and it looks like a back seat was added.
Cal gestures at the car.
“Whaddya think?”
I can’t help but let out an impressed whistle.
“What do you call this baby, Cal?”
“I’m still workshopping names for it.”
“Doesn’t Pierre have a car like that?”
“Yup. Let’s just say that getting this car let me scratch a few items off my bucket list. Who wants to ride up front with me?”
Duwen quickly raises a hand with a grin.
“I believe that the appropriate proclamation on Earth is dibs.”
“Alright, you’ll be riding shotgun. Figure of speech, big guy, there’s no actual firearms involved. Jeff, I guess that means you’ll be riding in the back seat with the fluffies.”
I shrug a third time.
“I don’t mind. Lemme just go grab Electra’s booster seat from my car first.”
Five minutes later, I’m sitting in the back seat with Electra and Marley, the former in her booster seat, Cal driving, Duwen riding shotgun.
Marley doesn’t need a booster seat. I don’t think he even needs a seatbelt, he’s in no danger if Cal crashes this thing.
Cal’s driving this car over the streets of Korkeaopolis, and me and Electra didn’t learn until after we buckled up that the car can actually fly.
Well, I shouldn’t be surprised. Cal is a fan of Back to the Future. I saw the “OUTATIME” keychain.
So I really hope this car isn’t also a time machine.
I look out of the window, at the streets below, trying to get used to the sight.
“How long have you had this car, Cal?”
He replies, keeping his eyes on the… can’t exactly say road.
“Not very long, Jeff. The Nerd Squad built it for me. It was in the works for a while, so me and Niv had plenty of time to get our licences while we waited.”
“You already had a mecha. Don’t you need a licence for that?”
“What do you think this is, Xenoblade Chronicles X?”
“Eh, whatever. So why did you even get a car? You can fly. You can teleport. You can outrun a car. You don’t really need a car, not even a flying car.”
“But I wanted a flying car, it’s been on my bucket list for years, and these days, I can actually have one.”
“Fair enough, I guess.”
“Besides, I’m not just a superhero, I’m a superhero with a family. I’m gonna be driving my kids to school in this car, in a couple of years.”
I roll my eyes.
“Your kids have superpowers, their father’s a superhero and the strongest guy on the planet, their mother’s a wizard and also a superhero, and your son’s future self lives a couple of floors down from you. If your kids aren’t the most popular kids in school, I’ll eat my sweater.”
“Heh. Niv said something like that too. And don’t forget the fact that their uncle is a robot.”
“…Scott’s a robot?”
“No, but Al is, remember? His legal name is Alpha Korkea these days. We’ve become rather brotherly.”
Duwen chuckles.
“I haven’t forgotten my battle against him on Mechaworld. He is almost as formidable as you, Calvin.”
“You heard what he said. In his timeline, he killed me. And that was without the Omega Drives.”
Electra gives me a look.
“Wut am Oh-may-guh Dwives again?”
I check the notes on my COMP.
“Power sources that make robots as strong as Omega Classes, something like that.”
“Oh, wite, dey make wobots tuwn gowdies.”
“And the Omega Busters were made by analyzing the Drives… that’s how they work, they can match an Omega’s power.”
Marley cracks a grin at me.
“Yu nu wan an Oh-may-guh Bustah, du yu?”
“Nah. That would be overkill. I don’t think I’d say no to that anti-Dehak armor, though. You could just call it the Dehak Buster.”
Cal drives the car back down to the ground and parks.
“I’ll keep it in mind. But for now, we’re here.”
We get out, and I help Electra out of the car.
Cal parked the car next to a seemingly ordinary house.
There’s a police car parked behind Cal, the stone-faced Commissioner Jackson standing next to it, wearing a bodycam, of course.
“Took your bloody time, Cal.”
Cal gestures at Duwen, me, and Electra.
“These three will be observing, if you don’t mind. You’ve met Jeff, and Duwen… is considering joining the team too.”
Then he looks at the three of us.
“Try not to get too close. Just watch, and listen. Any questions can wait until after the show.”
He walks up to the front door with the Commissioner, the rest of us following.
ding-dong!
When Cal rings the bell, the door opens, a rather surly, balding older man with a mustache opening it.
The surly guy freezes when he sees who’s at the door, and Cal addresses him in a deceptively calm tone.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Brown. We’ve been informed of illegal activities being carried out in your home. There’s been reports of acts of fluffy abuse occuring here.”
The Commissioner chimes in, sounding just as calm.
“May we come in, Mr. Brown?”
I watch as he slowly looks back and forth between the two of them.
“I… I can’t really say no, can I?”
Cal smirks.
“Listen, you know that Commissioner Jackson can’t search your place without a warrant. But I don’t need a warrant. I could just waltz in and search the place, with or without your consent. So are we going to do this the nice way or the mean way, Mr. Brown?”
I know I should say something about that, but Cal told us to save our questions for the end.
Mr. Brown reluctantly steps aside.
“Let’s just get this over with…”
As Cal leads the Commissioner inside, he gestures for us to follow, and we do, all of us entering the living room, seeing a fluffy sitting on the floor, away from us. A grey unicorn stallion, covered in what appear to be cigarette burns.
When he turns to face us, a despondent look on his face, we see that he’s missing an eye.
“Am dat… da Bestest Hoomin?”
Cal smiles sadly at the unfortunate little guy.
“Yeah, it’s me. Don’t worry, I’ll deal with this asshole for you.”
Then, as he turns to Mr. Brown, he and Marley’s eyes start glowing red. Neither of them are smiling now.
Oh jeez. Everyone in the abuser community knows what that means.
If Cal is smirking at you, it means you’re screwed, but he’ll probably settle for humiliating you, and he’ll be gracious enough to heal any injuries you may suffer at his hands.
If he’s not smirking at you, and his eyes are burning like that, it means you’re really screwed, and you’ll be lucky to walk away unharmed. You’ll be lucky to walk away at all.
I’ve heard what he did to the leaders of Project Zero Freaks.
Now I really see. All this time… he’s been going easy on me.
I may be starting to like him, but I haven’t forgotten how much he used to scare me, and he still scares me sometimes.
So does Chaos, to be completely honest.
Cal glares at Mr. Brown, speaking slowly, steadily and sternly.
“So you’ve been using him as an ashtray? You couldn’t just get an actual ashtray?”
Mr. Brown shrugs.
“Couldn’t find any other use for the shitrat after the ex left him with me.”
Cal snarls at him in a dangerously low tone.
“Dude. If you didn’t want him, the Foundation would have taken him off your hands. But you kept him around just to make him suffer. To punish him for something that really wasn’t his fault. Boy, if I had a nickel. How would you like it if I put a spliff out in your eye?”
He gets up close to the guy, so close that their noses are almost touching.
“I’ve got a few doobies on me. Whaddya say we…”
FWOOSH
Then he ignites with golden fire.
“…hotbox this living room? Does that sound like a good time to you, Mr. Brown?”
How is the fire not burning anything else? Oh yeah, I remember, Cal’s got absolute control over his fire.
poof
Cal extinguishes his flames.
“Do you get the point, dude? You know damn well that abusing fluffies is illegal around here. Did you do this just to piss me off? Because I gotta tell ya, it’s working.”
Marley grins mirthlessly up at the asshole.
“Yu knu whewe dis am guin, wite?”
Commissioner Jackson holds up a pair of handcuffs.
“So are ya gonna let me read you your rights, Mr. Brown?”
Cal holds up a fist.
“I don’t mind knocking you out first, y’know. I can heal whatever has to be done to subdue you. Or I could just kill you, to make sure you never hurt a fluffy again.”
He points at the Sword of Kings on this back.
“This sword will only harm you if you have it coming. Wanna flip that coin?”
Mr. Brown indignantly points at the Commissioner.
“You’d kill me in front of a cop?!? You know that’s illegal too, right?!?”
Cal nods, a big audacious smirk on his face.
“Yes. I’m the Harbinger of Chaos. Breaking the rules is what the Harbinger of Chaos does. And frankly, I’m too important to be left rotting in prison. Sure, Commissioner Jackson could arrest me for killing you, but then who will fight the battles I have to fight while I’m in the slammer? You see, people are willing to let certain things slide when one has saved the entire goddamn universe several times. You know that you can’t win this. So I suggest you just take your lumps like a good boy.”
Y’know, I do see where he’s coming from, but it’s still kinda unnerving to hear Cal say that.
The smirking and the glowing red eyes is a truly terrifying combination.
“John, please cuff this asshole and read him his rights, before I decide to revoke his breathing privileges.”
The Commissioner nods.
“You went a bit far there, Cal. But you didn’t go too far.”
Cal’s eyes stop glowing red.
“Thanks.”
So do Marley’s.
“Wet us deaw wif da fwuffy.”
They walk over to the burned stallion, and Cal kneels down, speaking gently.
“Hey there. What’s your name?”
“Daddeh jus caww fwuffy Ash-tway.”
“Christ, another abuser with no imagination. Andre won’t be happy to hear about this. Listen, buddy. We’re gonna take you to the Foundation. A few hours in a vat, and you’ll be good as new.”
Marley points a hoof at Mr. Brown, now handcuffed and being read his Miranda rights by the Commissioner.
“An yu am neba gunna see dat peesa shit again.”
“We’ll think of a better name for you, too. Ash is already taken.”
Ashtray looks at me, Electra and Duwen.
“Hu am dey, foh? Dey nu haf sed aneefing dis whowe time.”
“Jeff is one of our new members, and that’s his fluffy Electra. And Duwen is, ah, thinking about joining. They’re just here to watch and learn.”
Cal reaches out and carefully touches the stallion, taking care to not touch any of the burns.
“I’ll teleport you to the Foundation. Don’t worry, the doctors there are very nice.”
pop
Cal and Ashtray vanish, and a couple of minutes later, Cal comes back alone, standing up straight.
pop
“Okay, he’s in a vat. Should be fine by dinner time.”
The Commissioner nods again.
“I’ll take this wanker down to the station to be processed.”
Then he gives me a look.
“Mr. Robinson, remember what I said. Keep your nose clean. Or you’ll end up like this bloke.”
He gives Duwen the same look.
“That goes for you as well! Don’t think I won’t arrest you just because you’re a Prince.”
Cal smirks at Ashtray’s former owner.
“And I think I’ll see you at the courthouse, Mr. Brown. Ta-ta!”
As the Commissioner escorts Mr. Brown out, Cal leads the rest of us out.
Once the five of us are back in the flying car, and Cal has driven it up into the air, he speaks.
“Alright. Let’s get the questions out of the way. Jeff, I’m sure you have a few.”
I’m sitting in the back seat with the fluffies again.
“Yeah, uh… don’t you think you went a bit overboard back there, Cal? I mean, you have zillions of powers, and that guy… didn’t.”
“How big is the power gap between the average human and the average fluffy, though? All I was really doing was giving Mr. Brown a taste of what it’s like on the recieving end.”
“But threatening to kill him in front of the Commissioner…”
“It was just that, a threat. I wasn’t gonna act on it unless I seriously had to, and, y’know, I didn’t have to.”
Duwen nods. He’s riding shotgun again.
“He could clearly see that he was outmatched.”
“Yeah! Besides, the Anti-Abuse Laws make it clear: if you don’t want anyone to take your fluffies away, don’t abuse them. What do you think the words above the School’s gates mean, Jeff? We’re willing to play nice as long as we can afford to. But if we truly have to get mean, then we will. We do what we must to protect fluffies-- to protect all innocents from those who wish to inflict harm upon them. And considering how long fluffies went without any legal protection, well, we kinda need to make up for that. They’re humanity’s responsibility. Too many people have killed fluffies and gotten away with it. If they won’t stop, like you did, then they need to be put somewhere they can’t do it anymore. And if they can’t be contained in prison… well, like I said, if it really has to come to that, we’re prepared to kill. We hope we don’t have to, but we are prepared.”
I scratch the back of my head.
“I guess it makes sense… I mean, I know about Bad James. Fluffies didn’t keep him satisfied forever. Someone who enjoys abusing fluffies is probably someone who has padded rooms and straitjackets in their future.”
Marley nods.
“Whewe dewe am widdwe cwimes, wawge cwimes am nu faw bee-hine.”
“Yeah, I remember the Mayor telling me that when I met him.”
I look out the window, at Faucheuse Tower. You can see it from anywhere in town.
“I get it, though. Guys like me were getting away with fluffy abuse for a long time. I guess I should be grateful that I’m not in prison. Or Chaos’ domain. Or Hell.”
Duwen shrugs.
“Sometimes you aren’t so lucky. I wouldn’t recommend going Down There, son of Robin.”
“…My dad’s name wasn’t Robin.”
“Then why is your surname Robin-son?”
“I dunno! There’s a lot of people called Smith, but not all of them are smiths! It’s just a name, buddy. Maybe I have an ancestor whose dad was called Robin. I don’t know much about my family tree past my grandparents.”
“So it’s one of those weird Earthling things.”
“Probably. So, uh, do you have any fluffies at home?”
“Not yet, no. My people were, ah, slow to begin adopting them. It wasn’t until the destruction of New Tenneb and the relocation of the refugees to Tenneb Island that the Tennebites began adopting fluffies. Mallu and Lumo were the first.”
“And they are…?”
“Captain Kerdon’s sons. They pestered him constantly to let them adopt a fluffy until he finally caved.”
“I don’t think I’ve met them yet. Me and Electra haven’t been to Tenneb Island.”
Electra nods.
“We saw Caw bwoh up a Tennuh-bite wuns.”
“Back when you guys were trying to kill him.”
Cal parks the car back on the School’s lawn.
“Yeah, but that’s in the past. Again, I’m not gonna kill any more Tennebites unless I have to, and I’m doing what I can to make sure I don’t have to.”
Five minutes later, we’re out of the car, and the car is back in its capsule.
Cal puts his capsule case away.
“Anyway, I’m hoping that this experience was informative. Now you’ve all seen what it can be like when we’re busting fluffy abusers. So Duwen, you know what’s in store if you decide to join, and Jeff, you know what’s in store if you start working in the field.”
Duwen folds his arms again.
“It will be more of a challenge for him than for me, to be frank. He doesn’t seem like a fighter, Calvin.”
“Nah, but we can work on that. He’s got a good right hook, a pair of Power Gloves would help. You gonna stick around, Duwen?”
Duwen shakes his head, taking a blipper out.
“I must return to Tenneb Island. Merlom will want to hear how this went, and Scha… well, he should probably also be told. But I’ll see you again, Calvin. I have not forgotten your invitation to spar.”
“Neither have I. Take care of yourself, big guy. Tell your brothers I said hi. And Kerdon’s boys too. They love it when I say hi to them.”
“I will give them your regards.”
blip
Then Duwen vanishes.
I look at Cal.
“Kinda hard to get a read on that guy.”
“I know. I’m not used to having him and the other Tennebites around yet. But I’ve managed to bury the hatchet with a number of my former enemies. Some of them are ChaotiX members, now. If I can make a friend out of Duwen, I might be able to make a friend out of Umbra.”
Yeah, I know about that, too. Umbra has been in the ChaotiX’s custody since Operation Rising Sun, which is yet another ChaotiX mission I missed because I was still just another fluffy abuser in Detroit at the time. He’s one of the villains they keep down in the cells.
I haven’t met him yet, mind you.
I didn’t even know he was alive again until I joined the team. I thought the third time Cal killed him was the one that stuck.
In hindsight, it makes sense that he’s a servant of the Devourer. Umbra used to call himself the Darkest One.
Dehak and Umbra have met, and from what I’ve heard, they quickly became BEFFs.
Best Evil Friends Forever, that is.
“Cal, it’s kinda funny that you guys have Umbra in the basement.”
“Hey, we let him out of his cell for the occasional walk. Not outside the School grounds, though. We can’t kill him again, because he’ll just go back to the Devourer.”
Marley nods again.
“An bee-fowe yu knu it, he wiww be back fow Wound Fibe.”
“And we can’t let him leave our custody unless we know it won’t come back to bite us. Vic meant me to bring Umby in alive the first time, so we could keep a close eye on him. Now we’re making up for that mistake. Point is, if Umby doesn’t change his ways, he’s gonna be in that cell for a long time.”
“Unless Dehak somehow busts him out.”
“Jeff, listen to me. You know that I’ve read a lot of comic books, yeah?”
“You don’t say?”
“Ha ha. My point is, you know that I know how easy it can be for a supervillain to escape from prison. I’ve gone out of my way to ensure that our cells are inescapable. Because I’m not the goddamn Batman, and Umbra is not the goddamn Joker.”
“He’s as hard to kill as the Joker, though.”
“Ha! You’re not wrong. So, what are you gonna do now?”
“I think we’re gonna go give some more toys away to ferals. It feels nice, y’know?”
We might not be living at the School anymore, but Cal didn’t mind letting me keeping a stash of toys here.
“I think you might actually run out of ferals to give toys to here, Jeff. You’ve already given toys to most of them.”
“Well, I can’t do it anywhere else, not if I’d be constantly looking over my shoulder for Dehak. The sooner he’s dealt with, the sooner I can relax. So let us know if anything changes there, Cal.”
“You’ll be the first to know, Jeff. But for now, me and Mar have some paperwork to handle. We’ll see you guys later.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Cal and Marley walk back into the School, leaving me and Electra behind on the lawn.
We take a minute to process what we just saw.
“So… what do you think, Electra? You think I might have what it takes to bust abusers too?”
“Ewectwa fink yu gut yu wowk cut owt fow yu, Jeff.”
“Yeah, I know. I barely survived a knife to the gut. I don’t have what it takes to play in the big leagues yet. I know how big they really are now.”
As we walk into the School to grab some toys from my stash, I think out loud.
“I really should start training in that facility.”
An hour or two later, we return to the School, having given out a few toys to feral fluffies.
As Cal said, we’ve already visited a lot of the ferals living on the streets of Korkeaopolis, and surprised them with free toys.
But a lot of feral herds make their way here, lured by stories of the “Bestest Hoomin” and his promise to protect fluffykind. Even as we speak, there’s probably a couple of herds waddling across the nation, towards Korkeaopolis, as fast as their stubby little legs will carry them.
I think any herds living in places where abuse isn’t banned have left those places by now. If they haven’t already been wiped out.
But yeah, we did meet some new faces out there.
Once we pass through the open gates, we head to the training facility, and I enter one of the smaller training rooms.
Electra watches from the safety of the viewing room as I poke around with a panel near the training room door.
It’s surprisingly user friendly.
“Let’s see… this knob is for artificial gravity, and this one is for… time dilation? Wow.”
Yeah. Serious tech here. I think that tech can squeeze four hours out of one, but Jack said that he’s working on that.
So it’s not as good as the Cave of Spirit and Time yet, but five minutes in that Cave almost drove me bonkers. I’ll stick to this for now, and I’m not messing around with the time dilation knob without supervision.
I grab the artificial gravity knob, turning it up a notch, slowly and carefully.
Let’s try five times Earth’s gravity to start with–
WHUMP
Just like that, I fall to the floor, struggling to move in the increased gravity.
“Gnn… goddamnit… just my luck…”
I try to reach for the dial so I can turn the gravity back down, but I quickly realize that I’ve gone and put myself in a Catch-22.
Ten minutes later, I’ve managed to get my hand to my COMP, and I make a call.
“Cal? I’m gonna need some help with something… and please don’t laugh at me…”
Meanwhile, on the magical side of the universe, in the New Order of Darkness’ headquarters, Lord Dehak sits on his throne once more, his fellow Octovirate members sitting on their armchairs, sans the Rider, whose armchair is empty.
Or in the Many and Jaws’ case, they’re hovering above the armchairs.
Mr. Coffeebreak is in his quarters, working on his plan to inhume Calvin, and Lipou is cleaning the torture chamber.
The Rider enters the throne room through a portal of swirling black and white, carrying a brand new laptop, still in the box, and Dehak beams, clasping his rotten hands together.
“Ah, good. You’ve got it.”
The Rider nods, and puts the box down, next to the plastic crate by the throne. He’s wearing his helmet and gloves.
“Yeah, but we’re gonna need more than ONE computer.”
“We’ll acquire some more later. The amount of people in these unhallowed halls who know how to use a computer can be counted on one hand, so at the moment, one is all we need. Until we have recruited more people from Earth, you will have to teach us, Rider.”
The Rider points at the ghost of Jaws, above Darksyde Duis’ armchair. The photograph that serves as Jaws’ anchor is on the floor, propped up against the armchair.
“Hey, HE can help. He can’t TOUCH a computer, but he still knows how to USE one.”
Jaws raises an eyebrow.
“Where did you even get the money for that laptop, anyway?”
Varney chuckles.
“Well, we have plenty of Drakonian drakes.”
“But you can’t spend those on Earth without drawing attention. Paying with solid gold coins stands out.”
“Exactly. However, when I turned Claude, he happened to have a full wallet, so we made that our seed money.”
Dehak nods happily.
“And now we have the Keys to Infinity that let us go anywhere on Earth, and a strike force of mages whose power is not as noticeable as my own. Acquiring more of Earth’s currencies is a trivial matter if you have the guts.”
The Rider sits down in his armchair, crossing his legs and resting them on his helmet.
“Or we can just steal whatever we need. As long as we don’t steal something like a NUKE, we can cover our tracks.”
Dehak sighs wistfully.
“Ah, what I wouldn’t do to get my hands on one of those nooks. I’d launch it straight at the boy’s city.”
“Okay, we can’t nuke the city while Umbra and Robinson are there. We were already too late to save the Demon.”
“Please, he’s one Seed of Darkness away from rejoining us.”
“We’d have to keep him away from Korkea, Dehak.”
Jaws mutters to himself.
“Oh, they don’t have to call him Lord…”
Dehak glares at him, having overheard that.
“Because they are my trusted friends, associates, and fellow members of the Octovirate of Darkness, and you are our consultant. Don’t forget what you saw in my office, Mr. Humphries. Serve us well, and you may get a second chance at life, and at revenge. But if you prove to not be worth keeping around, your soul will be mine. You will not be the second person whose soul I have absorbed.”
Jaws points at the Many.
“It makes sense that the Many over there can absorb shitrat souls, but how the hell can you absorb souls, Lord Dehak?”
“It’s but one of many dark powers I bartered for. No one alive today knows how powerful I truly am, you see. I’ve got plenty of tricks the boy hasn’t seen yet. And I will use everything I have to beat him if necessary.”
“Well… you’ve got better odds than I do.”
Dehak laughs gleefully.
“Of course I do! I was dealing with the Devourer and learning the darkest secrets of the magical arts before your great-grandfather was born, Mr. Humphries. Auldryn and I are at least three hundred years old, and I’m not telling you how old we really are. The boy is just that, a boy. An arrogant child who thinks he’s unbeatable. But he hasn’t even had his powers for a decade. I’ve had mine for centuries. The Devourer has had theirs for eons. The boy got lucky twice. He will not get lucky thrice.”
The Many shrugs.
“Wif Umbwa, Kaw-keeyah gut wucky… uh… wut come af-tuw fwice?”
Jaws laughs.
“Ah, I’m actually starting to think that you’re funny. I guess I was right, a bunch of shitrats are still a bunch of shitrats, even if they’re all in one body and have freaky ghost powers. And on that note, why don’t I have any powers?”
Dehak grins.
“Oh, you do. But the spell I used to summon you restrains your spectral abilities. You can’t use them without the permission of your summoner, who is me.”
“Damn. I really wanted to possess Jeffy and make him kill his shitrat.”
“You know that he is to join the Octovirate, Mr. Humphries. Now that he’s serving the boy, he’ll be even more useful to us. He’s privy to all of the boy’s secrets now. We can’t kill an asset that useful.”
Jaws groans in annoyance.
“See, I knew that Jeffy was gonna become Korkea’s dick-sucker. Spending all that time around Korkea and his freaks made him go soft. That sweater’s like a strap-on: there’s a PUSSY underneath.”
“Don’t forget that Chaos played a part in Mr. Robinson’s change of heart too. That clown… even he won’t be safe once I have the Stones of Octavo.”
Dehak slouches in his throne.
“I wonder. What would have become of Mr. Robinson, had Chaos never met him?”
In a distant timeline, Anti-Calvin stands in an alleyway in Detroit, meeting with his latest recruit to the Anti-ChaotiX.
The native version of Jeff Robinson. Much like another Jeff alternate who died at the hands of the strongest maniac alive, this Jeff never met Chaos, never played the game, and never stopped abusing fluffies.
So it goes without saying that he’s not wearing the sweater.
The native Jaws lies dead and headless on the ground, and judging by the blood and grey matter splattered on the wall and floor behind him, Anti-Calvin decapitated him by punching his head into a red mist.
Anti-Calvin wipes his bloodstained fist clean.
“I hope you got the point of that. Your ass belongs to me now.”
The alternate Jeff is frozen to the spot in sheer terror.
“You… you killed him… just like that…”
Anti-Calvin nods faux-solemly.
“Yup. Just like that.”
Then the alternate Jeff finds the courage to stand up to Anti-Calvin.
“You’re a monster, Korkea! I always knew that you weren’t really a hero! Guess you weren’t so good after all, huh?”
The psychotic masked Omega giggles.
“I’m not the Cal you know. Lost count of how many times I’ve had to do this bit. Let me just go ahead and introduce myself.”
He lifts his mask up, and the sight of his glowing red eyes and insane grin shocks the alternate Jeff into silence, robbing him of his courage.
“I’m Anti-Calvin, baby. The Destroyer of Narratives. And I do what I want.”
He lowers the mask and continues.
“Here’s the deal. I’m only recruiting you because my pussy loser twin has recruited his pussy loser you for some reason, and there’s a pattern to the people I hire. If I wanted just another fluffy abuser, I could grab one from literally any headcanon.”
“From any what–”
“The point is that to me, you are just as disposable and replaceable as the shitrats that you and your Jaws were in the middle of killing when I showed up. I’ll give you a 9.6 for technique, and a 0.0 for originality. Seriously, think outside the box, dude. What I’m saying is, if you want to roll with my crew, you’re gonna have to make yourself useful. Again, just being good at killing shitrats isn’t enough. You need something more than that too.”
“And… if I don’t want to… roll with your… crew…”
“Then I’ll show your mutilated corpse to another you, and see how he feels about joining. You ain’t the first version of you I’ve killed. Wanna hear how many Hitlers I’ve killed? Again, you’re replaceable. In truth, everyone is. So am I gonna bring you back to the Fuckbox?”
Anti-Calvin points at the headless body of Jaws.
“Or am I gonna give you what I gave him? Are you in, or are you out? Think before you choose, now. I don’t care either way, but if you want an outcome that you would deem acceptable…”
The alternate Jeff quickly nods.
“I’m in, Boss! I’ll do whatever you say! Please don’t kill me…”
“Good! That’s what I wanted to hear! Oh, one more thing.”
“Yes, Boss?”
Anti-Calvin giggles again.
“From now on, your name is Anti-Jeff.”
The newly re-christened Anti-Jeff raises an eyebrow.
“Really?”
“Really. There’s a theme. I’m sticking to it. And if you complain, I’ll turn you into a sweater, and make the you I replace you with wear you.”
“Wait, why would you turn me into a–”
Anti-Calvin snaps his fingers.
snap
pop
He and Anti-Jeff vanish.