Once upon a time there was a smarty. He was very dumb, even as smarties go, and didn’t have any herd or special friends or even a unicorn’s horn.
One day he came across a man eating spaghetti.
“Dummeh hooman!” said the smarty, “Gib nummies!”
“No.” said the man.
“Gib nao ow get wowstest huwties!” said the smarty.
“Go for it.” said the man.
The smarty gave the man the worst sorry hoofsies but it was like he didn’t feel them at all. He gave him as hard of a bite as his little teeth could handle but it just hurt his jaw. He yelled and screamed but the man just put headphones in and continued eating his lunch.
Frustrated and tired, the smarty stormed off. He would have to find other nummies to eat.
“Hey little smarty, do you want some help?” the smarty saw another man, with a big beard and a big stinky jacket on.
“Yus!” said the smarty. “Gu get nummies, dummeh!”
“I can’t do that. But I am a wizard, and I can give you wingies if you want.” said the wizard.
The smarty snorted. “Nu wan wingies, wan nummies!”
“But if you could fly you could just take the nummies away from him.” The wizard pointed out.
The smarty thought about it. He could just fly up to the man, eat his nummies, and fly away! What a smart plan the smarty had come up with all on his own!
“Otay, gib wingies nao dummeh!”
“Come with me, little smarty.” The wizard pointed him into the doorway of a very tall building. “We’ll do the uh… ritual… and then you’ll have your wings.”
The smarty followed the wizard into the building, thinking of all the wonderful nummies he would get when he could fly.
A few minutes later the smarty stepped up to the edge of the building’s roof, his shiny new wingies stretched out across his back. His poopie place hurt really bad, but he didn’t know anything about magic rituals, unlike his new wizard friend.
“Alright little smarty,” said the wizard, zipping up his pants, “just jump off the edge and your wingies should allow you to glide down to the ground nicely.”
“Tankoo, wizawd!” said the smarty, licking his lips as he looked down at the man still eating his lunch below.
With a deep breath the smarty stepped off the ledge and to his surprise he flew! His wings caught the air behind him and he was soaring across the sky!
The smarty giggled, angling himself to the man eating his spaghetti. He would never see this coming, the smarty thought to himself. He would be so surprised he would go get more spaghetti and then the flying smarty could steal that too!
Then the smarty heard a strange buzzing noise. Looking down between his legs he saw a strange creature flying towards him.
“Gu’ way, buzzy munstah!” he cried, spraying sorry poopies behind him.
This hit the navigational devices on the drone, which flew up sharply, slicing off his balls cleanly and ripping his wings apart.
The smarty crashed to the ground in a tangle of plastic drone parts before bursting into flames as the lithium battery exploded.
And the world was better off for it.
THE END
[made for this post]