Note: this story takes place in an alternate timeline mentioned in the World Tour Saga. There are spoilers.
In another timeline, things have gone to Hell for the Fluffy Cartel.
Things have gone to Hell for everyone.
Dr. Hans Stahlberg, an insane Nazi scientist, has created a robot doppelganger of Calvin Korkea.
A perfect man, an unbeatable machine, hellbent on destroying every single living thing in the universe, to destroy Calvin’s army of heroes.
Ready.
Willing.
Prepared to fight.
Prepared to kill.
Several of Calvin’s allies have already fallen.
Pierre, Deston, Miles, Judy, Valerie and Prometheus are already dead.
And even the mighty Calvin himself has died at his robotic counterpart’s hands.
Calvin’s last act was to stall the Caldroid, so his surviving allies could destroy the Omega Drives.
The Caldroid is not happy about this.
And it’s taking its anger out on everyone.
The rest of the ChaotiX has fallen by now, too.
Earth’s greatest champions have all been slain. Only Victor and Scarface survived, taking Quin and Marley into hiding with them.
But the Caldroid is in no rush to hunt them down right now.
Because right now, it’s everyone else’s turn.
The Brownie Palace has been destroyed. Several members of the Cartel couldn’t get out in time, including Muffin, Yakko and Wakko.
The cabins belonging to Pierre and the Fondas have been destroyed as well.
The Caldroid cut Tommy’s hands off, and then ripped his head off.
Then it tore Maria in half, and stomped Moonflower to paste.
It killed every last one of Pierre’s dodos, snapping their necks one by one, restoring the dodo’s status as an extinct species. And it snapped Dot’s neck too, Dot being too busy hugging the dodos to notice the Caldroid until it was too late.
A group of Dutch sailors have moved in and removed the dead dodos, you can probably guess what they’re planning to do with them, and the Caldroid allowed this, to twist the knife.
It’ll be sinking their ship just as they see their homeland off in the distance.
The Caldroid deeply enjoys giving people false hope of getting away.
Or at least, it thinks it enjoys it. It thinks it enjoys what it does.
It won’t realize that it’s wrong until the death toll is far too high.
The contents of Pierre’s greenhouses are burning.
The Caldroid doesn’t have to worry about inhaling the smoke and forgetting what it’s doing.
As the Caldroid turns to the rest of the Cartel, currently fleeing into the forest, he hears a voice from roughly ground level.
“Hey! Asshowe!”
The Caldroid looks down.
And sees Blueberry, covered in dirt, and the blood of his family, glaring up at the Caldroid with hatred and fury in his little green eyes.
“We nu am dun hewe.”
The Caldroid laughs.
“Are you going to stop me, shitrat? Do you want to fight me?”
Blueberry bares his teeth.
“Fite yu? Nu. Bwuebewwy wanna kiww yu.”
The Caldroid laughs harder.
“What are you gonna do, spray shit at me?”
Blueberry considers it, but quickly realizes that sorry poopies won’t accomplish anything.
He then realizes that nothing he can do will accomplish anything.
He thinks, if Bwuebewwy had handsies, dat wud at weast be sumfing Bwuebewwy cud wowk wif.
He reaches the conclusion that the only weapon he has is words.
So Blueberry decides to give the Caldroid a piece of his mind.
“Yu fink yu am suuu tuff, huh? Cuz yu gud at gibin foweba sweepies? Yu fink dat aww dat mat-uh?”
The Caldroid smiles smugly.
“Oh yes. The weak go quickly to their graves. You should know that. How many members of your herd have you buried?”
“Dey wuz owd, nu week.”
The Caldroid shrugs.
“It’s the same thing. That’s the difference between you fleshbags and me. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD. I’ll never deteriorate into a senile, FRAGILE old man. I’ll be alive forever.”
“Yu nu am awive. Yu nu am a puw-sun. Yu am a masheen. Yu am… um… un-nat-choo-waww.”
The Caldroid chuckles at Blueberry.
“Look who’s talking, biotoy. Your kind was made in a lab, just like me. You’re not any more natural than I am. You’re not any more of a PERSON than I am, or Prometheus was.”
“Mistah Pwommy wuz mowe of a puw-sun den yu wiww eba be.”
“But I killed him anyway. I killed Korkea, and all of his friends. You’re right, Blueberry. I’m not a person, and I never will be. I’M A GOD.”
“Yu am a gawd of nuffin.”
The Caldroid laughs one more time, as it lifts a metal foot up, taking aim.
“And when I’m done… NOTHING will be what’s left.”
STOMP
And like that, Blueberry dies again.
The Caldroid scrapes off the bits of blue fluff and fluffy gore stuck to its foot.
It turns towards the direction it saw the rest of the Fluffy Cartel fleeing.
By now, they probably think that they’ve successfully managed to escape.
The Caldroid begins purposefully striding in that direction, to shatter that feeble illusion.
Nobody can escape the Caldroid.
Nobody.
BWUEBEWWY?
“Oh, shee-yit.”
SOWWY, BUD-EE. BUT DEWE NU FIWD WIFE FOW YU. DEWE GUNNA BE NU WIFE FOW ANEEWUN.