Jake had arrived back from his vacation, and was very concerned about Phil.
For a start, upwards of 50 or 60 fluffies were now gathering in the back alley behind REPTILE WORLD, for the nightly sermons and vat of sketties delivered by Phil. Each night, he would invite a dozen or so fluffies into the store, to go to SKETTY LAND, which was basically fluffy heaven. Jake had been totally in favour of the plan at first, as it was a cheap and amusing way to keep the reptile-store residents fed, but things had gone too far.
The snakes were getting FAT. When overfed, obesity and even fatty liver disease were a real possibility, but Phil didn’t seem to care about that. He was addicted to the thrill of feeding them fluffies. Worse still, there were actually three baby fluffies running around in Boris’ tank, a sure sign that he was too full to even want to eat. One of the fluffies had a chunk taken out of her side, so Boris had at least nibbled her though.
More concerning was the large tank of fluffies, containing perhaps 20 or so of the terrified creatures, which Phil was keeping to amuse himself, while the fluffies waited to die. Phil had also moved his own snake, Maximilian, a 12 year old Rock Python, into the store, and had brought in a small chest freezer, which contained about another 25 or so fluffy corpses, of various sizes, who had died before a repile could consume them.
The change in Phil was the most concerning thing though. A week ago, his “congregation” as he was now calling them, had dragged a pregnant, purple coloured Alicorn before him. He had sold the Alicorn to a breeder for $5000, no questions asked, and had apparently spent the money on prostitutes, snake tattoos, and various drugs, including crystal meth. By the time Jake got back from vacation, he found Phil wide eyed and ranting, bare chested and covered in new tattoos, whilst some skanky chick he’d picked up in a back alley somewhere was snorting cocaine off of a glass coffee table.
“They fuckin’ love me man! I’m like, their fuckin’ prophet or something!” Phil was ranting.
“That’s right Snake Daddy,” the skank agreed with him, “You’re their God!”
“Yeah! Their GOD. Can you fuckin’ believe that Jake? Those fuckin’ shit rats are so dumb, they want to believe in Skettyland more than anything in the world. They keep coming back, night after night, telling their babies about skettyland… I’m thinking we need to branch out… Franchise. Yeah! Fuckin’ franchise! This thing could be BIG man, like SERIOUSLY BIG!” Phil paused to take a drag on his cigarette, and then continued his ranting, “Like, worldwide fluffy domination. Lure them in, chop them up a bit, and then feed them to the mutherfuckin’ SNAKES!”
Jake didn’t know what to say. Apart from the overfed reptiles, and a small amount of fluffy poop on the floor, Phil had actually ran the Reptile World just fine while he’d been away. He’d sold several snakes to people, by demonstrating how amusing it was to feed them fluffies, and he’d not spent any money at all on buying frozen mice and rabbits, the snakes normal food. Jake shook his head though.
“Aww don’t be like that man! They fuckin’ LOVE me. I am the motherfuckin’ SNAKE DADDY! I… oh I get it, you want your cut from the fluffy sales,” Phil jabbered, “Here’s, here’s five hundred. That’s all that’s left from the Alicorn, but I’ve made about two grand selling regular fluffies with pretty colours as well. We’re like partners now, like Phil and Jake… like… who the fuck am I thinking of?”
“Bonnie and Clyde?” asked the prostitute.
“What? Shut the fuck UP bitch! Nobody asked you,” yelled Phil.
“Phil, I…” Jake began.
“No man, just wait until tonight. I’m gonna see if I can get them to jump into the snake tank willingly. Max hasn’t eaten for a day or two, so he’s hungry. And those fluffies just eat up my every word man! They want Sketty Land so bad I could say anything. Those fuckin’ fluffies would SUCK MY DICK man! I’m the SNAKE DADDY!” Phil yelled into the air.
Jake wondered if he should call the police.
Later that evening, Jake sat down to watch Phil do his Snake Daddy routine. It was totally insane, but to be honest, Jake felt that insanity was something we should all at least witness in life, at least once, if only to appreciate the hum-drum normality of the rest of our existence. Jake sat on a sofa, drinking beers and smoking cigarettes with Wanda, who insisted that she was “Snake Daddy’s girlfriend” even after she offed to suck Jake’s cock for fifty bucks.
Phil had dragged the fluffy tank into a different room, and shut a lid on it, making sure that the new fluffies would not be able to hear the screams and warnings from the fluffies that knew the truth. Out in the back alley, he was delivering another “sermon” and this time, he chose just four of his most devout fluffies, to bring in to Sketty Land. Walking inside, he carried the four fluffies bundled under his tattoed arms, and set them on the counter-top. The fluffies quivered and wailed at the site of the snake and lizard tanks, but kept asking questions.
“Snake daddah? How wong tiww Sketty wand?”
“Fwuffy nu wike Wizawd Munstahs!”
“Fwuffy scawed!” squeaked a little foal.
“Be patient my children,” the Snake Daddy replied, hushing them immediately.
“Now, it is almost time. Are you ready to go to Sketty Land?” he asked the fluffies, as he pushed a glass tank with a large black cloth over the top of it, up to the counter they were sat on.
“YES!” the first fluffy squealed.
“Yes! Pwease daddah! Fwuffy hav waited fow so WONG. Fwuffy WEAWY wan gu to Sketty Wand!”
“Pwease Snake Daddah!” the baby chirped
“Fwuffy am weady. Nu wan wiv nu mowe. Wan die, but wan wake up in SKETTY WAND!” said a grizzled and half starved brown feral.
“The way to Sketty Land lies before you, my children,” said Phil, wide eyed and exhilarated, “Only those brave enough to fall into Forever Sleepies will be strong enough to enter Sketty Land. Are you Strong Enough my children!”
“YES!” the fluffies all cried out, as one.
“Then step forward!” Yelled Phil, whisking the black cloth off of Maximillian’s tank, “Step forward into an ETERNITY of happiness and Sketties and WUV!”
The starved brown feral needed no further encouragement, and leapt straight into the snake tank, immediately snapping both of its front legs from the fall. The fat green fluffy that had been waiting for “SO WONG” was the next to take the leap of faith, hurling itself after the brown fluffy, and landing on its back. The third fluffy was less sure, but eventually built up its courage and started to run the length of the counter, towards the snake tank. Just then, Maximillian struck, sinking its fangs into the green fluffy, who SCREEEEEED in agony, before wrapping its muscular body around both fluffies and starting to crush the life out of their quivering forms.
The other fluffy quickly changed its mind, to Jake and Wanda’s amusement, desperately trying to skid to a halt on the glass countertop, shitting itself in fear as it did so.
“NU! NU WAN!” It cried, but it was too late. The fluffy’s momentum carried it over the edge, and it tumbled into the tank, on top of the snake and the other fluffies who were being slowly crushed to death. Once there, it got to its feet and ran around the tank, trying to somehow find a way out, but there was no escape.
“Hahahahha!” laughed Wanda, “there is no Sketty Land you dumb fucks!”
“BLASPHEMY!” Yelled Phil, looking at her like a maniac, “DO YOU WANT TO BE SACRIFICED TO MAXIMILLIAN! I AM THULSA DOOM! SNAKE DADDY AND PROPHET OF SKETTY LAND!”
Jake and Wanda sat there, open mouthed in shock at Phil’s insanity.
“Wan gu home!” squealed the baby fluffy, alone on the countertop in a puddle of its own piss and excrement, “Wan mummah!”
