Somewhat inspired by this post by WingieFluff. If there’s enough interest in this I may continue it but for now consider it a little exercise. Written in like 5 hours while smoking copious amounts of weed so it kinda sucks but I’ve been trying to write a fluffy thing for ages so here you go.
Also if anyone wants to expand on this idea or post their own takes of fluffies vs. zoo animals, go for it. I love this concept. Bonus points if you’re an actual animal expert or zookeeper and not just some nerd who watched too much Animal Planet as a child.
The world had to learn how to live with the fluffy blight, and the Springfield Zoological and Botanical Garden was no different. Sure, they found fluffies made great companions for some of their residents and excellent ambassadors and mascots for their children’s educational programs, but the Springfield Zoo adamantly kept ferals out of its walls… at least, they had at first. As the problem grew and fluffies became almost as common as the squirrels and sparrows that naturally occupied the park, the zoo found that they had to expand the definition of ‘animal’ to include fluffies, to some extent. They erected “do not feed feral fluffies” signs alongside the existing “do not feed the animals” signs, hoping to discourage guests from sharing their food with begging ferals that hung around food carts and cafes hoping for scraps. It worked about as well as it did for the geese that waddled around the central pond, who would regularly take french fries and bread from guests’ hands.
The main difference between the geese and the fluffies was that the zoo did not disavow guests from harming the fluffies.
–
Welcome to the Springfield Zoo and Botanical Garden!
Admission: Adults $10, children $5, seniors $7
Children under 3 admitted free
Open from 9am to 7pm Monday thru Friday
8am to 8pm Saturdays and Sundays
Closed: New Years’ Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years’ Eve
FERAL FLUFFY PONIES:
Feral fluffy ponies may be present in the Zoo. Our animals’ companion fluffies are trained not to leave their habitats unless wearing a harness and accompanied by a member of Zoo staff. Our Ambassador fluffies will always wear a vest and be accompanied by an Ambassador. Fluffy ponies without a harness, vest and/or escort are likely feral. The Zoo claims no liability over damages to property or health due to interaction with feral fluffies, nor any responsibility for guest or animal interactions with feral fluffies.
–
Luke Morgan was one of the Springfield Zoo’s most senior keepers. He’d been with the institution for 25 years, working with almost all of the animals; not quite the boss, but close. Gruff and sarcastic, with a heart of gold, Luke was well liked by all of his coworkers, including the zoo’s fluffy staff members.
His first visit on his rounds was the capybara pen. Pick up the shit, feed everyone, check in with the companion fluffies. The capybaras, social already, took to their companion fluffies immediately. Rosie, Cocoa, and Mocha were three “poopie” sisters, raised as fosters alongside the zoo’s latest litter of capybara pups, and they were almost as iconic to visitors as the capybaras themselves were.
Rosie, named for her red mane, was the most talkative of the bunch, and informed Luke over breakfast of what he’d missed the day before while he was off. “Capybawa fwens an’ fwuffies pwayed tag, . Den went sweepies fow a widdow, den when fwuffies woke up, Mistah Wandy took fwuffies fow wawkies awound da zoo!” she chattered as he scooped up capybara and fluffy shit to put in the compost pile. “Wosie got wots of guud petties an scwatchies, an’ got peanut buttah nummies fwom nice wadies, an’ widdow hoomans asked Wosie an’ sissies wotsa qwes-chuns! Wosie towd da nice hoomans aww about 'ou!”
“Did you, now?” Luke asked, unable to help the little smile that twitched across his lips. “That was sweet of you, Rosie.”
“Wosie saw udah fwuffies on wawkies, tuu,” she intoned. Her voice was almost grim, for a fluffy. “Wosie teww udah fwuffies tu weave, but dey nu wisten. Smawty say zoo am smawty wand now. Nu see dem aftah Mistah Wandy keep wawkin’.” Luke cocked an eyebrow. The smile on his face suddenly seemed just a bit darker. “Mistah Wuke otay?”
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine, Rosie. Did you see where they went after that?”
“Nu… widdow hoomans gabe Wosie nummies an’ Wosie got dee-stwack-ted.”
“Hm. Well, that’s alright, sweetheart.” Luke pulled his gloves off, tossed them into the biohazard bin, and sanitized his hands quickly before pulling a half-eaten granola bar from his pocket. “You earned a special treat for being a good fluffy and telling me about that.” Rosie gasped in delight and ran in tight circles for a moment.
“Wosie am gud fwuffy? Spechow nummies fow Wosie?! Fankoo Mistah Wuke! Wosie wub 'ou!” she exclaimed, gently but excitedly taking the blueberry-and-oatmeal breakfast bar and gobbling it down. “Nummies gud! Fankoo Mistah Wuke!”
Luke finished up his check-in at the capybara habitat and took a deep breath as he exited, the sadistic little smile on his face growing a bit.
There was a feral herd loose in the park.
This was gonna be a hell of a day.